How many aces are in relationships?

[Guest]

I am in my second relationship with someone from this site.

I was with my first AVEN partner for 15 months, but it turned out I was a little too grey and he was a little too ace, so we didn't quite mix in that aspect. We separated but are still good friends and talk every day ^_^ I never met my ex physically but I was still closer to him than I ever was to my first partner, who I met locally and lived with for 5 years. It just goes to show that physical vicinity to each other really doesn't have to mean much when it comes to emotional closeness, for some anyway.

My new(ish) partner from AVEN is much better suited to me sexually (we are both grey. too sexual to be fully asexual, not sexual enough in a million years to be able to carry on an actual sexual relationship, lol). We still have that emotional connection, but with the bonus of 'working' together on the physical level as well. Anyway, he coincidentally lives in the same city as my AVEN ex, 18,325kms away from me on the other side of the world, in England :P ..not sure how that happened, just one of those random things.

My partner is coming here (to NZ) in November, and will be staying if all goes well (taking visas into account etc, we won't be doing anything illegal haha)

Exciting but also scary for us both :lol:

(EDIT: also I was never actually looking for a relationship or actively seeking one, perfectly happy being single. all my relationships have just sort of happened on their own.)

[Ruqiah]

I have never been with anyone in real life. I was with a guy online for over a year. I knew him about two years. And then he dropped off the face of the earth. Stopped logging in one day, and I have no idea what happened to him. He meant the world to me, and I still pray for him (three years later).

I was with someone else online for a month, but I realised that I didn't want a relationship. So it was terminated. As was the friendship.

I still do not know if the first online relationship was romantic or platonic for me (I know the second one definitely wasn't). All I know is that whatever it was, it was very special to me and I did not want to replicate it with anyone else. I'm content as I am, and feel no need to pursue anything else as far as that goes. :)

[Guest]

I have never been with anyone in real life. I was with a guy online for over a year. I knew him about two years. And then he dropped off the face of the earth. Stopped logging in one day, and I have no idea what happened to him. He meant the world to me, and I still pray for him (three years later).

I was with someone else online for a month, but I realised that I didn't want a relationship. So it was terminated. As was the friendship.

I still do not know if the first online relationship was romantic or platonic for me (I know the second one definitely wasn't). All I know is that whatever it was, it was very special to me and I did not want to replicate it with anyone else. I'm content as I am, and feel no need to pursue anything else as far as that goes. :)

I devise alternative contact methods when I become close to people online. So for example if one of the people disappears off the face of the earth, the other has permission to contact the persons family after two weeks. That gives both people incentive not to just fuck off randomly, and ensures both people have that safety net of knowing they will be able to learn if something has happened to the other if they disappear.Did you have one of these arrangements set up with the first guy, or did he tell you not contact him or what? sounds so odd that he just disappeared after all that time :o

[Philip027]

I am in my second relationship with someone from this site.

I was with my first AVEN partner for 15 months, but it turned out I was a little too grey and he was a little too ace, so we didn't quite mix in that aspect. We separated but are still good friends and talk every day ^_^ I never met my ex physically but I was still closer to him than I ever was to my first partner, who I met locally and lived with for 5 years. It just goes to show that physical vicinity to each other really doesn't have to mean much when it comes to emotional closeness, for some anyway.

I was wondering about what happened there...

But yes, physical proximity is not that important to me. Almost everyone that's been "close" to me are people I've never even met in person

I have never been with anyone in real life. I was with a guy online for over a year. I knew him about two years. And then he dropped off the face of the earth. Stopped logging in one day, and I have no idea what happened to him. He meant the world to me, and I still pray for him (three years later).

This broke my heart a little. :<

*hugs*

[Ruqiah]

I have never been with anyone in real life. I was with a guy online for over a year. I knew him about two years. And then he dropped off the face of the earth. Stopped logging in one day, and I have no idea what happened to him. He meant the world to me, and I still pray for him (three years later).

I was with someone else online for a month, but I realised that I didn't want a relationship. So it was terminated. As was the friendship.

I still do not know if the first online relationship was romantic or platonic for me (I know the second one definitely wasn't). All I know is that whatever it was, it was very special to me and I did not want to replicate it with anyone else. I'm content as I am, and feel no need to pursue anything else as far as that goes. :)

I devise alternative contact methods when I become close to people online. So for example if one of the people disappears off the face of the earth, the other has permission to contact the persons family after two weeks. That gives both people incentive not to just fuck off randomly, and ensures both people have that safety net of knowing they will be able to learn if something has happened to the other if they disappear.Did you have one of these arrangements set up with the first guy, or did he tell you not contact him or what? sounds so odd that he just disappeared after all that time :o

He was an odd duck. Very paranoid. Didn't trust anyone. The chatroom we met in was very close knit community, so him and I knew and communicated with other people for a long time. Based on the other folk there and what they said after, I was the only one he was decent to and attempted to open up to. And I was patient. Insanely so, where everyone else told me to give up. xD But no, I did not have another form of contact. I tried multiple times (he lived in Russia so only contact would be online, so I tried to get his email, Facebook, Skype, etc), but he refused. And I'm aware of the possibility that I might have been catfished. It really was weird all around, but I accepted it at the time, because of how much I enjoyed talking to him. I don't get lose to people, or care about very many of them. But when I do, I want the world for them. I'm not bitter or sad, though. I learned a lot about myself through our conversations. He was a lot like me.

This broke my heart a little. :<

*hugs*

That is very kind of you. :)

/hugs back

[ThaHoward]

In none, and aint looking 8)

[eee]

married a fellow ace met here on Aven

[semag6489]

I wasn't looking for a long time. I have a friend that I have known for almost 10 years, now, and we have been straddling the "together/not" together line for about half of that. We finally tipped over into the "together" portion about 8 months ago. He has agreed to glacial pacing and a life of near celibacy. :)

[HanBanan]

I am getting married next month to an amazing man who I met in person through some friends (one of whom I was trying to get the attention of!). He's pretty sexual and I am ace (or maybe gray-ace... all I know is I could gladly go without sex forever). I didn't find out I was ace til after he had proposed, and I was afraid he wouldn't want to marry me. Instead, he felt incredibly guilty for ever even asking for sex, and he told me he'd never have sex with me again, if that's what I wanted. I started seeing my old therapist for the repulsion part of it, and she's helped me embrace sexuality with an open mind. Meanwhile, we've had lots of conversations about how neither of us should feel guilty for the way we are. I don't think either one of us could be happier than we are with each other, and we're both thrilled and excited to be getting married next month.

So there's my short little love story for you :)

[Absol]

I broke up with my boyfriend two and a half months ago, and was perfectly content to stay single for a while and figure myself out- I liked the idea of a QPR. But then everything turned upside down, and now I'm dating this guy who was previously just my friend. I happened to tell him that I'm asexual two weeks before he asked me out, and he said that he can accept that! So I wasn't looking for a boyfriend, but I found one anyways and I'm super happy and excited about it! :D

[Squirrel Combat]

Not in one, nor have I ever, but I'm still looking, and hopeful. I just came out of my twelfth consecutive failed attempt at a romantic friendship with someone. :( I'm still pretty bent out of shape about that; I was really confident about this one.

[nutmeag]

The husb and I just celebrated anniversary #5 together. I just realized a month ago that I was ace, so we're going through a bit of a rough patch while we figure things out, but I'm confident we can make it work.

[Latiatia2a]

Not in a relationship, but i'd really like to... Just it's not really easy where I live to meet people, specially now with a new job.

That being said I wouldn't mind starting to know someone thanks to internet, and start what we call long distance realtionship 'cause I'm one who think you can get to know each other even when you live far away, specially now that we have webcams, smartphones with aplications etc...

[asinglecookie]

I just found an article about asexuality in the Independent, and it quotes some of the responses to this thread. Anyone interested in reading it, it's here;

http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-sex/asexuality-when-life-isnt-all-about-sex-10371135.html

[Mor]

I'm not in a relationship, nor am I looking. It's not really a priority right now, and besides, it'll probably be difficult for me to find a relationship I'm comfortable with when the time comes anyway.

[Ace of Cakes]

I've never actively looked for a relationship, yet here I am in my first one (and have been for over a year!). He's sexual, but super understanding, and things are going great for now - hopefully they'll stay that way

[Huupla]

I am married and didn't figure out i was ace till a few months into the marriage. He's sexual, I'm not. It's tough for me to come to terms with, but we'll make it work.

[Mikasa]

Not in a relationship (and never been) and not looking for one either. A year ago I tried being active on OkCupid/Tinder and I went on some dates, but no. Dating is not for me.

[ByAnyOtherName]

I might be soon. There's a guy I spend a lot of time talking to, and we've kind of accidentally agreed to three separate dates before we've actually gone on the first one, just because we keep wanting to do the same things. But at some point this week, I probably need to warn him that I'm asexual. I wouldn't blame him at all if he backs out, but I hope he doesn't. If things go well, though, I'd like to get into a relationship with him eventually.

[Ioras]

I'm in a relationship with a sexual person, which is not always easy since she's pretty much attract to ... about anything. We're in a long distance relationship since she lives in a different country (about 300 km away, that's a 3 hour drive). So I needlessly worry a lot but it's ... sort of... worth it? It's wonderful being with her and talking to her, we're both so sappy, it's wonderful.

Still didn't sleep with her and I have my doubts it will ever happen but that's okay. Which gets me back to worrying because maaan, okay, she's young and at some point she'll probably want to have sex. Maybe with a guy. It's a tough life.

[The Strong Force]

I don't usually look for them but I am happily in one with another Asexual

[lucie]

I always wanted a relationship for selfish reasons- basically so I would feel like I was worth something and deserving of love :P

I guess I'm in a relationship now, although I feel the same way for this person as I do for my closest friends. I like him a lot but the attraction isn't there :(

[_Diana]

I tried being in a relationship with a non ace boy. It didn't work out, however I'm going to keep trying because I want a relationship and I'm willing to keep watching for Mr. Right.

[Sandshrew]

I've never been in a relationship but hopefully one day I could be in one. I don't want to find one right now but after I figure some things out I'd love to met someone.

[BookTVLover]

I've never been in one, but I'd like to be in one with another hetero ace to see if it suits me. I'm doubtful because the South seems to be a "dead zone" for asexuals.

[CloakedSchemer]

I was in a relationship with a hetero demisexual for about 6 1/2 months. In the end, even though we got along the feelings just faded away. I was (once again) in denial of my greysexuality at the time and so I was going by bisexual. That was probably a cause of some of the issues we had. I never wanted to have sex enough for him (he was always the initiator...thinking back on that makes me feel bad).

We're still friends now though! :)

As it stands now, I'm not exactly searching for a relationship but I can't deny that I would love to have someone that I could have that sort of romantic connection with again. Plus...I miss cuddling.

[Lanti SF]

I'm currently in a relationship, though it's still really casual.

[♦Jaimie♦]

I'm not in a relationship, and looking, but not entirely hopeful.

[themadhattersghost]

I'm currently not in a relationship and I've never actively looked for one. The last relationship I was in "just happened" and we were together for seven years. 98% of it was long distance. We only met a few times face to face. Me being ace and the long distance plus wanting different things in life is what broke us up. But that's been almost two years ago now. I've finished college since then and am moving across the state soon. I'm hopeful that I can find someone else, though. Someone who is more understanding and not so far away. I don't mind long distance as long as we could physically see each often and within a year have the relationship not be long distance.

[Ace Cadet]

I wasn't looking for a long time, but then it just happened. She's pretty cool, but she's also allosexual. She's had to reshape what a relationship means to her because I really don't like to be touched very much and I'm not a good toucher either. I feel like mostly I kind of "endure it". We do not have sex or do sexual things but we do sleep next to each other when she visits and we hold hands and cuddle when it's not hot at satan's bedroom outside, and occasionally we kiss but I don't like too much tongue (slimy and yucky)... We have netflix marathons and play a lot of minecraft.

Re-reading this I feel like I sound like a kid, but I feel pretty lucky to have found someone so understanding because every other relationship I have had ended up in shambles because I didn't want to have sex, or I had sex and then resented the person for pushing me when I had already told them I didn't really want to. We've agreed to have an open relationship because it's only fair (to me and her) that she can have her "needs" met by someone else. I'm not jealous so it doesn't bother me, in fact, it's kind of a relief to know the pressure won't be on me.... but sometimes I wish I had a bestie that was romantic-ish and all to myself. We get along great but there's a lot of interests I have that she doesn't share that I wish I could share with someone.

I feel like I shouldn't complain though, it's hard for an ace person to find another person who is so understanding and accepting (in my experience).