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Your Ideal Relationship


EmotionalAndroid

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EmotionalAndroid

So I had never really thought about it much before, but the other day I realized what I really really want for a relationship. For me, I want one or more very close platonic male friends. If there were more than one, we'd all be mutual friends. I've found that I truly desire to be considered "just one of the guys" and experience that type of friendship that only seems to occur between men. Since I am not a man, I'd still like to experience that with no tensions or anything, so ideally I'd want a few super close aro ace male buddies!

The problems for me in this goal are that I am really socially awkward/anxious, I don't really know any male aces IRL, and do not want to attempt a close platonic friendship with an allo because I'd be afraid of misunderstandings and him misinterpreting my interest. But maybe someday I'll meet a male ace IRL. Stranger things have happened.

What about everyone else? What are you goals/ideals for relationships?

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Bad_Mr_Tree

My ideal/goals for a relationship?

I'd call it a constellation. Each of us lights up the sky, creating an image together, but remaining distinct.

In less literary language, what this means is a set of relationships of support in imagining and living. This means helping each other break out of the confining and constricting box of "there is no alternative". Where we challenge each other to help us see that there are alternatives, and where we have the passion to undertake them and the support to succeed.

People in these relationships are tough in thought, but gentle in action.

Listen intently, but walk their own path resolutely.

Rage against existing inequality and injustice, but remain resolute and build an alternative.

Where the words "i've got mine, its good enough" never rests on our tongues.

Where hearts, heads and hands, spread and nurture seeds of joy.

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EmotionalAndroid

My ideal/goals for a relationship?

I'd call it a constellation. Each of us lights up the sky, creating an image together, but remaining distinct.

In less literary language, what this means is a set of relationships of support in imagining and living. This means helping each other break out of the confining and constricting box of "there is no alternative". Where we challenge each other to help us see that there are alternatives, and where we have the passion to undertake them and the support to succeed.

People in these relationships are tough in thought, but gentle in action.

Listen intently, but walk their own path resolutely.

Rage against existing inequality and injustice, but remain resolute and build an alternative.

Where the words "i've got mine, its good enough" never rests on our tongues.

Where hearts, heads and hands, spread and nurture seeds of joy.

This is a very refreshing look at things! Very well said, indeed.

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kiaroskuro

The problems for me in this goal are that I am really socially awkward/anxious, I don't really know any male aces IRL, and do not want to attempt a close platonic friendship with an allo because I'd be afraid of misunderstandings and him misinterpreting my interest. But maybe someday I'll meet a male ace IRL. Stranger things have happened.

Oh, that's so annoying, isn't it? How do you show interest in a heterosexual man you just want to be friends with? It's practically hopeless.

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EmotionalAndroid

The problems for me in this goal are that I am really socially awkward/anxious, I don't really know any male aces IRL, and do not want to attempt a close platonic friendship with an allo because I'd be afraid of misunderstandings and him misinterpreting my interest. But maybe someday I'll meet a male ace IRL. Stranger things have happened.

Oh, that's so annoying, isn't it? How do you show interest in a heterosexual man you just want to be friends with? It's practically hopeless.

Exactly! I am always blown away by society's idea that men and women cannot be platonic friends. I just don't understand why not. Because this mindset keeps circulating, it does create a sense of hopelessness and I feel very inhibited and restricted. As a society, we are trying to move into a more inclusive world, and yet we are putting up these barriers around something so simple and beautiful as friendship. Gah.

I suppose the only way I'll get my dream of platonic male friends is to find an Ace meetup group. It's a real shame that I have to restrict myself so much, though.

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Autumn Season

Is it about one relationship or several important relationships?

In an ideal social life, I would have many good friends and several close ones (which is pretty much the way it is now - i'm just afraid to lose them with time). Also, I'd have one love. *blush* Who loves me back, whom I trust, can talk to for hours and cuddle with. *sigh*

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If referring to a specific relationship, personally it would be someone with whom I have a lot in common with; in terms of interests. So when it comes to watching films/TV, listening to music and daily activities, there is little conflict and we could talk for ages about any of it. I agree with wanting someone of similar orientation so I wouldn't be on constant edge about possibly depriving my partner of any kind of sexual relationship. I'd love someone who would be happy with just sensual touching, cuddling and kissing. Someone who is rather protective since I'm the big sister in the house, the mother of the group - and I'm always doing the protecting, so someone being there to help me with problems and help me avoid bad people and places would be amazing...aahh, this is such a lovely topic!

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Cereal Tendencies

As an aro, friendships for me were of the highest value and I cherish the moments spent with friends, whether online or irl, no matter how short the moments are

I sometimes think I'd like to be in a queerplatonic relationship where if we happen to move in together it would be like a never-ending sleepover lol

We'd be free to do what we wanted without people pushing us to date because technically we are in a relationship, just not one they're expecting

I agree with the above posts about the whole men and women can't be friends and I've lost many close male friends that way actually and I've become jaded because I start to think things like "this whole time you were just waiting to see if I would pull you out of the friendzone and nothing else mattered?"

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I wouldn't mind having a few friends who wouldn't mind me joining them for stuff when I felt like it. Ideally, they'd get used to me coming in and out of the friend group or long time spans where I don't talk to them. A queer platonic relationship would be nice as well. Male or female, I don't really care, as long as we are each other's best friend. No sex, no booze, no drugs, no smoking, no kids, no spouses. We could travel together, live together, etc. They would have to be ok with me being independent and doing my own thing when I want to.

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I'd love someone to be mushy with. I'm such a sap. I'll leave now :D.

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Ideal relationship? Is there even such a thing?

I'd say living together with a woman, talk to each other, cook together, ocasionally do things together (sports, walk, watch TV) but it's mostly about just living together and liking each others company. Something between a normal/traditional relationship and a live-in close friend.

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As an aro, friendships for me were of the highest value and I cherish the moments spent with friends, whether online or irl, no matter how short the moments are

I sometimes think I'd like to be in a queerplatonic relationship where if we happen to move in together it would be like a never-ending sleepover lol

We'd be free to do what we wanted without people pushing us to date because technically we are in a relationship, just not one they're expecting

I agree with the above posts about the whole men and women can't be friends and I've lost many close male friends that way actually and I've become jaded because I start to think things like "this whole time you were just waiting to see if I would pull you out of the friendzone and nothing else mattered?"

Oh my gosh, yes, I've thought about this.

I've always been one to "go with the flow" and "fit into the crowd". Being like this has gotten me to a social status in which I'm friends with pretty much everyone, regardless of their gender or sexuality. Before I told them all that I'm an aro ace, they were fully aware that I didn't like anyone or have ever had a crush on anyone, so when I told them, it was no surprise. I really enjoy spending time with my friends and my goals for relationships would be having several good friends (so I'm set there) and maybe one queerplatonic partner. I'm not set on the qpr part. I have a best friend but as far as I know, she's straight and plans on getting married, so she'll most likely hold that relationship above ours. I was at first reluctant to be best friends with her because of the likely event of us separating. Being an aromantic asexual is a bit lonely when you think about it. There's still a lot of romantic asexuals, so even they may think higher of their romantic relationships. I'm not saying that it's completely true, just likely. Although it'd be sad if my friends, you know, go on expanding their romantic/sexual relationships and focus on that instead of our friendship, I'd only want what makes them happy. Hey, I'm still young though. Lots can happen, so I have hope for the future and I'm all good now. I'm interested in living alone with a dog (and maybe a qpp), but any of my friends could crash at my place if they ever needed to since my house would have a lot of space what with there being basically no one there.

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Exactly! I am always blown away by society's idea that men and women cannot be platonic friends. I just don't understand why not. Because this mindset keeps circulating, it does create a sense of hopelessness and I feel very inhibited and restricted. As a society, we are trying to move into a more inclusive world, and yet we are putting up these barriers around something so simple and beautiful as friendship. Gah.

I suppose the only way I'll get my dream of platonic male friends is to find an Ace meetup group. It's a real shame that I have to restrict myself so much, though.

I can totally relate to this, I also wish I had more platonic male friends. It's always so nice to be around gay men: you don't have to worry about potential 'hidden agendas'. How I wish making contact with men was just as uncomplicated as it is with women.

Although I'm not quite sure if it's really society's idea that male-female platonic friendships aren't possible. According to my experience, many people suggest that they have tons of opposite-sex friends, but to be honest, I don't quite believe it's that easy. I wonder if those friendships are really as close and as platonic as they pretend to be.

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Someone Else

Probably queer platonic -- wherein she and I have/do at least _something_ together that I'd just never have done with plantonic guy buddies. What that "one" thing is, is certainly very flexible depending ont he individual, if she's mostly aromantic, or likes/doesn't like kissing, nudity, etc -- so there's no way to fully define the ideal relationship beyond this until I know who she is, and what she'd like that "one" special more-than-platonic-less-than-sexual thing to be.

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Maroshka H'ghar

I've been thinking a lot about this lately, since I know I experience aesthetic and platonic attraction to people.
My romantic orientation is... fluctuating (I guess this is the word I'll use to describe it), I know I want a relationship, I feel it. Right now I'm laying in bed writing this, and I wish I was wrapped within the arms of someone I love in this same bed.
I want a relationship with one other person that I feel extremely comfortable with, and I want to cuddle with them, watch movies, say stupid puns, go exploring, hear about their day, do fun things like fingerpainting, water gun fights, snowball fights (and in my mind this is so cute because it always ends up with us hugging, and laughing like idiots).

I know this sounds like the most romantic thing ever, however; Every time I've started a relationship (all 2 times... it doesn't happen often) at some point I end up dreading seeing them, and suddenly the relationship feels heavy, and uncomfortable. Now that I know I'm ace, I like to think this used to happen because at some point this relationships started to require some sort of sexual commitment, or at least I felt they did. Not knowing I was ace, I never thought of talking about a non-sexual relationship, or options, because I only knew there was some sort of thing in me that didn't want to go on with this relationship, I didn't even thought about the possibility that it was because I was unwilling to compromise to sex because of my sexual orientation, so I ended these relationships, one may have been doomed from the start, the second one may have the biggest mistake (relationship wise) I've made so far, because I think that he would've been willing to try an Asexual relationship.

As for the gender of this person, I actually don't care. I would like to have a girlfriend, because I've only dated men. I do feel a very strong aesthetic attraction towards people, and I really have to feel that with the person I want to be in a relationship with. Some people may say that it's shallow, or that it makes me picky and that's why I would never find a partner, but I think it's very valid. Why would I date someone I find physically unappealing, like I already find everybody sexually unappealing, let me have this one at least.

Also since I've never been super super close to someone romantically, I don't know if I'm demi, so I also want to find that out, and it would help, because I don't know any aces IRL, and I don't know if I'd be willing to commit to have sex sometimes.

as you guys can see (if you bother reading all of this), I am a very romantically confused person, and also romantically frustrated.

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WheelCuddle

I ddefinitely want to date another Ace. I will never feel completely comfortable with the thought in the back of my mind, that i am failing an allosexual sexually. I very much desire physical contact. I want to be pushed to try new things and have new experiences. I want to cuddle on the couch or in bed, and i just want to touch them. I want to hear the sound of their voice every day. I want to be able to be silent, but not awkward.

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Ideal relationship involves:

Man who is professionally successful, is not addicted to anything, knows how to go to the bathroom, is clean, and is generally very satisfied with himself but not to the point of being an asshat.

Me past all my issues. Stronger physically, mentally, emotionally. I have the job I want and the life I want.

Us being naturally friends. We laugh and play together. But the really good friend. The kind that will stick with you when you are sick and throwing up at night. Have a sense of humor.

Cooking and cleaning. I feel like I'd be stuck doing the cleaning.

We handle situations well. Bad things happen and people get snarky and stressed out. But we handle it, and without being pissy cranky babies. We are real with ourselves and each other; transparent.

He and I could snuggle. And watch vapid (or really smart) TV.

We'd probably have sex every once in awhile. And not, as someone thinks I'd like, day sex. I'm confused as to how sex wouldn't happen at night.

We have our individual selves still. We haven't lost our identities. But we have one together too.

It would bring out the best in us.

And he'd be able to help me see when we are old and gray, to point and look back at everything and say, "Look what we built together."

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Basically a best friend that I can cuddle and have adventures with, I think.

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allrightalready

i am actually working on my ideal by building the intentional community i will have close friends to be with and possibly even an intimate relationship can develop (ideally it would but it is not essential i am happy to just build something like this)

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I don't think there is an ideal relationship. I think we are supposed to relate to many people, for the purpose of helping us learn about ourselves and evolve.

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LeaveOnYourColours

*short circuits*

Um I want a lot of relationships! I want ones where I help and ones where I'm being helped. Romantic ones and platonic ones, cuz I think I'm cupio.

I guess I have some good platonic ones! And a good romantic one. In romantic ones, I like being asked how I feel about things. Because I can be unclear. And when someone knows I can be unclear or hold back and isn't frustrated with that. Having a thing that we both enjoy doing together, lie currently working out or watching a cartoon series. Sex is optional, cuddles aren't :P

In platonic relationships I like debating, but also agreeing on things. Getting into some of the things I like is fun. Helping and being helped. Laughing about stuff but being able to be sad too. I cry a lot lol.

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Basically a best friend that I can cuddle and have adventures with, I think.

As an aro, friendships for me were of the highest value and I cherish the moments spent with friends, whether online or irl, no matter how short the moments are

I sometimes think I'd like to be in a queerplatonic relationship where if we happen to move in together it would be like a never-ending sleepover lol

We'd be free to do what we wanted without people pushing us to date because technically we are in a relationship, just not one they're expecting

YESSSSS!!!! These pretty much sum it up for me: my best friend and I in a never-ending sleepover for the rest of my life. PERFECTION.

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Pretty much what I share with someone now, a very close friendship that involves physical intimacy, someone I can be myself around or tell my secrets to, no matter how ugly or horrible, and he'll still be by my side and not think I'm sick or frightening. A relationship like this, but one that's committed, monogamous, very sensual but without sex (unfortunately that's not realistic in my current relationship and probably wouldn't be in any relationship with a sexual). Someone who is - for lack of a more suitable term - a "life partner", someone who will go places with only me, someone who will in themselves be my family (no kids, never, never, never), someone who would be okay with that, and we could live together, share our lives with each other in a way that conventional friendships do not.

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I've been thinking a lot about this lately, since I know I experience aesthetic and platonic attraction to people.

My romantic orientation is... fluctuating (I guess this is the word I'll use to describe it), I know I want a relationship, I feel it. Right now I'm laying in bed writing this, and I wish I was wrapped within the arms of someone I love in this same bed.

I want a relationship with one other person that I feel extremely comfortable with, and I want to cuddle with them, watch movies, say stupid puns, go exploring, hear about their day, do fun things like fingerpainting, water gun fights, snowball fights (and in my mind this is so cute because it always ends up with us hugging, and laughing like idiots).

I know this sounds like the most romantic thing ever, however; Every time I've started a relationship (all 2 times... it doesn't happen often) at some point I end up dreading seeing them, and suddenly the relationship feels heavy, and uncomfortable. Now that I know I'm ace, I like to think this used to happen because at some point this relationships started to require some sort of sexual commitment, or at least I felt they did. Not knowing I was ace, I never thought of talking about a non-sexual relationship, or options, because I only knew there was some sort of thing in me that didn't want to go on with this relationship, I didn't even thought about the possibility that it was because I was unwilling to compromise to sex because of my sexual orientation, so I ended these relationships, one may have been doomed from the start, the second one may have the biggest mistake (relationship wise) I've made so far, because I think that he would've been willing to try an Asexual relationship.

Also since I've never been super super close to someone romantically, I don't know if I'm demi, so I also want to find that out, and it would help, because I don't know any aces IRL, and I don't know if I'd be willing to commit to have sex sometimes.

I just put the two parts of your post together because I very much agree with this sentiment myself.

I have never been in a relationship before, never been on a date, never been kissed (yadda yadda) so I think what my ideal relationship plays with is the fantasy of being in a relationship: something that doesn't have a lot of base in reality because I have never had to experience these hurdles. I think in my head for sure I would LOVE a relationship. I would love to be closer than platonic with a guy that I could talk to everyday, more so than the friends i have (and with mine they are all over and not very constant- also the fact I moved to a new city so I am by myself a lot of the time). But when it will happen, I am probably gonna be terrified. Especially if I know they expect sex someone along the line. I have never done it, and as of now I am okay with never doing it. So it's scary.

So I have no idea what I would want in an ideal relationship.

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SpeckledAngel

I've been thinking about this recently and my decision keep changing. So while this post is true atm, it probably won't be a month, week or maybe even a day from now.

I'd like a relationship that is basically very strong love/empathy, platonic or romantic wouldn't particularly matter, so probably qp. Preferably (but certainly not a deal breaker) they'd have another partner that I get along with but am not particularly close to. Multiple of these relationships where they don't mind each other would be just lovely. Wouldn't mind one life partner to take priority, but in that case we would have to be each others priority, if not exclusive.

^That being the in-my-head ideal

In real life, I've never had a serious relationship so I have no idea :'D

But I have found that I really enjoyed cuddling with some male-bodied acquaintance/friends that knew I was ace, and since we were all flopped on the couch together none got the impression that I wanted more than cuddles (hopefully) :lol:

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binary suns

IDK someone pretty someone patient someone not afraid to lead me by my hand. lots of cuddles.

I am really OK by myself. at least I want to be. I feel incapable of caring for myself. so I do not really want a relationship right now. it is unhealthy for me to think that, I need someone to take care of me. I already have that person.

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GwendolynAngel83

Hm....personally I'd like a, preferably female (because I often feel uncomfortable around guys, though that may be because I'm worried about them taking my friendship the wrong way), best friend whose willing to spend the rest of their life with me and cuddle. I like to curl up against people I care about and like lots of hugs. Preferably another aro-ace because I'd never have to worry about them feeling hurt because I don't return their romantic if sexual feelings. And in my dream-relationship they'd never go off and find a different significant other of any kind, they'd be content with just me and them, but not like we can't be without each other, just that, while we can go and do our own separate things, when it comes to a boyfriend/girlfriend/best friend/someone to turn to we're all the other really needs. We'd live together and share all financial burdens of life, much like married couples do.

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My ideal relationship would be based on absolute honesty, trust, respect and independence.

I don't want to owe someone justification for everything I do, we're still two seperate people.

If a partner lied to me just once, I couldn't trust them ever again (if I even could in the first place).

I'd just want someone to laugh with and who would support me, as I would support them.

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LadyErzsebet

I'd like to have a monogamous relationship with another asexual where we can cuddle and be physically (but not sexually) affectionate. Companionship is important to me and I could probably do a similar thing with in a queerplatonic relationship as well. I like things like kissing and romance, but cuddles and companionship are more important.

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