Yatogami Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 It is a question that has bothered me since I joined this site. I personally don't think I was born asexual, but was made into one at a very young age due to being molested and abused emotionally and physically through most of my life. So I was wondering, is it possible? And if so, is there a difference between environmental and genetic? If it is enviromental, should it be considered asexuality? Can it be cured? Can it not? Sorry for so many questions in one post, I just want to hear some ideas/opinions on this. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
AwkwardGuy Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 I think it is very possible that abuse could cause asexuality. i was severely bullied as a kid, and it is possible that it profoundly impacted my ability to have physically intimate relationships with people. In general, I'm not socially comfortable with people because of the bullying, and maybe this carried over into my ability to have/want intimacy. On the other hand, I think there could be a genetic component as well. I remember never wanting to hug or be hugged by my parents, and I'm pretty sure that this began before the bullying. So, I already felt uncomfortable with intimacy. I've taken tests online for autism and I show up on the low end of the scale, which may account for my unwillingness to be hugged as a child. I'm still not a very cuddly person. My best guess is that both my genetics and early abuse contributed to me being gray-sexual, where I want intimacy only when I feel extremely safe. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
SkyWorld Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 A lot of people say it's nature, some say it's nurture... but I think it's a combination of both. Excuse the Psych nerd within here: it's no longer nature vs. nurture, it's nature and nurture now. There's only so much one can control when it comes to their environment. And asexuality cannot be changed or controlled by one's own will... there is no cure. The same argument can be held for basically every sexuality, really. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
knout Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 SkyWorld sums up my thoughts :) A cure sounds so twisted, like remember when they had "corrective therapy" for homosexuals? And I said that in the past tense but it's still a practice in some place and a lot of people still see a different orientation as a sickness (physical or mental) that needs to be corrected. I hope no one ever funds any of that ever... and not just asexuals but any orientations really. Now if someone has say a hormonal imbalance that they feel made them wrongly identify as asexual and they want something done about it, then it's up to them (and their doctor/psychiatrist etc) but that won't be a cure to asexuality. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
SkyWorld Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 SkyWorld sums up my thoughts :) A cure sounds so twisted, like remember when they had "corrective therapy" for homosexuals? And I said that in the past tense but it's still a practice in some place and a lot of people still see a different orientation as a sickness (physical or mental) that needs to be corrected. I hope no one ever funds any of that ever... and not just asexuals but any orientations really. Exactly. We had a similar discussion in Psych class (psych nerd summoned). "Back in the day" homosexuality was considered an illness because it was distressing to those who are. But nowadays, we realize... it's not the homosexuality that is distressing to those who are homosexual, but society itself and its lack of acceptance at the time. For people to be more accepting is incredibly relieving. Again, the same argument can be made by any sexuality, including asexuality. For there to be a "cure"... I'll just simply say you can't fix what's not broken. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Yatogami Posted July 14, 2015 Author Share Posted July 14, 2015 SkyWorld sums up my thoughts :) A cure sounds so twisted, like remember when they had "corrective therapy" for homosexuals? And I said that in the past tense but it's still a practice in some place and a lot of people still see a different orientation as a sickness (physical or mental) that needs to be corrected. I hope no one ever funds any of that ever... and not just asexuals but any orientations really. Exactly. We had a similar discussion in Psych class (psych nerd summoned). "Back in the day" homosexuality was considered an illness because it was distressing to those who are. But nowadays, we realize... it's not the homosexuality that is distressing to those who are homosexual, but society itself and its lack of acceptance at the time. For people to be more accepting is incredibly relieving. Again, the same argument can be made by any sexuality, including asexuality. For there to be a "cure"... I'll just simply say you can't fix what's not broken. But what about in the case of nurture? If it's caused by trauma etc, then like some other psychological disorders, it can be mediated and or changed. OR is it something, like genetic personality disorders that cannot be fixed? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Confusion 0 Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 I know for a fact I was always in the asexual spectrum. Even before I really knew what sex was, I didn't like the idea of 'physical intimacy', except for hugging and kissing. I believe it is definitely possible for abuse to cause asexuality though. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
SkyWorld Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 SkyWorld sums up my thoughts :) A cure sounds so twisted, like remember when they had "corrective therapy" for homosexuals? And I said that in the past tense but it's still a practice in some place and a lot of people still see a different orientation as a sickness (physical or mental) that needs to be corrected. I hope no one ever funds any of that ever... and not just asexuals but any orientations really. Exactly. We had a similar discussion in Psych class (psych nerd summoned). "Back in the day" homosexuality was considered an illness because it was distressing to those who are. But nowadays, we realize... it's not the homosexuality that is distressing to those who are homosexual, but society itself and its lack of acceptance at the time. For people to be more accepting is incredibly relieving. Again, the same argument can be made by any sexuality, including asexuality. For there to be a "cure"... I'll just simply say you can't fix what's not broken. But what about in the case of nurture? If it's caused by trauma etc, then like some other psychological disorders, it can be mediated and or changed. OR is it something, like genetic personality disorders that cannot be fixed? As I have mentioned before, there's only so much one can do to control their environment. Yes, there are cures for some disorders and treatment for those who suffered trauma, but there is no cure for asexuality itself alone. Asexuality itself is not an illness. Whether or not it's caused by said trauma or disorder, (psych nerd still lurking) correlation is not causation... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Yatogami Posted July 14, 2015 Author Share Posted July 14, 2015 SkyWorld sums up my thoughts :) A cure sounds so twisted, like remember when they had "corrective therapy" for homosexuals? And I said that in the past tense but it's still a practice in some place and a lot of people still see a different orientation as a sickness (physical or mental) that needs to be corrected. I hope no one ever funds any of that ever... and not just asexuals but any orientations really. Exactly. We had a similar discussion in Psych class (psych nerd summoned). "Back in the day" homosexuality was considered an illness because it was distressing to those who are. But nowadays, we realize... it's not the homosexuality that is distressing to those who are homosexual, but society itself and its lack of acceptance at the time. For people to be more accepting is incredibly relieving. Again, the same argument can be made by any sexuality, including asexuality. For there to be a "cure"... I'll just simply say you can't fix what's not broken. But what about in the case of nurture? If it's caused by trauma etc, then like some other psychological disorders, it can be mediated and or changed. OR is it something, like genetic personality disorders that cannot be fixed? As I have mentioned before, there's only so much one can do to control their environment. Yes, there are cures for some disorders and treatment for those who suffered trauma, but there is no cure for asexuality itself alone. Asexuality itself is not an illness. Whether or not it's caused by said trauma or disorder, (psych nerd still lurking) correlation is not causation... Good point, yeah c=/=c I guess I am a person who likes to think in absolutes. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 It's been asked before and I've seen several posts of people asking if their asexuality is caused by it. Wheather it has a cause or not, that is how you feel so it is your orientation. You can of course try to get things sorted out and see if it helps to bring any sexual attraction but don't force yourself. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Prairie Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 I don't really think it matters whether something is "nature or nurture" as to whether it's legitimate. I think that the important question is whether someone's apparent asexuality is actually a complex of things which can be unraveled, e.g. unresolved trauma, or a person just having some odd misconception that causes them to never realize that their urges are for sex with people. If it's a complex of things then it's not the "actual" person and on discovering this they'd presumably want to unravel it. Being traumatized such that one's natural sexuality is suppressed is an ongoing process of repression until resolved. This is different than just having a lack of sexual orientation towards others in the same way that others have a natural sexual orientation towards certain people and there's nothing to pick apart. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lost247365 Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 It is a question that has bothered me since I joined this site. I personally don't think I was born asexual, but was made into one at a very young age due to being molested and abused emotionally and physically through most of my life. So I was wondering, is it possible? And if so, is there a difference between environmental and genetic? If it is enviromental, should it be considered asexuality? Can it be cured? Can it not? Sorry for so many questions in one post, I just want to hear some ideas/opinions on this. I don't think so. What I think is happening here is confusing two similar but different things. I believe you are confusing a psychologically induced sexual dysfunction with an orientation. One is caused by a mental block that if it were possible to work through would allow one to be sexual again; and the other is a result of how the brain is wired and cannot be consciously controlled. The end result may be similar if not identical (and the two are probably confused for each other fairly regularly) I don't think they are the same thing. They have different causes and while some milder forms of dysfunctions like hypoactive sexual desire disorder can be cured, asexuality can not be changed by modern science. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Autumn Season Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 Actually the brain changes all the time, especially in childhood. To some extent it is possible to "train" the brain.* So we can learn to understand things which we couldn't before. The brain during childhood abuse can also change and thus impact the emotions of the adult. However I don't know if one can learn to feel something (again). Also, generally speaking I am against "curing" a sexual orientation. That would imply that an orientation can be inherently wrong and should be changed. However if the OP doesn't feel comfortable as an ace, then it makes sense to look into psychology. * The Woman Who Changed Her Brain: Barbara Arrowsmith-Young at TEDxToronto: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o0td5aw1KXA. The most important lesson from 83,000 brain scans | Daniel Amen | TEDxOrangeCoast: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=esPRsT-lmw8. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
nerdperson777 Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 It's possible. I'm afraid of human contact from my (accidental) abuse. But I think my asexuality is by nature because my parents don't appear to be sexual people. But I think my aromanticism is primarily by nurture. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
knout Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 It's also possible that if someone's trauma brought them to asexuality and it fits them, if they work out their psychological trauma and discover that their identity has changed, it may be surprising but it shouldn't be that big of a deal for them to reconsider and reevalute to see if the identity still works for them. People need to realize that sexuality is fluid and it can change throughout the course of your life, another reason why nurture has to be considered and not only during the course of the formative years but throughout your life. Someone who experiences a change in their sexuality was not necessarily repressed or in the wrong before, maybe circumstances changed and they reevaluated their identity with new factors. A lot of people have once identified as sexual before identifying as asexual (or the other way around), same goes for hetero- and homo-... And it can fluctuate or they can discover that in specific conditions they are sexual while usually not (demisexual/graysexual) or they can realize they are attracted to both and then somewhat get drawn to a bi/pan label... I don't think people should be so strict with labels... Yes, some part of us we can't change (nature) and for some people it never changes and they always feel they were just born that way... for a lot of others, life just throws questions at them and they try to make the best of it, try to find who they are. I don't think communities as a whole should be so critical of people who "change" identity, they're not betraying anyone they're just discovering themselves. That should be celebrated, not frown upon. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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