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Different Dysphorias

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ChillaKilla
Just now, butterflydreams said:

Do you think it comes from not denying things anymore? I want to make sure it’s not all in my head.

Probably. Also I think it’s that once we’ve taken steps to address some of the more glaring problems (the ones that HRT mitigated, like easily discernible bodily features and the like), we have a better ability to focus on more personal sources of dysphoria.

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Mezzo Forte

Good god, my hysto recovery decided to crank my dysphoria up to 11 today. It's making me deal with just too many things that remind me of periods, some of which I find particularly humiliating. Then add the pain from the internal sutures in a part of my body that my brain isn't mapped to acknowledge. Then add that I'm still on lifting restrictions, so I can't even carry my own dang groceries. 

 

But the real kicker was experiencing a sharp pain in my right pec. The same pain that broke me and made me actively seek psychological and medical help. The pain that disappeared the moment I got my first T shot. The same pain that made me even more desperate for top surgery. Feeling that pain threw me over the edge. Made me feel like I was trapped, like everything I had done up to this point accomplished nothing. 

 

On the plus side, my roommate handled my dysphoria brilliantly, even using things I've said in the past to help me try to recontextualize what I'm experiencing in a less dysphoric light. I'm not out of the woods yet, but I'm at least doing better.

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butterflydreams

*hugs* @Mezzo Forte. I certainly don’t like to hear that you’re experiencing dysphoria, but it helps to hear that it can still rear its head even after pretty intense treatment. I think there’s a tendency for people who aren’t trans to assume that dysphoria just gets 100% cured. The reality is more that it becomes manageable. I still experience a lot of lower dysphoria even though the HRT has helped tremendously in terms of affecting function. 

 

I’m really glad your roommate was there to help keep you grounded. That must be really great to have.

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Mezzo Forte
2 hours ago, butterflydreams said:

*hugs* @Mezzo Forte. I certainly don’t like to hear that you’re experiencing dysphoria, but it helps to hear that it can still rear its head even after pretty intense treatment. I think there’s a tendency for people who aren’t trans to assume that dysphoria just gets 100% cured. The reality is more that it becomes manageable. I still experience a lot of lower dysphoria even though the HRT has helped tremendously in terms of affecting function. 

 

I’m really glad your roommate was there to help keep you grounded. That must be really great to have.

I think my mood's improved now, but that dysphoric swing completely blindsided me. I've been recovering really well from surgery, as a lot of the stuff that hit me yesterday were things that temporarily disappeared, and then came back more intensely than they originally appeared. That chest pain really came out of left field, to the point the I wonder if it a psychosomatic or not. Weirdly enough, the some of major post-hysto symptoms I was dealing with didn't even rear their heads yesterday, like the spikes of abdominal pain and the temperature regulation issues. (Pretty sure the latter is because my T is kicking in.) Guess this is also a "recovery is not linear" sort of case. Dysphoria is not terribly common for me nowadays, so dysphoria spikes can hit hard.

 

(Oh yeah, and discovering that the hospital/gynecology group that did my hysto still has me listed as female didn't exactly help the whole dysphoria thing yesterday, especially because 1) I was legally and medically male before I ever came to them and 2) I asked them twice to correct it and they clearly never did.)

 

I'm very lucky to have my roommate. He's the same dear friend who kept me sane throughout my transition, and he genuinely spoils me with how well he navigates trans topics, especially because he was so respectful even before he knew much on the topic. He's just brilliantly observant and tactful. Good support makes a huge difference. :) 

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ChillaKilla

Sigh. Another “are NB people valid or just attention whores”-esque thread in HB. Why are people so invested in bashing the identities of others?!

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Ruru+Saphhy=Garnet
3 minutes ago, ChillaKilla said:

Sigh. Another “are NB people valid or just attention whores”-esque thread in HB. Why are people so invested in bashing the identities of others?!

I don't know why,either. Why can't we live and let live :(

 

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:)(:
1 hour ago, ChillaKilla said:

Sigh. Another “are NB people valid or just attention whores”-esque thread in HB. Why are people so invested in bashing the identities of others?!

Possibly because they need to feel better just by making other people feel smaller. No happy person would do this.

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