Vincisomething Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 I know I'm not attracted to them romantically, but lately I've been thinking, "what about sexually?" The thing is, being a demisexual, I find it hard to be sexually attracted to people in general (I've never been sexually attracted to anyone ever actually) so I find it hard to "test this theory" (if you know what I mean). I've wanted to be sexually active with a woman (or maybe one time) as much as I do a guy. However, not only is my "type" for women a bit specific (I can't even describe it, but my type for guys is a lot more broad), but I don't like the female genitalia. I know not all women attracted to women like vagina either, but for some reason it's one of the things making me question my sexuality. I've also haven't really been attracted to women queerplatonically, but I don't know if it's out of the question. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Quickhands Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 I think you accidentally posted this twice so I'll just pick one haha. If you don't mind me asking, precisely how do you know you're demisexual if you've never been sexually attracted to anyone? I'm just curious because when I read about asexuality for the first time and had that epiphany moment, I started by considering the possibility that I was demisexual because it seemed like less of a committed statement. I also knew that I wasn't sex-repulsed, and was conflating asexuality with sex-repulsion at the time. That chain of thought threw me for a loop, though; as much as I didn't want to admit to being an extreme, I realized that I had never actually experienced sexual attraction -- not even when a textbook demisexual ought to feel attraction. Sure enough, when I tried out the thought of being completely asexual, everything clicked and I felt immediate relief. I suppose that experience makes me curious about comparing and contrasting your rationale. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 Sexual attraction is when someones presence is sexually arousing, which triggers the impulse to do sexual things to/with them. Link to post Share on other sites
Frigid Pink Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 I define asexuality as "no innate desire for partnered sex." Link to post Share on other sites
Rising Sun Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 I've never been sexually attracted to anyone ever actually If I take this part of your post, it fits more the definition of asexuality than demisexuality's. A demisexual feels sexual attraction (and potentially with as much intensity as any sexual person) even though it's very rare. Maybe your attraction is more sensual than sexual ? Until recently, I easily confused both. Intense sensual attraction can seem like sexual attraction when you're asexual. I knew it was only intense sensual attraction when i developed real sexual attraction, and as some people say it, when you feel true sexual attraction, you know it. Signs are almost quite impossible to miss. Link to post Share on other sites
Vincisomething Posted July 25, 2015 Author Share Posted July 25, 2015 I think you accidentally posted this twice so I'll just pick one haha. If you don't mind me asking, precisely how do you know you're demisexual if you've never been sexually attracted to anyone? I'm just curious because when I read about asexuality for the first time and had that epiphany moment, I started by considering the possibility that I was demisexual because it seemed like less of a committed statement. I also knew that I wasn't sex-repulsed, and was conflating asexuality with sex-repulsion at the time. That chain of thought threw me for a loop, though; as much as I didn't want to admit to being an extreme, I realized that I had never actually experienced sexual attraction -- not even when a textbook demisexual ought to feel attraction. Sure enough, when I tried out the thought of being completely asexual, everything clicked and I felt immediate relief. I suppose that experience makes me curious about comparing and contrasting your rationale. Sorry, I didn't realize! The internet must've been really slow and me being impatient was probably clicking the post button several times... I don't know how to explain it. It's just something I know. I always felt that I would be sexually attracted to someone if I had a really deep bond with them. I never questioned why until I came across the term and realized then that it was an actual sexuality. Like, "you mean everyone isn't like this??" It's something I've known for a while, even before I knew about the ace community. I imagine myself in that deep emotional connection with a hypothetical person and I think "then I would be attracted to them." Link to post Share on other sites
Vincisomething Posted July 25, 2015 Author Share Posted July 25, 2015 I've never been sexually attracted to anyone ever actually If I take this part of your post, it fits more the definition of asexuality than demisexuality's. A demisexual feels sexual attraction (and potentially with as much intensity as any sexual person) even though it's very rare. Maybe your attraction is more sensual than sexual ? Until recently, I easily confused both. Intense sensual attraction can seem like sexual attraction when you're asexual. I knew it was only intense sensual attraction when i developed real sexual attraction, and as some people say it, when you feel true sexual attraction, you know it. Signs are almost quite impossible to miss. I mean sexual attraction as in do I want to bone them? I've always linked sensual to things like hand holding or snuggling. Or is there more than can cross over sexually? Link to post Share on other sites
Rising Sun Posted July 27, 2015 Share Posted July 27, 2015 I mean sexual attraction as in do I want to bone them? I've always linked sensual to things like hand holding or snuggling. Or is there more than can cross over sexually? It's more a stereotypical view of sexual attraction that you're describing. Sexual attraction can be much more subtle than that, and it's often triggered by sensual attraction for me. I mean, things get more and more sensual (in real or in the person's head) to the point where the person starts getting turned on and thinking "Sex with you would be really great right now !". Intense sensual attraction is something I experienced in the past without sexual attraction or desire, it lead me to curiosity towards sex and trying to do it a little bit the same way as a massage or any other type of very sensual act if you see what I mean. The differences (to me) are sexual arousal (it happens almost always in sexual attraction, much more often than with sensual attracton), desire and fantasies (which are much more directed towards sexual stuff when it's sexual attraction), curiosity vs desire (sensual attraction involves a lot of curiosity and not really desire, sexual attraction mainly involves desire and intense fantasies). Link to post Share on other sites
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