Asexual men?

[oskietje]

I think there was one other at the RVK Pride, but other then him it's just me.

I've met an Icelandic asexual male expat, but as I say he was living abroad. Statistically in Iceland it's kind of rare, obviously because of limited populations, but out of every group of 200 people there should be about 1 male. ^_^

[Koriander]

I think there was one other at the RVK Pride, but other then him it's just me.

I've met an Icelandic asexual male expat, but as I say he was living abroad. Statistically in Iceland it's kind of rare, obviously because of limited populations, but out of every group of 200 people there should be about 1 male. ^_^

oh wow, that's aweosme :D I'm glad to hear there are more of us. xD

[MisterKrister]

I think most men don't think of the possibility of not being attracted to sex. When I first figured out I wasn't attracted to girls my mind went straight to thinking "well, guess I like boys". And when that proved to not to be the case I got really confused. I didn't believe I couldn't be attracted to someone unless there where something wrong with me.

So after some research I ended up with the conclusion that i might be a sociopath. That thought stayed in my head for a year before I found the term asexual by pure luck.

[Blue Phoenix Ace]

That sounds like a good poll question Mister. ;)

[Blue Phoenix Ace]

Here's the poll:

http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/123681-did-you-think-not-being-attracted-to-sex-was-possible-before-discovering-asexuality/

[Member 92789]

Perhaps the biggest problem I've experienced as an asexual from a social/community perspective is that if anyone, for any reason, is not sexually relevant to that community, they are not relevant in any other way, either. It's as if our sexual utility to that community is the foundational aspect to who we are as human beings, and if we cannot satisfy that requirement, we have no worth and do not belong at all.

I think this is probably true for both male and female asexuals (as specific to this conversation), and have no doubt at all that everyone along a non-straight sexual or gender spectrum may have felt this way as well. Those of us who are not straight and/or don't want sex at all simply don't compute, because we have no reproductive utility to the community.

I've felt that lack of relevancy as a woman in many ways and always attributed it to something else--not being beautiful enough, not being a member of the predominant religion, not being willing to engage in mating games, etc., etc. I imagine it's the same for men: It takes time to figure out what you're not feeling and then it takes even longer to figure out how to deal with that against the threat of becoming a social null. They don't measure us against other standards when it comes to defining us AS "men" or "women"...so where do any of us stand if we don't meet that measure?

I don't think women are seen so much as general demisexuals so much as neutral blank slates who only "become" women (and thus relevant) when we express sexual interest in a male or at least have the potentiality of doing so. Until then (or unless we do), we are pretty much invisible. While manhood and value tends to be more assumed for men...and who wants to give that up? I imagine that it's the difference (in straight eyes) between a caterpillar choosing to become a butterfly and a butterfly choosing to become a caterpillar.

That may explain why there are fewer men who identify as asexuals: They already hold the social cards, so letting go of those advantages would be enormously difficult. Biology may also play a part. If there are more women in the world to begin with, that 1% pulls fewer males from the population than it does females. That's just math. But it's the social part that's intriguing, and makes me wonder how many more men out there ARE asexual...but simply cannot or do not dare admit it.

Wow..great what you said here! I agree..society thinks we as men and women are worth nothing without sex. It's sad :(. We are all humans with emotions and we all want love. Why can't we as humans be fine with accepting one another and that were good enough with sex or without it. It's sad how people only value themselves in that aspect. Everyone is Beautiful! And yes I agree about the men..I believe there are men out there that haven't come out as one, because they are afraid. If I were them, id probably be afraid too. It's hard sometimes to be different and people look at you weird.

[Christina24]

also, you are mentioning people who have difficulty becoming aroused. I imagine people who can't get aroused in a sexual situation would wonder if they are different, male or female.

i'm referring to people who find themselves in a sexual situation and can get aroused. if it's fast, the guy is more likely to think he's normal and the woman is more likely to think it was bad sex. I don't mean, inherently for humans, I mean based off of the cultural picture of sex. culture makes sex seem like sweet orgasm, and the guy goes to have sex his first time he's likely to orgasm too soon. the girl goes for her first time, and she's likely going to behave in a way where her partner is the one giving her pleasure, and he'll likely be done too quickly for her to have pleasure.

so, the guy will think "this is better than masturbation" and the girl will think "this is unsatisfying"

also, based off of my experience, being amab guys have joked around and talked about masturbation and sex with me loads, but usually are pretty positive about it. girls have rarely spoken to me about sex or masturbation, and about half the times it's come up they were frustrated confused or disappointed. from that I assume that, it's more likely a girl is not happy with sex or masturbation, while it's more likely for a boy to assume he is normal.

I guess basically what I'm saying is, the "false negative" for a girl is higher than the average for all humans, and the "false positive" is lower. but for men it is actually the "false positive" that's higher, and the "false negative" that's lower.

paraphrased, from my observation of human culture and the behavior of past friends, I would say that more women think they are asexual when "really" they are not and less likely for women to think they are sexual when really they are sexual, while for men it is the opposite.

My parents didn't talk to me about masturbation. When I was young before the sex talk I tried but didn't know that there was a word for it. I only know what it is now due to tumblr years later. I tried again but have not found it pleasureable. As far as sex women genreally need more foreplay to get aroused so the vagina can expand & lubricate properly , without proper arousal sex can be painful. Women genreally need clitoral stimulation to orgasm which , penetrative sex doesn't provide. My atanomy registers arousal but my brain doesn't , I may be thinking about laundry or something else. I never have any desire to have sex or masturbate only curious because others were talking about it.

[Darkthrone]

I can relate to a lot of what has been said here. As my name tells you, I'm a sex repulsed sexual. I feel similarly around other guys when they talk about sex or when girls so sexual interest in me, I don't want the topic to be about sex nor do I want the sexual attention, but I feel pressured to. The last time I had sex I was basically pressured into it and I hated it, but what I dislike more is the fact that's considered normal.

[Dawg4280]

I think most men don't think of the possibility of not being attracted to sex. When I first figured out I wasn't attracted to girls my mind went straight to thinking "well, guess I like boys". And when that proved to not to be the case I got really confused. I didn't believe I couldn't be attracted to someone unless there where something wrong with me.

So after some research I ended up with the conclusion that i might be a sociopath. That thought stayed in my head for a year before I found the term asexual by pure luck.

I was playing with the idea that I was a sociopath too

[That asexual guy]

I think most men don't think of the possibility of not being attracted to sex. When I first figured out I wasn't attracted to girls my mind went straight to thinking "well, guess I like boys". And when that proved to not to be the case I got really confused. I didn't believe I couldn't be attracted to someone unless there where something wrong with me.

So after some research I ended up with the conclusion that i might be a sociopath. That thought stayed in my head for a year before I found the term asexual by pure luck.

I was playing with the idea that I was a sociopath too

I came across Schizoid Personality Disorder. And this is why it's so important for all sexual orientations to be discussed in places like sex education.

[dalekav]

it took me a long time to realize I was asexual beacause I was always curious about sex and wanted to try it, it wasnt until I had sex and realized im still not attracted to this person that I began to question my orientation. that and I have found women have sometimes rebuffed romantic advances with something along the lines of 'I dont want to have sex with you' perhaps because romantic and sexual attraction are so strongly linked in societies mind.

[012]

Hey hey,

I got a question for the guys here. I'd like to write something about Ace men, but since I'm not one I got problems with it some and would appreciate your help. As in last years survey we could see there are a lot fewer men on this website than women and I mean exactly those two binary genders for this purpose. For Trans folk I have made a different post and will still. Anyway, in last years survey there were fewer men than women, which can be deduced that perhaps fewer men come out as Aces and I have some idea on what difficulties they face, but I still don¨t know why. COuld it be that there jsut are fewer Ace men, which I don¨t really think, but then why is it so?

If you could help me understand a little I¨d be very grateful. If anything I have written sounded off, I am sorry, but I¨d like to get it right and not insult anyone there and here and give accurate information.

Society in general brainwashes us to think that males are all sex obsessed, so if you're not (or worse, not interested period) you're more likely as a male to not really share this information publicly. Like for me I haven't really told anyone. It took me a long time to fully realize myself. That might not make sense to you, but when I was a young person there wasn't really even a concept out there of asexual. Everyone was either straight, gay or bi and that was it. So since I wasn't attracted to males at all I was straight, and I guess I still am since I get crushes on females, I just don't want to "do anything" physically about it. So I've never really told anyone, and it'd be hard for people who know me to understand at this point in life and it doesn't seem worth it to me. Although I'd think my estranged wife would've caught on, since I never initiated it, which apparently is not normal for a male. Although we had a lot of other problems so maybe she just lumped that in with everything else. I don't know and I don't really want to ask her lol