Gingersnap96 Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 Hey, guys! I'm currently a new member to this site but not new to the whole asexual thing. I've known/had a feeling for many years that I was asexual and when I found this site it helped to put a name to everything, and don't get me wrong, I was happy to know that there were others like me. And as time went on I found myself identifying a bit more with the demisexual side of the spectrum. However, as of late, I find myself confused. I'm currently in a relationship and he knows about my sexuality and respects it, but there is something different in this relationship. I've found myself engaging in more sexual acts than I have in previous relationships, although we haven't had sex (I'm still a virgin). And while I have been engaging in more acts that are able to arouse me, I do find myself debating on whether or not to take our current relationship to the next level. My feelings are strong, I know that much, but I'm afraid how our relationship would change. But just because I've had these thoughts, I haven't really acted upon them, or thought about acting upon them and that's what is confusing me. Like, yeah my feelings are strong and I am able to feel arousal through stimulation, but I'm afraid that I am still deterred by the thought of actually having sex (I'm not sex-repulsed, just don't see the appeal in it) and that the arousal isn't attraction. I just really would like some advice on the matter. I mean, it's a big step to fully give yourself to another person and I would rather be a lot less confused about the relation of my feelings towards my boyfriend and my orientation before I make such a giant step forward. So, has anyone else been in this same place or have any advice they can give? Perhaps some links to other sites that may be of use? If so, then thank you so much! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 What do you mean by ingaging in sexual acts but not having sex? It cancels out. Also, because people seem to think it's this, demisexual is not being ok with sex after a certain bond or the theory of that, it is factually having the impulse to do sexual; mess with their genitals, things to that person after a bond has formed. In allosexual people these impulses are triggered by the partner's presence being sexually arousing. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Gingersnap96 Posted July 24, 2015 Author Share Posted July 24, 2015 What do you mean by ingaging in sexual acts but not having sex? It cancels out. Also, because people seem to think it's this, demisexual is not being ok with sex after a certain bond or the theory of that, it is factually having the impulse to do sexual; mess with their genitals, things to that person after a bond has formed. In allosexual people these impulses are triggered by the partner's presence being sexually arousing. By things like sexual acts I refer more to things like intimate touching (things outside of normal hand holding or hugging/cuddling and such). Once in a relationship, it takes me a wile before I allow my partner anywhere near me, even if I've done things before with previous partners. This could take a few months or even close to a year before I'm comfortable or want them to be close to me on such a personal level. Prior to that there is no desire for them to be anywhere near me. I guess what really has me confused is that, as a demisexual, if not having sex would still mean I am considered demi, or would is place me elsewhere on the spectrum? Because I don't know if I will truly ever want to engage in sex, even though the thought has crossed my mind because of my current partner. Guess I'm just afraid that I'll have to go through the process of reevaluating my orientation again if I were to do such a thing, Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 Intimate touching? You mean like groping or making out or caressing? Unless you want to do those things for sexual arousal they're not sexual. But you still don't desire those things? Any of the non-sex sensual things? Then there is Asensual; having no sensual attraction, or Demisensual; sensual attraction after a certain bond. If you desire to have sex with him but are indifferent of the reciprocation happening then there is "sex indifferent" aka Apathsexual/in your case Demi-Apathsexual. Sex crossing your mind and actually wanting to touch their genitals and or hump them are two different things. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ficulnean Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 Hello, I'm sure you'll get some wonderful advice. I, myself haven't been in a similar situation. I do have some more general advice however, which really seems to suit your situation. Talk anything you do decide to do out with your partner. They seem understanding, and, if they understand your fears then they can help you with them. In person and everything. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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