Anyone stop having crushes once you knew you were Ace?

[Smoochynose]

I'm not sure it was because I discovered my asexuality or because I was finally leaving the hormonal teenage years stage, either way I haven't had a crush since then. Anyone else experience this?

[Boo Cat]

In my experience, I didn't have crushes, I had squishes. But I THOUGHT they were crushes because I didn't realize other people felt something different than me. So yeah, I technically stopped having "crushes" when I discovered asexuality, because I knew what they're really called. Having a big squish is pretty rare for me anyways.

[Ruqiah]

I never had crushes either. I'm not sure what the emotions are called for a queer platonic relationship, but that's what I always felt. No sex, no romance, but just an extremely intense desire for a close friendship.

My desire for a romantic relationship did go down though, once I realised that I'm just as happy as I am. I used to want to date like everyone else did, or have someone "love" me, but it was more to fit in than anything else. To be normal. Now, I'm perfectly content as I am, with no desire and plan to date or marry.

[Smoochynose]

I'm not sure if my crushes were crushes or something more queer platonic. I don't think they were just plain squishes though as I imagined being together and maybe raising a family together. However since discovering my asexuality my ideal relationship would probably have me and my partner/zucchinni/thing having separate bedrooms, cuddling whilst watching movies, and an adopted kid or two... not exactly traditional. However I'm also not in a bug rush to go out and find that with someone. I'm happy being just me for now.

[Gonzo79]

Yes - but my crushes were never natural, I used to select someone to fixate upon and make myself have a crush on them just so I'd be 'normal'...

In what universe that behaviour would ever be considered normal I don;t know but before I discovered Asexuality was a real thing I was kind of a fruitcake, I mean seriously I was nuts.

Finding out (and accepting) my asexuality is real and not a symptom of a medical condition was just wonderful because it meant I didn't have to seek and crush any longer. The freedom from this is just wonderful and it's also had the added side benefit of stopping people from crushing on me!

I don't know how because actually since accepting my Asexuality I've become physically more attractive, emotionally more confident and stable and just an all round better person. I guess though I must be subconsciously sending out the MC Hammer pheromones (you can't touch this...) and I haven't had a single unwanted advance since, and that has been really liberating!!

[Smoochynose]

I guess though I must be subconsciously sending out the MC Hammer pheromones (you can't touch this...)

I need something about MC Hammer pheromones on a t-shirt.

[Gonzo79]

Hmm maybe I should say The MC Hammer Pheromone™

anyone sees it on a t shirt I want 20% ;)

[Ace-TheTimelordsCompanion]

Another aro-ace checking in. Yes I think so, sort of. My feelings were across between aesthetic attraction, I might really like someone's hair or eyes etc. Oooh, a nice pair of eyes *swoons*

And a desire for freindship or in extreme cases a squish.

I then took these and set out to convince myself I ws a hormonal heterosexual girl with a crush.

My social anxiety helped me out by giving me all the symptoms of a crush, from gabbled speach to flushed cheeks, and the more aware of it I was the worse it became.

And when I realised what I am i stopped fanning the fire and let it dwindle. I think my anxiety was worse with guys (making me think i had a crush) because i was terriffied of someone thinking i was flirting with someones man

[*a*rteest]

I am aro ace and have always been strongly heteroaesthetic (drawn to men, but I can see beauty in either sex) but have always ooh and aahed over things like Chippendales because that's what was..sort of...expected of me. Now that I know ace is a "thing" I just go "meh, they're paid to be pretty." In retrospect my "crushes" were not what everyone else around me had...I think i am drawn to personalities and personality traits, and as already mentioned, a bit of aesthetic attraction...because sometimes they were not even a squish. But sometimes yes, rarely they were in fact a desire for deep friendship + aesthetic attraction.

It was liberating finding out about aceness and being myself!!

[hamilton]

I've stopped having crushes since I realized that what I usually want out of a romantic relationship is different than what others want (i.e. sex). I think my brain has simply given up on being attracted to others.

[LiviaHyde7]

I never had crushes on anyone really

[Bowie187]

I always have crushes I just don't say anything in case that person likes me too and wants a relationship or just sex (which for me is basically the same because I can't imagine anyone would agree to having a relationship without sex) :(

[fuzzipueo]

To be honest, I never thought about crushes until I started reading romance novels shortly after I turned 39. Then I got really confused. I was never part of the whole friendship-group thing where everyone was pushing everyone else to get a boy/girlfriend, so it never occurred to me to pay attention. Thankfully, that's cleared up now that I have a fairly firm handle on my orientation. I do have a permanent not quite crush on a friend, though I suspect it's actually more a very strong squish (or at least the way I understand squishes. All these new terms are still spinning in my head).

[SkyPotion]

I had crushes a lot when I was younger, but looking back, they all seemed be more squishes-people I'd found aesthetically attractive and wanted to be better friends with-or I felt more that I was supposed to have a crush, and therefore supplemented it at random in my head. Now that I've realized that it's not something that's required of me, and it's fine that I don't really find people attractive, I've stopped having them. I mean, I still have squishes, but the distinction is clearer. I know now that all I want is a friendship with that person, and it's a little easier.

[eringrey]

I had a lot of crushes before I knew I was ace and a lot of squishes after but yeah I have a lot fewer crushes now. I think it's because a lot of my earlier "crushes" weren't actually romantic in nature. However I have had one crush since I realized I was ace and it's very different from my many squishes. For me it's a very clear, "I want to be with this person all the time and they're beautiful and I think we could have an incredible life together" kind of feeling.

[eringrey]

Yes - but my crushes were never natural, I used to select someone to fixate upon and make myself have a crush on them just so I'd be 'normal'...

Those incredible MC Hammer Pheromone's aside, I have the exact same experience with forcing myself to have a crush or a partner or a hookup to be 'normal'. I would manufacture sexual attraction or romantic feelings when there was only aesthetic appreciation, friendship, or even nothing there. It was incredibly unhealthy but I'm much lighter and brighter now as well.

[Gonzo79]

haha it is so fantastic to read about everyone here and see the similarities!!

I've been thinking about this quite a bit since the other day and apologies folks I lied in my first post, I actually do get crushes still but never on 'real' people, only fictional characters. However, I know that if they were real (or I met the actor that played them) I really wouldn't like them at all in that way.

Don't get me wrong, they're not crazy stalker obsessions where I create a shrine to that person, shave an image of their face into the back of my head, write to them every day in my own tears and then try to stab them with a carrot at a book signing.

They're just a really nice little thing my brain does to slip me extra endorphins (or whatever those hormones are that make you feel good), sometimes I dream about them and when I wake up I am incredibly happy (first because of the dream and second because they're not really here so I don't have to clean up after them).

[skyemeadow]

Yes - but my crushes were never natural, I used to select someone to fixate upon and make myself have a crush on them just so I'd be 'normal'...

In what universe that behaviour would ever be considered normal I don;t know but before I discovered Asexuality was a real thing I was kind of a fruitcake, I mean seriously I was nuts.

Finding out (and accepting) my asexuality is real and not a symptom of a medical condition was just wonderful because it meant I didn't have to seek and crush any longer. The freedom from this is just wonderful and it's also had the added side benefit of stopping people from crushing on me!

I don't know how because actually since accepting my Asexuality I've become physically more attractive, emotionally more confident and stable and just an all round better person. I guess though I must be subconsciously sending out the MC Hammer pheromones (you can't touch this...) and I haven't had a single unwanted advance since, and that has been really liberating!!

I experienced something similar.

After acknowledging that I didn't have much sexual drive, I realised that all those "crushes" and people I thought I was attracted to were forced feelings. I was constantly looking for someone that would excite me physically and emotionally because I thought that was what I was supposed to do. That it would make me "normal".

[Skipper Valvoline]

I stopped having crushes before I learned I was asexual, but weirdly enough my romantic attraction has greatly decreased since finding out. I simply feel no desire to date even though I still imagine having a relationship (which is why I still consider myself romantic and not aromantic). It's hard to tell, though, if this is just from asexuality, or the sense of closure I got after my last relationship (when it ended I felt 'done' not in a negative way, but in the sense of "well, I can check dating off of my list, what's next?" I felt complete). Either way, I've mulled on this topic a lot.

[Melody.ExE]

Yes - but my crushes were never natural, I used to select someone to fixate upon and make myself have a crush on them just so I'd be 'normal'...

[snip]

Basically this -- I often forgot who I was supposed to have a crush on, oops!

Blame the people who used to tell me "That's not fair! I told you who I like, so you have to tell me who you like!! You can't not have a crush on someone!" (Errrrm, I spoke to a guy in my maths class once, so him??)

[El-not-so-ace]

I wish... :(