emmarie53 Posted July 12, 2015 Share Posted July 12, 2015 Hello, I was wondering if I could get some advice from those here a bit older and wiser than myself. (or even just those who want to help :) So to start with I’m naturally an extremely private person. I’ve known since my sophomore year of high school that I was asexual, but it was never really an issue for me emotionally until I entered college (mostly because I just ignored it at all costs). Anyways, so for the past year I’ve finally been dealing with all that, coming to terms with things, and I’m definitely not there yet. I’m still processing and dealing with frustrations, and confusion, and the feeling that I’m broken. Obviously because of all this, only about 4 people know. None of whom I’ve told directly. All of them have basically stumbled into knowing. The most recent of these is my mother, who is an incredibly loving person, and who only wants what’s best for me. But part of her personality is a HUGE level of curiosity. She want’s to know about all of it and have the details explained to her. She really does want to understand, and she’s coming from a place of complete love., but I didn’t come out to her on my own terms so I’m really struggling. She stumbled upon an article, asked me if I knew what asexuality was, and because I was flustered I basically said that’s what I was. I was in no way ready to come out to her though, and am in no way ready to explain all these things. I can barely deal with my own confusion about this, let alone her curiosity as well. The point of all this do you have any advice? Or links I can show her to explain the basics (I've sent her the Aven FAQ but I don't know if she's read it or not..)? Maybe personal coming out stories and ways you approached situations? Even advice on how to come to terms with things myself would be greatly appreciated. Thank you so much! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
argar Posted July 12, 2015 Share Posted July 12, 2015 Welcome to AVEN. I don't have advice, but I can offer my opinion. I think maybe the best thing you can do is write a list of all the questions you have about asexuality. Encourage your mom to do the same. Then you can each compare your questions, and together you can both explore different answers. I think maybe asking core questions and putting them on the site could help, and you can later print the response and show them to your mom. Asexuality is a confusing thing for us at times in a very pro sexual society, and it can also be confusing to the people around us. I think maybe this could be a good starting point, and I hope the suggestion helps. Have a beautiful night. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Nadia Hope Posted July 12, 2015 Share Posted July 12, 2015 You can start by asking your mom if she read the links that you've sent her. If she did, ask her if she has any question. And as Argar said, tell her to write the questions down. Maybe it will be easier for you, if you saw the questions first and could think about them for some time and then tell her or write her answers. As for coming to terms with your asexuality, the only I advise I can give is read more articles and books about asexuality. There are personal stories of people realising they were asexual on this website. Here's the link. It helped me a lot. And there's this great website Asexuality Archive. You can find a lot of articles about asexuality there. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted July 12, 2015 Share Posted July 12, 2015 Simple. Just say no one turns you on and you don't have the impulse/desire to do sexual things to/with anyone. (both being what makes up sexual attraction) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Anime Pancake Posted July 12, 2015 Share Posted July 12, 2015 Hello!Maybe you could just tell her you're still trying to figure things out about yourself for right now, and you will explain more to her when it's more comfortable for you.That may be a lot better because it would be more comfortable for you and you would probably both enjoy the conversation then, instead of you telling her about it when you're not really wanting to talk about it yet. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
emmarie53 Posted July 14, 2015 Author Share Posted July 14, 2015 Thank you all for your advice! I didn't really think bout the fact that having things written out would probably make everything a lot easier for me. I would have time to think and consider my answers, which will make me FAR more comfortable. Thank you! Maybe eventually I'll be ready for an actual conversation, but for now I definitely like that idea! (Also, thank you for the links Nadia !) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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