Lord Jade Cross Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 I hope I don't receive hate for this but I do believe that you own them something. You see, your family lineage is in your hands if you are the last descendant, so it makes sense that you need to have children in order for the family tree to keep growing. Nevertheless, I don't see the point of having children without wanting them. Not loved kids never end well. An interesting perspective but I think your last two sentences are nearly hitting the nail on the head there. Perhaps we do owe something to our parents, but surely we have a duty to our potential children to love and care for them? If we don't want them then we can't do that. It would be happier for everyone (save perhaps OUR parents) to have no children at all than to have unwanted ones. I think it's similar to parents wanting their kids to become lawyers or doctors or whatever. They can want as much as their lives but at the end of the day once you're an adult they (and you) should not feel like they can control you. I don't feel like I owe my parents anything; I didn't ask for them to bring me into the world but they did anyway. Sometimes my mum makes me feel guilty by saying stuff like "do you know how much you've cost me over the years?!" but actually that's not my fault - she's the one who wanted a child and she's the one who had to deal with the responsibility that came with that. God i hate when mine have said that to me. The worst part being that if you say "well i didnt ask to be born" it resonates as a kind of insult, even when its true because THEY are the ones who decided to have sex, carry a kid and raise it. They could have gotten an abortion or given up for adoption but they stuck with the kid and then its the kid's fault/responsibility? For all their high and mighty act, parents behave no different than children throwing tantrums. And theyre supposed to be our role models pfft. Link to post Share on other sites
TeddyMiller Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 I don't have to worry about that; my brother and sister are both married with children, so no pressure on me. Link to post Share on other sites
Syvus Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 No and i am glad that my little brother had kids so my parents have stopped pestering me about family kids and forcing their life style on me. Link to post Share on other sites
Alakai Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 I believe we do not owe our parents grandchildren, I think as soon as we become an adult and become responsible for ourself, all our decisions will impact in our lives, not theirs. We all are responsible for our happiness, therefore it is not our job make them happy. We maybe owe our parents a lot of things but grandchildren isn't one of them. Link to post Share on other sites
Waist of Thyme Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 No. Children are people with people needs, and parents demanding "We want grandchildren!" is selfish. It only focuses on the parents' desire for grandchildren, and not the following factors 1) Are you capable physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially of taking care of a child? 2) Do you have other responsibilities that may get in the way of raising a child, or that raising a child may get in the way of? 3) Do you want children? If you don't, you probably won't be able to fully provide/care for the child emotionally because you only had the child out of obligation. There are very few circumstances in which anyone "owes" anyone else anything. They are 1) If you buy something, you owe the money it costs. If you barter for goods, you owe the good you agreed to exchange it for. 2) If you have a deal where you do something for someone else and that person does something for you, you both owe each other the favor you agreed to. 3) If you're in a club, group, community, etc. you owe your obedience to the rules. 4) If Satan offers to make you rich/talented/successful/etc. in exchange for your soul and you agree to it, you owe Satan your soul. Link to post Share on other sites
SorryNotSorry Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 So I've been spoon feeding my asexuality to my mom and I'm getting the usual stuff of she was the same way when she was younger and that I'll get over it and then I mentioned that if I wasn't with my current boyfriend, I would be so quick to be in another relationship. She started the lonely lines and then uttered that she wanted grandchildren. I mentioned adoption and that didn't go well either. Do I really owe her children? I don't think I do, but how do I get around this? BTW I am 23 and will be moving out soon. But I'm very close to my family. FYI family members do tend to take it rather badly when we answer their pleas for grandkids with the A-word. Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 You don't owe your parents grandchildren. But it's not unnatural for them to want them, because compared to kids which are a hard slog (no matter how wonderful they are), grandchildren are just fun (except for people who have to raise their grandchildren). Just live your life and eventually they'll realize it's not going to happen. You don't have to explain why. Link to post Share on other sites
Sisky Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 It's ok for parents to want grandkids. But the same parents taught you you can't have everything you want, so... :) Link to post Share on other sites
Daisie Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 Yes! Tons and tons. If you're my child, that is. :) Just kidding. One of my daughters is asexual, and I already know that she's not giving me grandkids. Another daughter of mine already had one and placed her for adoption. One daughter wants children, and my son isn't sure about sexuality or gender yet, he's only 13. As much as I would love a million grandchildren to love, I love my children above all else, and their happiness is worth more than forcing them to live a way that wouldn't fit for them. Link to post Share on other sites
HypocryteHater Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 Nearly 7 billions of bipeds destroying the planet -- every single one that is not conceived, born, and and raised is a benefit! If your mother is so much into brats, why don't you suggest she volunteers in some kind of shelter or institution where the excess is housed? That should cure her. Link to post Share on other sites
Ehyn Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 You don't owe her anything. Especially not a responsibility as large as children. Link to post Share on other sites
StillFiguringItAllOut Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 I am incredibly greatful to and for my parents. I seriously lucked out in that department. I owe them respect and gratitude and love. Because of this I help them out when they ask me to. Whether that is helping them around their house or coming over for dinner every Sunday even though there are a dozen things I would rather be doing. I do not however owe them grandchildren. Link to post Share on other sites
wicked Posted September 11, 2015 Share Posted September 11, 2015 I told my mom straight out that I am NOT having kids. I like kids, I'm a teacher. But I don't want them. My coworkers tease me that I'm a baby hater -_- Link to post Share on other sites
El-not-so-ace Posted September 12, 2015 Share Posted September 12, 2015 If they wanted grandkids, they should have made more kids to increase their chances of being grandparents... >_> I wanted to get my grandmother great grandkids before because she's still relatively young... but being a single ace, I decided that she'll have to make due with my ferret instead (her great grandferret!)! Link to post Share on other sites
Whatever123 Posted September 12, 2015 Share Posted September 12, 2015 No one should be guilt tripped into having a kid. A child changes your entire life and some people just don't want that. Personally I would love to be a mom someday, but that is my choice and my parents opinion has nothing to do with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Kalyke Posted September 12, 2015 Share Posted September 12, 2015 Unless you are royalty, no, you don't owe anyone children. Electric Lady, if you are still reading this thread. The Bible was written about a time when very few people populated the land. I do not per say believe in Genesis, but if it is accurate, there were 2 people on Earth. Since Adam and Eve's kids met up with someone and it looks like cities already existed, I would say a few million. This is not like today, where the world is dangerously overpopulated. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted September 12, 2015 Share Posted September 12, 2015 Unless you are royalty, no, you don't owe anyone children. Electric Lady, if you are still reading this thread. The Bible was written about a time when very few people populated the land. I do not per say believe in Genesis, but if it is accurate, there were 2 people on Earth. Since Adam and Eve's kids met up with someone and it looks like cities already existed, I would say a few million. This is not like today, where the world is dangerously overpopulated. I do believe in Genesis and that the bible is accurate. Yes, God gave people the command to go on and multiply so thats why its completely normal to have the desire to have kids of your own. I say that it isnt mandatory for everyone to go on and have kids just because God commands us to, look at how many children there are in this world who are orphans or cant even live with theyre parents due to difficult situations in theyre lives, let be the ones in foster care.The fact that the world is dangerously overpopulated is a bit exxagerative, thats not a reason to say that the bible isnt accurate, that command was definetly not given because there were only a few million people in the world back in these days. I have walked around for way too long thinking that it was my goal to go on and multiply while i knew i wasnt able to take care of children by myself, I have gone trough a serious grieving period just because i felt i let my parents down but later when i was told it was better for me not to have children and that there is a blessing for those who dont have children i was finnaly able to have peace with myself my parents know i cant have kids and they still are happy with me and they dont love me lesser then they did before they knew it. I dont think that people should be forced to have children for the sake of theyre parents wanting to be grandparents if you love your child then you dont guilt trip them into having kids, its theyre choice if they want to have them or not. Kids arent a toy you buy in the local store so you can send it back once you are done with them or if they arent the way you expected them to be, there is no such thing like a baby like the ones on the diaperbox pictures. You dont have kids because its a command to go on and mulitply but you have them because you want them and are ready to become a parent, its normal to have the urge to have kids of your own but its better not to have them if you know you arent capable to take care of them. When you decide to have a child they are here for life and they will need your love, dedication and attention for the rest of your life, you are a parent for life and you alone as a parent are responsible for them with all the consequences that come along with them So if you dont want kids then dont have them because there already are enough kids who live in misery, nobody should force you into having kids if you are not ready for them. Link to post Share on other sites
Qloshae Posted September 12, 2015 Share Posted September 12, 2015 I will say what I always say in topics like this. You. Don't. Owe. Anyone. Anything. For. Having. Done. Nothing. Having a child does not mean that they owe you. You made that choice on your own, a decision they had no part in and if they do not want a child or whatever the topic might be about, that is their choice and they do not "owe" you anything. The relationship is in contrast to popular belief opposite. It is the parents that owe their children because you brought them into this world, something that would be impossible to consent to. As such, you owe it to your children to make their life as good as possible so that when you are dead, your children will remember you by how you stood beside them, helping, but not restraining, and not by your demands and expectations. If you do not want to have a child, that is your choice and yours alone. Link to post Share on other sites
Stormwolf Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 If they wanted grandchildren, they should have put their eggs in more than one basket. If they blame me for not reproducing, I can blame them for not doing so more than 1 time :) Link to post Share on other sites
Mostly Peaceful Ryan Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 It's fine for them to want grandchildren but you don't owe them any. Link to post Share on other sites
the trash lord Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 No! Of course not. Just because our parents had us, doesn't mean we owe them grandchildren. That's just selfish of them to think that! My mom is 100% convinced that I'm going to want kids when I'm older. Just because I'm a teenager, doesn't mean all of my opinions are going to change! I could go on and on about how awful babies are, and how I'm not having any, and her response would be "That will change when you have your own baby!". SERIOUSLY?! I JUST SAID I DONT WANT ANY! She acts like my opinion doesn't matter. But I don't care what she thinks, I'm not having kids just because she wants grandbabies. And besides, people having kids they don't want just leads to more children being abandoned, abused, or killed. I'm not going to suffer nine months of having a parasite living in my body just because my mom wants me to, and no one should have to. My mom's selfish and stupid behavior is one of the many reasons I haven't come out to her as ace yet! Link to post Share on other sites
Darth Tribble Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 You don't owe them grandkids. My parents act like they did me a favor by bringing me into existence, and so I owe them for that. I'm sex repulsed, which is the primary reason why I probably won't be giving them grandkids. The burden is especially bad for me since I am the only biological child amongst eight other siblings, and since I'm male, I'm the only one who can pass on my dad's last name. Link to post Share on other sites
Ashmedai Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 Locking this, since it's a year and a half old. If you want to keep talking about this, feel free to start a new thread. Tal Shi'ar Co Mod for Q&A Link to post Share on other sites
_01_ Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 No, no, no. She wants to manage your ass or what? You don't owe anyone anything. Link to post Share on other sites
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