RoseGarden Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 Hello community. So I was wanting a little input from anyone who has come out or is thinking about coming out as asexual. I actually heard the term asexual for the first time less than a month ago. For me, learning about asexuality for the first time was like just figuring out for the first time that I had hands. I wanted to go around yelling at everyone, "Oh my gosh! Look at this! Look! Did you know about this!? Why hasn't somebody told me about this before!?". Of course, I knew that probably wasn't the best way to go about starting a discussion with the people around me, obviously. And while I really do want to have this discussion with the people closest to me, I can't help but feel a little apprehensive about it. Just so you know, the first person I would tell would be my mother. She is, by far, the best friend I've ever had; and I know, without a doubt, that she would love me if I was a purple space alien with green hair (and yes, I know how lucky I am to have someone that supporting). I'm not so much worried about telling the people closet to me and having them abandon me. What I'm most worried about is having them look at or treat me differently. How can I convince them that I'm still the same goofy, sarcastic, fun loving person and that this part of me doesn't change who I am or how they should treat me? Any comments, perspectives, answers, or opinions would be welcome. Thank you. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
nutmeag Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 I'm right there with you. I don't plan on telling many people, as I'm already married and would just confuse everyone. However, I've told myself that I'm having The Talk with the husb tonight. I know he loves and adores me, but I'm still a bundle of nerves about it. Mostly because I know I'll bungle it and say it all wrong. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Scottthespy Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 When I want to talk to other people about asexuality, I try to subtely steer the conversation that direction...or wait for it to come up, in the form of "isn't so and so hot" or "why dont you have a husband yet?". Then I give some responce that prompts people to ask further questions, like "I wouldn't know" or "because I'm not into men...OR women." They ask questions, and I lead them through the questions. As for reassuring your friends and family that this doesn't change you, you just let them know this isn't a lifestyle, this isn't a choice, this isn't even something 'new', its just a word for something you've always had, always been. From there, you just keep being you, and they'll see on their own you haven't changed. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
GwendolynAngel83 Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 Hello and welcome RoseGarden :) As someone who is trying to become more and more openly ace I can say that, for me at least, coming out to my family was the hardest. For me, I'd been talking to my dad about my asexuality even before I had a word for it. Back then I was worried that there was something wrong with me and wanted his reassurance (which he readily gave) so when I found the word I rushed to tell him because it was such a relief. My mother was harder as I was very worried about her reaction. I pulled her off to the side with my dad and did my best to explain it to her. I was rather surprised that she took it so well (though I think it's a good deal because she spent years thinking I was going to come out as lesbian, which terrified her [she's a very conservative Christian]). I just went into her and dad's room, had them sit down, and proceeded to explain how I felt, how it had been this way as long as I could remember, and how it was a relief to finally have a proper word and understanding for it. My grandparents were hard as well, I was afraid if their reactions, but once again just pulling them to the side and explaining my orientation and what it meant to me went much better than I expected (and, to my surprise, my grandpa then proceeded to go and look up everything he could about asexuality. For Pete's sake, yesterday he came up to me, pointed at my ace ring, and told me he knew what that meant now). For my friends I started off with asking them if they'd ever head about asexuality (I've found that a it's far more common for people my age, early twenties, to know the term. If I didn't I proceeded to explain what it meant. If they did and had some confusion about it I tried to clear that up. Then I'd slip in things like 'we're a very open community', 'it's hard for people to understand sometimes, but we do our best to explain', and so on. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Hardly any Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 I was so relieved when I first told someone, but so far only a few of my friends know and, completely legitimately, they don't particularly care. Well, a couple people disbelieve in the existence of demisexuality, but forget them. I did have to express thanks to those who do not think I'm trash, because vocalizing what I'd long suspected about myself, even to just a few, has knocked my self-respect up a couple notches. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
whocaresthough Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 I've told two friends. 1. I told my best friend that I broke up with my bf, she asked why, and I told her that it was because I was ace. 2. I showed my friend my black ring and called it an ace ring, so he asked what an ace ring was. I sent him a wiki page about it, and vuola! Neither new what asexuality was, but both were extremely nice and caring and understanding. The first day of school, I'm going to wear an ace shirt, too, so that'll tell other people about it. I haven't told my parents yet, but I plan to tell my mom when she asks about my boyfriend. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
aThing Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 For me, learning about asexuality for the first time was like just figuring out for the first time that I had hands. I wanted to go around yelling at everyone, "Oh my gosh! Look at this! Look! Did you know about this!? Why hasn't somebody told me about this before!?". That's exactly what I did :redface: I texted a few friend: Do you know what asexuality is? Cause that's me! Most of them said yes witch was somewhat relieving but also frustrating because why didn't I know this earlier?! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Autumn Season Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 For me, learning about asexuality for the first time was like just figuring out for the first time that I had hands. I wanted to go around yelling at everyone, "Oh my gosh! Look at this! Look! Did you know about this!? Why hasn't somebody told me about this before!?". That's exactly what I did :redface: I texted a few friend: Do you know what asexuality is? Cause that's me! Most of them said yes witch was somewhat relieving but also frustrating because why didn't I know this earlier?! I know right! Now to the OP's question: I came out to my family, friends and I always come out to whoever wants to date me, if they are someone worth talking to anyway. What I understood was that coming out to my family and friends was not really necessary. It did make me feel better, but it didn't change our relationship at all. Nowadays I'm too lazy to come out to anyone else, even if it's a friend. Not everyone believed me and most were ignorant, but everyone was nice and they still treat me the same way they always treated me. (The only kind of person who annoys me, is the one who believes to know me better than I know myself.) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
RoseGarden Posted July 8, 2015 Author Share Posted July 8, 2015 Thanks for all the comments and advice guys (and girls and others)! I was actually able to do it! I got the words out. She had some questions, of course. And I did my best to explain how I felt about things. But it went pretty well. And after, she gave me a big hug. Thankfully, she's not treating me any differently. I think that makes me feel the best. Hopefully, coming out to my sister and best friend go just as well. And remember this when coming out!: It's okay for people to have questions for you, it's not okay for people to question who you are! Thanks again! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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