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How do I know if I am aromantic? Or how aromantic I am?


aThing

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Hey there,

So I decided to figure out asexuality first but now that I am pretty sure that I am, I wanted to look a little bit closer at the aromantic thing. I am pretty confused about this part so please help me? :)

I have a few squishes and I love it.

I have no idea how to describe romanic feelings or when i feel them.

I only fall in "love" with personalities. It probably wasn't love sins I broke up the minute they wanted sex.

I really fell in love once. I hated it. Al those annoying feelings, the uncontrollable giggling and a very clouded mind. It was definitely a hormone thing sins I kissed him before I got to know him. His personality is one that I like to avoid.

Never had a crush. Just dated people who showed interest in me.

I find people pretty but i don't really know if i find them attractive

I love flirting and being flirted with as long as no one acts on it.

I find friendship waaay more valuable than a relationship.

I like to see how a relationship takes form by getting to know each other and just talking. Also flirting. When the kissing starts I can tolerate it and when they go further I lost all interest and stop reading/watching.

I do love love love cuddling.

I am not sure whether I like kissing or not. Definitely without tong but I think I only enjoy it when we have a stronger connection. Kissing with strangers was VERY disappointing.

Also being alone for the rest of my life sounds awesome. I am only woryed about not cuddeling. I am sad that i know my best friend doesnt mean it when she says we will live together. She is way to awesome and will have a nice husband and cute baby's.

Thank you for reading!

-aThing

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AgentSkyHawk

I'm no expert, but I consider myself aro, and a lot of those things rang true with me (I mean, I have squishes so much xD)...and so while some really didn't ring true for me, that doesn't mean you aren't aro because everyone is different...sorry, this isn't very helpful :unsure: I guess if you feel like you're aro, then say you are aro. But if it doesn't feel right, then don't :)

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So you just dislike how you react to romantic attraction? Aromantic is being incapable of romantic emotions OR being able but not desiring a romantic relationship.

You may be looking for a queerplatonic relationship (QPR); an emotionally platonic relationship that has characteristics of a romantic/sexual relationship. It can be an importance/closeness stronger than the best friend norm, displaying platonic sensual attraction above the norm (only differing from romantic sensual attraction with chaste kissing, although preferring chaste kissing or no kissing does not make one’s feelings unromantic), friends with sexual benefits, romantically pleasing someone you platonically love (QP to one and romantic to the other), or any combination of those. They may or may not have monogamy, live together, or look like a couple to the public. Romantics and Aromantics can have QPRs.

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So you are saying that I am romantic because I can fall in love?

That type of relationship does sound perfect thank you :)

I was kind of thinking aroflux because one day I giggle and blush when called "the prettiest girl on earth" and another day I will roll my eyes and hope he gets the hint and cuts the bullshit.

Also I sometimes cant stand being touched at all. But that happens les often.

So you just dislike how you react to romantic attraction? Aromantic is being incapable of romantic emotions OR being able but not desiring a romantic relationship.

If you say it like that then I would say I kinda desire a relationship but I don't know if that is romantic or not.

I just really don't understand what romantic attraction is. :/

Thank you both for your comment

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According to AVEN "Romantic attraction is a very difficult thing to pin down. Put as simply as possible, it is a distinct fondness or affection toward someone that differs from what you would feel toward friends, family, or people you admire. It may be characterized by a unique, almost surreal anxious-euphoria when sensing or thinking about this person and is distinguishable from hero worship. It typically involves butterflies in the stomach, heart fluttering or “melting” when interacting with them, some obsessiveness, all over warm and fuzzy feeling, and being swept into a dreamy state of mind, but experiences may vary depending on the individual and intensity of the case. Desires such as wanting to bond or be physically close with them are extremely common when experiencing romantic attraction, but there is no desire exclusive to romantic attraction, nor are desires necessarily present at all when being romantically attracted to someone."

So with all the variations that are possible in a romantic relationship; wants, unwants, mental responses, etc., it's left up to an emotion, and emotions don't translate well into words so it's then left up to your own interpretation. But it at least involves soft/fuzzy feelings and a fixation (at least out of comparison to how you are toward other people) which can differ in intensity by person.

It sounds more like your romantic desires fluctuate, which can be a type of Gray-romantic. But if its a progressively negative reaction to reciprocation then there is Lithromantic aka Aporomantic (which i prefer because its suffix isnt a metaphor but its new). It means a negative to indifferent reaction to reciprocation; more specifically over time or immediately resulting in indifference, loss of interest, or repulsion.

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This is what I found.

Lithromantic aka AproRomantic/ Akoi(ne)romantic-Person who experiences romantic attraction to others but does not care or does not want that person to reciprocate

I think I ended all my relationships after 2 weeks because they wanted sex but if I read the definition above then it could also be because of that.. I now know that I am somewhere on the spectrum but I am very confused about where.

For a year I told myself not to date this guy and we had a wonderful relationship where we had the best friend type of fun but a deeper connection. When I wanted to we kissed but that was it. We did not do romantic things as far as I know. When he officially was my boyfriend I immediately started to doubt the relationship. When het talked about sex I lost all interest at once. I guess I am trying to say that it was definitely the asexual part that ended things but was I happy with a relationship just like that? Is that the QPR you are talking about. Does it matter if I am on the spectrum if I already know what I kind of want in a relationship?

So many questions an so much confusion. I hate trying to figure myself out.. Thank you so much for helping me that much already!!

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It's Aporomantic; no first r. And it means a negative to indifferent reaction to romantic reciprocation; more specifically it immediately or over time causing indifference, loss of interest, or repulsion. If the reason for your loss of interest is possible sex then just date asexuals or someone ok without sex. But reacting that way is not Lith. Yah, your best friend relationship sounds like a QPR. Well, you don't have to identify as Gray-romantic you don't want to. If you know you don't want a romantic relationship but want a QPR then you could identify as Aromantic if you like.

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I have been reflecting on my previous relationships a lot and I could be Lith. It is something I am going to think longer and harder about. I am feeling more and more like aromantic is a good description for me. I decided that gray-romantic is not it because I just have never felt it for all I know. I also thougt that I could not be aromantic because I like kissing and cuddeling but I recently found out that that does not mather. Until something changes I am going to identify as Asexual

You have been the best help I could ever imagine. Thank you so much.

I am also trying a kind of new QPR in witch we both know that we are just friends who like to cuddle. Until now I am loving it. If it turns out not to be what I want then that is just another lessen, but for now I am good.

Thank you again.

You have bin so helpfull.

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Yup, having sensual attraction; the desire for non-sexual physical contact, does not automatically mean romantic attraction. Platonic sensual attraction and romantic sensual attraction probably only differ by chaste kissing. That's a type of QPR. You mean you enjoy chaste kissing, correct? Even if you are Lithromantic, you have the right to identify as Aromantic. People who identify as Lith may do so out of pride (since they're not a normal aromantic and may feel the odd one out) or they may want to seek an unreciprocating relationship so they can keep their romantic emotions.

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ask_again_later

You might be lithromantic/lithrosexual.

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Lithro? It's just Lith. And that was already suggested by the OP.

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Yes I do only enjoy chaste kissing. I did not know it was a thing until I looked it up. I just think a tong ruins the whole thing. :P

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ChineseGirl

since I was a little girl I noticied I don't feel "romantic feelings" for people

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If you feel that aromantic is right for you, then you totally use that.

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