Different Dysphorias

[Dodecahedron314]

Double post

[Light02]

Don't know about those tropes specifically but misogyny in general bothers me so much that every time someone says something sexist I'd rather pretend to be a girl and get misgendered/misgender myself than let it slide. If someone says something misogynistic I'll give myself as an example about why that's wrong. And every time someone gives me a sexist compliment ("You're really good at {blank} for a girl.") I pretend to be a girl in order to say "Girls can be good at {blank}." I don't know if the fact that I'm trans* makes me even more sensitive to misogyny, though.

[Lightning Blue Ray]

Apologies if this post is in the wrong place. I made a deal with my father that if I get a binder, I'll go to Israel without making a fuss. (I had never really agreed to go, because I'm just not interested in going there.) My dad was okay with the idea, but when I heard my dad telling my mom about it, she said that she doesn't agree (with me getting a binder). The thing is, I never mentioned dysphoria. I just said that I'm not comfortable with men looking at my chest, which is true btw, and that I'd rather not have to deal with it.

[Emery.]

I'd love to go to Israel...

[chiizukeeki]

I was always not comfortable with the fact that I had a female chest. (I am a female at birth, but I just feel uncomfortable using any word besides chest. So, yeah.)

But I never realized it was a dysphoria until recently. I thought that it would change as I got older, and I would want to be like other girls who actually have chests. Well, I still haven't changed. I've had this thinking since I was a young teen.

It's weird to talk about, since the most I've done to combat my dysphoria is wear sports bras. I've contemplated getting a binder, but I know my mom would be against it.

So, yeah. I don't know why I'm posting here, I just thought about getting it off my "chest".

(did any of that make sense??)

I think it makes sense.. These things may be confusing. I did not even realise that my dysphoria was largely gender-related until recently. I get all the time direct or indirect messages that "you grow over it", "you try to be a special snowflake" or "you are confused", "you are depressed", "that's just a fad, it did not exist before", or even that "it's a paraphilia", so it is very natural for gender dysphoric and nonconforming people to start to believe in those things and get stuck.

[Heart]

So I just watched a bunch of early Stargate: SG-1 tonight, and episode 3 in particular made me realize how much certain things in media bother me. Are there any other AFABs out there who get dysphoric at the "generally butch/masculine in some way woman gets forcibly feminized" and "dystopia where women are treated as property and used for trade" tropes, even if they're executed in such a way that it's clear that the writers don't condone it? I've recently realized the extent to which both of those tropes squick me out something fierce--that is, in a way that goes beyond the already incredibly high squick factor induced from the get-go by misogyny in general, because even though I know intellectually that the trope isn't technically "about" me, I somehow feel even worse about it because I know that whatever character or institution would be perpetrating it it in the fiction would subject me to it just the same.These sorts of things are just immediately offensive no matter who you are because of how completely not okay degradation of women is at all in general, but I feel like as an AFAB trans person there's an additional layer of wrongness because not only is the judgement applied in those tropes wrong, but it would, if I were in the situation of the character, be wrongfully applied to me on the basis of something I'm not.

I don't know if this actually makes sense to anyone or if this is just another one of my incoherent 5am rants. I swear this was a lot less problemtically worded in my head.

That post actually makes a lot of sense to me. Every time violence is perpetuated against someone in a female body (either AFAB or trans woman post some kind of transition) there's some part of me that parses that as being violence that is directed at me. I don't know why, but it's true. It's scary, more so than a general type of violence like war. Maybe because war typically shows male soldiers or something... But yeah. When I'm in masculine mode too, there's an additional fear layer, almost like I'm scared that someone would do that kind of violence towards me, and somehow that would "out" me as being AFAB because the violence is aimed at AFABs and females. It is kind of odd when you think about it, but you're not the only one.

Apologies if this post is in the wrong place. I made a deal with my father that if I get a binder, I'll go to Israel without making a fuss. (I had never really agreed to go, because I'm just not interested in going there.) My dad was okay with the idea, but when I heard my dad telling my mom about it, she said that she doesn't agree (with me getting a binder). The thing is, I never mentioned dysphoria. I just said that I'm not comfortable with men looking at my chest, which is true btw, and that I'd rather not have to deal with it.

I don't know if you'd be comfortable coming out to your parents, but if you are then it can help. Some parents would be reluctant to get their child a binder if they think it's just a phase or something that "doesn't matter very much", because they are afraid of possible health side effects or are put off by the price. But if you feel comfortable telling your parents that it's because of dysphoria, then you can help them see why it's so important that it's worth the money, etc. Only if you're comfortable with that, of course.

[Another One]

Apologies if this post is in the wrong place. I made a deal with my father that if I get a binder, I'll go to Israel without making a fuss. (I had never really agreed to go, because I'm just not interested in going there.) My dad was okay with the idea, but when I heard my dad telling my mom about it, she said that she doesn't agree (with me getting a binder). The thing is, I never mentioned dysphoria. I just said that I'm not comfortable with men looking at my chest, which is true btw, and that I'd rather not have to deal with it.

Are you coming? More queer folks, woo-hoo!

But if you are not interested, I hope you find another opportunity to get a binder. If I may ask, do you need your parents' permission because they will buy it, or because they won't like you wearing it even if you get it, say, as a present from your friend?

[Lightning Blue Ray]

Yeah, we're going. My parents insisted in dragging me here because Hebrew is the language of the Old Testament and blah blah blah...don't get me wrong, I believe in the Bible, but I don't feel as though learning Hebrew will make me closer to God (as my mom puts it). I was never really interested in going, but yeah. I wouldn't mind going if I wasn't forced to go, you know? I'd rather have a say in where "family holidays" take place. (hint: this is a boring pilgrimage that I have 0 interest in, because I was forced into it. Never really agreed, I was coerced into "agreeing".)

As for asking for my parents' permission, I'd say it's a bit of both. Primarily because my parents will likely be buying it, as I'm still dependent on them and probably will be for a few years. (I'm legally an adult at 21, and will probably rely on them unless I go overseas for university.) The part about them not agreeing to me wearing a binder even if it was a gift: it's mostly my mom who has issues with that. Like I said, my father was willing to get me a binder, but my mom didn't agree. In fact, she doesn't agree to me wearing anything to hide my chest, not even a sports bra. When she and my dad went to Australia for a holiday, I asked her for sports bras, as I figured that would be safe to ask for without giving myself away. My mom asked me why I wanted them, and I admitted that sports bras flatten my chest and I don't like my chest. I never mentioned dysphoria though, because I'm not sure how my Christian family would react to that. (They didn't take it well when I came out as ace.) My mom said, "You just have to be a girl" in response to me talking about my chest. So, based on that, I figured that even if I managed to get a binder shipped to a friend's house and they passed it to me in school/they got me one as a present, I wouldn't be able to wear it often since I see my mom every day and I doubt a flat chest at this age would go unnoticed.

Okay, I sound like a bratty teenager, but I do love my parents. I just wish they would be more understanding, plus, I needed to rant.

[Lou42]

Yeah, we're going. My parents insisted in dragging me here because Hebrew is the language of the Old Testament and blah blah blah...don't get me wrong, I believe in the Bible, but I don't feel as though learning Hebrew will make me closer to God (as my mom puts it). I was never really interested in going, but yeah. I wouldn't mind going if I wasn't forced to go, you know? I'd rather have a say in where "family holidays" take place. (hint: this is a boring pilgrimage that I have 0 interest in, because I was forced into it. Never really agreed, I was coerced into "agreeing".)

As for asking for my parents' permission, I'd say it's a bit of both. Primarily because my parents will likely be buying it, as I'm still dependent on them and probably will be for a few years. (I'm legally an adult at 21, and will probably rely on them unless I go overseas for university.) The part about them not agreeing to me wearing a binder even if it was a gift: it's mostly my mom who has issues with that. Like I said, my father was willing to get me a binder, but my mom didn't agree. In fact, she doesn't agree to me wearing anything to hide my chest, not even a sports bra. When she and my dad went to Australia for a holiday, I asked her for sports bras, as I figured that would be safe to ask for without giving myself away. My mom asked me why I wanted them, and I admitted that sports bras flatten my chest and I don't like my chest. I never mentioned dysphoria though, because I'm not sure how my Christian family would react to that. (They didn't take it well when I came out as ace.) My mom said, "You just have to be a girl" in response to me talking about my chest. So, based on that, I figured that even if I managed to get a binder shipped to a friend's house and they passed it to me in school/they got me one as a present, I wouldn't be able to wear it often since I see my mom every day and I doubt a flat chest at this age would go unnoticed.

Okay, I sound like a bratty teenager, but I do love my parents. I just wish they would be more understanding, plus, I needed to rant.

I think that you should stand up to your mother, and bind if you want to. She has no right to tell you what to do with your body.

If you'd prefer not to confront her directly, you can still be sneaky about it, like begin by wearing a sports bra sometimes, then more often and in the end all the time, and then switch to a binder sometimes and then more often ect. Even if she notices, you could still get away by saying stuff like "oh really, you think so? I didn't notice..." or "oh, maybe I lost some weight..."

As long as you don't wear a binder every day all of a sudden, she most likely won't notice until some time and/or get used to see you having less chest. So in this way, seeing your mother every day is more of an advantage than anything, since she will get used to it without even realizing it. ;)

The choice is really yours of course, and if you don't feel like confronting your parents and all, I can understand that.

My family is really accepting so I can't in any way be sure that it is the right thing for you to do. But when I see how relieved I've been since I've gotten a binder, and that now I cannot imagine switching back even just to sports bras, I think relieving your dysphoria really is worth it. And standing up for yourself is also worth it.

And if with time and sneakiness you can slowly make your parents be more accepting or change their opinions, it'll be a small step in the long march for trans rights and the whole trans community will be better for it :)

[Lou42]

(Plus, GO BRATTY TEENAGERS!)

[Desmister]

So I'm back after a pretty long time of being gone and it kinda feels weird to be back... So of course the first thing I'm gonna do is rant about my gender issues. Because why not

Lately I've been feeling pretty dysphoric about my body and my physical appearance. I've always wished to have a more neutral appearance because that's how I feel on the inside and I wish people would see me that way. I hate that people look at me and automatically go "ooh, female!" no matter what I do. It makes me really uncomfortable even though I know it's not anybody else's fault. I'm not gonna go around explaining my gender to everyone I meet and I can't expect anyone to just magically know how I feel on the inside. When I look in a mirror I don't see a female. I just wish everyone else could see it too. I mean, I know there are ways to make yourself appear more neutral, but I wish I didn't have to change aspects about myself to try and make other people see things the way I do. I don't wanna have to worry about the sound of my voice, the way I walk, if my hair is too long, the clothes that I wear, or anything like that. It's not me that I want to change in the end. I wanna change other people and how they see me. But the only way to do that is to change myself. Or at least that's how I feel.

My whole body just feels wrong. Like it's just off by a few degrees and driving me nuts but I'm not sure how to fix it. Usually I get this feeling on and off but recently its been hanging around and I can't seem to get rid of it. The only time I feel slightly better about it is when I'm alone. I feel like I don't have to prove myself to anyone. I can just be myself. I mean, I know in the back of my mind that I don't have to prove myself to anyone, but at the same time a part of me keeps feeling like I shouldn't be having any problems in the first place. I keep thinking that I should just be happy being the female I was born as because I'll never be anything else. Nothing else but male and female exists so I should just suck it up and accept what I've been given. At least that's whats been beaten into my head over the course of my entire life. But I've tried being the female I was supposed to be for years and it didn't work. It wasn't me. Yet here I am still feeling like I'm trying to be something I'm really not. It's stressing me out because I don't know how to make those stupid thoughts go away.

[Heart]

Welcome back Desmister. I'm glad you're back, but sorry to hear about the dysphoria demon that plagues you. I don't have solutions (I don't even know if they really exist...), but I have empathy. *warm hugs*

[Another One]

Yeah, we're going. My parents insisted in dragging me here because Hebrew is the language of the Old Testament and blah blah blah...don't get me wrong, I believe in the Bible, but I don't feel as though learning Hebrew will make me closer to God (as my mom puts it). I was never really interested in going, but yeah. I wouldn't mind going if I wasn't forced to go, you know? I'd rather have a say in where "family holidays" take place. (hint: this is a boring pilgrimage that I have 0 interest in, because I was forced into it. Never really agreed, I was coerced into "agreeing".)

As for asking for my parents' permission, I'd say it's a bit of both. Primarily because my parents will likely be buying it, as I'm still dependent on them and probably will be for a few years. (I'm legally an adult at 21, and will probably rely on them unless I go overseas for university.) The part about them not agreeing to me wearing a binder even if it was a gift: it's mostly my mom who has issues with that. Like I said, my father was willing to get me a binder, but my mom didn't agree. In fact, she doesn't agree to me wearing anything to hide my chest, not even a sports bra. When she and my dad went to Australia for a holiday, I asked her for sports bras, as I figured that would be safe to ask for without giving myself away. My mom asked me why I wanted them, and I admitted that sports bras flatten my chest and I don't like my chest. I never mentioned dysphoria though, because I'm not sure how my Christian family would react to that. (They didn't take it well when I came out as ace.) My mom said, "You just have to be a girl" in response to me talking about my chest. So, based on that, I figured that even if I managed to get a binder shipped to a friend's house and they passed it to me in school/they got me one as a present, I wouldn't be able to wear it often since I see my mom every day and I doubt a flat chest at this age would go unnoticed.

Okay, I sound like a bratty teenager, but I do love my parents. I just wish they would be more understanding, plus, I needed to rant.

Oh, I can absolutely relate to the "parents and religion" issues. My parents are also religious, less of being part of a community but more of believing all generally accepted religious conservative things about gay and trans people etc. I've been earning my own money for 5 ears now and even helping my parents financially, so I bought myself a binder, but still never wear it in front of my parents because they would get angry and/or sad.

"I wouldn't mind going if I wasn't forced to go" - it's so understandable... It's sad when parents are forcing certain views on their children, they don't understand they are actually causing the opposite effect.

If you was coming alone I could recommend you some interesting places to see that have nothing to do with religion, I like showing the less known Israel friends from abroad. But if it's a pilgrimage for your parents, it won't work.

As to the sports bra: do you do some kind of sport? I don't know your size, but if you're not super tiny you'd need a good sports bra for it. You may even say that doctors recommend it when doing sports in order to avoid pains and long-lasting issues. And then I don't think they'd be constantly looking at your chest to check if you wear the new sports bra for sports only...

[Another One]

Actually, I'm here because I'm too depressed by gender dysphoria to focus on my work. Right now I'm supposed to be working on my thesis and two scientific articles, that are going to be critical for my future career. Instead, I'm working only half of the time and the other half I'm lurking in the internet reading about top surgery and hysterectomy. Even though if I don't finish my work on time, I'll not have a good scholarship which I hope might help me with paying for SRT.

*Back to work*

[Lightning Blue Ray]

Yeah, we're going. My parents insisted in dragging me here because Hebrew is the language of the Old Testament and blah blah blah...don't get me wrong, I believe in the Bible, but I don't feel as though learning Hebrew will make me closer to God (as my mom puts it). I was never really interested in going, but yeah. I wouldn't mind going if I wasn't forced to go, you know? I'd rather have a say in where "family holidays" take place. (hint: this is a boring pilgrimage that I have 0 interest in, because I was forced into it. Never really agreed, I was coerced into "agreeing".)

As for asking for my parents' permission, I'd say it's a bit of both. Primarily because my parents will likely be buying it, as I'm still dependent on them and probably will be for a few years. (I'm legally an adult at 21, and will probably rely on them unless I go overseas for university.) The part about them not agreeing to me wearing a binder even if it was a gift: it's mostly my mom who has issues with that. Like I said, my father was willing to get me a binder, but my mom didn't agree. In fact, she doesn't agree to me wearing anything to hide my chest, not even a sports bra. When she and my dad went to Australia for a holiday, I asked her for sports bras, as I figured that would be safe to ask for without giving myself away. My mom asked me why I wanted them, and I admitted that sports bras flatten my chest and I don't like my chest. I never mentioned dysphoria though, because I'm not sure how my Christian family would react to that. (They didn't take it well when I came out as ace.) My mom said, "You just have to be a girl" in response to me talking about my chest. So, based on that, I figured that even if I managed to get a binder shipped to a friend's house and they passed it to me in school/they got me one as a present, I wouldn't be able to wear it often since I see my mom every day and I doubt a flat chest at this age would go unnoticed.

Okay, I sound like a bratty teenager, but I do love my parents. I just wish they would be more understanding, plus, I needed to rant.

Oh, I can absolutely relate to the "parents and religion" issues. My parents are also religious, less of being part of a community but more of believing all generally accepted religious conservative things about gay and trans people etc. I've been earning my own money for 5 ears now and even helping my parents financially, so I bought myself a binder, but still never wear it in front of my parents because they would get angry and/or sad.

"I wouldn't mind going if I wasn't forced to go" - it's so understandable... It's sad when parents are forcing certain views on their children, they don't understand they are actually causing the opposite effect.

If you was coming alone I could recommend you some interesting places to see that have nothing to do with religion, I like showing the less known Israel friends from abroad. But if it's a pilgrimage for your parents, it won't work.

As to the sports bra: do you do some kind of sport? I don't know your size, but if you're not super tiny you'd need a good sports bra for it. You may even say that doctors recommend it when doing sports in order to avoid pains and long-lasting issues. And then I don't think they'd be constantly looking at your chest to check if you wear the new sports bra for sports only...

I'm 17 years old, so I can't really go anywhere alone, unless it's for university. By that time, I'll be 18 (still won't be an adult, though).

As for sports bras, my kind of sport is swimming, so I won't be able to wear them. But I'd have been willing to take up some kind of sports that isn't swimming had I been allowed to get a sports bra. Since I can't get them, I might as well go swimming since I can't wear them anyway.

[Lou42]

I don't know if some of you know the book Whipping Girl, A Transexual Woman on Sexism and the Scapegoating of Feminity by the geneticist Julia Serano, but I'm reading it now and I find it really interesting. I would recommand to all feminists and/or trans people :)

Anyway there is a part where Julia Serano talks about her experience growing up transgender in the 70's in the US, and that got me thinking of my own youth as a transgender person. Since she is binary, she speaks of stuff that are pretty easily identified as gender dysphoria or euphoria a posteriori, and I, on the opposite, have very few such memories.

That made me think of my own youth as a trans person and I realise that for me growing up trans mostly meant having this constant puzzlement about gender in the back of my mind. Specifically, I couldn't wrap my mind around this idea that everybody seems to take for obvious in this sexist society that masculinity and feminity are opposite and discrete (in the statistic sense) --as Julia Serano puts it. I just couldn't get what made men and women so different; intellectually, of course I saw differences in male and female bodies, but I couldn't really understand that idea at the core of my being.

I remember being so struck by every little thing that questioned that opposition, it resonated within like the truth. For example the film Victor Victoria shook me beyond anything I knew-- (actual spoiler)

although I was very disapointed that she wouldn't continue living as an androgyne, and confused why she didn't want to.

I specifically remember a very painful moment in my early teen years when I spent so long trying to make myself look like a boy and I just couldn't. Part of it was that I couldn't grasp the idea that men and women had significant differences so I didn't know how to make myself look like a boy, but I also had very long hair back then because my mother wouldn't allow me to cut it until I was something like 12, and my chest began to grow very early and quite fast... In this moment I remember feeling this particular confusion at its peak and it was so distressing.

Trigger warning: child abuse

My mother abused me when I was a kid and so I learned very early on to dissociate myself from my feelings and my body and to navigate this life in numbness and detachment, so I guess that trying to connect with my body image in this moment made me feel the pain associated with it... And after this moment I totally dissociated from my body and my gender and I never tryed anything like that again for years.

Similarly, I remember going through puberty in total puzzlement. I felt nothing beside puzzlement. It's like my body was a stranger and I was just witnessing those akward changes it was going through in numbness, puzzlement and a kind of disbelief-- like I couldn't believe that was happening to me, or that it was permanent; like at the back of my mind I felt it was some sort of joke. I guess if I had been able to feel back then, I would have wanted to pause my puberty. But I was so used to feeling helpless concerning my own fate, that this pain didn't taste much different than the rest of it... Sad as it is, being so drastically away from myself was the only way I had found to survive my childhood...

I realise all of that is closely linked to my unusual gender in that I'm not "only" non-binary, I'm trigender androgyne. So my experience of gender was never to completely refuse my femaleness, neither was it to feel male or to aspire to be male, but rather to feel like my femaleness was a half-lie. And I guess my inability to comprehend what makes men and women so different was rooted in my own gender that is both man and woman (and neutrois if you were wondering).

I also realised very recently that I never used to represent/see myself in my dreams. It's only since I've been in touch with my gender that I sometimes see myself in my dreams, and my body is right then (for example I have facial hair, I have a lower voice, my chest isn't part of the equation...).

(no trigger just too long)

Those dreams are pure euphoria... I also had one dysphoric dream where I was the only person to have breasts and I binded like usual and my sister wanted to know what it felt like so she borrowed one of my binders. It wasn't such a bad dream because my sister tryed to understand my gender dysphoria, when in reality she is really freaked out by my gender identity.

It's like I used to be so numb that I somehow didn't even have a body image before. Or I was so dissociated from my body that I was unable to represent it in any way.

So my growing up trans is more of an experience in negative, in the sense that I didn't feel it, and I realise that only since I have come to feel my body and my gender and be myself for the first time. And the good thing is that it feels so awesome! It's incredible! I mean, dysphoria is bad, but I feel like myself. I feel connected to my body for the first time of my life. And those rare moments of gender euphoria are so great I feel like crying with joy every time... And I'm not confused and puzzled anymore. I'm found.

[shrugemote]

Honestly I didn't know that there are other types of dysphoria besides body dysphoria. I think this forum just helped me put a name to what I've been feeling all the time. It was never a noticeable problem until I started college last month. Suddenly I was in contact with all sorts of people all the time, every day. I have two roommates who like to hang out with our neighbors, and I'm involved in the LGBTQ+ club here.

And I'm out as trans... or genderqueer... I'm questioning my gender. Some people on campus get the idea and others... don't. No one has been mean about it, it's just that not everyone understands my situation or notices things like the different pronouns I go by. My teacher will call me 'he' but my classmates will call me 'she', and so will my roommates... but I allow my roommates to use the wrong pronouns, because it's easier that way I think. I'll only be staying with them for a semester anyway. My point is that I'm at different spots with different people. And it's weird.

What's also weird is that I've been identifying as a masculine nonbinary person (specifically, a demi boy), but I feel like everyone is assuming me to be a flat out FTM (that is, if they don't take me for a cis girl). Which... I'm not. To me, my gender label meant that I was just as much agender as I was a boy, like the two genders intertwine to become one, and I saw it as being something different from just 'male'. So now I feel like I have to wear a binder every time I go to class, and I have to always go by he/him pronouns. Don't even get me started on using the bathrooms, especially when my whole class goes on a break and we're all using the bathrooms at the same time. I've just become very uncomfortable with my gender in general and with how people are perceiving me. I guess that's social dysphoria, huh. When I'm alone, I don't think about how I'm passing or what my body is like. I only mind it when I go out in public.

So I guess having certain people who know about my situation and have a basic understanding of it... that really helps. One of my roommates is a really good ally, and I felt a little better when I told her about the pronouns I usually use. I feel like I can be myself around her, and around people who are like her. Having other friends who aren't cis is good too. And I think going by my preferred name has helped me.

[ChillaKilla]

In line for lunch

Server: *not looking my way* What can I get you, sir?
Me: I'll-

Server: Oh, sorry, MA'AM

Me: It's-
Server: So sorry about that ma'am, I shouldn't have said that

Me: Can I just have the beef and cheese nachos?!

*internal big-cat roars*

[Lou42]

In line for lunch

Server: *not looking my way* What can I get you, sir?

Me: I'll-

Server: Oh, sorry, MA'AM

Me: It's-

Server: So sorry about that ma'am, I shouldn't have said that

Me: Can I just have the beef and cheese nachos?!

*internal big-cat roars*

I can so relate to your internal anger... That kind of thing never happened to me, but I always get the terrified *oh my god I'm so sorry I thought you were a man!*-look the minute I open my mouth and it's one of the things that make me very self-conscious about my voice... When that happen I usually try to ignore it, to dissociate for this specific moment, but most of the time it will come to my mind at some point of the day and then I'll start hating that person in thought for the following hour. So if some one actually apologised for gendering me as male and at the same time insisting on gendering me as female, I think I would loose it. Like I would snap at their face and 5 mn later break down in tears.

All of this to say that if I had any cake I would give it to you right now-- but since I don't happen to have any at the moment, plus internet, here you go: :cake: :cake:

[ChillaKilla]

In line for lunch

Server: *not looking my way* What can I get you, sir?

Me: I'll-

Server: Oh, sorry, MA'AM

Me: It's-

Server: So sorry about that ma'am, I shouldn't have said that

Me: Can I just have the beef and cheese nachos?!

*internal big-cat roars*

I can so relate to your internal anger... That kind of thing never happened to me, but I always get the terrified *oh my god I'm so sorry I thought you were a man!*-look the minute I open my mouth and it's one of the things that make me very self-conscious about my voice... When that happen I usually try to ignore it, to dissociate for this specific moment, but most of the time it will come to my mind at some point of the day and then I'll start hating that person in thought for the following hour. So if some one actually apologised for gendering me as male and at the same time insisting on gendering me as female, I think I would loose it. Like I would snap at their face and 5 mn later break down in tears.

All of this to say that if I had any cake I would give it to you right now-- but since I don't happen to have any at the moment, plus internet, here you go: :cake: :cake:

Thank you... I got so flustered I forgot I didn't want beef, only cheese but just went with it... Wasn't in the mood, ya know?

[Lou42]

I totally understand that indeed...

Fortunately, beef is not that bad right? ;)

[ChillaKilla]

I totally understand that indeed...

Fortunately, beef is not that bad right? ;)

I mean I love beef, but as its ground a lot just slides off the chips and I don't eat it... I don't like being wasteful you know?

[Toothlesss]

I feel like I can't be bothered to researching how to At Least have my period less often. Every single site excludes me with their "women only" rhetoric. :( How to make me feel worse about the part of me that causes me the most trouble.

[Finn.]

Yes you're right, and the whole "female hygiene products" is also really bothering me. I'm glad this term doesn't get used as much in Germany.

I bought this amazing sports bra that makes all the difference to me. It's the closest thing I got to a binder right now. The only thing which I dislike a bit is that my waist does seem smaller now than it did before which is throwing me off. But I guess you can't have it all.

[Groovy Teacakes]

Haha, the name "feminine hygiene products" is such a stupid euphemism. There are masculine people with periods and feminine people without periods. Also it tells you essentially nothing about what they are: are "feminine hygiene products" wipes with flowers on and sweet-scented soap? Because that's what the name suggests.

Anyway, there is nothing feminine about a period, it's actually pretty badass - after all you are dealing with blood and pain for many days. Getting your leg gashed open isn't considered feminine.

[Emery.]

That's the way I think about period - badass :P Blood, man, blood and pain. It's tough.

[Guest]

I was reading a page about addiction and it kinda caught my eye that one of the emotional symptoms was described as dysphoria.

This page: http://www.asam.org/quality-practice/definition-of-addiction

I guess it caught my eye because I thought dysphoria was only about gender identity disorder or similar things. I have, um, experience with a type of addiction, so that kinda brings the term dysphoria closer to something I can relate to.

Google defines dysphoria as: a state of unease or generalized dissatisfaction with life.

From the page I shared:
"Over time, repeated experiences with substance use or addictive behaviors are not associated with ever increasing reward circuit activity and are not as subjectively rewarding. Once a person experiences withdrawal from drug use or comparable behaviors, there is an anxious, agitated, dysphoric and labile emotional experience, related to suboptimal reward and the recruitment of brain and hormonal stress systems, which is associated with withdrawal from virtually all pharmacological classes of addictive drugs. While tolerance develops to the “high,” tolerance does not develop to the emotional “low” associated with the cycle of intoxication and withdrawal. Thus, in addiction, persons repeatedly attempt to create a “high”--but what they mostly experience is a deeper and deeper “low.” While anyone may “want” to get “high”, those with addiction feel a “need” to use the addictive substance or engage in the addictive behavior in order to try to resolve their dysphoric emotional state or their physiological symptoms of withdrawal. Persons with addiction compulsively use even though it may not make them feel good, in some cases long after the pursuit of “rewards” is not actually pleasurable.5 Although people from any culture may choose to “get high” from one or another activity, it is important to appreciate that addiction is not solely a function of choice. Simply put, addiction is not a desired condition."

[Finn.]

interesting. i think it's just used as the opposite of "euphoric", as in euphoria, which is a general term for happiness. the general meaning of dysphoria is unhappiness, or being unwell (see here and here). these terms aren't necessarily linked to medicine or gender. just like "depression" can mean simple "sadness", not necessarily the mental illness or recession (see here). the meaning of words always depends on the context. and given this context i'd say it isn't about gender but more about a state of feeling depressed.

but this example of dysphoria could definitely help people understand gender dysphoria better.

[Guest]

Yeah, that is true. It's just that I hadn't really heard the word used until transgender issues began being discussed more broadly.

I couldn't say just how comparable it is. But when I was addicted, I do remember, besides depression, just a general feeling of anxiousness at the thought of life without the thing that was the focus of my addiction. Life felt like it would be sad, depressing, and meaningless without it. Even recognizing the distress and problems such an unhealthy focus on it brought to me.

Whereas these days I'm fairly apathetic to the thing I was once addicted to.

[Heart]

I was reading a page about addiction and it kinda caught my eye that one of the emotional symptoms was described as dysphoria.

This page: http://www.asam.org/quality-practice/definition-of-addiction

I guess it caught my eye because I thought dysphoria was only about gender identity disorder or similar things. I have, um, experience with a type of addiction, so that kinda brings the term dysphoria closer to something I can relate to.

Google defines dysphoria as: a state of unease or generalized dissatisfaction with life.

From the page I shared:

"Over time, repeated experiences with substance use or addictive behaviors are not associated with ever increasing reward circuit activity and are not as subjectively rewarding. Once a person experiences withdrawal from drug use or comparable behaviors, there is an anxious, agitated, dysphoric and labile emotional experience, related to suboptimal reward and the recruitment of brain and hormonal stress systems, which is associated with withdrawal from virtually all pharmacological classes of addictive drugs. While tolerance develops to the “high,” tolerance does not develop to the emotional “low” associated with the cycle of intoxication and withdrawal. Thus, in addiction, persons repeatedly attempt to create a “high”--but what they mostly experience is a deeper and deeper “low.” While anyone may “want” to get “high”, those with addiction feel a “need” to use the addictive substance or engage in the addictive behavior in order to try to resolve their dysphoric emotional state or their physiological symptoms of withdrawal. Persons with addiction compulsively use even though it may not make them feel good, in some cases long after the pursuit of “rewards” is not actually pleasurable.5 Although people from any culture may choose to “get high” from one or another activity, it is important to appreciate that addiction is not solely a function of choice. Simply put, addiction is not a desired condition."

That's really interesting, and it makes perfect sense to me. Dysphoria is a kind of feeling of "something's not right". To me, at least, it's a feeling of something's not right, and I don't know how to make it better. So applying that to the description of addiction is very intuitively easy for me; there is something not right in both cases (either your body/social presentation are somehow not right, or the way you experience emotional reward is not right) and it's not obvious how to fix it, so it makes for an uncomfortable (or downright painful) experience in the moment.

I think I've gone and come at this from the other side as you, humantoafault; this analogy helps me understand addiction more, having experienced gender dysphoria myself. Thank you, I found this post really valuable.

Also, I'm really glad you're in a better place in your life right now. Kicking an addiction must be much like a gender transition, if this analogy holds, eh? *wanders off on tangential thoughts*