Asexual or just not yet 'mature' or 'developed'?

[Bonesy]

Hey there! I'm apologizing in advance for any weird words I may use or odd phrasing- do correct me if I say anything wrong. [: and I'm sorry for being awkward.

I'm currently in a situation where I think I identify as asexual, yet I'm not entirely sure that's the correct label for me. I started having crushes on people of the opposite gender when I was around five/six ish, but now am romantically attracted to people of both genders. At the same time, around two or three years ago, I started feeling sexually aroused at times. However, there would just be bouts of weird desires and things, and when I was looking at stuff I wouldn't keep an eye out for the faces or features of the folks; it was like I was just satisfying a very simplistic need my body had or something like that. And whenever those periods ended, I'd end up feeling really weird and guilty.

Yet despite the fact that there are times when I feel the need to masturbate and whatnot, I've never actually felt sexually attracted to a *person*. Basically, while I sometimes feel sexual desires even at times like those when I imagine things, I don't ever picture any particular person or face, even. I've never found a person attractive and immediately wanted to, well, do that kinda stuff with them. I've never actually understood what people meant when they called someone 'sexy', because it never made me feel anything. I like humans. I find their hands cute. And their eyes pretty. And their personalities lovable. But that's about where it ends, meh. It's all purely romantic. The thought of having sex with someone I am romantically attracted to is just really bizarre and... Strange. Strange strange.

The catch, though, is that I'm only fourteen (went through puberty when I was twelve). Do you think it might be too early for me to start making assumptions about my sexuality, or am I possibly asexual? I'm really hesitant about this whole thing, yet I feel like I'd be more comfortable if I could be certain. :1

[WünderBâhr]

The teen years can be confusing. Hormones, feelings, situations, experiences, life... all of it gets thrown for a loop during a time where most people are trying to figure themselves out. It can even feel like the most important thing in the world to know exactly who you are and who you want to be before you're thrown into adulthood and expected to hit the ground running.

The reality is that even adults struggle with this as well. Personality, character.. who people are.. that's always changing/evolving, and can be difficult to pin down with a label. Especially with such complex ideas as sexuality/identity. But it's nice, at the same time, to have a starting point to work from.

From the sounds of it, asexual seems to be a good fit for the label you're looking for. Just make sure that the focus is in the label fitting you, and not the other way around. Because so much changes in the short timespan of teenhood, you may feel differently a year/month from now, or even tomorrow, depending on how you develop as a person. That shouldn't be dependent on a label used to describe how you feel and part (only part) of who you are.

If it does change, or if you find that you were using the wrong term all along, you won't be chased from AVEN by a mob. :p It's a community to help members understand themselves and each other, within the context of what we define as asexuality. No matter your age, that will always be a constant, here.

So, I say, don't worry too much about it. Use the label if you think it fits, or browse and learn more if you think you're still not sure. Either way you decide to go with it, welcome to the community! :)

[Archon]

The way I see it, if you are old enough to be questioning your sexuality, then you are old enough to identify yourself. Besides, if you feel asexual now, then what's the harm as identifying as asexual now? You can identify as something else later on if you feel differently later on. This is how you treat other parts of your identify, after all.

For an example, let's say you're 5 feet 4 inches tall - you wouldn't go telling people that you aren't 5'4" because you might grow taller or shrink in the future. You would just say that you're 5'4". The same thing is true for saying what your sexual orientation is. It might change in the future, it might not, but that doesn't make how you feel now any less valid. (Also, after you've hit puberty, you're as likely to change from asexual to sexual as you are to make the reverse change - it's possible, but not very likely.)

If it helps, I've seen other 14-year-old people (as well as 13-year-old people) on this website identifying as asexual. You're not alone. :)

Welcome to AVEN!!

[Archived]

The way you describe things, I think it's very possible that you're asexual, but in the end it boils down to how you feel. It's a matter of how you self-identify, so if you feel asexual is the right term, then you're asexual.

Romantic attraction is different than sexual attraction. Sex drive is different than sexual attraction. A lot of asexuals have a libido and can get sexually aroused. Many masturbate too.

Sexuality is a fluid, so you could change. I could change, but what matters is right now. If you feel that you're asexual right now, then you're asexual. I agree with Archon on this, if you're capable of questioning you're sexuality, then you're justified to identify as asexual if that's how you feel.

As for age, don't worry about it too much. I've seen a lot of teens in general, and some 14 year-olds. I myself, am actually 13 years old.

Welcome, by the way! :cake:

[SkyWorld]

For an example, let's say you're 5 feet 4 inches tall - you wouldn't go telling people that you aren't 5'4" because you might grow taller or shrink in the future. You would just say that you're 5'4". The same thing is true for saying what your sexual orientation is. It might change in the future, it might not, but that doesn't make how you feel now any less valid.

That is a good metaphor! I'll be using that.

Other than that, I agree with everyone else's answers as I think they are great and I don't really have anything else to add. :)

[Rising Sun]

It might be too young for you, or it might not. It's really individual. I suppose that sexual attraction probably happens for the first time at about the same time as sex drive (maybe I'm wrong, if I am feel free to correct me) so if you've got a sex drive for several years but without sexual attraction, I guess you're probably on the asexual spectrum.

But you know, people are always judgmental when it comes to that. If you're less than 30 years old, people think that you're too young to know that you're asexual ; after you reach the age of 30, people start saying that it's because of age decreasing your sex drive If you listen to them, you're either too young or too old to start calling yourself asexual :lol: What matters about labels is how you feel. If you're asexual right now, you can call yourself asexual, that's fine, and if ever you change and drop the label, that's fine too :) What matters is how you feel right now. The rest doesn't matter.

[♦Jaimie♦]

I don't think anyone, as long as they've hit puberty, is "too young" to acknowledge or explore their sexual orientation.

Even if you change when older, that doesn't mean you're less asexual than anyone else. Archon's height analogy is a good explanation as well.

[Unlabeled]

Hey there! I'm apologizing in advance for any weird words I may use or odd phrasing- do correct me if I say anything wrong. [: and I'm sorry for being awkward.

I'm currently in a situation where I think I identify as asexual, yet I'm not entirely sure that's the correct label for me. I started having crushes on people of the opposite gender when I was around five/six ish, but now am romantically attracted to people of both genders. At the same time, around two or three years ago, I started feeling sexually aroused at times. However, there would just be bouts of weird desires and things, and when I was looking at stuff I wouldn't keep an eye out for the faces or features of the folks; it was like I was just satisfying a very simplistic need my body had or something like that. And whenever those periods ended, I'd end up feeling really weird and guilty.

Yet despite the fact that there are times when I feel the need to masturbate and whatnot, I've never actually felt sexually attracted to a *person*. Basically, while I sometimes feel sexual desires even at times like those when I imagine things, I don't ever picture any particular person or face, even. I've never found a person attractive and immediately wanted to, well, do that kinda stuff with them. I've never actually understood what people meant when they called someone 'sexy', because it never made me feel anything. I like humans. I find their hands cute. And their eyes pretty. And their personalities lovable. But that's about where it ends, meh. It's all purely romantic. The thought of having sex with someone I am romantically attracted to is just really bizarre and... Strange. Strange strange.

The catch, though, is that I'm only fourteen (went through puberty when I was twelve). Do you think it might be too early for me to start making assumptions about my sexuality, or am I possibly asexual? I'm really hesitant about this whole thing, yet I feel like I'd be more comfortable if I could be certain. :1

Puberty's occuring earlier nowadays. High fat diets are often credited/blamed. Average now is about 11 and change, and 9 isn't unheard of.

I'd describe puberty as being (other than the biological stuff,) the time when our bodies begin producing sex hormones like testosterone or estrogen. This hormonal production is what results in our sexual desires as evidence by transsexuals who receive opposite-sex hormones and often report being attracted to the other sex (relative to them.)

Different cultures and societies have different milestones for the various ages and standards for when interest in sexuality occurs. In the US, it's widely accepted teenagers are going to be interested in sex, be dating, and experiencing the related stuff that goes along with that. This is normal and natural and critical to a species since a species that doesn't reproduce itself goes extinct. We're thus hard-wired to be interested ins ex. Or not for various physiological or organic reasons like medications, hormonoal imbalances, injuries, etc.

But at 14 I wouldn't spend too much time wondering if you're this or that. As with everything else, experiment. Find out if you like this or that, but keep your mind open to possibilities. What you are is usually about other people being able to related to you. You can define yourself however you like, and change your mind on a dime. Identify as a curious aardvark if you wish, doesn't really matter though. :) You'll discover in the fullness of time what you are, but it's going to take place over your entire life, and like everyone else how you define yourself will change over time.