Do you think this relationship could work?

[ElephantsAlways]

I'll give you a bit of an outline on my situation: I'm only fifteen (he's the same age), and hesitant about starting a relationship at this point in my life in general. I think more often than not people my age aren't capable of lasting relationships. I'm the asexual in this. There's a boy who's been a friend of mine for a few years, and we've liked each other for about a year now. He's asked me out before, but I declined, for the same reasons I'm about to present now.

Some good things:

-I'm normally introverted and have a hard time talking to people, but that isn't true with him

-I feel more comfortable with him than anyone else, able to share parts of myself that I usually hide; I noticed that I don't have a problem being around him even when I'm sweaty and my hair is sticking up at odd angles

-I've changed a lot since we met, but it hasn't affected how he feels about me--if anything he likes me better the way I've become

-We're a lot alike. We're both very gentle people, although he's much more extroverted.

The bad parts:

-I'm asexual. He's not. I really don't know if a relationship between us would be healthy for him.

-He has self-esteem problems, which I know can be hard for an allosexual in a relationship with an asexual.

-I'm sex-repulsed, I don't see sexual compromise happening at this point (and beyond that, I'm fifteen. I mean, really).

-I'll live in the same city as him in two years, when my family moves there, but if I started a relationship now, it'd be two years of long-distance; that has worked for us as friends, but I'm just not sure.

If I wasn't so selfish I'd probably never be in a relationship with this guy, but I really like him. We understand each other very well. He has a lot of qualities that I haven't seen elsewhere and they're things I'd need to be happy in a relationship. I've got no doubt that I could be happy with him... I just wonder how happy he could be with me.

If you've actually bothered to read through all of that, what do you think? Am I too young? Is this relationship a bad idea, us being allo-ace?

[Star Bit]

Ok, so you really trust him, but are you romantically attracted to him?

It really depends on if he equates sex to self-worth and is ok with a sexless relationship, so just come out to him as Ace and ask those 2 things. If he is then you can get into a relationship with him. If it turns out he was wrong and can't stand his sexual urges in the relationship then end it. Don't be afraid of hurting him; that's how people grow. Though you can still try to soften the blow. Even if he takes the relationship as damaging it wouldn't be your fault; it would still happen with another partner when their sex-drives don't match. How is he supposed to get experience/get over his low self-esteem when everyone's too afraid of damaging him to date him?

[Hooded_Crow]

I think that what worries you is whether he would be happy with you. But that is not for you to decide. Does he know you're ace? If so, it sounds like he has all the elements to decide whether or not he still desires a relationship with you. Don't assume he wouldn't be happy :) you never know.

[Absol]

If you want to be in a relationship, but are concerned for his sake, the best thing you can do is talk to him about it. Let him know you're asexual (if you haven't already) and what that would mean for your relationship. If he still wants to try dating, (and assuming you also do), then it might be worth it to give it a go. :)

[Guest]

Be honest with him about your worries and let him decide if he's willing to take the chance or not. You decide if you are willing to chance it, not based on what's best for HIM (that's his to decide) but what you think is best for YOU. Do you want to be with him?

Sex may become an issue if it lasts and he ages, but you can't really guess that. And if it does, you can address it then. Lots of things COULD come between you - moving, college, other people, growing up in different directions (values, etc change as you become an adult at times). But, you can't let the "what if" ruin the now.

[Guest]

I think that what worries you is whether he would be happy with you. But that is not for you to decide.

Yup yup.

In any case, you're not going to marry this boy... you're 15!! I promise you there will be many others who come after him. Go for it if you want to... it seems like a safe and comfortable first relationship to me :)

[MacPopcorn]

I'm kind of echoing what's already been said but just take things slow and talk to him honestly and openly about what you want from your relationship and what your concerns are. If you do decide to try have a relationship, it could be a good learning experience, even if it doesn't work out.

[scarletlatitude]

I won't tell you that the relationship won't work. My best friend married her junior prom date. It can happen.

But you two need to talk about this. Does he know you are asexual? Does he know what that means? Is he okay with that? What options could you as a couple have if he did want to have sex with someone? How/why would things change if you two were more involved?

If you really like someone, try it. Regret is scarier than any mistakes.

[ElephantsAlways]

Thanks guys. :) I am romantically attracted to him. He found out that I was asexual by accident and took it to mean that I was aromantic--I think he understands that I'm not aromantic now, though.

I'm nervous about the potential for a ruined friendship, especially at our age, but I think he can be mature about it... I think I'll talk to him sometime soon. I'm definitely going to ease into this slowly and if anyone else has advice, I'd appreciate that as well. :)

I'm glad you guys are willing to help me with this--he's one of the only people in my life that knows I'm not conservative and that I'm asexual, and I think those are important factors in our relationship. I don't feel that there are many places I can go to for advice in this kind of situation. :)