Your Ideal Relationship

[praetorius]

The problems for me in this goal are that I am really socially awkward/anxious, I don't really know any male aces IRL, and do not want to attempt a close platonic friendship with an allo because I'd be afraid of misunderstandings and him misinterpreting my interest. But maybe someday I'll meet a male ace IRL. Stranger things have happened.

What about everyone else? What are you goals/ideals for relationships?

I suppose the "good" news is, if you wait long enough, it's bound to happen.

When I was a kid/teenager, I didn't particularly have friends in my own age group. I felt I shared nothing in common with my "peers" and their bizarre drama of life. Instead, I always enjoyed the company of "old" adult people -- who had interesting things to talk about, rather than silly hormone/television-driven drivel with which I didn't identify.

Now, I'm getting into that "old adult people" category (30 years old), and it's a lot easier to associate with my age-group peers. They can also get along much better with each other in mixed-gender socialization without sexual undertones --- they're mostly married, with young kids of their own; they're comfortable with their identities, and not going through wacky teen / young-adult sexual/emotional/existential struggles. I'm still not much good at forming close friendships --- but that's my own character, rather than creepy misunderstandings of others.

Unfortunately, "wait a decade or two until the people around you learn to be good platonic friends" isn't particularly helpful advice; it certainly didn't help me with being quite socially isolated for a very long time. But, if you can't find a better solution in the short term, your chances definitely will improve with time. I think most non-asexual people eventually realize they want good "platonic" relationships too (alongside their sexytimes relationships), if only quite a bit later than those tending towards asexuality.

[Blomdor]

You will be you, and I will be I, and we will just see where it goes.

[AlwaysADreamer]

I would like to be companions (platonic, romantic, whatever) with someone who is willing to make up stories with me and can endure my randomness :) Beyond that, it would really depend on the person and the relationship.

[(A) & A]

Romantically?

I'd like a girl that shares at least some of my interests. My love of punk rock, or my love of Nintendo and role-playing games. Someone I can laugh with. Someone who doesn't mind that sometimes, I like to get completely plastered. Someone who doesn't mind that once a year I buy pack of clove cigarettes. Someone, preferably, who's asexual

[nerdperson777]

I want a QPR with just one person. I want someone who cares about me just as much as I care about them. And I care about my friends A LOT. We can be there for one another, no matter what the situation. So far I've met one person who's suffered the same parental abuse as I have, and we connected very quickly, but she's in a relationship so I know that our friendship would never be on par with that. So if they have mental issues as I do, we'd hit it off so quickly. My other friend kind of changes the subject when I explain my sadness to her so then I don't feel important since she doesn't really feel what I've felt. Once she said that I shouldn't cry more than 5 times a year, and that week I had already cried more than that. My preferred gender is a femme person, usually those I perceive as female bodied also. I find that I could never really relate to masculine buff men. Being around them just makes me feel female. I wouldn't mind being sensually touched by my friend if we know each other that well. I primarily want the hugs and maybe cuddles. I don't think I've cuddled with anyone before. Previously I have told people that I didn't like hugs, but as I've become more feeling, I wanted them more, and I didn't want to impose anything on anyone. So I'm really all or nothing in a friendship. I would not half-ass something as important to me as a friend.

[blue2 sky]

I want an equal relationship. We both love one another, work on ourselves, pay for things equally,share chores and if we have a baby share the childcare.

We have fun,support one another and are dedicated to our own spiritual growth.

We are also travel companion as well as life companions.

[Nymra]

Buy a dog.

...

Seriously. Buy a dog, they're loyal, love you for who you are and they love to CUDDLE! WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE.

Ideal relationship: All I need is trust (honesty), respect and loyality, that's all. I think. Uh they need to like chocolate. AND THEY MUST NEED THE CUDDLES. And don't mind my music taste. I love music. If they'd say my music sucks, I'd fucking drop kick them xD

[Someone Else]

I'd also appreciate someone who can have a conversation with some depth, isn't 100% dependent on me, and won't bark at the mailman.

[TophatNTails]

My ideal relationship would be one built on compromise. E.g. If we go out for a meal, we split the bill, we take turns paying the rent/bills, we take turns doing the laundry/cooking.

However, I would also love it if I could be naked around this person, and that they can be naked around me. Particularly during the summer, when we could throw open all of the windows, take off all of our clothes and just hang around and do nothing. I'd love to hug, cuddle and kiss this person, clothed or naked, just explore their body with my fingers (not in a sexual way), while all the time not wanting to stick any bits of my body inside any bits of theirs.

I'd love to just lie in bed with them, faces close together, arms around each other, and just talk quietly about everything and nothing.

However, I also wish that this person could support me, care for me while I am sick, help get chores/work and above all just love me for who I am.

[*a*rteest]

I saw this topic in the forum and thought about it a lot (and the thread is exactly what I expected it to be) and every time I think of that stuff I just short circuit. I'm aro...so...just ignore me, I'll be standing like a deer in headlights in this thread.

[Squirrel Combat]

Ideally, something I call a "romantic friendship". Essentially, it's just friends on the surface but it's based on love, with all the intimacy, trust, and loyalty of a conventional relationship. But as far as I'm concerned, "relationship" and "dating" are just words with empty meaning.

If you really love your friends, then doesn't every activity you do with them mean something special for both you and them? Even something as mundane as driving to the store and shopping? I say yes.

I've had friendships similar to this with guys and girls in the past (granted, I never wanted to cuddle or hold hands with the guys ), so I'm always hopeful to meet a lady who can understand, embrace, or (ideally) be looking for the same type of friendship (and let there be some hand-holding in the mix). Somebody who I can count on when I need support and can support when they need someone the most, or they are lonely or upset I, as their best friend, can be the shoulder to cry on and wipe away their tears and destroy their fears. Above all, I would more than anything like to have a friendship where neither me or her are ever interested in "dating" other people (that otherwise completely undermine my preferred friendship). Ahhh...that would be the best!

But for now, I'll just keep dreaming.

[Guest]

Reality checks himself.. No relationship is ideal at least for me. It is not who I am.

[Semtex in August]

for me it would be a group of women, that I can be my different selves with. one person who would enjoy books and plays and museums.

One person that would enjoy dancing and out of the box thought and near insane amounts of creativity

One person who is kind and emphatic

One person who does not put up with my bullshit and calls me on my destructive behavior

One person who meets me on multiple angles on any given day.

or simply one woman who is superhuman

the problem being, that I am anything but superhuman myself so that presents a road block to my plan

[_andi]

I mainly desire a monogamous romantic relationship, with someone where we share a deep mutual admiration, desire and respect for each other. With a fair part of physical affection and intimacy (Cuddling, hand holding, hair stroking, etc!) without feeling like there needs to be a sexual side just to keep the relationship going.

I realise this is a bit of a fantasy though!

Alternatively, cake. ^_^

[HypocryteHater]

I've already had an almost ideal relationship. Firstly, it was exclusively on line. Emails and chats, no physical contact, roughly 3.000 miles distance. I made it clear from the beginning that I'm not going to date simply because I'm not interested in the physical level. She accepted that because she's married.

We've been together for more than two years. What went wrong ... I'm autistic. That is, I'm not very flexible when it comes to sudden changes in schedule etc. I'm neither a people person nor interested in people in general, their private affairs, and their relationships.

She, on the other hand, was a total people person and socially oriented. Although we had some common interests, our respective ways of thinking, our cognitive styles, were too different.

So what I want is pretty much the same again, but with more mental unison.

[FiddleKid]

A ideal relationship for me would be like an extended friendship, no physical contact. Just getting to know someone on an emotional level and sharing interests.

[AvengedVampyre]

My goal is to find a dude to spend the rest of my life laughing with, sharing my most inner feelings,the highs and the lows. Which is difficult but hopefully not impossible.

[160]

I want a guy that's open minded and accepts me, and also kinda spoils me. ^_^ Also someone with musical talent is awesome, and we can cuddle for hours!

[Anne Li]

It's hard for me to think that I would date a sexual person so my ideal relationship would probably be with another asexual. An ideal partner would share some of my interests like exercise, traveling, books etc. I would like to be able to talk to my partner about anything and basically I'd just want to be able to be myself. It would be great if we could both do our own things and still be happy together. Family and friends are important to me so I'd want us to get along with each other's friends and families. :-)

[SorryNotSorry]

Basically, she'd be the female version of myself... with similar interests, maybe a bit clingy but IMO hugs are never a bad thing... a powerful psychic bond with no place in the picture for sex or schadenfreude. Someone I'd never get tired of, and who'd never get tired of me.

Ain't gonna happen, bud...

[Corretto]

*sigh* A [sur]real relationship for me could only be with an aesthetically-attractive coffee barista; that would work every shift, operating a state-of-the-art coffee-machine in order to make me an aesthetically-tasty piccolo, that would arouse me to have another...all on my loyalty card! Caio

[toprakkokusu]

I'd like to be with someone who is an introvert-romantic asexual and likes reading, thinking, hugging. I'd like to share everything and trust each other.

[♦Jaimie♦]

Basically I'd love to be with someone who has at least some of my interests, who is kind and not bigoted towards things, with a relationship where we'd be ok with never having sex and we could spend plenty of time together without getting tired of each other. Also, trust and respect would be important and it'd be important for it to be a relationship that makes us both feel great. Cuddling as well.

[ace_is_the_place]

For me I think it would be a relationship that is just fun. The two of us can enjoy each others company without the fear of sex.

Watching movies, Hold hands, hugs, a peck on the cheek every once and awhile.

Plus they'd have to love all the jurassic park movies as much if not more than me. Those movies rock.

[oskietje]

Someone asked me this question a bit ago and it really made me think. Time has changed how I view relationships and such, but I think the best description of an ideal relationship for me would be something of a bromance. Realistically any man of any orientation is eligiible as long as they are willing to call me several times a week, hang out several times a week, cuddle, and participate in mutually enjoyed activities.

Since when I look at the realistic aspect of potential suitors, homosexual men aren't the most compatible, so heterosexual men become the most realistic candidate (strangely). And since they have sexual desires, they can seek those out elsewhere if they so want. I'm not asking for much, but I guess in a way I kind of am.

Who knows if such a person exists. :lol:

[MerePeasant]

Similar to others...

Someone who I can have fun with, visit interesting places, and who really cares for me and trusts me as I would hope to them. They accept me for how I am, awkwardness, et al. Basically things that crop up a lot for ideal relationships, I guess? But with extra understanding. :)

[Misaki]

As for me, I would like to have a close friend as a life partner. I would like to hug them, hold hands with them and talk a lot with them, spend time together and have fun. I also would like them to not force me to do anything I don't want to. Maybe I wouldn't mind the romance thing as long as they know I can't reciprocate their feelings in that way, but they understand that I love them anyway.

[JAKQ7111]

This is a really tough question, but one that I want to answer, both for my benefit and possibly the benefit of others like me.

My ideal relationship would for sure be a medium-small polycule made up of nerds, geeks, artists, musicians, and/or other assorted nontraditional folks. I don't know what the gender balance would look like, but it would be probably fairly diverse, and more likely than not, most members of the web would be bi or panromantic. Obviously, the people I would be directly involved with (my paramours?) would be at least ace-friendly, if not ace themselves, but I would be willing to do mixed relationships if the opportunity arises. There would be lots of cuddling, holding hands, massage exchanges, and the like. We'd be able to have our own spaces if need be (so cohabitating may not be in the cards) but we would hopefully be a short train ride away at least, in case we need each other for some reason. Also, not every moment we spend together would be action-packed; a date night (or polycule get-together) could consist of going out to sing karaoke, to going shopping, to staying in and playing video games, or just cuddling and watching Kamen Rider.

Most importantly, though, my ideal relationship would be built on a foundation of mutual respect, trust, understanding, and intimacy physical and emotional.

[darkesthour]

Mine would be with a genuine, sweet, ace girl, where we're best friends with a close affectionate bond. Be able to tell each other anything and just enjoy hanging out together. I always thought how perfect it would be to be with someone where you'd never feel the pressure to be sexual but still have everything good that can come from a relationship.

Ahh, it's nice to dream anyway I guess.

[eeriesilence]

Being able to go up and blow raspberries on their stomach, only for them to tackle me to the ground and lick me to death in retaliation.

I'm really weird. I want to feel comfortable enough to be weird with them. I want someone to be able match my weirdness.

/ I have that in my current relationship and am totes happy - just keep looking, that person is out there!