libidoists aces?

[Jea]

So I have a question. I confuse several ideas and I thought you people could help me. I don't understand how some aces are 'libidoists'. That means you feel sexual attraction, right? How can someone be sexually attracted to someone but not want to have sex with them? And what's the differences with gray-A or lithsexuality for example?

It all confuses me a lot, probably because I don't feel any kind of sexual desire and I can't distinguish between different categories of something I never experienced. Please understand, I'm not questioning that libidoists aces exist, I'm just trying to understand how they feel and how both can cohabit.

[Blakrana]

Personally, my understanding is that we just have a libido compared to non-libidoists who do not, far as I know.

This libido isn't directed at anything, in my experience, just a result from stimulation of varying kinds. I don't profess this to be how it is for everyone however. All I know is that sometimes I have to contend with physical arousal, and sometimes my body needs 'relief' in that way and ignoring it is in the long run impractical (and increases current laundry load). It's just one of those chores I sometimes have to do to get on with things.

I think that's what it means. I'm not entirely sure, beyond conjecture and personal experience. For me it's just a thing that happens sometimes, with no clear given source or object there of.

Odds are, people might disagree with me on it so if I did help with a bit clarity there we go.

[SkyWorld]

Now... I don't have a libido, but I am quite observant to trying to understand the details of asexuality.

Having a libido is not the same as actually experiencing sexual attraction. It's basically just their body functioning and it can happen at random, there's no controlling it. As Blakrana as mentioned, it's not directed at anyone.

[Jea]

hmmm makes sense, thank you both.

Are there aces who feel sexual attraction in some kind? I mean, like a libido, but directed at someone?

[SkyWorld]

hmmm makes sense, thank you both.

Are there aces who feel sexual attraction in some kind? I mean, like a libido, but directed at someone?

If they feel sexual attraction then they're not (by definition) asexual. However they could be somewhere else on the spectrum: grey-a, demi, etc.

[Autumn Season]

There is (1) the libido, (2) the sexual arousal, (3) the sexual attraction, and (4) the desire to have sex with somebody. Here is my understanding of the four terms:

(1) The libido makes somebody want to find relief, for example by masturbating. It can be pleasant or not. It can be annoying if there is no time or appropriate place to take care of it. Mostly it feels like an itch. All it means is that the body is working well. (Though nonlibidoist bodies also work well.)

(2) Somebody can feel aroused when touched or reading/ hearing/ ... something sexy. When for instance somebody sees two people having sex, then they are likely to feel aroused. The arousal usually stops when the source is removed.

(3) When sexually attracted, people have the urge to sleep with one person in particular, the person they are attracted to.

(4) It is possible to desire partnered sex without feeling any attraction. This is controversial, but mostly it is agreed upon that people who want to sleep with other people for their own sake are not asexual.

[Lost247365]

So I have a question. I confuse several ideas and I thought you people could help me. I don't understand how some aces are 'libidoists'. That means you feel sexual attraction, right? How can someone be sexually attracted to someone but not want to have sex with them? And what's the differences with gray-A or lithsexuality for example?

It all confuses me a lot, probably because I don't feel any kind of sexual desire and I can't distinguish between different categories of something I never experienced. Please understand, I'm not questioning that libidoists aces exist, I'm just trying to understand how they feel and how both can cohabit.

Not quite.

It means we feel a need to release that builds up and has to be taken care of in some way or that we have non-sexual stimuli that arouse us. A second person is not necessary.

[allrightalready]

i am demi and do have a libido

for me the libido and any actual sexual attraction are separate things. the attraction only happens after i know and get close to someone both for romance and for sexual activity.

the libido is simply something physical like any other body function i may have a need to satisfy (and it is one that annoys me greatly)

[binary suns]

libido is this anoying thing that randomly comes along and subtly tries to arouse the body

it has nothing to do with external sexual stimulations, and doesn't do anything to attract the person to anyone (well I guess this is where an asexual person with a libido differs from a sexual person lol)

it is just this sorta itch that sorta, its as if the libidoist is required to maintain their parts for some twisted reason.

[SkyWorld]

Haha, that's something that I don't get. I often hear that it's like some kind of itch? Like... the same kind of itch you feel on skin and you want to scratch it with your nails?

Considering I don't have a libido, I guess it would be like describing sight to the blind.

[Jea]

There is (1) the libido, (2) the sexual arousal, (3) the sexual attraction, and (4) the desire to have sex with somebody.

^it makes a lot more sense put that way.

Thanks guys. I think I understand. As much as I can understand as a non libidoist ace anyway! :D

[shockkkk]

hmmm makes sense, thank you both.

Are there aces who feel sexual attraction in some kind? I mean, like a libido, but directed at someone?

Lots of asexuals here have a libido that is directed to someone, but, for better or worse, AVEN does not consider it to be sexual attraction. AVEN considers sexual attraction to be a feeling that results in a desire for partnered sex.

[R_1]

Haha, that's something that I don't get. I often hear that it's like some kind of itch? Like... the same kind of itch you feel on skin and you want to scratch it with your nails?

Considering I don't have a libido, I guess it would be like describing sight to the blind.

Imagine you drawn with efforts to your finger and your hand heats up. It's a enjoyable sensatiom. Now direct that to the itsy bitsies.

[Guest]

So I have a question. I confuse several ideas and I thought you people could help me. I don't understand how some aces are 'libidoists'. That means you feel sexual attraction, right? How can someone be sexually attracted to someone but not want to have sex with them? And what's the differences with gray-A or lithsexuality for example?

It all confuses me a lot, probably because I don't feel any kind of sexual desire and I can't distinguish between different categories of something I never experienced. Please understand, I'm not questioning that libidoists aces exist, I'm just trying to understand how they feel and how both can cohabit.

Libido is just a sex drive - as in, most aces solve it with masturbation. Most wouldn't say if they masturbate, that they are sexually attracted to their hands. :) (though some may choose to have sex with their partners and such as a way to orgasm when needed if compromising, etc)

[Shockwave]

Haha, that's something that I don't get. I often hear that it's like some kind of itch? Like... the same kind of itch you feel on skin and you want to scratch it with your nails?

Considering I don't have a libido, I guess it would be like describing sight to the blind.

I think it's more akin to hunger. And for asexual people nothing in the kitchen looks good, no matter how many times you open the fridge and stare into it. But you have to feed it to make it go away...

[AwkwardGuy]

Just to make matters more complicated, I suggest the possibility that everyone has sexual energy (libido), but that with some people, their psyche redirects this energy towards non-sexual activities, such as music, art, intellectual activities, sports, etc. For some people, the libido may find no conscious expression, and show up as some kind of emotional or physical distress that does not appear to be sexual. I'm not an expert on this though, and I'm just going by my personal experiences with my own libido, and what I've read from the work of various psychologists.

When I was much younger, I was able to partially channel my libido into various creative and intellectual activities, but only for a limited time. My creativity always felt energized with sexual energy, even though it was just a feeling, and nothing concrete that I can explain (you would not notice anything sexual in what I created). However, with any frustration of my creative efforts, some or all of my libido would rapidly shift back to sexual daydreams/fantasies.

As of now, my libido feels very lost and trapped, as if it does not know where to go. Because of my anxiety and depression, I've been having trouble trying to redirect it into creative activities, such as writing. Most of my libido still tries to find expression through my daydreams/fantasies, but that has diminished quite a bit too, because my mind has finally realized that there is little hope of my daydreams ever coming true, due to my age, physical and mental health, dysfunctional issues, and circumstances.

Anyway, if you are interested, Freud referred to the redirecting of libido as sublimation. He theorized that libido was always directed at an object, even if it was a nonsexual object, which would also explain many fetishes and physical symptoms.

[Jea]

You have quite interesting ideas. I agree with the possibility that

everyone has sexual energy (libido), but that with some people, their psyche redirects this energy towards non-sexual activities, such as music, art, intellectual activities, sports, etc. For some people, the libido may find no conscious expression, and show up as some kind of emotional or physical distress that does not appear to be sexual.

I feel a huge enthusiasm for some subjects in my studies, something akin to a libido except that the only thing I want is to understand how something works (literature, linguistics).

But that would mean that any enthusiasm from one person comes from his libido?

I'd like to suggest a slight variation from what you said. Perhaps everyone has a need for a strong enthusiasm, and for those who do not have a libido, it becomes another kind of energy, in non-sexual activity. It's the same thing but with a slight change in vocabulary.

I read a bit about Freud a while ago but I felt like some of his theories were too far-fetched, especially since none seem to apply to me--I don't dream weird things, dreams make sense to me, I feel like I don't "repress" desires. Perhaps my problem with him is that I'm ace? I didn't know I was ace when I read about him so perhaps that's it.

[TeddyMiller]

I would find some women sexy, but for me that doesn't equal a desire to have sex with them. My analogy is cars; I've never liked driving, but I can still think a car is snazzy looking, without any desire to get in and drive it.

[AwkwardGuy]

But that would mean that any enthusiasm from one person comes from his libido?

I'd like to suggest a slight variation from what you said. Perhaps everyone has a need for a strong enthusiasm, and for those who do not have a libido, it becomes another kind of energy, in non-sexual activity. It's the same thing but with a slight change in vocabulary.

I read a bit about Freud a while ago but I felt like some of his theories were too far-fetched, especially since none seem to apply to me--I don't dream weird things, dreams make sense to me, I feel like I don't "repress" desires. Perhaps my problem with him is that I'm ace? I didn't know I was ace when I read about him so perhaps that's it.

In my opinion, libido is just life energy, the same life energy that everyone has. I think it takes different paths in different people, which explains why it affects us differently. For some people, a lot of their life energy is channeled through the sexual areas of their psyche, and thus they express much of their life energy through sex. On the other extreme, for some of us, that energy never takes the sexual path, and instead powers other areas with more force. And for others, the energy is much more evenly distributed between different areas.

As for Freud, I agree with some of his ideas and not with others.

[Autumn Season]

But that would mean that any enthusiasm from one person comes from his libido?

I'd like to suggest a slight variation from what you said. Perhaps everyone has a need for a strong enthusiasm, and for those who do not have a libido, it becomes another kind of energy, in non-sexual activity. It's the same thing but with a slight change in vocabulary.

I read a bit about Freud a while ago but I felt like some of his theories were too far-fetched, especially since none seem to apply to me--I don't dream weird things, dreams make sense to me, I feel like I don't "repress" desires. Perhaps my problem with him is that I'm ace? I didn't know I was ace when I read about him so perhaps that's it.

In my opinion, libido is just life energy, the same life energy that everyone has. I think it takes different paths in different people, which explains why it affects us differently. For some people, a lot of their life energy is channeled through the sexual areas of their psyche, and thus they express much of their life energy through sex. On the other extreme, for some of us, that energy never takes the sexual path, and instead powers other areas with more force. And for others, the energy is much more evenly distributed between different areas.

As for Freud, I agree with some of his ideas and not with others.

While it sounds logical that libido is a part of life engergy, I would disagree that life energy equals libido.

[butterscotchwm]

I'm a romantic asexual. I used to consider myself a non-libidoist but then after experimenting / practicing masturbation for a long time (and I mean like... a LONG time), the pleasure receptors in my brain finally started to connect with my body and now SUDDENLY I have a massive, annoying sex drive....

Pro tip: If you don't want to become a libidoist, DON'T START MASTURBATING. lol

But in answer to your question (and I know many people have answered it already) just because you have a libido, that doesn't mean you want to have sex with other people or experience sexual attraction. I kind of understand your confusion because I was the same way when I was a non-libidoist. I'm pretty sure if I tried talking about this with my non-asexual friends they would be confused, too. In fact when I first came out to them, that was my best friend's first suggestion: "You should try masturbating just to make sure that you're asexual!"

Welp, I masturbated... orgasmed... liked the fact that it relieved tension... I still don't see other people as "sexy" or want to have sex with them. :lol:

[Philip027]

I'm a romantic asexual. I used to consider myself a non-libidoist but then after experimenting / practicing masturbation for a long time (and I mean like... a LONG time), the pleasure receptors in my brain finally started to connect with my body and now SUDDENLY I have a massive, annoying sex drive....

Pro tip: If you don't want to become a libidoist, DON'T START MASTURBATING. lol

I feel quite fortunate with this o_o

I finally "connected the dots" so to speak within the past year (I'm 29 now), with the help of my partner :redface: But even then, I've never become suddenly plagued by a sex drive. I can get into things when I'm together with her and the mood strikes both of us, but other than those moments it's like I haven't changed at all. I don't think I'm even capable of masturbation when I'm not in those situations. The body doesn't respond, and my mind isn't into it at all either. It's just like... nothing really happens. >_>

I don't know if what I experience could really be called libido. If it is, it's pretty selective. Possibly "demilibidoist" based on a passing comment someone made to me some time ago.

[Torquil]

Are there aces who feel sexual attraction in some kind? I mean, like a libido, but directed at someone?

It depends on your definition of sexual attraction, which is a debated topic.

If you mean sexual attraction as "an involuntary, subconscious reaction to sexual stimuli", then yes, I sometimes have those reactions to people who fit my taste. To clarify, as Naosuu wrote in this guide: "What constitutes 'sexual stimuli' is highly individual: men; women; breasts; butts; muscular frames; both; people with a foot fetish; someone who only likes people who wear glasses; someone who likes blonds, etc."

However, if you define sexual attraction as AVEN does: "the desire to have sexual contact with someone else, to share our sexuality with them", then no. The same for "an innate desire for partnered sex".

So, I have a libido, and it is directed in the sense of generating involuntary, subconscious reactions to certain sexual stimuli. But it is not directed enough for me to consciously desire sexual contact with people.

[Guest]

I have high libido (an abundance of certain hormones that cause me to become aroused often for no reason) I just have no interest in 'relieving' that arousal with another person.

[SMW22792]

Certain thoughts and images can trigger arousal in my case. I can't picture having anyone else involved. I don't get aroused among other people.

[Marshmallow Tree]

I remember someone saying that if sexuals were like ace libidoists, then they would feel no desire to have partnered sex. But they do, evidently. I like this as it's pretty simple and my non-ace friends find it easier to begin to understand how arousal and attraction are different.

[Torquil]

I remember someone saying that if sexuals were like ace libidoists, then they would feel no desire to have partnered sex. But they do, evidently. I like this as it's pretty simple and my non-ace friends find it easier to begin to understand how arousal and attraction are different.

I think I understand what you're saying, but I'm not sure I would use the term arousal. A reaction to sexual stimuli does not necessarily imply physical arousal. What was talking about is more about attentional orientating/interest.

Here's how I might phrase it:

Sexual: attentional reaction to sexual stimuli, plus desire for partnered sex.

Libidoist asexual: attentional reaction to sexual stimuli, but no desire for partnered sex (or an ignorable level of desire).

Non-libodoist asexual: little to no attentional reaction to sexual stimuli, and no desire for partnered sex.

[Marshmallow Tree]

I remember someone saying that if sexuals were like ace libidoists, then they would feel no desire to have partnered sex. But they do, evidently. I like this as it's pretty simple and my non-ace friends find it easier to begin to understand how arousal and attraction are different.

I think I understand what you're saying, but I'm not sure I would use the term arousal. A reaction to sexual stimuli does not necessarily imply physical arousal. What was talking about is more about attentional orientating/interest.

Here's how I might phrase it:

Sexual: attentional reaction to sexual stimuli, plus desire for partnered sex.

Libidoist asexual: attentional reaction to sexual stimuli, but no desire for partnered sex (or an ignorable level of desire).

Non-libodoist asexual: little to no attentional reaction to sexual stimuli, and no desire for partnered sex.

This is what I get when I don't phrase one sentence perfectly for once, ha ha. I hate expanding on every little thing I write. On with the semantics...

Well, actually, you're just agreeing with what I said now that I look. I see nothing wrong with what I put. I said that a libidoist asexual has no desire for partnered sex. And that if sexuals were like them, then there would be no desire for partnered sex but there is. Many sexuals still believe that arousal means that you must desire partnered sex.

For people who aren't asexuals and find it hard to understand the difference, it's a good starting point. It helps them understand better. Then you can expose them more in depth (with what you put). For many sexual people it's daunting when new words are given and that things that they thought were intertwined aren't etc etc.

[Torquil]

I remember someone saying that if sexuals were like ace libidoists, then they would feel no desire to have partnered sex. But they do, evidently. I like this as it's pretty simple and my non-ace friends find it easier to begin to understand how arousal and attraction are different.

I think I understand what you're saying, but I'm not sure I would use the term arousal. A reaction to sexual stimuli does not necessarily imply physical arousal. What was talking about is more about attentional orientating/interest.

Here's how I might phrase it:

Sexual: attentional reaction to sexual stimuli, plus desire for partnered sex.

Libidoist asexual: attentional reaction to sexual stimuli, but no desire for partnered sex (or an ignorable level of desire).

Non-libodoist asexual: little to no attentional reaction to sexual stimuli, and no desire for partnered sex.

This is what I get when I don't phrase one sentence perfectly for once, ha ha. I hate expanding on every little thing I write. On with the semantics...

Well, actually, you're just agreeing with what I said now that I look. I see nothing wrong with what I put. I said that a libidoist asexual has no desire for partnered sex. And that if sexuals were like them, then there would be no desire for partnered sex but there is. Many sexuals still believe that arousal means that you must desire partnered sex.

For people who aren't asexuals and find it hard to understand the difference, it's a good starting point. It helps them understand better. Then you can expose them more in depth (with what you put). For many sexual people it's daunting when new words are given and that things that they thought were intertwined aren't etc etc.

I agree that this is a good way to introduce the concepts to allosexuals. My quibble was just that arousal may be too strong a word to describe what some asexuals experience. I think that some asexuals (mostly non-libidoists) would not experience sexual arousal to other people at all. Unless they were watching porn or something, which is kind of an exceptional situation.

[aroacedinosaur]

On 7/16/2015 at 6:51 PM, AwkwardGuy said:

Just to make matters more complicated, I suggest the possibility that everyone has sexual energy (libido), but that with some people, their psyche redirects this energy towards non-sexual activities, such as music, art, intellectual activities, sports, etc. For some people, the libido may find no conscious expression, and show up as some kind of emotional or physical distress that does not appear to be sexual. I'm not an expert on this though, and I'm just going by my personal experiences with my own libido, and what I've read from the work of various psychologists.

When I was much younger, I was able to partially channel my libido into various creative and intellectual activities, but only for a limited time. My creativity always felt energized with sexual energy, even though it was just a feeling, and nothing concrete that I can explain (you would not notice anything sexual in what I created). However, with any frustration of my creative efforts, some or all of my libido would rapidly shift back to sexual daydreams/fantasies.

As of now, my libido feels very lost and trapped, as if it does not know where to go. Because of my anxiety and depression, I've been having trouble trying to redirect it into creative activities, such as writing. Most of my libido still tries to find expression through my daydreams/fantasies, but that has diminished quite a bit too, because my mind has finally realized that there is little hope of my daydreams ever coming true, due to my age, physical and mental health, dysfunctional issues, and circumstances.

Anyway, if you are interested, Freud referred to the redirecting of libido as sublimation. He theorized that libido was always directed at an object, even if it was a nonsexual object, which would also explain many fetishes and physical symptoms.

I don't completely relate to this experience or agree with this take, but in terms of non-sexual activities being connected to libido, yeah actually, this makes sense. Sometimes I'll just be doing something random that happens to be creative and get a random burst of, as described, "sexual energy," completely absent of any sexual intent or thoughts or anything. Just for a moment rather than any sustained time. I thought it was just a weird misconnection sort of thing my body did, which has been so confusing, but less so now that I've read this.