Confused92 Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 It's my first time even using one of these kinds of message board websites so sorry if I don't word this properly. OK. So here's my issue. From what I remember I used to experience sexual attraction, especially in high school. But after a while it just kind of went away. Now I don't ever experience sexual attraction, but if I watch porn, I get turned on and I find the women in the video sexually appealing. However in person I don't experience sexual attraction to anyone at all. What does this mean? Am I asexual? Does it have to do with my depression and/or the medicine I'm on? Thank You Quote Link to post Share on other sites
praetorius Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 What does this mean? Am I asexual? Does it have to do with my depression and/or the medicine I'm on? Possibly all of the above, or not (which will not help with the confusion). It sounds like, for right now, asexual might be a good way you could describe your situation. Since you're posting here, it's perhaps because you've already found a lot in common between your experience, and the experiences of others posting here. I think you will easily find support from and common ground with many asexuals, and could consider yourself "one of us" based on that shared experience. Is it "you" or is it the medicine? This question is hard to untangle, and possibly impossible to decisively answer. Right now, you and the person with depression and medication are the same person; this will probably be the case for a considerable time to come. Finding ways to understand your your situation, come to terms with it, perhaps even come to relish it, is important. Perhaps, in the long term, your depression and/or medication will change --- maybe your sexuality will change with that, or maybe you'll find that asexuality remains. Whatever the indefinite future holds, take comfort that, for the present, you are not alone (or defective, or doomed to unhappiness) in relating to the world from an asexual standpoint. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Confused92 Posted July 23, 2015 Author Share Posted July 23, 2015 What I don't understand is why I find the women in porn sexually appealing though, not even in porn. But if it's just a nude picture of a woman I'm sexually turned on by it. But I'm not sexually attracted to anyone in person. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
praetorius Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 What I don't understand is why I find the women in porn sexually appealing though Libido/lust and attraction/desire/love can be very different things. Porn perhaps cuts straight to a very crude, biological response; like masturbation. Your sexual attractions in real life, where people presumably aren't suddenly stripping naked and copulating with unrealistically exaggerated body parts, are part of a far more subtle connection between intellectual, emotional, aesthetic, and crotch-throbbing factors. Responding differently to porn than to reality is pretty much normal (living reality like a porno would be quite a bit more bizarre). Reading through many threads on this forum, I've heard lots of other asexuals reporting that they are aroused by, masturbate, and orgasm to, pornography --- nonetheless, they never feel any sexual attraction or connection in real life. Perhaps, also, you could consider yourself to be in a "gray area." The boundaries between "sexual" and "asexual" aren't sharply defined; some people feel they are strongly one or the other, while others find their experience more ambiguous. Exactly what you "label" yourself as doesn't ultimately matter in the end --- human beings span an almost unlimited range of identities and experiences; being exactly "average" is one of the most uncommon conditions. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Confused92 Posted July 23, 2015 Author Share Posted July 23, 2015 The thing is I want to have a sex with a woman , but its not something I think about all the time or at all. I just know its somethung i want to do eventually. But I've never had a crush on a girl before at least I think I don't, I don't know what "liking" someone feels like like I don't know how you're supposed to feel when you like someone. It's all very confusing to me. I Don't know what I am. Whether am I straight or I'm asexual. I romantically want to be a relationship with a woman, but its not something that's constantly on my mind. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 Sexual people don't necessarily think about sex all the time. Some may, but not all necessarily have the same amount of drive and/or desire. Some define asexuality by desire rather than attraction and feel this to be a more clear-cut and less confusing definition. (Or some use both definitions, too.) Only you can decide, really. We have a few threads discussing sexual attraction that also cover this definition, I'd recommend taking a look at them. They were really helpful to me. There is a romantic spectrum, too. If you've never experienced romantic attraction, it's possible you could be aromantic, whether or not you are asexual. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
WünderBâhr Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 It is possible that medication for depression has affected your libido, but that would be a question for a medical professional. Is not experiencing sexual attraction a concern or issue for you? How would you describe the attraction you felt in high school/before it decreased? Sexual activity or lack thereof is not an exclusive indication of orientation. I think that is one reason why so many newcomers to the community are confused as to what label to use, especially when you throw masturbation or watching porn into the mix. From the sounds of it, I'd say asexual seems like a reasonable conclusion. Of course, no one else can label you, so it will ultimately be how you feel. At any rate, welcome to the community! :) Edit: added question to OP-> What is the reason you want to have sex with a woman? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 To be clear, these women trigger your desire to do sexual things to them, correct? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Confused92 Posted July 23, 2015 Author Share Posted July 23, 2015 (edited) To be clear, these women trigger your desire to do sexual things to them, correct? yes It is possible that medication for depression has affected your libido, but that would be a question for a medical professional. Is not experiencing sexual attraction a concern or issue for you? How would you describe the attraction you felt in high school/before it decreased?Sexual activity or lack thereof is not an exclusive indication of orientation. I think that is one reason why so many newcomers to the community are confused as to what label to use, especially when you throw masturbation or watching porn into the mix.From the sounds of it, I'd say asexual seems like a reasonable conclusion. Of course, no one else can label you, so it will ultimately be how you feel.At any rate, welcome to the community! :) Edit: added question to OP->What is the reason you want to have sex with a woman? There is no spefic reason why I want to have sex with a woman, I just do. Edited July 23, 2015 by SkyWorld merged posts Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Confused92 Posted July 24, 2015 Author Share Posted July 24, 2015 With the additional information I gave, what do all of you think? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 You're the best person to decide what you are. If it helps, I consider myself heterosexual because for me the desire for sex is there, even though I've never looked at anyone in a sexual way or wanted to. To me, an asexual is someone who doesn't have a desire for partnered sex...they may be indifferent to it, or they may even enjoy partnered sex, but they don't feel an innate desire for it. There is a lot of dispute on that definition here, though. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Confused92 Posted July 24, 2015 Author Share Posted July 24, 2015 You're the best person to decide what you are. If it helps, I consider myself heterosexual because for me the desire for sex is there, even though I've never looked at anyone in a sexual way or wanted to. That actually does help a lot. Thank you so much. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
WheelCuddle Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 Do you want to have sex because you feel like that is part of your identity as male? Do you feel a pressure to prove what you are? Do you feel like love and intimacy and sex are linked? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Confused92 Posted July 24, 2015 Author Share Posted July 24, 2015 Do you feel like love and intimacy and sex are linked? This one. I don't ever really think about sex, I just eventually want to have it. What I want most is to be in a relationship with a woman I like/care about and they feel the same way about me. I don't want a relationship that's only about sex. But yes, I feel like sex is part of a relationship. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
WheelCuddle Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 I'm not here to convince you you're asexual. but I will suggest that if you feel sex and intimacy are linked, and you believe asexuality is the absence of sex, then you would be predisposed to believe you cant be asexual because that would mean denying yourself intimacy. I would suggest considering them as separate concepts, and see how you feel then. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 Would you still be sexually attracted to the women if they weren't doing porn things/clothed? But sexuality can change. I think your sexual attraction can fit under Fictosexual; sexual attraction to fictional characters (even live-action, and in a way porn is). Either way, your specific falls under the Gray-Asexual umbrella. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Viridzen Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 What you should do is decide if you feel the label fits you. Whether or not you fit a popular definition, if you feel it describes you, go with it. You might find the label cupiosexual useful; it means you desire sex, but don't feel sexual attraction. It's in the greysexual spectrum (the continuum of sexualities between asexual and sexual). Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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