Different Dysphorias

[Finn.]

 

yeah I could try the t-shirt method! bikini tops make me way too dysphoric, i don't own any, i only own a bathing suit

[Light02]

Recently in German class the teacher asked us whether we should write down this rule again or not and I said yes, while everyone else in the class said no but I begged the teacher because I didn't know where to find that rule in my notebook. She said: "Girl, you must have it somewhere in there." and I instantly gave up on arguing all together. In that moment it made me feel so uncomfortable, humiliated and weirdly exposed to everyone else in the room that I wanted to yell out: "Don't call me that!"

[All the little Lights]

On 29. April 2017 at 8:27 PM, rivkael said:

a thin t-shirt maybe? or the top half of a tankini swimming costume? I just tend to not look down when it gets bad... Idk I only really see my boobs as gendered when I'm wearing clothes. I don't gender my body, clothes do... (just had that epiphany)

XD i feel your pain, buddy

I know the one with the clothes! I don't mind having a chest (I strongly dislike the word you used for that), but when I'm wearing clothes, it just looks wrong.

Now I tried with a binder, but I think they might have delivered the wrong size, I can't breathe well...

When I'm wearing a binder, it looks right, the way I think it's supposed to look like.

 

I am realizing how dysphoria had a huuuge impact on my life since puberty. Thank God I know now why I have been doing so bad all the time! When I remember how I felt in certain circumstances, I understand better why I felt that way. And now I can even do something about it!

[Dodecahedron314]

38 minutes ago, All the little Lights said:

Now I tried with a binder, but I think they might have delivered the wrong size, I can't breathe well...

If you're having trouble breathing, it's definitely the wrong size binder, unfortunately. You should be able to breathe just as well with it as you can without it if your binder fits properly. I know how great it is to finally have your chest look right, but please be careful and take care of yourself while binding--make sure it's the right size, that you don't wear it for too long at a time, don't sleep in it, etc. etc. I'm sure you already know all that, but it bears repeating so it doesn't cause problems that make it harder for you to bind in the future. Congrats on figuring out your dysphoria and what you can do to make it better, though!

[All the little Lights]

28 minutes ago, Dodecahedron314 said:

If you're having trouble breathing, it's definitely the wrong size binder, unfortunately. You should be able to breathe just as well with it as you can without it if your binder fits properly. I know how great it is to finally have your chest look right, but please be careful and take care of yourself while binding--make sure it's the right size, that you don't wear it for too long at a time, don't sleep in it, etc. etc. I'm sure you already know all that, but it bears repeating so it doesn't cause problems that make it harder for you to bind in the future. Congrats on figuring out your dysphoria and what you can do to make it better, though!

Oh yes, I know the size doesn't fit me. But I ordered an L and it seems to be smaller than other L's. At least that's what some other people said who ordered with me. So we probably all got wrong sizes...

Oh yes, I have heard that a couple of times, but repeating it is never bad. Because imagine if I hadn't known! And I'm not putting on the wrong-sized one anymore. I hope I can get a better one soon!

 

Thanks for the cake

[andy33]

I think I may have this. I don't like having any sort of bulge in the groin area  and I don't like any facial hair. (I'm male) I like to look almost neutral gendered. 

[Kimmie.]

4 hours ago, andy33 said:

I think I may have this. I don't like having any sort of bulge in the groin area  and I don't like any facial hair. (I'm male) I like to look almost neutral gendered. 

I hear you about the bulge and facial hair for me it is my chest hair to. I hope you can get what you want someday.

[nerdperson777]

On 4/28/2017 at 4:52 AM, Hadley167 said:

If you're wearing flattering cuts of clothing, people will just kind of mentally fill in the blanks.

I think that's part of the reason why I pass.  Even if I have parts of me that aren't totally right, like I know my cheeks are kind of prominent and can get really red when I exercise, my blank face tends to give people this idea that I'm really strict, which gets translated to masculine somehow.  

 

On 4/28/2017 at 6:25 AM, Ix Phoen said:

Another outfit I can't wear that you could:
 

  Reveal hidden contents

 

Even I think I would like something like that, without the flared dress part.  I like the top half, but I already bought myself a trenchcoat like that.

[Kimmie.]

Okay i really need help here. How do i shave my back? I can't reach it completely. And all that hair almost gives me panic.

Thanks

[Finn.]

 

My top dysphoria is the worst currently but at the same time I sort of want my chin-long wavy hair back? I don't understand it

 

@Kimmie. I suppose you'd have to have it waxed?

[Emery.]

I seriously wonder sometimes if I experience dysphoria, despite claiming I don't... I don't experience it in the most obvious ways, that's true. I don't feel bad about my body. I remember I used to, but it very well could have been attributed to strict gender roles when I did. In my opiniom, body is not something that expresses me as a person, nor has it any way to do so. I can express myself and make my body a home through keeping it nice and healthy, and fit, and through decorating it, just like a house. But that's it. Don't fix it if it ain't broke. Stereotypical gender roles bother me for sure, but pronouns... it bothers me if I ask someone call me a he and they call me she anyway. That gets me quite angry actually. Same about the way I identify - if I say I feel like a guy and the other person insists I'm a cis girl and feel like a girl (or non-binary), it does bother me and it is hurtful to me. Otherwise, if all the other person sees is a girl - a girl in femme clothes, or a girl in a militery jacket, I can't feel angry, I can't feel bad, that would be an unrealistic expectation for them to know. But it does bother me when said person gender stereotypes me and assumes untrue things about me. I'm not all about being perceived as a dude, because I can't really influence how other people perceive me. All I can do is stay true to myself, do and talk as I see fit, and hope that creates a true enough picture of me.

[All the little Lights]

15 minutes ago, Emery. said:

I seriously wonder sometimes if I experience dysphoria, despite claiming I don't... I don't experience it in the most obvious ways, that's true. I don't feel bad about my body. I remember I used to, but it very well could have been attributed to strict gender roles when I did. In my opiniom, body is not something that expresses me as a person, nor has it any way to do so. I can express myself and make my body a home through keeping it nice and healthy, and fit, and through decorating it, just like a house. But that's it. Don't fix it if it ain't broke. Stereotypical gender roles bother me for sure, but pronouns... it bothers me if I ask someone call me a he and they call me she anyway. That gets me quite angry actually. Same about the way I identify - if I say I feel like a guy and the other person insists I'm a cis girl and feel like a girl (or non-binary), it does bother me and it is hurtful to me. Otherwise, if all the other person sees is a girl - a girl in femme clothes, or a girl in a militery jacket, I can't feel angry, I can't feel bad, that would be an unrealistic expectation for them to know. But it does bother me when said person gender stereotypes me and assumes untrue things about me. I'm not all about being perceived as a dude, because I can't really influence how other people perceive me. All I can do is stay true to myself, do and talk as I see fit, and hope that creates a true enough picture of me.

I know the ones with the pronouns! I don't really mind if someone calls me a she, but I like being called it in my native language. And if I tell someone to do that and they don't it makes me angry and sad. Luckily there are some people who do say the right pronouns. But I don't expect very much anymore.

 

 

I know which size of binder fits me!!

[nerdperson777]

15 hours ago, Kimmie. said:

Okay i really need help here. How do i shave my back? I can't reach it completely. And all that hair almost gives me panic.

Thanks

The least helpful advice I can think about is stretching until you have the shoulder flexibility to reach back there. 

 

Which brings me to some question. What is it that makes AFAB people more flexible, on average, than an AMAB person? In a presumed cis adult population, I notice many inflexible guys in my classes. The girls still have some decent flexibility even if they didn't do much stretching before. I haven't looked this up yet but it has been a question on my mind for a while. 

 

(Also I was told that AFAB people keep their flexibility on T, which is great for me and having splits. A trans woman told me this, saying she knew a guy who could do ice skating high leg balances because of it.)

[Kimmie.]

14 hours ago, Finn. said:

 

@Kimmie. I suppose you'd have to have it waxed?

 

9 minutes ago, nerdperson777 said:

The least helpful advice I can think about is stretching until you have the shoulder flexibility to reach back there. 

 

Which brings me to some question. What is it that makes AFAB people more flexible, on average, than an AMAB person? In a presumed cis adult population, I notice many inflexible guys in my classes. The girls still have some decent flexibility even if they didn't do much stretching before. I haven't looked this up yet but it has been a question on my mind for a while. 

 

(Also I was told that AFAB people keep their flexibility on T, which is great for me and having splits. A trans woman told me this, saying she knew a guy who could do ice skating high leg balances because of it.)

Thanks for the advice both of you. I have read about some type of shaver extender arm. But that just sound like a accident waiting to happend.

 

And the flexibility can it have to do with hormones some how. In how muscles ,tendons and joints are build ?

But i have no idea.

[Siimo van der fietspad]

Unsure if it's dysphoria or not, but I am really put off by some subtle but ever-present expectations about male appearance. First and foremost, I really dislike more than a slightly muscly appearance. I see these huge guys with bulges all over the place (usually more upper body) walking past from the University sports ground and it just looks grotesque, they look like trolls or caricatures of comic book characters.  Apparently, I'm supposed to want a body shape like that and it's 'healthy': well sod that, I walk/run twenty miles a week and eat a pretty much perfect diet and I am very happy with my slim, un-masculine dimensions. Another big one is dress: in general, I find a lot of male clothing design to be completely wrong in one respect or another. Firstly the colour palate is almost always dark and dull: a particular example would be my otherwise wonderful North Face down vest, which at the time of purchase was only available for men in black, grey and khaki with a lumpen shape that doesn't entirely fit my frame; but for women, in a more flattering cut, in black, white, turquoise, pink, brown, sand, blue, red, purple with a useful interior pocket not in the men's version...you get the picture. This isn't an isolated example, I seem to have to look way harder to find clothes that suit my tastes in colour, style and shape amongst menswear departments. I'm not a crossdresser or transcurious (is that a word?), I just want to mix up my clothing to actually feel right in it. I really want to find time to learn to sew properly so I can get closer to the ideal, at present I get most of the way via fabric paints and decorative modification.

 

What else...oh, I got occasional stupid comments because I buy elegant, efficient French cars rather than shouty German tanks, which is 'wrong' for a man. I bake too much for a guy not trying to use cooking 'to pull chicks'. People used to think I was odd for spending as much time with girls who were friends as boys, well if somebody is interesting to talk to who cares?

 

 

[nerdperson777]

4 hours ago, Siimo said:

Unsure if it's dysphoria or not, but I am really put off by some subtle but ever-present expectations about male appearance. First and foremost, I really dislike more than a slightly muscly appearance. I see these huge guys with bulges all over the place (usually more upper body) walking past from the University sports ground and it just looks grotesque, they look like trolls or caricatures of comic book characters.  Apparently, I'm supposed to want a body shape like that and it's 'healthy': well sod that, I walk/run twenty miles a week and eat a pretty much perfect diet and I am very happy with my slim, un-masculine dimensions. Another big one is dress: in general, I find a lot of male clothing design to be completely wrong in one respect or another. Firstly the colour palate is almost always dark and dull: a particular example would be my otherwise wonderful North Face down vest, which at the time of purchase was only available for men in black, grey and khaki with a lumpen shape that doesn't entirely fit my frame; but for women, in a more flattering cut, in black, white, turquoise, pink, brown, sand, blue, red, purple with a useful interior pocket not in the men's version...you get the picture. This isn't an isolated example, I seem to have to look way harder to find clothes that suit my tastes in colour, style and shape amongst menswear departments. I'm not a crossdresser or transcurious (is that a word?), I just want to mix up my clothing to actually feel right in it. I really want to find time to learn to sew properly so I can get closer to the ideal, at present I get most of the way via fabric paints and decorative modification.

 

What else...oh, I got occasional stupid comments because I buy elegant, efficient French cars rather than shouty German tanks, which is 'wrong' for a man. I bake too much for a guy not trying to use cooking 'to pull chicks'. People used to think I was odd for spending as much time with girls who were friends as boys, well if somebody is interesting to talk to who cares?

At school, I lived on the top corner of a hill next to the largest gym on campus.  Sometimes I see these incredibly buff guys walking down the hill on my way back to my room.  They're much more noticeable compared to the more neutral looking guys that have just a bit of muscle.  I also never understood those muscle tanks with the huge arm holes down to the waist.  Might as well not have worn a shirt.  It's just a minor covering.  Other than to look ultra masculine and full of testosterone, I don't see the point of the V shape.  It may be sex appeal I guess?  Sure someone with that shape has big arms, but it seems really unbalanced.

 

I find the rectangle shape a nice middle ground for me.  I don't need to have humongously wide shoulders but not freakin' giant legs either.  My thighs are kind of big though from martial arts but I think I can slim them down with T, whenever that happens.  As with clothing, I do wish there were more colors.  I end up liking boys' underwear more than men's because I don't want just white, black, and grey, or blue.  Once my parents and I were at Costco, and dad liked this one jacket that had the logo for the home hockey team.  For some reason the team's color, teal, only came in women's.  Dad had to ask my mom permission if it was okay to get a women's jacket.  I don't get why, but he did.  But sometimes if you take the gender out of clothing, you can really find something that fits yourself.

 

I like to sew a little bit, but people think it's feminine.  People see the seamstresses but not the tailors?

[Siimo van der fietspad]

5 minutes ago, nerdperson777 said:

 Once my parents and I were at Costco, and dad liked this one jacket that had the logo for the home hockey team.  For some reason the team's color, teal, only came in women's.  Dad had to ask my mom permission if it was okay to get a women's jacket.  I don't get why, but he did.  But sometimes if you take the gender out of clothing, you can really find something that fits yourself.

 

I like to sew a little bit, but people think it's feminine.  People see the seamstresses but not the tailors?

 

I know, right? Although as a rare reverse example, football (soccer) teams have started having jerseys that are very form-fitting - this is ostensibly to reduce shirt-pulling fouls by the actual players but it's basically the same cut as women's tops. I've purchased two from my team across the last three seasons and am delighted that they are a perfect fit for my slim form (and not being a bulging sack of muscles, not so tight as to be sweaty) whilst all the ripped guys look like pvc fetish models and the overweight blokes struggle to stop the beer belly rupturing. They also look much more flattering on female fans than the sacks from the previous generation of football kits.

[Guest]

On 4-5-2017 at 8:28 AM, Emery. said:

I seriously wonder sometimes if I experience dysphoria, despite claiming I don't... I don't experience it in the most obvious ways, that's true. I don't feel bad about my body. I remember I used to, but it very well could have been attributed to strict gender roles when I did. In my opiniom, body is not something that expresses me as a person, nor has it any way to do so. I can express myself and make my body a home through keeping it nice and healthy, and fit, and through decorating it, just like a house. But that's it. Don't fix it if it ain't broke. Stereotypical gender roles bother me for sure, but pronouns... it bothers me if I ask someone call me a he and they call me she anyway. That gets me quite angry actually. Same about the way I identify - if I say I feel like a guy and the other person insists I'm a cis girl and feel like a girl (or non-binary), it does bother me and it is hurtful to me. Otherwise, if all the other person sees is a girl - a girl in femme clothes, or a girl in a militery jacket, I can't feel angry, I can't feel bad, that would be an unrealistic expectation for them to know. But it does bother me when said person gender stereotypes me and assumes untrue things about me. I'm not all about being perceived as a dude, because I can't really influence how other people perceive me. All I can do is stay true to myself, do and talk as I see fit, and hope that creates a true enough picture of me.

I can relate..I can relate! I'm not dysporic at all if someone calls me lady, woman or girl or princess even as long as they don't overdo it, same counts for the she/her pronouns, i don't mind it at all but no overdoing it. I don't care if people preceive me as a cis girl but when i tell them i'm not i'd like them to respect the fact i'm not cis.My chest causes dysphoria rather then when someone calls me girl/lady and other feminine stuff.

 

Honestly, when i read your comment i can only say something like: "Just be yourself and you'll be allright!"  there is no need to stress over gender stereotypes, they will always exist and if we keep on worrying about them we won't achieve anything. I've decided to take that as my motto and live my life the way i want to...also ordered my binder for that reason. I just don't care about gender stereotypes anymore and the way people perceive me. As long as they respect it when i notifiy them about who i am and what i stand for.

 

 

 

[Emery.]

Trans stereotypes are a thing too, aren't they?

 

thanks Jayce

[Dodecahedron314]

Why is French a gendered language?

 

And I swear to god, if one more person calls me Mademoiselle... >.<

[ChillaKilla]

5 hours ago, Dodecahedron314 said:

Why is French a gendered language?

 

And I swear to god, if one more person calls me Mademoiselle... >.<

*sympathetically pats your back in Mandarin Chinese* That's rough, buddy.

[nerdperson777]

7 hours ago, ChillaKilla said:

*sympathetically pats your back in Mandarin Chinese* That's rough, buddy.

Speaking of Chinese, I wonder if I ever posted that I was disgusted that my name, if heard by someone who spoke English, sounds like semen.  My name is quick thinker, dang it.

[ChillaKilla]

Walking into work and getting outed to customers by coworkers who knew me beforehand  

[Rosendust]

I definitely feel dysphoria when I am on my menstrual cycle-like every part of me doesn't belong. Is this weird? 

[Toothlesss]

1 minute ago, Rosendust said:

I definitely feel dysphoria when I am on my menstrual cycle-like every part of me doesn't belong. Is this weird? 

Nope, some of my worst dysphoria comes this time of month.  

[Rosendust]

I'm glad I'm not the only one! @toothless 

[Ricki]

On 5/7/2017 at 5:38 PM, ChillaKilla said:

Walking into work and getting outed to customers by coworkers who knew me beforehand  

Ouch O_o They need a healthy dose of Slap-In-The-Face medicine.

[nerdperson777]

On 5/9/2017 at 3:43 PM, Ricchan said:

Ouch O_o They need a healthy dose of Slap-In-The-Face medicine.

Reminds me of this one Tai Chi move.  It's called Brush Knee Push Step, because you literally brush one hand over a knee and then push with the other hand and step forward, but my friend teaches it as Pie in the Face.  It only accounts for the push, but okay.  Right now I got some teenagers making fun of me for the way I do mine because I do a stylistic gradual soft push that I learned from university.  They just smash the pie in people's faces.

[Guest]

On 10-5-2017 at 0:43 AM, Ricchan said:

Ouch O_o They need a healthy dose of Slap-In-The-Face medicine.

And a kick in the rearend too, that's just annoying AF   co workers who can't just shut up.

[nerdperson777]

7 hours ago, Jayce said:

And a kick in the rearend too, that's just annoying AF   co workers who can't just shut up.

Oh I got a Tai Chi move for that too!  Since the pro ones have their legs to their shoulders, the way I do it seems more like a kick in the butt.

https://youtu.be/Kr9yPHbrshA?t=2m56s

Yes, I'm the guy in the middle competing against two girls.  There's two kicks, one on each foot.