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Different Dysphorias


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Awwww.... I'm sorry you felt so bad to start with, but I'm really glad you are feeling a bit better. For what it's worth, when AVEN was getting really bad, I got in the habit of copy/pasting every post I made into a word document before posting it, then checking when it was posted that it went through properly before deleting the copy in the word document. I think you are the only one who still gets these glitches (at least that I've noticed), but that might be worthwhile in the future for important posts. I just don't want this to happen to you again :P

 

Anywho. You have my very best, warmest hugs. I saved them just for the end of 2016 ;)

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nerdperson777

I wrote in some ace thread about how my dad and found an old photo album.  He said to give my cousin a kid picture of her at her wedding and I said she wasn't going to get married.  We had an argument about that.  These pictures had various ones, mostly from my parents' wedding.  There's one of my mom wearing a pink qipao, or cheongsam, I forget.  Dad said that mom probably still has it (because we're such hoarders) and I should try it.  I gave him a look.  "What?  Just try!"  I know that he's just ignoring my identity once again.

 

Also, we found a hat at Daiso and mom said it looked good.  When dad saw it, he said it looked nice too.  I'd been wearing it for a few days since then.  My parents kept reminding me before we went out about my hat when I wasn't wearing it.  The first time I didn't wear it, dad touched my hair and said that I forgot to wear it.  I didn't forget.  I just didn't want to go upstairs and grab it.  The reminders kept continuing.  Then I realized that it's not that it actually looks good.  They just want to hide my hair again.  I just wore it because it kept my head warm, but the top was too round and I felt dysphoric.  I'm not actually sure where I put it now.

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Dodecahedron314
6 hours ago, Heart said:

Awwww.... I'm sorry you felt so bad to start with, but I'm really glad you are feeling a bit better. For what it's worth, when AVEN was getting really bad, I got in the habit of copy/pasting every post I made into a word document before posting it, then checking when it was posted that it went through properly before deleting the copy in the word document. I think you are the only one who still gets these glitches (at least that I've noticed), but that might be worthwhile in the future for important posts. I just don't want this to happen to you again :P

 

Anywho. You have my very best, warmest hugs. I saved them just for the end of 2016 ;)

I do copy everything to clipboard before I post it, but it looked like it went through just fine when I first posted it and I've posted other things since then so it's no longer accessible...though I really should find some sort of better clipboard tool to make this less of an issue. And for what it's worth, it's actually not AVEN eating them for once, it's my own terrible Internet connection that I've been dealing with for the past couple of weeks that makes things either post repeatedly or not post at all. (The same thing has been happening to me on Arocalypse and Transyada.) In any case, the hugs are appreciated :)

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Arvid of Rivendell

Social/Mental dysphoria:

As a kid, my gender expression was feminine. I loved pink and dolls and jewelry, that sort of thing. But as I got into puberty, I think I realized that this expression was marking me (to friends and family and to strangers society) as female, putting me into an arbitrary category without my consent. I started denying myself feminine expression and traits; I didn’t want to be gendered. For example, a big one was I hated myself for crying when I got angry, because that was “girly”. (I’m slowly getting over the issues I have with femininity and learning to embrace all my traits and hobbies, regardless of their associated gender. Because gendering everything like that is bullish*t.) I was taught at church that men and women are different - opposites - and that they had separate roles (they really pushed traditional gender roles). This didn’t make sense to me. I didn’t feel that different from a man and didn’t understand this “divide” between man and woman. When I started to question my gender, I started to realize just how uncomfortable being read as a woman/female makes me. One thing that really bothers me is a family member referring to me as “lady”; it really gets to me, but I have no idea how to ask them to stop.

 

Body dysphoria:

For years (since puberty started), I have hated my butt. It’s not huge, but it’s noticeable. I hate having curves down there. (Taking testosterone can help this, I believe. That may be an option to consider for the future.) Also, for at least two years, I tried to convince myself that I was flat chested (I’m not - I’m small, but definitely not flat). I wanted and still want to be flat chested. For a long time, this confused me because so many girls/women around me were excited to have boobs and wanted big ones, but here I was, ready to give anything to get rid of these weird bulges of fat. 

I’m not sure if this counts, but I hate my voice. I don’t like how high it gets. My voice did lower a bit during puberty (i.e., I went from a soprano to a flexible alto), but I would love to have it even lower. 

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Mychemicalqpr
6 minutes ago, Jay of Rivendell said:

 

Social/Mental dysphoria:

As a kid, my gender expression was feminine. I loved pink and dolls and jewelry, that sort of thing. But as I got into puberty, I think I realized that this expression was marking me (to friends and family and to strangers society) as female, putting me into an arbitrary category without my consent. I started denying myself feminine expression and traits; I didn’t want to be gendered.

 

This is pretty much exactly what happened to me.  I did some "boy" activities too, such as lightsaber fighting, building train tracks, climbing things and getting in the dirt, and I thought that ought to make me even, or close at least, yet all people seem to remember about young me is dressing up as a princess and singing and dancing to Once Upon a Dream.  Then there's my brother, who generally liked "boy" things, but he would sometimes play barbies with me, and relatives were worried he was going to be gay.  Essentially, 10 points of femininity > 10 points of masculinity--the bane of the AFAB existence.  When I became aware, I also went through a phase of shunning everything feminine, which kept me from doing a lot of things I truly loved: dancing, dressing up, appreciating mermaids and fairies, reading or watching "girly" stories. I'm glad you've been able to work through that.  I know not being yourself is no fun.       

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Arvid of Rivendell
1 hour ago, twilightstarr said:

Then there's my brother, who generally liked "boy" things, but he would sometimes play barbies with me, and relatives were worried he was going to be gay.  

I have a brother, too, and he would occasionally play dress up in my princess dresses. It freaked my dad out, but luckily my mom was there to tell him that it was healthy/normal. 

 

1 hour ago, twilightstarr said:

 Essentially, 10 points of femininity > 10 points of masculinity--the bane of the AFAB existence.  When I became aware, I also went through a phase of shunning everything feminine, which kept me from doing a lot of things I truly loved: dancing, dressing up, appreciating mermaids and fairies, reading or watching "girly" stories. I'm glad you've been able to work through that.  I know not being yourself is no fun.       

I can definitely relate. I really don't like how gendered everything is. I just want to be me, a person, who likes to do stuff (probably why I'm partial to the agender label right now).

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I can relate too. I guess i have always had issues with how gendered things are. But when i was in my late teens/mid 20's i just decided to just give up and start mixing stuff alltogether. Being yourself is one awesome thing i discovered over the years.

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nerdperson777
On 1/3/2017 at 6:14 AM, Jay of Rivendell said:

Social/Mental dysphoria:

As a kid, my gender expression was feminine. I loved pink and dolls and jewelry, that sort of thing. But as I got into puberty, I think I realized that this expression was marking me (to friends and family and to strangers society) as female, putting me into an arbitrary category without my consent. I started denying myself feminine expression and traits; I didn’t want to be gendered. For example, a big one was I hated myself for crying when I got angry, because that was “girly”. (I’m slowly getting over the issues I have with femininity and learning to embrace all my traits and hobbies, regardless of their associated gender. Because gendering everything like that is bullish*t.) I was taught at church that men and women are different - opposites - and that they had separate roles (they really pushed traditional gender roles). This didn’t make sense to me. I didn’t feel that different from a man and didn’t understand this “divide” between man and woman. When I started to question my gender, I started to realize just how uncomfortable being read as a woman/female makes me. One thing that really bothers me is a family member referring to me as “lady”; it really gets to me, but I have no idea how to ask them to stop.

 

Body dysphoria:

For years (since puberty started), I have hated my butt. It’s not huge, but it’s noticeable. I hate having curves down there. (Taking testosterone can help this, I believe. That may be an option to consider for the future.) Also, for at least two years, I tried to convince myself that I was flat chested (I’m not - I’m small, but definitely not flat). I wanted and still want to be flat chested. For a long time, this confused me because so many girls/women around me were excited to have boobs and wanted big ones, but here I was, ready to give anything to get rid of these weird bulges of fat. 

I’m not sure if this counts, but I hate my voice. I don’t like how high it gets. My voice did lower a bit during puberty (i.e., I went from a soprano to a flexible alto), but I would love to have it even lower. 

My apartmentmate has said similar things and decided she was gender non conforming with any pronouns.  When she was younger, she wanted to wear a dress everyday.  Then puberty hit and she never got to the girly girl stage.  She's basically flat and doesn't mind it at all.  She said she's glad to be able to do archery without anything getting in the way.  By societal standards, she would probably be considered tomboy for not having feminine interests now.  We like to do martial arts together and swing swords around.  I only saw her in a skirt once when she was loaned some formal clothes to wear for a dinner.  I was the awkward person in dress shirt, pants, and a backpack of junk.  Then she likes sci-fi stuff.  These things aren't exactly masculine interests, but certainly not feminine.  It might also be an aro ace thing since she later decided she was both also.  But she doesn't seem to have body dysphoria from what I've heard from her.  Her hair is long, but short for typical girl long.

 

On 1/3/2017 at 6:50 AM, twilightstarr said:

Then there's my brother, who generally liked "boy" things, but he would sometimes play barbies with me, and relatives were worried he was going to be gay.  Essentially, 10 points of femininity > 10 points of masculinity--the bane of the AFAB existence.  When I became aware, I also went through a phase of shunning everything feminine, which kept me from doing a lot of things I truly loved: dancing, dressing up, appreciating mermaids and fairies, reading or watching "girly" stories. I'm glad you've been able to work through that.  I know not being yourself is no fun.

I saw this one picture online of a boy holding a fake baby.  The caption said "are you afraid that....he's going to be a great father?"  Guys can take care of babies too but maybe societal ideas make it mostly the woman's job.  Also the thing with a single dad considered so praiseworthy while single mom is irresponsible.  BS double standards.

 

I shunned some of girly things growing up too.  When I was young, I was really into Powerpuff Girls.  I really identified with the green one, thought the blue one was too much of a crybaby (even though I was one), and I couldn't identify with a pink leader.  After a while, I didn't even want to be associated with any of it.  It's still kind of weird talking about it now since I stopped thinking about it all together.

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1 hour ago, nerdperson777 said:

My apartmentmate has said similar things and decided she was gender non conforming with any pronouns.  When she was younger, she wanted to wear a dress everyday.  Then puberty hit and she never got to the girly girl stage.  She's basically flat and doesn't mind it at all.  She said she's glad to be able to do archery without anything getting in the way.  By societal standards, she would probably be considered tomboy for not having feminine interests now.  We like to do martial arts together and swing swords around.  I only saw her in a skirt once when she was loaned some formal clothes to wear for a dinner.  I was the awkward person in dress shirt, pants, and a backpack of junk.  Then she likes sci-fi stuff.  These things aren't exactly masculine interests, but certainly not feminine.  It might also be an aro ace thing since she later decided she was both also.  But she doesn't seem to have body dysphoria from what I've heard from her.  Her hair is long, but short for typical girl long.

 

I saw this one picture online of a boy holding a fake baby.  The caption said "are you afraid that....he's going to be a great father?"  Guys can take care of babies too but maybe societal ideas make it mostly the woman's job.  Also the thing with a single dad considered so praiseworthy while single mom is irresponsible.  BS double standards.

 

I shunned some of girly things growing up too.  When I was young, I was really into Powerpuff Girls.  I really identified with the green one, thought the blue one was too much of a crybaby (even though I was one), and I couldn't identify with a pink leader.  After a while, I didn't even want to be associated with any of it.  It's still kind of weird talking about it now since I stopped thinking about it all together.

 

Oh my gosh, me too! I loved the green one, even though she was nothing like me personality-wise but she was really tomboyish and I thought "She's just like me!" despite the fact that at that age (around 4 or 5 years old) I was the most feminine I've ever been, I just felt masculine. And I loved that Buttercup always wore dresses while simultaneously being so boyish. She also has quite a feminine name but the way she acts that doesn't match that. She was probably the first character/person that made me think about these things and that I ever identified with.

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I remember that from around the age of 12 up until I was 14, I think, I would always look at myself in the mirror and think how ugly I was. There was always something that bugged me about that but I couldn't quite put my finger on what it was. Then at some point I thought that, if I'm being completely honest, I don't think I look ugly, I'm pretty average, aesthetic attraction-wise. I just told myself I look ugly because I don't like how feminine I look. It's not really an "ugly" thing, it's more of a "something about my face feels off and I hate it" (because it doesn't match the inside).

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You know, I've looked through this thread, and I can't help but feel that some of this makes sense. At times, I have most definitely been uncomfortable with my body. I've wanted something different, whatever that might be. Just not what I am. Of course, most of the time I manage to make do with who and what I and other people expect me to be. I guess I've just grown accustomed to pushing things aside. Though every time someone makes a comment about my masculinity, or how I should be a man, etc., I just can't help but hate it.

 

Things about genitals

I can't help but feel that me and my penis are part of the same person. It is it. And I am me. We are not an "us." I don't like the thought of it being part of me. I don't like talking about it being a part of me. Looking in a mirror, I can think "It's there, that's not a problem, but it's not me." One thing that really manages to separate it from myself, to alienate it, is when I've masturbated in front of a mirror. I just can't. I have to look away, avoid it. It just seems wrong. (note: I don't mind the idea of masturbation, or watching others masturbate. It's not something that bothers me when other people do it.) Seeing that is just something that makes me feel like I'm not me.

 

The biggest inhibitors to my willingness to believe that I might have dysphoria are social reasons. I'm already terrified of merely existing in public. I'm afraid of how people would judge me for being different. I don't want my family to think that there's something wrong with me. I don't want the people I know or go to school with to find some problem with me. I don't want to lose any of the relationships I've worked so hard to build. Being social and interacting with people has always been really difficult for me. I have Asperger's syndrome, so it's part of the whole package. I'm just afraid of seeing all the progress I've made be ruined. And most of all, I don't want to deal with people's hateful bullshit. I know too many people that would willingly stand up in arms and insults against someone if they claimed to be transgender.

 

Another thing I've thought about is the fact that I could simply just learn to be content. I don't have to change physically or mentally if I don't want to. I know that much. I just don't know if I want to, or if I should. I'm not so crippled by this that it would be impossible to continue on if I were to remain who I currently am perceived as. Overall, the two big questions floating around are: "Am I dysphoric?" and "If I am, what should I do?" That's basically all I have to say.

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nerdperson777
On 1/9/2017 at 3:55 PM, _V_ said:

The biggest inhibitors to my willingness to believe that I might have dysphoria are social reasons. I'm already terrified of merely existing in public. I'm afraid of how people would judge me for being different. I don't want my family to think that there's something wrong with me. I don't want the people I know or go to school with to find some problem with me. I don't want to lose any of the relationships I've worked so hard to build. Being social and interacting with people has always been really difficult for me. I have Asperger's syndrome, so it's part of the whole package. I'm just afraid of seeing all the progress I've made be ruined. And most of all, I don't want to deal with people's hateful bullshit. I know too many people that would willingly stand up in arms and insults against someone if they claimed to be transgender.

 

Another thing I've thought about is the fact that I could simply just learn to be content. I don't have to change physically or mentally if I don't want to. I know that much. I just don't know if I want to, or if I should. I'm not so crippled by this that it would be impossible to continue on if I were to remain who I currently am perceived as. Overall, the two big questions floating around are: "Am I dysphoric?" and "If I am, what should I do?" That's basically all I have to say.

Yes, everything.  We're socially affected by other people which make us question our decisions to identify as something out of the norm.  I constantly wonder, how will interactions change if the people I knew in high school knew that I was trans, ace, have Asperger's?  Mostly it's the trans part that has the impact.  I grew up in an environment that suppressed me if I didn't follow every instruction so I was already terrified of disobeying.  I never even understood what's it's like to stand on an equal ground with anyone.  Everyone has a higher status than me and they'll have the status to judge me.  My parents certainly see all this as something wrong with me.  Mom doesn't think much about me having Asperger's but just telling me to "overcome" it.  Of course, also hoping being trans is a phase.  Trans people typically have to spend money on expensive medical stuff to make themselves happy, and mom hates spending "needlessly", which means anything that isn't a necessity for daily life, to her.  She would have rather have me be a lesbian, of course, don't need to spend as much money on that.  (Tangent thought: I don't think I've actually seen a condom before.)  But anyway, I didn't want to be different and be more ridiculed than I already was.  And when relationships are hard to build, it's so easy to lose them and we don't want that.  I've already been scolded several times in the past month for things I've not realized that I've done wrong due to Asperger's.  Mom doesn't mean much harm, but it certainly wouldn't kill her to change my pronouns and stop calling me a girl.

 

I tried to be content with what I had.  That was what I was told by "normal" people.  Lately, I've had more and more body dysphoria so I can't wait for the day hormones can come.  Before, I would just tell myself to deal with it because I was the only one I knoew who hated what uteri do.  I didn't feel as bad then.  When I first came out, my cousin said that I was feminine to be a guy.  Now I think people just confuse scared and cowardly with feminine.  I'm a person wrecked by constant scolding and had no outlet.  I had no plans to be the fearless buff man in all those action movies.  Some people would be really dysphoric to be called the wrong name and pronouns but my dysphoria isn't as bad as it could be.  I could shorten my birth name and make it neutral.  Wrong pronouns hurt a bit more than when I was still questioning.  But at the same time, I accepted a reality where I would not be treated as who I want to be so I just let people call me the wrong name and pronouns.  I tried to be content before, but after learning, I could not stay ignorant completely.

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This is why my dysphoria is social more than physical. The fact that the rest of the world still sees me as some cis-female who somehow longs to look sexy (see the thread about bad gender stereotypes for that post)..just UGH. Thanks a lot random people who barely know me for making me feel soo bad about having female parts. 

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As I woke up this morning I experienced bottom dysphoria for the first time. I got my period yesterday and it usually doesn't affect my dysphoria, as I also never had bottom dysphoria before. But it's what caused it this time. It has gotten better but I am still bitter. I was quite *happy* about not having to deal with that. Am I at least a True Trans™ Person now?

 

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1 hour ago, Finn. said:

As I woke up this morning I experienced bottom dysphoria for the first time. I got my period yesterday and it usually doesn't affect my dysphoria, as I also never had bottom dysphoria before. But it's what caused it this time. It has gotten better but I am still bitter. I was quite *happy* about not having to deal with that. Am I at least a True Trans™ Person now?

 

"True Trans?" I'm pretty sure that if you identify as transgender, it's as legitimate as anyone else doing the same. Nobody can tell you if you're trans or not.

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Don't worry @Finn., if you are not True, I'm even more False. Nobody beats me in that competition. No dysphoria, no transition, no binary.

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2 hours ago, _V_ said:

"True Trans?" I'm pretty sure that if you identify as transgender, it's as legitimate as anyone else doing the same. Nobody can tell you if you're trans or not.

I was being sarcastic, kind of. I KNOW I am trans, and trans enough. But you know the usual bs people spread - about only counting as trans if you experience (body) dysphoria? I was sort of trying to see the humor in the situation. I have to deal with bottom dysphoria, but at least that makes me valid hahahahahaha (...)

 

@Emery. kudos to you, "falsehood" for the win!

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Ugh. My social dysphoria has been soo bad the past week or so :(:( No wonder I've had a hard time quieting my own mind before I get to sleep. It hurts when you feel like your true identity is invisible to people in real life.  

Being agender/non-binary is soo hard when society only thinks in terms of black and white. 

Doesn't help that finding out someone who just moved in across the street is (likely) racist. *SIGH*  (way to compound my dysphoria indirectly)

 

And I'm trying to make this year more positive than last year. 

I need to get back to writing, at that seems to help a lot, and I've been trying to get back to writing since some long car trips for Christmas threw me off. I just wish it didn't take this long to get back to writing. 

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 10/01/2017 at 0:55 AM, _V_ said:

You know, I've looked through this thread, and I can't help but feel that some of this makes sense. At times, I have most definitely been uncomfortable with my body. I've wanted something different, whatever that might be. Just not what I am. Of course, most of the time I manage to make do with who and what I and other people expect me to be. I guess I've just grown accustomed to pushing things aside. Though every time someone makes a comment about my masculinity, or how I should be a man, etc., I just can't help but hate it.

 

Things about genitals

 

  Reveal hidden contents

I can't help but feel that me and my penis are part of the same person. It is it. And I am me. We are not an "us." I don't like the thought of it being part of me. I don't like talking about it being a part of me. Looking in a mirror, I can think "It's there, that's not a problem, but it's not me." One thing that really manages to separate it from myself, to alienate it, is when I've masturbated in front of a mirror. I just can't. I have to look away, avoid it. It just seems wrong. (note: I don't mind the idea of masturbation, or watching others masturbate. It's not something that bothers me when other people do it.) Seeing that is just something that makes me feel like I'm not me.

 

 

The biggest inhibitors to my willingness to believe that I might have dysphoria are social reasons. I'm already terrified of merely existing in public. I'm afraid of how people would judge me for being different. I don't want my family to think that there's something wrong with me. I don't want the people I know or go to school with to find some problem with me. I don't want to lose any of the relationships I've worked so hard to build. Being social and interacting with people has always been really difficult for me. I have Asperger's syndrome, so it's part of the whole package. I'm just afraid of seeing all the progress I've made be ruined. And most of all, I don't want to deal with people's hateful bullshit. I know too many people that would willingly stand up in arms and insults against someone if they claimed to be transgender.

 

Another thing I've thought about is the fact that I could simply just learn to be content. I don't have to change physically or mentally if I don't want to. I know that much. I just don't know if I want to, or if I should. I'm not so crippled by this that it would be impossible to continue on if I were to remain who I currently am perceived as. Overall, the two big questions floating around are: "Am I dysphoric?" and "If I am, what should I do?" That's basically all I have to say.

To me it sounds like you are dysphoric indeed. I understand that it is terrifying to admit to yourself that you are dysphoric/trans though, especially for an AMAB...

But like you said, maybe you don't have to come out as trans or anything, maybe you can just learn to manage your dysphoria. Like for your social dysphoria maybe you can ask some people that you know are open-minded to not refer to you as a man as much, like to use "person" instead of "man" or stuff like that. You wouldn't even necessarily have to evoke any reason other than it makes you uncomfortable or something. And the same goes for your name --I don't know if your name makes you dysphoric but you could switch to something gender-neutral by telling people that you don't like your birth name.

And to manage physical dysphoria, there are also stuff that you can do for yourself without having to come out as trans or anything, like changing your hair or underwear...

In a general way, what you could do is try and pin-point what makes you dysphoric so that you can come up with a way to alleviate that dysphoria without having to come out in any way.

 

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  • 3 weeks later...
nerdperson777

I think I'm getting more non-binary again.  I'm fine with being called he but I think I'm getting dysphoric about titles.  On Saturday, I was told last minute of an opportunity to help out for an event at my martial arts studio.  Of the 6 people there, I was not a full coach since I was still learning as a trainee.  The coach orchestrating the event introduced us to the kids.  He went over names "Coach Jenny, Coach Troy...." and it when got to me, he said "Mr. Calvin".  While I know that I'm not a full coach in the white shirt (I have a blue trainee shirt), I didn't feel right being singled out from all the others, or maybe I don't like being called mister anymore.  When my friend first called me Mister Cat, I really liked it, but now something doesn't feel right.  The same friend called me sir today and it still felt out of place.  Maybe I'm too used to things not changing so I'm frustrated with this change, because I get respecting pronouns and all, but sometimes it feels like if names and pronouns change so much, significance is lost and it does get troublesome.  I personally can't feel myself using the other pronouns like zir and hir since I can't tell the grammar like he/him/his and they/them/theirs.  I have no clue which one of the three spots these pronouns fall under.  I don't know.  Maybe I'm just confusing myself right now.

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I posted in here a loooong while back, but I'm gonna post again.

 

Someone mentioned the Powerpuff Girls and relating to Buttercup, the green one. When I was a child, I also related to Buttercup a lot, but at the time, I genuinely thought she was a boy, or at least identified as a male. She was what I wanted to be. Once I found out she was really girl, I got fairly upset, and my interest in the show dwindled.

 

In other news, my aunt called me "girl" today and it bugged me a little. I also feel like, no matter what I do, there is still something about me that just screams "female". I think it's my mannerisms, or even just my face. I can bind my chest and dress up in all the male clothes, but I still feel like I look like a female. It's pretty frustrating and there are times it makes me want to just hide myself from the world, like a monster.

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49 minutes ago, Nai said:

I can bind my chest and dress up in all the male clothes, but I still feel like I look like a female

Same.

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Arvid of Rivendell

There was a day, recently, where I felt like I looked masculine or at least androgynous. I went to the store to buy a "men's" button-up (why are clothes gendered? smh). I had to try it on to make sure the size was right, so I went to the fitting rooms (not separated by gender, thank Zorp). I was stopped by the attendant person so that they could make a note of how many items I was trying on. I showed them the clothes I had (I had some pants, too) and started to find a stall when the attendant stopped me to say, "You know that's a men's shirt, right? Because not all ladies notice that." I told them I was aware, rushed into the closet stall, and had a little cry. 

 

Social dysphoria kills.

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nerdperson777
9 hours ago, Nai said:

I posted in here a loooong while back, but I'm gonna post again.

 

Someone mentioned the Powerpuff Girls and relating to Buttercup, the green one. When I was a child, I also related to Buttercup a lot, but at the time, I genuinely thought she was a boy, or at least identified as a male. She was what I wanted to be. Once I found out she was really girl, I got fairly upset, and my interest in the show dwindled.

Actually, a few weeks back, a friend of mine linked me to a page where someone drew the characters from the show when they were older and Buttercup was a trans guy. I forgot if there was a new name for him but the drawings were cool. I liked Buttercup before too but as a girl. It got to a point where the girl idea became too much for me. 

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Dodecahedron314

We're currently doing the "biopolitics" unit in my gender/sexuality studies class, meaning the one that's all about the relationship between reproduction and power structures. Enough said. 

 

Relatedly, are there any other AFABs here who have read The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood and gotten super dysphoric over it because of the extensive discussion of sex and fertility and reproduction in first person? 

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nerdperson777

I found the trans Buttercup.

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On Tuesday, February 14, 2017 at 9:13 PM, Mystic Maya said:

My ribs are really upsetting me today, they're so big and stick out so much in the center

sigh

*hugs* :cake:

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