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Feeling used.


DigitalBookDust

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DigitalBookDust

I am feeling used and am getting tired of it. I have a gay friend who lives some distance away. She also has a residence nearby. She gripes about not ever doing anything, yet when she comes to town and I ask her to do something (go to lunch, go to a museum or art gallery, etc), she's always staying home with her gf. Now, we talk every day on the phone. She asked me to be her roommate, something which I doubt her gf knows. (I refused. I value my solitariness.) But she uses me for emotional support and then discards me when her gf is available. Is this just something allosexuals/romantics do when in a relationship? I don't remember treating my friends so cavalierly when I've been relationships. :mad:

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Frigid Pink

Is this just something allosexuals/romantics do when in a relationship? I don't remember treating my friends so cavalierly when I've been relationships. :mad:

Not all people do this.

I'd share my feelings with my friend and set some boundaries.

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butterflydreams

Sadly, that kind of has been my experience with friends who've been in relationships. My former best friend...our friendship went from, "so are you two gay?" to "well, I talk to him when his fiancee ditches him at home for the evening...sometimes."

I won't say using you for emotional support and then ditching you when her gf is available is right, but it makes sense. In that sense, I think Frigid Pink is right. See if you can explain to her what's up and try to smooth out those incoming/outgoing patterns. If you let this kind of thing be, it's the kind of thing that can really tear a friendship apart. You won't be happy, and you'll feel anger and resentment towards her. She won't change because she doesn't know. It just can't turn out well :(

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DigitalBookDust

Thank you both. You're right. I'm going to address this with her before my resentment grows too great. Perhaps she doesn't realize what she's doing and how her behavior affects me. At any rate, explaining how I feel will at least give me a chance to explain my perspective. :)

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