WheelCuddle Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 I have understood I'm an Ace for less than a week. All of this is very new to me. However, I have come to the conclusion that I want to date another Ace. I don't think it would be fair to an allosexual to deprive them of the sex that desire. I don't want to feel guilty for being inadequate. I would just rather be with someone who doesn't desire intercourse. So I began a search, and have found one Ace in my town. We are getting along great, moved from dating site to texting, having funny and also deep conversations about the hardships we have suffered. Everything is going great. The problem I don't know if we are building a friendship, or if there is implied romantic interest, down the road. There's no flirting, for obvious reasons, I don't know how to read the situation. I am also more cautious than I have been when in persuing straght relationships, because I don't know what is ok. I am also conflicted on why that even matters. Isn't an Ace relationship largely a friendship anyway? Shouldn't I just be happy even if we are purely going to be, or are friends? Any advice on reading an Ace or a gentle way to broach the subject would be appreciated. I don't want to lose the only Ace that is near me, by trying to have a relationship, but I also strongly desire that in my life. UPDATE: I couldnt take not knowing what our situation was, so i just laid it all out, my fear, my hope, and my joy and my commitment to being friends. I told her that i strongly desired a romantic relationship someday and I thought that she was someone I could be with down the road. It was long and heartfelt, and she affirmed everything i said. We are going to take it very slow, which is fine with me. Couldn't be happier with the outcome. Thank you everyone for giving your insights. Link to post Share on other sites
nerdperson777 Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 Well, it also depends on your romantic orientation. There can be some open allosexual who doesn't care much about sex, possibly from a low sex drive. So I'm just thinking don't root them out. I'd say, just let things happen. If it does get romantic, it does. An ace relationship can still be romantic. I've never been in a relationship but I'd think that it'd involve kissing and cuddling. Everything an allosexual relationship has except sex. If you both are really close and trust each other, any subject can be broached. Link to post Share on other sites
fiѕh Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 k as you know I can't talk about ace stuff... but, question - do you have to know where it's heading, even if it does matter eventually? I guess everyone can have their own kinda relationship however they like it, so I wouldn't know why anyone could not have a real relationship really, ace or not, whatever it looks like then. Plus, no panic about how to do things now that you'e "suddenly" ace and meeting an ace, I never met a person of any orientation where things didn't depend on the person anyway and getting to know them solved the mysteries. So... I don't think you need to know how to better "read an ace" (I'm figuring aces are just people, too, or did I get something wrong there? xD). Anyway I guess my point is, chill and see when it comes up or there seems to be a good moment. I don't really wanna give you advice on how I think you can carefully broach subjects, because I think there is no way to know unless the girl you're talking to happens to coincidentally be my best friend. Link to post Share on other sites
WheelCuddle Posted July 4, 2015 Author Share Posted July 4, 2015 Your first question is what I'm struggling with, does it even matter, I guess I just impatiently want to know if its going to lead to that or not, but i want to keep them regardless. I think youre right about all of it though, I'm probably making it a bigger deal than it is, and i should just relax. It is really hard to read someone when theres no sexual tension or flirting, or sexy remarks. I'm used to those thing to give me a picture of how the other person feels, but that doesn't apply anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
fiѕh Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 Yeah, don't be so impatient. I'd never say anything against being blunt and adressing things, but I don't know her at all, so... But~ still; did you even meet her? Because before actually meeting her, it's really kinda soon to worry. Link to post Share on other sites
fiѕh Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 Okay I'll phrase it different: The way you two talk, do you think it's that open and straightforward that it wouldn't put her off to adress it just now? Link to post Share on other sites
WheelCuddle Posted July 4, 2015 Author Share Posted July 4, 2015 Instinctively I feel like we need to take it very slow, i don't know how accurate that is, and no we havent met. i still feel like a mess, discovering myself and i dont want to meet anyone until my shit is stable haha Link to post Share on other sites
Autumn Season Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 As a person who recently had a crush on a fellow ace, I can tell you a bit about my experience: We were texting (getting to know each other), when I realized I'm about to fall in love with him. And I immediately said so. Turns out he felt the same. So for the next couple of days we were flirting a lot. Telling how much we missed each other, saying sweet things, you know. What I'm trying to say is the following: As an ace 1) you can romantically fall in love (except if you're aro) and 2) you can flirt. Link to post Share on other sites
fiѕh Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 OK, wise counsel from germany: In case of doubt go by the instinctive feeling, so.... take it slow. Totally get how this can make you impatient but I doubt it's gonna feel so good for you to fixate on the relationship thing if you'd also be friends. Just getting to know her vs. wanting to know what you're gonna get from it in the end, my educated guess is the first one is a) nicer b) more comfortable for you and c) probably making the better impression. Gotta agree with autumn season tho, nothing wrong with flirting ;D Link to post Share on other sites
WheelCuddle Posted July 4, 2015 Author Share Posted July 4, 2015 Wise words from germany all around :) Thank you both. Link to post Share on other sites
Anime Pancake Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 Hi!Personally I would probably just be friends for now and keep talking, and then see what happens later on.Maybe two people will be great friends or they may develop deeper feelings later on.For me I would just spend time as friends and see if romantic feelings happen naturally. Link to post Share on other sites
knout Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 Not that I have much experience but I'd say just build up that friendship, if something more comes out of it for both of you awesome, if it comes only for one of you you can discuss it and if it doesn't come for either of you you'll have a friendship. It sounds pretty great I must say, discovering you're ace one week, making an ace local friend the next... Enjoy it for what it is, don't overthink it :) Link to post Share on other sites
cal_gui Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 You should take it slow, specially if you two still didn't met personally. I do think that already showing that you have a romantic interest would be a good idea, but again, it will be better when meeting personally, as xhe (He/She/third or fluid?) will be able to show signs that xhe is interested in a more subtle (and not sexual) way (and you'll be able to do so too is that grammatically correct in english?). Don't worry too much about it and take it easy Link to post Share on other sites
WheelCuddle Posted July 5, 2015 Author Share Posted July 5, 2015 Just wanted to post an update I couldnt take not knowing what our situation was, so i just laid it all out, my fear, my hope, and my joy and my commitment to being friends. I told her that i strongly desired a romantic relationship someday and I thought that she was someone I could be with down the road. It was long and heartfelt, and she affirmed everything i said. We are going to take it very slow, which is fine with me. Couldn't be happier with the outcome. Thank you everyone for giving your insights. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 Glad things worked out. :) Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
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