SakuraBlossom13 Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 So, I got into a bit of an argument with a friend tonight and honestly. this is new territory for me. I've never had something about my identity that I've ever argued about with someone or had to argue to show my point of view. My friend said that flirting is strictly sexual and that in order to be physically attracted to someone else, that kind of attraction has to be sexual as well and that it can't be anything else. Now, I get what they were saying because in nature animals and plants are beautiful to attract mates or prey which is the reasoning they used. However, seeing as how I've never felt sexually attracted to another male but HAVE felt actual attraction in terms of their appearance; I strongly disagreed with this concept and statement. I flirt all the time when I am attracted to a guy, but I only feel attracted to them in terms of wanting a romantic relationship. I see pictures of actors/models/etc. and think "hey, they're pretty hot" but that's it. Nothing more, nothing less. I admire their beauty, not their "sexiness". I never feel any kind of want sexually towards another but yet that attraction to their physical appearance is there. So my questions are: - Is flirting strictly sexual? - Do you HAVE to have sexual attraction to be attracted to another? Aside from intellectual attraction and emotional attraction. Thank you! Any input would be wonderful. (: Link to post Share on other sites
Angelsonggd Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 OMG! It is weird you brought this up. I came out to a couple of people recently and apparently I flirt sending guys the wrong signals. I was told this by someone I thought of as a friend. I was told to stop being flirtatious and start being honest. I turned around and ask what exactly I was doing that she considered as flirtatious? Apparently my mannerisms were flirtatious. I can't be anything I'm not. I am what I am and no matter how mean I can be to a guy, this brings them closer more. To answer your question I am an Asexual who has flirtatious mannerisms... It can't be strictly sexual in that case right? Also, Hell yes! There are a bunch of people on another forum I think 'wow, if only I could get close to that one'. It's natural to find someone aesthetically pleasing. I would be worried if someone didn't find someone else attractive. This is considered as a psychological disorder actually. I hate people thinking that just because we are Asexual, we're not allowed to look at a good well rounded bum or nice bright eyes or a firm body. It's not a fair assumption. You are allowed to be flirtatious and you are allowed to be attracted to other people. Link to post Share on other sites
kawaiipanda Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 This brings to mind the first time I ran the pride race with my sister. Post race, we went around to some of the booths to have a look at the various pride awareness programs. The guy at the "It gets better" booth was flirting hard with my sister, although he was obviously gay! That broke my brain for a minute. Afterwards, I asked her if she noticed it. "Yeah", she replied. "But you should see when I go to Lips. The drag queens are obsessed with me"! So yes, people can flirt with no sexual attraction. The problem is that many people equate flirting with sexual attraction. Some people equate treating them with basic human kindness with sexual attraction. So unless you go around treating people like dirt, some people will read more into your behaviour. Link to post Share on other sites
Ficulnean Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 -No, flirting is not strictly sexual. It can be a way to develop romantic feelings with someone, OR a way to show comfort in a platonic relationship even. The only thing is to make sure of course that the other party involved isn't taking the flirting sexually. Also . . . your existence is proof enough to answer this question this way. Honestly, just to head this off, don't let people invalidate your experiences. They only do it because they can't imagine otherwise than their own, and that's a failure of imagination; not something you need to conform to. -No. I am now going to request that somebody visit that forum with that cartoony picture that tends to clarify this. I need to save that thing. -Wonderful input, sure, why not; You're wonderful, as each person is. I hope you like it here at AVEN. Link to post Share on other sites
SkyWorld Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 It's actually really sad how "kindness" can be mistaken as flirting. As if rude and mean behavior is to be expected from someone unless they are interested in someone. -_- And I don't think flirting is strictly sexual, I think it can be romantic or platonic as Ficulnean has mentioned. Link to post Share on other sites
SakuraBlossom13 Posted July 24, 2015 Author Share Posted July 24, 2015 Thank you guys so much for your input! I was really worried last night that maybe I was wrong and second guessing myself -- Even though I feel it and experience it myself. My friend was insistent that if you're not sexually attracted then what you do isn't flirting, it's something else that shows you're interested in another. I don't usually get angry with my friends but this really pissed me off! I've never really dealt with ignorance and stubbornness over something about my identity before, like I mentioned, so this really threw me for a loop. I'm so glad I found this forum. It's been very helpful for me to understand and see how things are for others. (: Link to post Share on other sites
Rising Sun Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 Flirting can be romantic, sexual or both, depending on the kind of attraction the person feels. The thing is that your friend probably believes in the myth saying that romantic attraction and sexual attraction are the same thing. Link to post Share on other sites
TooOldForThis Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 Flirting is an activity, so it doesn't really have any requirements. I mean, it's entirely possible to flirt with someone you don't even like - enough spy films and such have characters flirt with guards or enemies to create distractions, or whatever. And some people IRL flirt to lead someone on and then make fun of them later (but not many people; most people are nicer than that). I flirt with a friend of mine all the time, because it's funny and neither of us takes it seriously. Neither of us is attracted to the other. Just as one can have sex without feeling sexual attraction or even desire, one can flirt without feeling those things. And just as there are all sorts of reasons (good and otherwise) one might choose to have sex under such circumstances (pleasing a partner/partners, experimentation, social pressure, etc.), there are many reasons one might flirt (non-sexual attraction, fun, playing a prank, etc.). As long as your reasons are good, and don't hurt anyone, I see no reason not to flirt as much, or as little, as you please. Link to post Share on other sites
Jlx Without his bowtie Posted July 25, 2015 Share Posted July 25, 2015 In my opinion you can flirt for hours without it getting sexual. You can even have sex, it wouldn't change a thing.. I'm ace, I do not experience any physical attraction yet i like to flirt a bit, or more than a bit. I think it is mostly because sexuals people flirts to get laid that the idea of flirt is so deeply linked to sexual attraction. I flirt, and sometimes it gets a bit sexy, and i tell the other person that i understand (or at least i can name it) what she/he/E/Ey might be feeling, but that i can't (and won't) reciprocate that "sort" of attraction. Attraction is like orientation or gender in my opinion, your choice, your experience, your subjective thing, one can never tell you what it is or isn't, and, if i may, don't let them. Link to post Share on other sites
SakuraBlossom13 Posted July 25, 2015 Author Share Posted July 25, 2015 Thank you for all your experiences and thoughts! I really enjoy flirting too when I want to and there's no reason why it has to be sexual because I never make it that way unless it's with a good friend and we both know the other is only teasing. I'm really glad it's not just me! Link to post Share on other sites
andreas1033 Posted July 25, 2015 Share Posted July 25, 2015 The problem i have with the word flirting, is that i have never flirted with anyone knowingly, meaning i was just interacting with them as sometimes you need to. But i find that people confuse it with the idea that males and females cannot be friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Qloshae Posted July 26, 2015 Share Posted July 26, 2015 Flirting itself is not sexual, but it implies an interest in a sexual relationship in my opinion. I've always found it to be very insincere and shallow. Makes me feel uncomfortable. Flirting =/= Compliments. Link to post Share on other sites
*a*rteest Posted July 26, 2015 Share Posted July 26, 2015 Of course flirting isn't solely linked to sexuality but in my mind I don't really get the purpose of it if it's not. If i really want to get to know you I'd ask you what you think about current events or what you like to do and read, not flirt with you. :\ Link to post Share on other sites
HeartfulPeach Posted July 27, 2015 Share Posted July 27, 2015 No, flirting is not strictly sexual. It is a way to let someone know you are interested in them, not limited to sexual attraction. It is also a way to interact with someone in a teasing/playful manner, if both parties know they are not being serious about it, like in this case This brings to mind the first time I ran the pride race with my sister. Post race, we went around to some of the booths to have a look at the various pride awareness programs. The guy at the "It gets better" booth was flirting hard with my sister, although he was obviously gay! That broke my brain for a minute. Afterwards, I asked her if she noticed it. "Yeah", she replied. "But you should see when I go to Lips. The drag queens are obsessed with me"! . Generally speaking, when someone flirts with you they are interested in some way, it could be romantically, sexually, etc. There are also cases when someone is flirtatious by nature, it's their way of being friendly. So yeah, flirting is a way to socialize with other people, the nature of the flirting in itself is dependent on the person's motives. Link to post Share on other sites
cosmicharpy Posted July 27, 2015 Share Posted July 27, 2015 I become very defensive when people flirt with me. I've had 2 stalkers and several creeps try to hurl themselves into my life and I've just had to learn to assume that their going to hurt me. Now good friends, good friends can play-flirt with me anytime they like. But never strangers. I'm too cynical now for that. Link to post Share on other sites
WünderBâhr Posted July 28, 2015 Share Posted July 28, 2015 Moved to The Gray Area, Sex and Related Discussions forum. Bipolar Bear Asexual Q&A CoMod Link to post Share on other sites
SakuraBlossom13 Posted July 28, 2015 Author Share Posted July 28, 2015 I agree that it's definitely not related to sex. I think that there are varying degrees of flirting, which is why I had gotten into the argument with him altogether. It is my belief that there are different types and it all depends on what you want. That you'd flirt with someone in a manner that would prelude what you're hoping to achieve. For example, as cliche and outright as is it is: "Oh, hey, what are you doing? Watching a movie in bed? What if I joined you? ;D" makes me think of someone wanting sex whereas something that is more so.... Flattering and similar to a compliment (either in a teasing way or in a more genuine way) could be construed as showing interest. I could see, though, where flirting could be misleading to others so I think it'd have to do with the way you do it. I'm not sure. Haha. That's just what I was thinking, at least. Link to post Share on other sites
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