Do we really owe our parents grandchildren?

[Guest]

Joining in with the choir of no.

Still have to say, I know from experience that it kind of stings knowing you've disappointed the very frst expectation given to you in your life. My birth announcement in the newspaper was "Announcing the birth of their Stammhalter: [etc.]", the German word meaning son and heir, with strong connotations of "upholding the family lineage", with my son one day being the next Stammhalter.

Rationally, I know it's patently unfair to load a two days old baby with such an expectation, and it's 100% my dad's fault/responsibility, not mine. Emotionally... well, it can just say, it still stings, just a lot less than it did 20 years ago.

[The Maple Leaf Forever]

You don't owe your parents grandchildren. The idea of owing anyone children or grandchildren is ludricrous (and a bit chilling). A person is not something to be used, which is how they are viewing these grandchildren. Children are people, not chattel used to settle debts. They should be brought into this world ideally through free choice, responsibly, and by someone with the means to raise them well. (And, no, love alone is NOT enough.)

Nicely put. Not only do people have every right to choose how they will live their lives and what to do to their body, also for the sake of the potential child, one should never have one due to any kind of external pressure - social norms, expectations from parents, or otherwise. Giving children the upbringing they deserve is not an easy task and if a child is not 100% wanted, which can be expected when someone has one due to external pressure, the chances are high that the parenting will to a greater or lesser extent be deficient.

[andreas1033]

No, there is more than enough people in the world.

In the past males played a role in society that brought kids into the world. Today with over population and feminism, you do not have to bring kids in any more. There is more than enough to cover what you are not doing.

So, i am glad i will never be no daddy, and glad it never crossed my mind, or was anything i wanted. The world is full of sex mad people, let them over populate the world.

Your all welcome to do that if you want, but i am glad i will not be.

Also one thing i would say on this. Is that males have there sexual peak at around early 20's, and females have theres at around 30. This is the best time if your going to have kids, as your ennergies are at there peak. Everyones sexual peak is different, but if you are someone with sexual drives, consider what is your best time to have kids, if you want them.

Just glad i never had no sex drive.

[Ioras]

Omg, that topic is hard for me.

My father did this thing for years where he said that he wants grandchildren. My mother seems to be more knowing about the things I don't want (without saying anything), so she's not putting any pressure.

Only after a very firm 'It's my body and I do what I want with it' did he stop saying it.
To me, that was an awful kind of harassment. It still doesn't sit well with me. And it never will.

Especially as a woman it annoys me that people all around tell me this crap about that I have to have children at some point or that I would change my mind about it.
How about no. How about they all put their noses elsewhere. It's a problem with our society, really, that people try to dictate what you have to do when you're young. I hate it.

[FiddleKid]

They definitely won't be getting any from me so it's up to my brother to further the family name.

[Schattenschatz]

I actually get really angry whenever parents say anything about wanting grandchildren. First of all it's absolutely none of their business what their adult offspring choose to do with their lives/bodies. Secondly, I hate hate HATE the culture of expecting everyone to be parents someday. There are some people who really want to be parents and do a great job of it, but there are many others who are indifferent to the idea or don't really want children but ended up having kids anyway because it's just 'what you do.' In a sense I feel like being childfree is like being asexual; some people have always felt that they don't want children but with everyone constantly telling them they will and SHOULD have kids one day, they don't realize they even have the option of never becoming parents. And thirdly, the world is already overpopulated. Anyone obsessed with carrying on their genetic line when species go extinct every day is selfish and, in my opinion, kind of stupid. Adoption is the best way to become a parent in this day and age.

[Rising Sun]

Adoption is the best way to become a parent in this day and age.

Sorry to be off-topic, but...

Except that conditions make adoption so incredibly difficult, and even for couples who satisfy such conditions, the process to adopt is so incredibly long and hard to bear, that most couples still prefer a biological child. Some people can't adopt just because they're not married, but they would make wonderful parents, so the poor child in an orphanage will never have them as parents just for that stupid detail. Plus, some people don't want to adopt simply because they fear that their child will never consider them as his parents and will only love his biological parents as parents forever. (And I guess I can't even count the number of completely stupid conditions required to adopt a child, if I count all conditions in all countries)

Anyway, it's not as if being a parent weren't a privilege. Not everyone will have the opportunity to have kids, and a minority of people are monsters who should definitely never have kids. That's life.

[allrightalready]

thread tl:dr

i am just going to go out on a limb where many may hate me and just say no

[Tanzanite]

Personally, I sure don't think so since I think there's more to life than love, sex, and starting families. I wouldn't be able go through with that because that would make me question a few things:

1. Am I not good enough for you or something?

2. Why's it so important to you?

3. If I'm already happy with where I am, why should I change my lifestyle for your desire for grandkids?

4. It's my body, shouldn't this be up to me to decide whether I want kids or not?

5. What if I don't want kids?

etc.

Luckily my parents aren't this way, so they'll be spared by my sassy wrath.

[deltaX]

I have to agree with the majority of this thread and say that you never own anybody children. You should only have children if you want to, because you're the one who will have to go through the process of having and raising the child. It isn't fair to yourself (or to your potential child) to become a parent when you don't want to, just because you feel like you owe someone.

That doesn't mean the comments about wanting grandchildren will stop, but hopefully as time goes on they will become less.

[Lord Jade Cross]

So long as the OP is around family, chances are they wont stop, ever; the same for society. This idea is so grossly indoctrinated and so popularized that, not to mention that a great deal of people are mindless followers, that straying away from it, will cause these reactions time and again.

[TheBeatlesPkmnFan42]

No, not at all. Too bad for the parents if they can't deal with it, it's our lives, not theirs.

[nikarose7]

I'm going to revive this :)

I was talking to my dad a few weeks ago and he out of the blue said how much he was looking forward to having grandchildreon one day. I asked him why he wanted grandkids and he sort-of-but-not-really said "because you have good genes to pass on!". Sadly though, I have no intention of ever being pregnant. I may adopt older children. I may just rescue dogs. Who knows? That said, I think my dad wants me to be happy more than anything. Eventually we will have to have a conversation, but not yet. Today, he can keep that dream. My dad is pretty open to gays, bisexuals, and even would probably support polygamous relationships (dad and I are Libertarians), so I don't think Ace is going to be too hard for him. We will see though. I think when the time comes, he will adore adopted children. I want to adopt them soon enough to where he gets years with them and they get years to realize what a great man he is. I just thought this was interesting as it has come up for me lately as well.

[Prairie]

If it's really about genes, say that you're donating some eggs.

[Guest]

If it's really about genes, say that you're donating some eggs.

...and then buy a few packs of chicken eggs in the supermarket and give them to a local soup kitchen or something, if you're worried about having been dishonest. ;)

[Lord Jade Cross]

That work for males too? Cuz I'd buy a truckload if it meant getting mine off my back.

[Gotsu]

I hope I don't receive hate for this but I do believe that you own them something. You see, your family lineage is in your hands if you are the last descendant, so it makes sense that you need to have children in order for the family tree to keep growing. Nevertheless, I don't see the point of having children without wanting them. Not loved kids never end well.

[Lover Of Cats And Cake]

We don't owe our parents grandchildren at all! They brought us into this world, but they don't get to decide what we do with our time here

[Lord Jade Cross]

I hope I don't receive hate for this but I do believe that you own them something. You see, your family lineage is in your hands if you are the last descendant, so it makes sense that you need to have children in order for the family tree to keep growing. Nevertheless, I don't see the point of having children without wanting them. Not loved kids never end well.

Brother, sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins; seems like a lot of people to keep a family tree alive.

But before that, the world doesnt run on lineages anymore, unless youre part of the dying monarchic families.

So I dont think we own our parents anything like children. Gratitude maybe or help with chores when they become unable to do it themselves but paying them with children (apart from sounding like slave trading in practice), not a chance.

[Guest]

No. Your body, your money, at least 18 of your life devoted to raising them, your choice! They can want grandchildren as much as they please, but you are in no way obliged to bow to their wishes, and they have no right to in anyway pressure you. The one time my mum mentioned her hopes for grandchildren my response was "You probably won't be getting any from me" and that's that.

I hope I don't receive hate for this but I do believe that you own them something. You see, your family lineage is in your hands if you are the last descendant, so it makes sense that you need to have children in order for the family tree to keep growing. Nevertheless, I don't see the point of having children without wanting them. Not loved kids never end well.

Hmm, I think there might be some cultural differences coming through in this, but here upholding family lineages and family trees is such an outdated concept that it sounds rather ridiculous. We don't live in the 19th Century an more!

Unless you are sure you can love your child, have the resources to raise them, and are absolutely sure you have the commitment to devote the next two decades of your life to ensuring that they will grow into decent human beings, don't have one!

[Philip027]

I hope I don't receive hate for this but I do believe that you own them something. You see, your family lineage is in your hands if you are the last descendant, so it makes sense that you need to have children in order for the family tree to keep growing.

Stuff that might be "important" to the parents is still not necessarily the kid's responsibility.

It's a relevant sort of thing for me too, because I'm an only child and as far as I know my dad doesn't have any male siblings, or ones with kids. (I could be mistaken, but I don't care enough about the issue to find out.) I, for one, couldn't give a rat's ass about family lineage. I won't be losing any sleep if any tree branches end with me.

If I ever have a kid it's going to be on the terms of me and my partner, not because I felt I owed my parents anything.

[andreas1033]

I hope I don't receive hate for this but I do believe that you own them something. You see, your family lineage is in your hands if you are the last descendant, so it makes sense that you need to have children in order for the family tree to keep growing. Nevertheless, I don't see the point of having children without wanting them. Not loved kids never end well.

No, not me. You have no obligation to anyone, you did not ask to be born, but you can choose not to breed. If your asexual, thankfully you will not be breeding so it does not matter.

A person has no obligation to any family tree, thats nonsense. The world is over populated by around 5 billion at least.

[Philip027]

A person has no obligation to any family tree, thats nonsense. The world is over populated by around 5 billion at least.

And you know, even if it wasn't overpopulated, it still wouldn't be any of our responsibilities to try and fix.

[Lord Jade Cross]

There is nothing to fix. Even if we were 5 billion shorter today, who says that we need to keep the world 5 billion people more inhabited? The way I see it, the world needs a decreased population percentage as well as the ceasing of a great deal of factories that have damaged the ecosystem severely. Humanity survive millenias ago with no electricity, indoor pluming or ready to go meals. Whhat is making us incapable of surviving now is not nature, its our arrogance and greed.

[Corretto]

I was rendered redundant by my father, long ago, at assisting in peer production. The subject never came up. My inadequacy must have been identified by my 20's.

On odd occasions I've wondered what I lacked as a potential parent of his grand-children. He has indirectly expressed his wish for his/our family name to be maintained. He must have been relieved that my sister subsequently provided a nuclear-normal family; but further disappointed that both her children were daughters.

Final respite came when a distant nephew of mine fathered a boy...*sigh*our name would remain.

[Altia]

No one owes their parents grandchildren.

It's just one of those mentality things. Like when you get excited to be a big sibling, an aunt/uncle, or become an adult or of drinking age, etc. To some it's a sign that they done right in raising their children. Like others said, a continuation of the blood line - which for the longest time was the goal of life. If it's the whole idea of the blood line continuing I can understand why some would be upset if their child adopted but at the same time they should be excited to add this new person into the family. If their child does not want anything to do with children at all then the parents do need to respect that wish regardless of how disappointed they may feel on missing out on something they may have looked forward too.

Grandchildren are something some people very much look forward to but in the end it is the parent's child's choice.

[Cimmerian]

I don't think we owe parents grandchildren. They already had the "joys" of children, and while I understand why they would want grandchildren--- who wouldn't prefer to have children to spoil and enjoy the good of, and then send home at the end of the day-- there are other ways to have that kind of experience, even if they wouldn't then be "yours" by blood.

Besides, owing someone a person? No. It's more than carrying on a line, it's putting a huge responsibility and commitment on their children, and that I do not believe can be owed to your parents simply because you were born because they wanted children in the first place.

I'm close with my family also, but I've told them for years that I don't plan on having children. They chose to ignore that for a while but most of them have come around. If you have any additional reasoning for not wanting kids, then mentioning that when you talk to them helps sometimes. For instance, I've been around kids for a long time so I know what it takes to raise them and that does not fit in with the lifestyle that I want for myself. Some of the things I value most are my alone time and the ability to change plans quickly or go somewhere else at the drop of a hat; I can't reasonably do that with children. Being restricted or feeling forced into a commitment drives me nuts and makes me miserable and I'm concerned that I would resent having kids--even if I loved them. I would never want my child to feel resented-- kids are very good at picking up on feelings-- so I can't have kids knowing that it wouldn't be fair to them or to me.

[Bad Name]

No, you don't owe them children IMO, but if they want you to have children you should just be like; No.

[Prairie]

I hope I don't receive hate for this but I do believe that you own them something. You see, your family lineage is in your hands if you are the last descendant, so it makes sense that you need to have children in order for the family tree to keep growing.

I appreciate you sharing a view despite you thinking that a herd would attack it. Why do family lineages matter? It's a last name, some genes, family abuse patterns, and some family culture that gets passed down.

[Orchid]

I hope I don't receive hate for this but I do believe that you own them something. You see, your family lineage is in your hands if you are the last descendant, so it makes sense that you need to have children in order for the family tree to keep growing. Nevertheless, I don't see the point of having children without wanting them. Not loved kids never end well.

An interesting perspective but I think your last two sentences are nearly hitting the nail on the head there. Perhaps we do owe something to our parents, but surely we have a duty to our potential children to love and care for them? If we don't want them then we can't do that. It would be happier for everyone (save perhaps OUR parents) to have no children at all than to have unwanted ones.

I think it's similar to parents wanting their kids to become lawyers or doctors or whatever. They can want as much as their lives but at the end of the day once you're an adult they (and you) should not feel like they can control you. I don't feel like I owe my parents anything; I didn't ask for them to bring me into the world but they did anyway. Sometimes my mum makes me feel guilty by saying stuff like "do you know how much you've cost me over the years?!" but actually that's not my fault - she's the one who wanted a child and she's the one who had to deal with the responsibility that came with that.