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Medical friend asked me about medical exams and Aces, LGBT, add your perspective?


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I am completely uncomfortable with the concept of having anyone touching or looking at my genitalia.

I'm 29, agender (anatomically female) and asexual (never been sexually active). I used to get literature telling me I needed to have a smear test which would make me very anxious. I would argue with doctors (all of whom were male, I'm sorry to say) regarding my not having a smear test as there is no history of it in my family and my chances of getting cervical cancer are very small. Eventually I went to see my doctor about something completely different and she happened to ask if I would sign a form asking for all literature to be stopped. I was happy to do so and explained why I didn't want it and she was completely adamant that it would be an absolute violation given my personal circumstances.

I am now hoping to get a hysterectomy. My doctor seemed quite positive about it and has referred me to the gynaecologist who I see on Thursday. I am just hoping that he can see things the same way.

My sibling kept getting letters, too. Our mother was very naggy and eventually went to her own Doctor to ask about it. Turns out, if you haven't had sex, your risk is ridiculously low, so my sibling doesn't have to go now :)

Is there any proof of this? I really want it to be true because I don't think I could cope with an exam down there :(

Not sure. But I think it's because one of the major risks of cervical cancer is HPV, which you usually only get when you have sex (and like, you WILL get it, is pretty much what I've concluded - but it's not an STD), so by having never had having sex, you eliminate a huge amount of risk.

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RoseGoesToYale

I'm absolutely terrified of going to the gynecologist. Mostly because of the awful stories I've heard from family members (doctors trying to seduce patients, making lewd comments, etc.), which makes me kinda sad because I know a lot of men have worked hard to get where they are in the field of reproductive health, and they shouldn't be discredited because of a few bad doctors. The scariest thing for me, though, is that pretty much a complete stranger would be examining me down there. I feel that if I got to know the doctor first over a period of time that the exam would be a little less nerve-wracking.

Even before I knew I was ace, the sex/pregnancy question always bothered me. Every time I went to the school nurse for a stomach ache, she'd always ask first if I was pregnant or think I might be pregnant (which is ironic, because there was a giant poster in the office that said "Not Everyone Is Doing It!"). My main fear with doctors is that if I tell them I'm asexual, they won't take it seriously.

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I am completely uncomfortable with the concept of having anyone touching or looking at my genitalia.

I'm 29, agender (anatomically female) and asexual (never been sexually active). I used to get literature telling me I needed to have a smear test which would make me very anxious. I would argue with doctors (all of whom were male, I'm sorry to say) regarding my not having a smear test as there is no history of it in my family and my chances of getting cervical cancer are very small. Eventually I went to see my doctor about something completely different and she happened to ask if I would sign a form asking for all literature to be stopped. I was happy to do so and explained why I didn't want it and she was completely adamant that it would be an absolute violation given my personal circumstances.

I am now hoping to get a hysterectomy. My doctor seemed quite positive about it and has referred me to the gynaecologist who I see on Thursday. I am just hoping that he can see things the same way.

My sibling kept getting letters, too. Our mother was very naggy and eventually went to her own Doctor to ask about it. Turns out, if you haven't had sex, your risk is ridiculously low, so my sibling doesn't have to go now :)

Is there any proof of this? I really want it to be true because I don't think I could cope with an exam down there :(

Depends on what exam. STD/STI exams - yep, no reason. Pregnancy? Why? And cancer risk is pretty low (the most common cause is taken out, but there are other causes), but not impossible, so I wouldn't recommend NEVER having that checked. But, infections and other issues that can be detected with gyno exams are pretty common ailments which even virgins can get. And while usually an infection can be detected eventually without one, earlier detection means less risk of complication (and some complications can be serious).

Regardless though, you don't need one every year. Even if sexually active. And it is 10000000 % your decision to get it done, or to assume the risk of not being tested for things. Doctors should inform, not pressure.

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Also, I had to get my brain scanned a few months ago, and the nurse who was preparing me told me that I needed to take a pregnancy test. So I told her that I was a virgin and that there was no way I could be pregnant. She then went to speak to the doctor and they told her that I had to take the test anyway. Which of course made me extremely uncomfortable, mainly because I saw it as they just assumed that I was lying because surely if I'm a young female, I had to be having sex.

Either way, I was able to get out of taking it by signing a form that more or less said "I swear I'm not pregnant." The whole situation just made me uncomfortable.

If they were bluntly honest it probably would have made it a lot easier. Either the likely "Legally if you are carrying a baby and we perform this test and harm the baby, we can be sued, unless we have you take a pregnancy test and it comes up negative. So we want you to take this test to legally protect us from potential litigation. This legal protection doesn't take into account that you're asexual, unfortunately. You can also give us this same protection by signing a waiver form." This would make it clear that it's due to a crappy legal situation they get put into that they were insisting on the test.

Of course it might have been that they didn't believe you. "Sorry, based on your gender and age, we don't believe you that you don't have sex, because we think that you must have sex and probably just feel shameful or bad about it and are lying that you are a virgin. Therefore, we are insisting that you have the test." in which case you say "I'll show myself to the door." because doctors who are operating from an image of you rather than the real you are dangerous to be around.

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genderirrelevant

I'm really quite scared, to be frank. Im getting to the age where, whether or not im having sex, I will have to get an exam. I

I'm 50 and have never had "that" exam. I'd rather die. My doctor knows that. He's pretty cool. He believes me that I'm a virgin and agrees it's not really necessary for virgins who have no symptoms. I think he hasn't had any trans* patients before but he was supportive when I said I wanted top surgery. He asked a reasonable question about whether I was just afraid of breast cancer but I cleared that up right away.

I had to take my binder off for the consult with the surgeon who will do my top surgery and that was hard but I survived OK. I think it helped that I had already had a phone consult discussing photos I had sent. Taking the photos was bizarre but I was alone. Talking about my naked pics was bizarre but not face to face. Taking my shirt off for the pre-op assessment was bizarre but I knew I wasn't revealing anything new. In a month I will have beautiful scars in place of ugly lumps that lie about who I am.

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  • 3 months later...

I'm really quite scared, to be frank. Im getting to the age where, whether or not im having sex, I will have to get an exam. I dont want anyone to put me in that position--literally. I dont mind nudity at all, but laying on a table like that feels wrong. I don't like people even making direct references to my sex, so giving them direct contact is unfathomable. And im not sure if its already apparent or not, but being "tight" has about 20% to do with being a virgin. You're not /suppsed/ to be tight when anything is inserted, at all. When you're relaxed and comfortable, its supposed to be lax, easy. But I know that it won't be and I know it will hurt.

An asexual I follow on another social media website just had a hysterectomy because of what was found during their exam. Im on the same boat as this person, as they were slightly happy to get a hysterectomy, but I dont want to risk dying just because its not elective. And to not prevent a disease is irresponsible, completely, but I almost... Would rather. The entire procedure feels dated, like there should be other ways that dont involve forcibly opening the vagina with equipment. I will definitely be asking for sedative to relax by body or just put me out completely. I dont want to be awake for that. It would be A+ if that choice is available, and if the doctor is just chill about it. because i get unchill very quick when others make a deal of it.

This ^^^. So much this. I went to my family doctor today and I've had some spotting in the middle of periods (slightly graphic, my apologies) and she wants me to get a Pap Smear done. And I was adamantly opposed to it. The entire idea of it freaks me out so much. There's no way I think I'd be able to lay on a table and let someone go to town for one of those. No way I'd be able to relax and not freak out.

Like others have said, I'm completely fine with the idea of sex. Others can do what they'd like. I'd prefer for that to never deal with me though. So...I guess I'm not sure what to do.

Note: I'm sure most people are going to come in and say, "Suck it up, just get one." I know the pros of them. I know the chances of the diseases it can catch. But I don't understand why something so invasive is still the go-to procedure in this day and age.

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I've never been too uncomfortable with physical exams or Pap smears. I have an STD, so it's something I have to deal with. My mom has HPV and had cervical cancer, so I need to be cautious and I know that. I hate breast exams, but it's not unbearable. As far as all other medical exams, not involving sex organs, I am petrified. I had an absolute breakdown during my colonoscopy because I'm terrified of anesthesia. I survived and I did what I had to. I know it's for the best, so I just try to do what I have to to get through it. But, of course, that's just me. I don't even think my doctors have ever asked about my sexuality. They just assume "boyfriend-STD-straight" and that's it. It's irritating but I'm only gonna be there for 45 minutes and it's just better to let it go.

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I think this is one of those situations where ace people just have to accept the majority of people are sexual, and therefore the clinicians have to ask these questions. It's easy to answer the first (about STDs or whatever) with "I am not sexually active/I don't have sex/I am asexual so this does not apply to me", then the clinicians will get the memo. They are there to do their jobs, not cater to people's sensitivities. :P

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To be honest I'm 24 and I was never seen by a gynecologist. I keep asking at what age I'm supposed to go do some routine exams and all I'm told is "Come here about 3 months after you have had intercourse for the first time". Last time I actually asked my doctor what I had been wondering for a while "What if I never have sex in my life? I won't need to be seen by a gynecologist until I die?" to what she replied "Oh don't worry about it...". I'm pretty sure my doctor thinks that I'll eventually find "mr. right". Then again, I didn't come across the term asexual until I was 23, so I never really knew what to reply to those comments. Also, the fact that my mom was always on the doctor's office with me didn't help. I don't mind being brutally honest with doctors if I have to but, at the same time, I didn't want to disappoint/hurt my mom. But I already came out to my mom, she wasn't very understanding but I don't care, she knows and that's that. So, next time, I'll squeeze my doctor a bit more until I get an answer that actually tells me what I want to know. I mean, I know there are some intrusive exams gynecologists can't do if a woman is still a virgin, but there has to be something they can do :unsure:

As for pregnancy tests I had to do one because I have amenorrhea and I was stupid enough to interrupt my birth control pills to see if my menstruation was already regular ('cause I started taking it when I was around 14/15 and I was 23 already) and ended up not having my period for over 6 months. When the doctor said I'd have to take a pregnancy test before she could prescribe me more pills my reaction was "I find it quite hard to be pregnant being a virgin since my name is not Mary and besides, if I was 6 months pregnant shouldn't I have a pregnancy belly by now? <_<" to what she just shrugged and said "Can't be helped, it's protocol". Since the "pregnancy test" was only an ultrasound, I ended up sighing and agreeing to do it, but it wasn't totally useless, my doctor pointed out the ultrasound would allow us to know what impact not having had menstruated for so long could've had on my womb and ovaries and that made much more sense to me.

As for the HPV vaccine, all young girls took it in my country and I don't regret it, 'cause recent findings suggest it may also lower the chances of a woman having womb cancer and other types of cancer.

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Ms.Frankenstein

I had to have a X-ray the other day and all I was asked was when my last period was (I hate this question because I never know the answer off hand. Thanks to a combination of birth control pills and a mooncup, my period is such a complete non-event that I need to take care that I don't forget I'm having it and um...forget to take care of things.) She told me that if it's been more than three weeks I need to sign a form and I said "there's not a chance in hell... I haven't had sex in over a year and I'm a really bad pick for the next Virgin Mary." she laughed and we left it at that.

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freewill-gray

This is an interesting question to me both as an ace and as someone who's thinking about med school. I understand the need for going to the gyno (or whoever) regularly, but the thought does make me nervous, especially since I haven't been yet. It sounds rather awkward having someone poking around up in there, but they're professionals, so I guess I'll grin and bear it when the time comes.

It does freak me out that my options as far as being open with my healthcare providers are (a) say I'm not sexually active but get funny looks if/when I don't explain why, or (b) come out and risk being treated as if asexuality were a medical condition.

If I were a doctor, I'd maybe have literature geared toward health issues common in or specific to various GSM groups in my office. I'd also verbally tell my patients that I'm supportive of whatever concerns they might have surrounding their gender and sexual identities. (Of course, this is all in my imaginary world where doctors aren't crunched for time and can actually get to know their patients. :unsure: )

Unfortunately they are not proffesionals sometimes :/

i had a slight infection down there, so i went to gyno. I was reaaally nervous, cuz you know. someone poking there, and itt always hurts.

So when i stepped in i saw the male doctor, and a half dosen of students. (i was like jesus, everybody will be watching me)

The doc started to examine me, and it was painful, so the doc asked me if i had sex, and i said no, and

he asked how old am i. -.-

the fucker!

i said 20, and he made a fucking joke about it, like: "then i'll be the first one" and then "examined" me with two fingers, that hurted me even more

and all the students chuckled...

I was so embarrassed and humilated in front of all those people. i don't want to go there any more :/

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I've had several smear tests in the past, but each time it has been so painful that I can't face the thought of going any more. I think I'd be so tensed up they wouldn't even be able to complete the procedure. Unfortunately the nurse who does this procedure at my surgery is very unsympathetic.

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