GwendolynAngel83 Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 Hi guys. I've been debating if I should ask this or not for a while and finally decided to just get it over with. I'm a non sex-repulsed aro ace who is still fairly curious about sex as an activity. I get aroused and I like the feeling that causes, but mastribation does nothing for me. Part of me wants to try sec just to see what it's like, but I'm uncertain how to go about it. An ideal situation would be with a male friend that I trusted completely and would know to stop of slow down if I asked him to and wouldn't take it as me wanting to start a relationship or wanting to do this regularly. I'm not sure if that's a possibility or not, but if not does anyone have any suggestions that don't involve getting drunk and grabbing the first willing guy I see or anything around those lines? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ricecream-man Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 I would definitely argue against the last bit that you wrote :P Perhaps a gay friend? I've known a few women who have experimented with that route. I know a few people who have done what you've suggested so why not look around for someone. Just make 100% sure they're not interested. If possible, I'd try to make sure they're experienced to a degree as well because some men get attached with sex. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
astrobean Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 My problem is that by the time I get to the point of trusting a guy, I can't really fathom having sex with him. My other problem is I am not a fan of bodies. I love cuddling, but once clothes are off, you deal with sweat and if you're going for sex, sexual fluids. I read awhile ago that sexual arousal overrides your natural disgust response, making you willing to do things you wouldn't normally. So I guess if you start getting into it, you can get past that stuff, but I've never felt that. It really depends on your level of curiosity. If you're not sure about sex, start small. Hand job. Oral. It may be easier to abort mission if you decide you don't like it. You don't have to hit a home run your first time up to bat. You might find someone who is willing to explore with you. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Gotsu Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 An ideal situation would be with a male friend that I trusted completely and would know to stop of slow down if I asked him to and wouldn't take it as me wanting to start a relationship or wanting to do this regularly. That's way to ambitious in my opinion. You are literally asking a person to help you masturbate for your own experimentation. Think of the guy's perspective for a moment. This dude -with a sexual drive- has a girl in front of him asking him to touch her for pleasure. Do you really think that he's not going to take it like a sex offer? Or a relationship offer? Also, he would probably ask for something back, maybe the same deal that you asked him to do to you. Unless he knows that you are an ace, and that you do not want a relationship, just don't. In fact just don't, cuz even if it ends well it may be awkward for you both to talk later to one another. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 Well, if masturbation does nothing for you then flat chance sex would. Though you could also be doing it wrong. Look that up. I heard AVEN has a page on it. And i have heard some people say masturbation does nothing but sex does. So maybe try a dildo. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lord Jade Cross Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 An ideal situation would be with a male friend that I trusted completely and would know to stop of slow down if I asked him to and wouldn't take it as me wanting to start a relationship or wanting to do this regularly. That's way to ambitious in my opinion. You are literally asking a person to help you masturbate for your own experimentation. Think of the guy's perspective for a moment. This dude -with a sexual drive- has a girl in front of him asking him to touch her for pleasure. Do you really think that he's not going to take it like a sex offer? Or a relationship offer? Also, he would probably ask for something back, maybe the same deal that you asked him to do to you. Unless he knows that you are an ace, and that you do not want a relationship, just don't. In fact just don't, cuz even if it ends well it may be awkward for you both to talk later to one another. It is, however you may want to look into swinger clubs. People there are more liberal with sexual conducts and from what I hear, they are regularly more respectful about a decision to slow down or stop, plus they're looking to have sex, not relationships so it could be something to consider. I do have to agree though that if masturbation doesnt do it for you, sex may have the same results. At least for me, using toys has been about the same as regular masturbation. Feels just as numb (seriously, not to get explicit but its just as about as exciting as grabbing a rubber chicken and trying to feel good rubbing/stroking that) and pointless except for VERY few rare occasions where I could guess I can say Ive felt some sense of satisfaction. I could have gotten oral once too but being touched felt extremely uncomfortable and I declined the offer. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
The_Verse Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 What about another curious Ace? Is that a possibility? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lord Jade Cross Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 That could be a possibility, but what are the chances that there is another willing ace nearby that the OP could check with? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ricecream-man Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 That could be a possibility, but what are the chances that there is another willing ace nearby that the OP could check with? There are a few Ace groups throughout Texas and I'm sure somebody amongst them who'd be open to it. I know that in my younger days before I km acknowledged I was asexual, I'd done similar things (non penetrative) for close friends who had either wanted to try things out or simply needed sensual company. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
GwendolynAngel83 Posted July 19, 2015 Author Share Posted July 19, 2015 Thanks for the suggestions guys. Not sure if I'll ever take do one of them, right now it's mainly a thought in my head Quote Link to post Share on other sites
jay williams Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 I agree with those who say in as many words: "if masturbation does not work, nothing will." My suggestion is to find out why masturbation does not work. Get a book on it. Talk to other women about it. I am willing to bet that you will come to embrace masturbation as a good activity. Another thought: Do you have a religious background, or some other background, that causes you extreme inhibitions or seriously repulsed notions about "touching down there?" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
GwendolynAngel83 Posted July 19, 2015 Author Share Posted July 19, 2015 Maybe I'm not doing it right, I don't know. I am highly religious, but I've never had anything said to me about things like that. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sisky Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 It's possible that if masturbation doesn't work for you, sex may not do anything either, but that's not necessarily the case. After all, touching yourself has a very different effect than someone else touching you (I'm sure everyone knows you can't really tickle yourself). As for enjoying masturbation, there's no guarantee you will like it. And suggesting it may have to do with religion or other "restricting" reasons, while most likely well meant, kind of reminds me of asking asexuals the same about sex. For some people, it just doesn't do anything without there being a reason. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
WheelCuddle Posted July 20, 2015 Share Posted July 20, 2015 I realize this is going to sound crude, but I think most straight men would be ok with experimenting, because sex. If it doesn't go well they have an out that you were not into it anyway, and if it works they can say that's how awesome they are. win, win. Just tell them about it. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ricecream-man Posted July 20, 2015 Share Posted July 20, 2015 I realize this is going to sound crude, but I think most straight men would be ok with experimenting, because sex. If it doesn't go well they have an out that you were not into it anyway, and if it works they can say that's how awesome they are. win, win. Just tell them about it. You'd be surprised how attached and possessive they can get, and the hard part is finding one that would be understanding of an asexual woman's issues and attentive to her needs. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
butterscotchwm Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 Wow people have been giving you a LOT of options XD I think most of them are pretty good, you should just go with the one you think will work best. Now, everyone has different needs / desires / interests... but in MY personal experience, it took me a really really long time to learn how to come to completion when masturbating... I'm talking like a year. The first couple months I started, masturbating didn't do anything for me either. It takes time for the female body to find those connections between the clit/vag and the pleasure receptors in the brain. It requires practice and patience during *SOLO* time in a comfortable environment where you can start and stop whenever you need to. Also, the clitoris seems to be the best thing to stimulate while masturbating, and most of it is actually INSIDE the body. Some women actually need to stimulate the whole clit with something like a vibrator. Maybe the answer to your problems is just a vibrator? I would try that - and keep trying for a couple months - before going out and finding a temp, experimental sex buddy - whether they be straight, gay, or asexual. (Also, extra note: Most people, even in the asexual community, are romantic, which means that they might feel the need to be romantic with you - kissing, embracing, ect, while having sex. So keep that in mind.) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ficulnean Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 I may suggest a casual encounter, not fuelled by drunkenness. I may also never have been in this situation. But, like many commenters, find the first suggestion to be to darn idealistic . . . meaning, if you actually find a way to get it to work, go for it. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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