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Is it really a big deal to come out as asexual?


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AlwaysADreamer

I guess it depends on the person and if they feel it's important for them to come out. I only really tell friends and certain family. I don't discuss that sort of thing at work. If it comes up in casual conversation I'll mention it (if it's relevant and won't cause any negative consequences). If I'm doing something educational, I'll talk about it and maybe mention that I am ace, but I don't go into specifics.

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I think it is up to you to who you tell and when you tell, if you think you should tell someone then come out, to everybody you want. Although some people might find it difficult to understand and they might not accept what you're telling them (like your parents, friends, etc.), so you need to be patient and keep that in mind.

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I love my privacy so i only tell those who need to know about my asexuality like my mom or a possible partner, its up to you whenever you want to tell the whole world or just a few people or want to keep it to yourself.

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I am just coming to terms with this and figuring out where I'm on the Ace spectrum. I'm almost 29 w/a son and am terrified of coming out to my mom. In one second I want to shout it from the rooftops because of the relief I feel from finally figuring out myself and the next I just want to curl up in a ball.That comes from I think,but how do I really know this is what I am what if I'm mistaken and then tell everyone this?But I want to come out to my mom first because I feel she should be the first to know. Then my best friend,she has dealt with my crazyness for years so I'm sure she won't even bat an eye over this.Other than that I may only tell people who might be of interest to me. I don't want to hide it but I don't want people thinking thats all I am like some new toy to figure out. I need to figure it out myself before just anouncing I guess.

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Phiffenella

I have told the two relatives with whom I am closest because I always share important events in my life with them. Discovering that being asexual is just how I am and not due to a personal defect was exciting and therefore newsworthy. Beyond that, I can't think of why anyone else needs to know. I don't go around wondering about other people's sexuality and I assume knowing about mine isn't high on anybody's need to know list or even their "interesting facts" list. I'm beyond the age for anyone trying to fix me up. Should it ever come up in a natural way, based on a normal conversation, revealing it won't, I believe, be a big deal.

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Ignore-this-account-thanks

I am open about my sexuality mainly for three reasons, I like to be open about everything, it's important for other asexuals to know they're not alone, and I don't want any sexuals who are interested in me to get the wrong idea. I of course don't go around telling everyone I'm ace out of the blue but if sexuality comes up in conversation and I feel safe I will mention mine. All of my friends and most other people I know are aware that I am asexual. The only people I haven't come out to are family members as it's simply not safe for me to do so right now.

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Bumblebee07

Hi! I'm new to this website! My mother saw me reading a couple of books on asexuality and she was not happy. She said that she had already 'decided' what I was going to be (she's very much against anything but straight) so I'm not really looking forward to that conversation coming up with my other family members (my aunts' think it's their duty to interrogate me about my love life every time they see me). I casually mentioned it to my two best friends and they were both fine with it (one's bi and the other one is kind of like me when it comes to sex). If you don't want to come out then that's perfectly fine but that's up to you. I didn't really go out of my way to tell my mother but I didn't hide it from her either.

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As of right now I've no plan on coming out, maybe because I'm only still quite a young age or my parents wouldn't even understand the meaning on my orientation and I don't know if I would be able to explain all of it to them. (Even though it's not hard to explain :P)

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I've come out to one person so far, and she took it incredibly well and didn't look all that surprised. We've been roommates off and on for the past three or four years, so she knew I had never dated anyone. I came out to her because I had the perfect opportunity, and with her, I was like 92% certain it would be safe to come out to her.

I feel like I need to tell my siblings and my parents, but only because I don't like keeping secrets from my family. Coming out is completely up to the individual, and should only be done if you feel like you're ready and if you're in a safe position to do so. Sometimes it's best to just keep it hidden for a little longer so you aren't treated with hostility. It really isn't anyone elses business except for a romantic partner. Other than that, it's your decision to come out to whomever you want, if you want.

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Squirrel Combat

Yeah, it depends on who you come out to. Some people, like my brother, were fine with it. I'm a little less confident with my parents who are self-proclaimed "homophobes". :wacko:

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It's a lot of personal preference. Some people like me think their sex life (and lack thereof) is their own business entirely, and some people want people to know because they prefer it that way. I'm personally never going to come out to anyone besides partners as it's no one else's business. :P (I wish I had the courage to come out to everyone because I'd be able to advocate more, but my family is very fundamentalist Christian.)

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I think safety comes first, so no one has to come out, but in my experience, people have been most open/accepting of my asexuality if they knew another ace or at least knew of one. Plus, it's far easier to accept something if you connect it to actual people you know - making fun of people who don't like sex is one thing, making fun of this specific person who we like being with but who doesn't like sex is completely different and far harder.

It's not like there won't be people making fun of others for being ace, but in my experience, if someone wants to make fun of you, they will find something, no matter how hard you try, and if they don't, they'll accept a lot of things they'd otherwise consider "weird", as long as you don't act like there's anything wrong with said things.

So again, no one ever has to come out, but if you feel safe doing it (both physically and emotionally), I think that doing so can be a really "big deal" to other asexuals.

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