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Different Dysphorias


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butterflydreams

Screw bottom dysphoria straight to hell. Seriously. Just one more thing I do not need. I need to find better compression underwear or something -_-

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On 15.02.2017 г. at 7:45 PM, Arvid of Rivendell said:

There was a day, recently, where I felt like I looked masculine or at least androgynous. I went to the store to buy a "men's" button-up (why are clothes gendered? smh). I had to try it on to make sure the size was right, so I went to the fitting rooms (not separated by gender, thank Zorp). I was stopped by the attendant person so that they could make a note of how many items I was trying on. I showed them the clothes I had (I had some pants, too) and started to find a stall when the attendant stopped me to say, "You know that's a men's shirt, right? Because not all ladies notice that." I told them I was aware, rushed into the closet stall, and had a little cry. 

 

Social dysphoria kills.

Pretty much the same thing happened to me about a month ago but with shoes. Although I always look and pass as female, don't know whether trying to look more androgynous is even worth trying, personally. Anyways, I was looking at the men's section of the shoes and the attendant told me: "You realize those are men's shoes, right?", I said: "Of course." and I ran out of the store. As if trying to find men's shoes or at least ones that look masculine enough in a smaller size isn't hard enough, I also have to deal with people unknowingly making me even more dysphoric than I already feel!

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nerdperson777
11 hours ago, Light02 said:

Pretty much the same thing happened to me about a month ago but with shoes. Although I always look and pass as female, don't know whether trying to look more androgynous is even worth trying, personally. Anyways, I was looking at the men's section of the shoes and the attendant told me: "You realize those are men's shoes, right?", I said: "Of course." and I ran out of the store. As if trying to find men's shoes or at least ones that look masculine enough in a smaller size isn't hard enough, I also have to deal with people unknowingly making me even more dysphoric than I already feel!

Oh yeah, it's hard to find shoes in my size.  My size is in that awkward in between of men's and kids' sizing so the only place I can find my size is the women's section.  I went to the mall with some trans girl friends yesterday.  I went over to the men's 5-6 section but they only had 6 and 6W there.  An employee heard me and said that there were no 5's.  Then why was there a 5-6 sign?  I also find it odd that one of my friends, is slightly shorter than me but has way bigger feet.  But she says it's hard to find women's shoes big enough for her.  

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Social dysphoria is a killer. Yes, give me the most girly ass ski boots and skis as you possibly can, ski rental depot. No, no it's fine <_< Not like I would pass either way so no point in trying to make myself less miserable...

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Alex the Queer

dysphoria has royally kicked my ass today. first, there's the fact that i'm on my period. that itself is bad enough without the added fact that it's basically my body's way of saying "hey fuck you, you're still female". then at rehearsal for the play i'm in we did costuming, which required me trying on about 5 different dresses. i fucking hate dresses with a burning passion, because, again, female bullshit. so with all this i spent the last half hour of the rehearsal hiding in a bathroom trying not to cry and pretty close to a mental breakdown. then after all this, my "mother" picked me up from rehearsal and the second i climb in the car i'm being misgendered like there's no fucking tomorrow. it's especially bad coming from my parents because they're abusive enough as it is, and they were totally fucking horrible when i tried coming out to them. is respecting the fact that your own kid has a different identity and using they and them the same way you would grammatically any other damn time really that hard?? all kinds of bullshit about how i'm still a girl and always will be and how they refuse to change my name and how they refuse to use my pronouns because they don't like it and they don't think it's right and how i have a vagina so i'm still a girl and that's final. that one just makes me feel like total shit because i already have my own fucking body to make me feel bad about that, i don't need the added bullshit from them. so i've just spent most of today feeling horrible and trying not to break down. i really wish i had someone that could be there for me in person, i just feel like i need a hug and an actual shoulder to cry on, but the only friends i really have are internet friends, minus like 3 people that i never see outside of school and who wouldn't understand at all, so it's not like i can get any actual support or help in person

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I really want to get a binder. I don't know why i really want one all the sudden.I just want them to be flat??? I notice sometimes that i am happy with my body and there are times where i just hate being the way i am.. I just feel such a distance between who i am and what i want to be and it feels weird. I just think that's dysphoria?

 

Bottom dysphoria sucks. I noticed that if you ignore what's down there you actually  don't notice it anymore...for a while then. I think it works most of the time but there are days where it doesn't work especially when its period time again.

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Okay here it goes i have been recomended the gender forums by some people on here. But i have been unsure of i would post here but i have taken me some courage.

I am male(unfortunately) i can´t deny that but i can´t lose the feeling that i wish i was female. I get from time to time jelaous on women. The shapes and all that. I really dislike my body hair especially chest and facial hair. I don´t hate my body, i accept it. But it is something that feels wrong. I can´t really describe it sorry.

 

If anything i have written here offend anyone i am really sorry. The last thing i want to do is make people that allready have it hard feel worse. So if there is anything please tell me what and i will delete the post and you will not have to see me again.

Thank you for your time.

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welcome to the gender forum, @Kimmie. ! :cake:

 

Sounds like dysphoria to me. You could get your hair lasered? I know it's a expensive (afaik) and lengthy process but it could be worth it for you!

 

You can openly talk about your dysphoria here. People that might get dysphoric about this topic probably won't visit this thread anyway.

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2 minutes ago, Finn. said:

 

welcome to the gender forum, @Kimmie. ! :cake:

 

Sounds like dysphoria to me. You could get your hair lasered? I know it's a expensive (afaik) and lengthy process but it could be worth it for you!

 

You can openly talk about your dysphoria here. People that might get dysphoric about this topic probably won't visit this thread anyway.

Thanks for the answer.  I have looked in to hair removal before and I will start to look where the closest clinic is.  But once again thanks. 

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Alex the Queer

@Kimmie.if not laser hair removal, you could always try waxing. a lot easier and cheaper since you can do it at home yourself

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A depilator is easier than wax to be honest. I personally have to shave, wait a few days and then depilate. And I'm talking legs. But just please don't use wax on your face, don't repeat my mistake.

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butterflydreams

Yeah, definitely DO NOT wax your face. Also, don't depilate your face either. If it works (and it probably won't) it'll just hurt and make a mess.

 

Removing facial hair has for me been one of the most helpful, beneficial things to my mental wellbeing that I've done. It takes what feels like forever, hurts like hell when they're doing it, but it's worth it. Sadly laser only works if you have light skin and dark hair. It's taken me about 10 months to make it all the way through 8(?) sessions. If laser won't work for you, electrolysis is pretty much your only option. I've heard it hurts more than laser, and takes longer, but laser hurts a lot too. It's far from painless. Think snapping a rubber band on your face, over and over.

 

Laser can be expensive, but if you budget it, it's not bad. Most places will offer some kind of bundle deal at least once during your treatment. I got one free session by buying one in advance.

 

HRT did wonders for body hair in my case. It took a LONG time to start noticing it, but it's been great. Chest hair is basically a non issue these days. It does take a while to thin out, and it probably won't go away entirely. But it's trivial to shave away every few days.

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Thank you everyone for the help. You are all amazing:)

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nerdperson777

My friend gets her face waxed professionally.  Is that different?  That is her greatest dysphoria so I guess she was willing to go through all that hurt for it.  But she got it lasered now and I don't tend to notice anything anymore.

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19 minutes ago, Mystic Maya said:

I took measurments to finally deal with clothing issues and that gave me a lot of dysphoria

my hips are so small that they're .5cm below the smallest...

I am sorry that most be tough. I can't completely relate but the hips is one of those things I am most envious about. Again sorry. 

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butterflydreams
12 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

My friend gets her face waxed professionally.  Is that different?  That is her greatest dysphoria so I guess she was willing to go through all that hurt for it.  But she got it lasered now and I don't tend to notice anything anymore.

I mean, you can, but it's gonna hurt like hell, and it's not even permanent. A lot of the face waxing is touch up stuff. Designed to remove light to moderate peach fuzz kind of hair. It probably won't do much for the coarse beard hair that's usually there.

 

Either way, the skin on your face is really sensitive and it takes a lot of abuse already. If you're hitting it with a laser, electrified needle or wax, you're just adding to that. It's important to keep your face clean, use some kind of moisturizing aloe and just generally treat it well. I wasn't always good at this, but I've gotten better. As bad as the dysphoria can be, give your face a break from shaving and makeup every now and then.

 

1 hour ago, Mystic Maya said:

I took measurments to finally deal with clothing issues and that gave me a lot of dysphoria

my hips are so small that they're .5cm below the smallest...

*hugs* I don't worry too much about my hips, though I'm constantly concerned that my boobs are proportional to my frame. Sadly, they're probably about as big as they're gonna get. Considering how late I started, and my flat-chested genetics, I think I did really well. I always try to choose clothes that accentuate what I have.

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nerdperson777
3 hours ago, Hadley167 said:

I mean, you can, but it's gonna hurt like hell, and it's not even permanent. A lot of the face waxing is touch up stuff. Designed to remove light to moderate peach fuzz kind of hair. It probably won't do much for the coarse beard hair that's usually there.

 

Either way, the skin on your face is really sensitive and it takes a lot of abuse already. If you're hitting it with a laser, electrified needle or wax, you're just adding to that. It's important to keep your face clean, use some kind of moisturizing aloe and just generally treat it well. I wasn't always good at this, but I've gotten better. As bad as the dysphoria can be, give your face a break from shaving and makeup every now and then.

I remember her saying that the person doing her services said that constant stuff done would not help with making the hair go away.  She was getting her mustache waxed in between laser appointments, which doesn't give much of anything to laser.  I don't know.  She does whatever she is willing to pay for.  She always says "I don't want to see it".  The most I've ever seen on her face was a few black pricks.

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Many hugs and a lot of cake to every one experiencing dysphoria :cake::cake:

 

And @Kimmie. welcome to the forum :) You can talk openly, use whatever words you use to describe your body, no one will get offended!

 

Also for the girls here, I once stumbled upon a video of someone doing contrast on their chest to make their boobs look bigger and all kinds of other stuff! I think if you're dysphoric about the size of your boobs there are a lot of stuff you could try :) this is really not my area of expertise but I think it's one of THE topics on which there is the most info on the internet ^^'

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7 hours ago, Lou42 said:

Many hugs and a lot of cake to every one experiencing dysphoria :cake::cake:

 

And @Kimmie. welcome to the forum :) You can talk openly, use whatever words you use to describe your body, no one will get offended!

 

Also for the girls here, I once stumbled upon a video of someone doing contrast on their chest to make their boobs look bigger and all kinds of other stuff! I think if you're dysphoric about the size of your boobs there are a lot of stuff you could try :) this is really not my area of expertise but I think it's one of THE topics on which there is the most info on the internet ^^'

I am glad that everyone here is so friendly. 

One more thing is that i don´t really like to be could a man but guy works somehow. And those few times when i have been could her or something like that i get happy. It have happend online via email a couple of times. People think that i am a woman because of my name Kim. I have nothing aginst that as alredy have sade. I take that as a compliment.

 

But the thing is that i am 28 and i have started to think and gett this feelings about the last year or so. Which feel somewhat late. But when i think back i get to a couple of things that have happend when i was younger i get some hints and see somewhat of a pattern.

 

Once again thank you for your time.

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Ouch! All this hair talk, that's one thing i don't have to worry about. I have no body hair at all. I never have to shave, wax or anything simply because there is nothing to shave. I can imagine laser might be an option to look into rather then waxing, that's not good if you have a sensitive skin.

 

Welcome @Kimmie. Glad you are here and ask around already! You are doing great! Keep up the good work!!

I regonise some of the stuff you say there.It has been a year or so ago when i started to doubt my gender.I have never really been a full girly girl i've been more a tomboy. I have a love-hate relationship with most female stuff but don't mind doing guy things. I find it as a compliment too when someone calls me Sir but i don't mind if someone calls me a Lady.

I don't feel fully male but i don't fully feel female either. I'm something inbetween or maybe both or maybe one at the time.Whatever i feel, I feel neutral in addition.Hence why i'm Pangender/Genderfluid but i like to call myself fabulous instead and gentleman just sounds like me for some or other reason.I think the most important thing is to figure what you can relate to and what you experience and no worries, when someone comes with a name it doesn't have to be set in stone that it is yours, just take your time and keep looking around. I'm sure you will find what you are looking for.

 

As for boobs: You could try different stuffed bra's to figure wich size is best? Sometimes they sell stuffing for your bra (Well they do here) and it might be a good idea to try what you are comfortable with.

 

 

 

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Thanks @Jayce you are awesome. The things I talk about in my past. I can't pinpoint them but there is sometimes memorys that just pop up. That I get I a kind of a Ohh feeling from.  

 

And also why I haven't thought of this before now can be because of my insecurities and bad self esteem. That I just think there is nothing special about you, you are just loser kind of thing. 

 

There is days like to day when I am mostly just fine.  And there is those days when I can see a TV commercial for a lady shaver ore something like that. And my mood just sky dives and my brain keep telling me: that is how you should look dumbass.

It is especially the legs,hips and butt that makes me jealous and the fact that I would not have that stupid thing between my legs.

 

I have as you probably know dressed up a bit. But to be honest the clothes do not give me that much.  It is the feeling that I have those body shapes that makes me happy. But then I remember that EVERYTHING under there dosen't exist and is just fake. And that just takes away the happiness it gives me.

 

Sorry I wrote more then I thought I would. 

 

And again sorry if I hurt anyone.  I don't know why I write that every time. I am just afraid that I will offend someone that have I much worse than me. 

 

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Kimmie it's ok! We all deal with issues so nobody will be offended if you ask us anything you would like to know.

 

I remember asking and i still do ask around alot about being trans and HRT and i learn so much from them. Just keep on asking and don't be shy! Most people are very friendly and welcoming here. 

 

I have my moments too, especially when i wear my guy clothes wich i do all the time.It's difficult when you realise you can't have some features that could take that feeling alway but i don't know if i could handle packing and binding....

I heard some people wear compression underwear on dysphoric days. Maybe that's something you could consider?

 

It's good that you dress up so you can have the feeling, I wear my guy clothes for that reason too. 

 

I hope this helps a bit

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nerdperson777

The past day has been kinda meh.

 

In the car, dad has been continuing to go on about how he's always right because he's old and has experience.

Dad: "........[full birth name].........she.......her......."

Me (getting really angry): I'm not a she.

Dad: ".........she....."

Me: I'M NOT A SHE.

 

Then other thoughts.

"Hmmm, my abs hurt.  Did I really do that much today?  Oh wait....that's my......cramps. :|"

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17 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

The past day has been kinda meh.

 

In the car, dad has been continuing to go on about how he's always right because he's old and has experience.

Dad: "........[full birth name].........she.......her......."

Me (getting really angry): I'm not a she.

Dad: ".........she....."

Me: I'M NOT A SHE.

 

Then other thoughts.

"Hmmm, my abs hurt.  Did I really do that much today?  Oh wait....that's my......cramps. :|"

:cake::cake: *hugs*

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My so could dysphoria goes up and down. There is days like today when i am mostly fine. But there is those days that becomes more and more frequent. When everything with my body that could be called masculine or male just feels wrong. I just realized that  i have already sade this.

 

And i have start to realize that i don't like to be could a man but guy works somehow. To be could her and things like that makes me happy those times it happends mosty here.

 

And nerdperson777 it sucks that you have to through that. 

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nerdperson777

@Kimmie. My cramps seem to have ended early but my parents aren't letting up those pronouns.

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Moaning time. Do you know I hate to moan? Anyway, I could see those guys didn't want to talk to me, because I'm a girl. I already know from experience that to this kind of guys it never matters what I wear or what I do, who and not what I am, all that matters them is vagina. And well, the rest. And to them all people with vaginas are strictly and stereotypically feminine. And it upset me so much. But fortunately there are other people I can socialise with. I know I shouldn't feel down about it, because they are stupid people (in a social sense), but only watching YouTube videos with other non-binary trans people has helped me today, and seeing them struggle with the same things, with misunderstood efforts to express who they are in this world, in this culture, that sees gender as a "natural order" and "either-or". 

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On 2017-02-15 at 6:32 PM, Dodecahedron314 said:

We're currently doing the "biopolitics" unit in my gender/sexuality studies class, meaning the one that's all about the relationship between reproduction and power structures. Enough said. 

 

Relatedly, are there any other AFABs here who have read The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood and gotten super dysphoric over it because of the extensive discussion of sex and fertility and reproduction in first person? 

 

I'm super late to the discussion (I left this tab open as a "to-do" item and holy cow it's been a while!), but I read The Handmaid's Tale. But for some reason the women didn't actually register as women to me. Rather they were aliens or something. Or, like, women but of a human race in a different universe. I did not even slightly identify with them. It was like they were cattle. Breeding cattle, no humans. But I guess that's kinda the point of the novel in a way...

 

On another note, welcome @Kimmie.. For what it's worth, it's not that unusual to start identifying as trans or genderqueer, or to be exploring such things, late in life. In fact, I read an article once somewhere that said there was a bimodal distribution of people who identify as trans (this study only studied binary trans people). The study split people who identify as trans into two groups; those who were "early" in their identity, and those who were "late". Apparently, it's common for a trans person to identify as such when they are a kid and right up to through puberty, but if you haven't identified as trans by the time you finish puberty, then odds are you're not going to until you're in your twenties, thirties, fourties, etc. Like, for some reason, there's a little bit of a gap there. And, for the record, there are a lot of people who are in the late group too. It's not odd, it's just a story that's less told.

 

So never worry that it's too late to be trans or genderqueer. In fact, I remember that study specifically because I was cis when I was a kid, right up until I was about 21 or 22 or something. Now I'm genderfluid, but there are no things in my childhood I can point to and say "I liked to chop wood when I was a kid, that's obviously a sign of masculinity showing itself early"... or anything. And that's not required.

 

I hope that helps. I know it won't help the dysphoria, but maybe it helps to calm the mind's worrying a bit? :cake:

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Thank you @Heart these feelings goes up and down I just don't know what I am.  But you are and everybody else here are awesome thanks for the help again. 

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