Starflower Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 What do you do when new coworkers want to know why you don't have (or want) a romantic partner? I don't want to come out to anyone there, because I like the work environment and I'm afraid that if they found out they would think I'm a freak and it would ruin it. But I'm not sure what to do... I have no idea how to pretend to be allo, and apparently I set off people's ace-dar/gay-dar like crazy. Advice? Link to post Share on other sites
Archon Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 That's tough. I guess you could remind them that it's not any of their business, because really it isn't. If you want to be more polite than that, you could tell them that you're not comfortable discussing that sort of thing at work. I wouldn't recommend pretending to be allo. In my experience, that's more trouble than it's worth. Link to post Share on other sites
Lady Norgard Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 I told a guy at work that I was ace when he kept hitting on me But he hasn't told anyone else and still talks to me fine. But if you don't want to do that then maybe you could tell them that you have other priorities? You wouldn't be lying. Link to post Share on other sites
Hazelton Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 I had the same issue at my previous workplace. It wasn't that I was ashamed of my asexuality, I'm just a very private person and I could never see why it mattered to other people. My response was to let people assume whatever they liked about me and to laugh it off, because honestly I wasn't bothered by it. If they wanted to think that I was gay, so be it. If you don't want to tell them, my advice to you would be not to tell them. If they're truly your friends, they'll eventually see that it's a touchy subject and leave it alone. If they keep going regardless, the only person who should be embarrassed is them. If you do want to tell them, it's completely up to you. Unless they're extremely inconsiderate, I doubt they'll think you're a freak. A lot of people like to apply labels to other people so that they know where they stand, as simple as that. Whatever you decide to do, I hope it works out how you want it to. :) Link to post Share on other sites
The Great WTF Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Pardon the profanity, but I tell them to fuck off and mind their own business. My relationships are my business and no one else's. People will assume and gossip no matter what you say. Link to post Share on other sites
GwendolynAngel83 Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Personally I'm very open and basically all my co-workers know I'm asexual, but that's my own preference. As everyone has said you in no means have to explain anything. "That's none if your business" "I'm not interested in a relationship right now", "That's not something I feel comfortable talking about", "that's not a conversation for the workplace", and so on are all things you could maybe say that might work Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 I just tell them "I'm not interested". Generally, the women tell me I'll change my mind one day and the men tell me I've got the right idea. Fair enough. Link to post Share on other sites
Skycaptain Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 I know from experience about the setting off people's "gaydar" erroneously. Just say that your not that way inclined. Hopefully they will find a more interesting topic of conversation soon. Link to post Share on other sites
PerformativeSurprise Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 In these types of situations, I just say I have no interest in a relationship. If they respond condescendingly or won't let up, I let them know it's none of their business, and we're going to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Starflower Posted July 25, 2015 Author Share Posted July 25, 2015 Thanks for the advice everybody. I figure I'm going to relax and not worry about it, and if they insist on asking I'll just blow them off with a "I dunno, just not really interested." If they come right out and ask whether I'm straight or not... what I will say to that depends on who's asking, I think. :) Link to post Share on other sites
b_oat Posted July 26, 2015 Share Posted July 26, 2015 I use the "I am too ugly" defense. Either they believe that or they will conclude something else from that. Anyway they don't ask again ever. Link to post Share on other sites
Busrider Posted July 26, 2015 Share Posted July 26, 2015 I tell them I tried and am really happier without one now. - If needed I 'll point out details why it would be rather demanding. - The approach isn't very successfull. - I get annual rechecks "still single?" - Maybe I should try the agressive counter move and ask if the other wants me to marry his daughter. - Sorry I don't know what I'd say instead of that if I was female. Link to post Share on other sites
Blue Phoenix Ace Posted July 26, 2015 Share Posted July 26, 2015 I think the next time I hear "still single?" I'm gonna say "Thank God yes!" And with a recent blind date attempt, I just told her I wasn't interested in dating right now. That shut it down pretty quick. I didn't ask for a picture or what she did. I showed no interest in the date. I think the key is not to be wishy-washy. Link to post Share on other sites
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