Jea Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 I don't feel like I'll ever want to live with someone. I have friends and I see them, but I don't think I could share my life with anyone. I'm only 20 though, so I wondered if anyone here could tell me if it gets hard with time? I'm a solitary person, I like my independance. I don't think I would get lonely (I would have friends, see people at work, etc.) but perhaps I'm wrong? Obviously, I don't have to decide anything right now, but having a perspective is always nice :) Link to post Share on other sites
hbadger98 Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 I don't think it is wrong to always want to live alone. I think that the only thing that really matters is that your mental and physical wellbeing is intact. To most people, having an immediate family whether this is in the form of a partner or not is what they think solidifies their mental health but this, like with everything, can't apply to everyone. The old cliché "do whatever makes you happy" definitely applies here and hopefully, you have a long time ahead to decide what it is you want. Link to post Share on other sites
Confusion 0 Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Like what hbadger98 said, do what makes you happy. Personally, I'd wait for my life to settle down before I truly decided on this sort of thing. But at the same time, only you know you. Link to post Share on other sites
Scottthespy Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 You already have 'aromantic' in your A/sexuality section, so you know that its relatively common in the aces to not want a life partner. Not wanting a housemate isn't much of a stretch after that. I lived on my own with no issues for over a year, and I'm not an outgoing person, so I rarely had friends over or left the house for social reasons. There are people in history who so disliked the notion of living with or even around people that they left the populated areas and lived in total seclusion. They're called hermits, and though people think they're strange, they usually don't mind because the life choises of a hermit do not effect other people. There are a few little challenges to living alone that sometimes crop up. The ones that seem obvious but that can really effect you are that nothing CHANGES while your gone. If you left it clean, it stays that way. If you left a mess, that stays too. Its stagnant, its like time doesnt pass. It also means you have to do everything yourself. All the cleaning, all the bills, all the cooking, shopping, and other schedualed out-of-home events, with no one to help fill gaps. And house noises...they can get creepy when you don't have some one or something like a pet to blame them on. What made that thump? What was that creek? Is that sound outside? It sounds like footsteps right outside my bedroom! And there's always the worry that if you hurt yourself, you have to deal with it. If you fall unconscious, no one is coming home in a few hours to find you and call the ambulance. If you break a leg falling down the stairs, you have to try and drag yourself to the phone if you don't have one on you. Living alone for long periods is simultaneously freeing and lands you with a bunch of extra responsibilities that could normaly be shared. If the extra responsibilities and dangers sound more appealing to you than the prospect of living with someone, then thats how you are and theres nothing wrong with that. If you do it for a year and decide you want some one around to help lift heavy things and go shopping when you're busy at work, that's fine too. You ask if its 'ok' to never want to live with some one. I've explained some of the parts of doing that that people often dont think much about when it comes to living alone, but all that said, its still a perfectly valid choice. I'll leave you with a phrase my mother and I live by, a mantra of sorts that guides our moralities; if it harms no one and makes you happy, go for it. Link to post Share on other sites
Jea Posted July 2, 2015 Author Share Posted July 2, 2015 Thank you all, your answers are helpful :) As you said, I've got time to decide and to find out what I really want. I will be living alone for a few months soon, so I hope to find out more then. Link to post Share on other sites
Elluna Hellen Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 of course that is okay. I feel the same way! Link to post Share on other sites
Winnie_A Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Sure it's ok! If you need human interaction, you can get it outside your home and then have somewhere to retreat where you won't be bothered. It sounds lovely. Link to post Share on other sites
That asexual guy Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Yes, it's OK Link to post Share on other sites
scarletlatitude Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 I live alone. (I am 27.) It is fantastic. In the summer months I come back to my parents' house for a while (we live in different states, and I like to come home and see the family) and I realize just how much I like living alone. I can see maybe one day finding a cuddle buddy to live with, if he were also very introverted and liked being alone. Otherwise I'm fine with just me and my cats. The #1 thing that annoys me about partners is when they try to take away my independence, even a little bit. If you have friends/family who are important to you, then you can make sure to make time with them. Living alone won't impact that. Make sure you pick a good area to live in. (Unfortunately we females have to watch out for these kinds of things. Damn society.) Make sure that it's an area you feel comfortable in. If you like it, then do it. Life is way too short to live somewhere you don't like or to live with someone you don't like. Link to post Share on other sites
mayve Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Live your life the way you want, not the way others expect you to. Link to post Share on other sites
Rising Sun Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Almost everyone feels lonely sometimes. But being single can be more convenient, less complicated than sharing your life with someone else. It's all about weighing the pros and the cons to know which lifestyle will make you happiest. Some people feel happiest with a partner, some people feel happiest single and either choice is fine. You already have 'aromantic' in your A/sexuality section, so you know that its relatively common in the aces to not want a life partner. There are aromantics who want a life partner (usually as a best friend) and romantics who want to stay single for life. This kind of choice doesn't depend on romantic orientation. Link to post Share on other sites
RazorEddie Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 I don't think it gets harder as you get older. I'm 45 and still happy living on my own. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 It's OK to do anything you want, as long as it hurts no one else. :) Link to post Share on other sites
2905628976159850821 Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 . Link to post Share on other sites
Ruqiah Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 I'm a solitary person by nature. Even though I don't live completely alone (I live with strangers), I rarely interact with them. We just have nothing in common and I'm so used to doing my own thing. I recently got another room mate, who's rather needy. I barely knew her and she got upset because I was leaving for a day. I didn't tell her until I walked out the door, and she was upset. Or I'll come home from work, and she'd say "finally, you're home." This, to me, is weird. Even though I barely interact with her, her neediness is already annoying me. She's nicer and has a better attitude than my former room mate, but she also seems to expect me to be her mama. "Do you have this? Can I borrow that? Can you drive me here? Can I do this/that?" The perfect lifestyle for me is to live alone. The nice thing about living alone is that you won't have to deal with the quirks of other people. The trash laying around would only be yours, not the lazy slob who waited a week to throw it out. Unless you're the lazy slob, in which case you should be fine with it. Your stuff won't get moved around without your permission. Or stolen. You won't have to worry about noise, or hearing your room mate having sex. Or smelling them (cringe). You can cook whatever you want, whenever you want. You can do whatever you want, whenever you want without inconveniencing someone else. On the downside, loneliness can creep in occasionally. Or boredom. I usually combat that with walks to the library, mall, or to a public place of some sort. Or the woods/lake/nature thing, if that's the mood I have. Link to post Share on other sites
Jea Posted July 2, 2015 Author Share Posted July 2, 2015 Thank you guys ^_^ you're all really helpful. Just to clarify a detail, when I said 'is it okay', I didn't mean 'would society agree', I meant more like, 'is it possible without feeling lonely'. I think I'm the kind of person who could live alone, I was doubting it because everyone I mentioned it to told me I'd get lonely after a while. So I questioned my own thoughts because I never actually had the chance to try it (I live with my parents). In about two months I'll be living alone for 5 months and that'll be a perfect opportunity to see if it is really what I want. Ruqiah, by describing yourself, you also described my way of seeing it -- I can completely relate to that. Being alone is a kind of perfect freedom, and nothing stops you from going outside if you get really lonely anyway. That's why I think I'm so suited to this kind of life. Link to post Share on other sites
MacPopcorn Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 There's nothing wrong with living on your own. I think it's good/important to have your own space to unwind and relax and to have no-one annoying you. Living on your own provides that opportunity. With regards feeling lonely, it really depends on the person and how you preoccupy yourself I think. It's not as if you won't have social interaction as you said that you have friends and work colleagues with whom you would see and spend time with and going out and doing you're own thing on your own isn't a bad thing either. Link to post Share on other sites
Ehyn Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 In this day and age, anything you don't want to do (within reason, obviously) you definitely don't have to do. Just think of it that it's your own business and no one elses if that helps! Link to post Share on other sites
Ruqiah Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 Thank you guys ^_^ you're all really helpful. Just to clarify a detail, when I said 'is it okay', I didn't mean 'would society agree', I meant more like, 'is it possible without feeling lonely'. I think I'm the kind of person who could live alone, I was doubting it because everyone I mentioned it to told me I'd get lonely after a while. So I questioned my own thoughts because I never actually had the chance to try it (I live with my parents). In about two months I'll be living alone for 5 months and that'll be a perfect opportunity to see if it is really what I want. Ruqiah, by describing yourself, you also described my way of seeing it -- I can completely relate to that. Being alone is a kind of perfect freedom, and nothing stops you from going outside if you get really lonely anyway. That's why I think I'm so suited to this kind of life. When I speak of loneliness (I cannot speak for anyone else), I'm referring to the occasional bouts of loneliness and / or depression isolation can cause, if you are not accustomed to it. People have highs and lows about every situation and this is no exception. If you're the type of person who doesn't need people to rely on, or to entertain you, or to constantly do stuff with, and have a relatively good mental health (as far as dealing with the low times), then you should be alright. Yes, you might get lonely from time to time. But that feeling may not last, it could be only temporary. Maybe you're one of the lucky ones, and would never get lonely at all. I think the people who say that "you'll get lonely after a while" or "you'll end up depressed and wanting someone with you" are people who have never really felt comfortable being alone. Or may not understand why someone would want to do something like this. As others have posted, the idea of getting a partner, getting married, and moving in is so ingrained in our culture that many people can't imagine that others might not want that path. That being said, you should do it if it's a desire of yours. It will be an experience that you may end up loving for the rest of your life. If not, then at least you did it and can add it to your memories. Independence is a beautiful thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Blue Phoenix Ace Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 I'm 37 and lived alone since I finished up college. 17 years and counting now? Honestly, I can't imagine having it any other way. There is the occasion I get lonely, but it passes. I have a lot of great friends and family to connect with so it isn't bad. I think when people say "you'll get lonely", they don't realize that sometimes married people can get lonely too. There's no situation that will prevent all potential loneliness. The only bad thing is all the leftovers. When you cook for just yourself, you end up eating it 2 or 3 times. And if it didn't turn out good... well, you're either tossing out edible food or just suffering with your mistake all week. ;) In all seriousness though, the only worry I have is injury. It's a real danger that some stupid house maintenance might get me in trouble, or I slip and fall down the stairs. Being sick by yourself is also a bummer unless you have a nearby relative who will take care of you for a few days. Even if you live alone, you can live a life with very little loneliness. That's really up to you. Link to post Share on other sites
LeftyGreenMario Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 I think when people say "you'll get lonely", they don't realize that sometimes married people can get lonely too. There's no situation that will prevent all potential loneliness. I have a biological soulmate called an identical twin sister, and I can get lonely and feel distant from everyone. You can't get any closer to an identical twin! It probably stems from how I don't have a lot of friends. :redface: Link to post Share on other sites
Tanzanite Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 I'm also 20, and honestly, I've been much happier living alone. I couldn't possibly think about going back to my parent or...old roommates (that college housing program sucked and I'm pretty sure someone that works in that department knew that). Sure everybody is capable of getting lonely somehow sometime, but there's more than one type of loneliness, and the solution to overcoming said loneliness doesn't have to involve a questionable sacrifice such as your comfort zone. There are pros and cons to everything, all you need to do is see if the pros are worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
Jea Posted July 3, 2015 Author Share Posted July 3, 2015 Independence is a beautiful thing. Yes indeed :) I'm also 20, and honestly, I've been much happier living alone. I couldn't possibly think about going back to my parent or...old roommates (that college housing program sucked and I'm pretty sure someone that works in that department knew that). Sure everybody is capable of getting lonely somehow sometime, but there's more than one type of loneliness, and the solution to overcoming said loneliness doesn't have to involve a questionable sacrifice such as your comfort zone. There are pros and cons to everything, all you need to do is see if the pros are worth it. That's certainly good to know. I enjoy living with my parents because we get on really well, but it sometimes makes me a little uncomfortable because I have to ajust my timetable to theirs. I think the pros are worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
Relz Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 It's more than okay! You need to do what's right for you, not make yourself miserable in order to meet the expectation that everyone "needs" a domestic partner. Personally, I LOVE living on my own. I don't have to consider anyone else's comfort when I'm living alone. I can pee & shower with the door open (though I suppose couples do that too? I wouldn't know). I can sing and dance along to my favorite songs, something I'd be way too embarrassed to do with someone else around. I'm a night owl, and I don't have to worry about waking up a roommate or partner when I'm dancing like a maniac at 4am. I'm also naturally introverted, meaning I feel most relaxed when there's no one else around. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruqiah Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 That's certainly good to know. I enjoy living with my parents because we get on really well, but it sometimes makes me a little uncomfortable because I have to ajust my timetable to theirs. I think the pros are worth it. In all honesty, moving out from my parent's home was one of the best things for my mental health. I was going in a downward spiral that had started three or four years earlier, and ended with me punching a hole in the wall and shouting matches just before I moved. As soon as I left that constricting little town (population of 2000), I felt like a great weight had lifted. Even though I was alone, with no friends, I did not feel lonely. Even though I had never cooked before, I suddenly developed a passion for it on my own. I also cook healthy and fresh, which makes me excited (my parents eat nothing but processed). I could go out at night, and return in the morning or later that night without my parents questioning where I was or what I was doing. I can stay up until 4 am reading a novel or a manga, and listen to music without having someone comment on my taste. That's why I think you should try it. Because maybe you'll start to discover who you really are. Not just a kid of your parents, doing chores because they ask it, but a person who is capable and responsible to feed yourself and look after yourself without a comment from anyone about it. Link to post Share on other sites
whocaresthough Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 I know I never want a relationship. I'm aromantic, so it's sort of easy for me. Maybe I'm demiromantic, so maybe my mind will change later on, but I'd be fine living alone for a lot of my life or all of it. That's why we have friends and Internet! Link to post Share on other sites
b_oat Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 Sure. Does it make you a bad person if you live alone? No, it doesn't. Link to post Share on other sites
ChineseGirl Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 it's perfectly ok... you have a problem if you want a relationship because that's means you need someone else and you are not able to live your life on your own! Link to post Share on other sites
Rising Sun Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 it's perfectly ok... you have a problem if you want a relationship because that's means you need someone else and you are not able to live your life on your own! I see what you mean but I wouldn't say it that way at all. You have a problem if you need a relationship, needing something and wanting something aren't the same thing. Right now I want a cookie, it doesn't mean that I need a cookie. I want a cookie but if I don't get one, it's OK. Link to post Share on other sites
Bumblebee07 Posted July 20, 2015 Share Posted July 20, 2015 I hate people; I'm going to be perfectly honest about that. I currently live with my mother (we have opposite work schedules so we never see each other except on weekends) but I am planning on moving out next year and I can't wait! I'll be honest and admit that I get scared easily but I would prefer that to my mother constantly straightening up my bathroom or my bedroom. It's really up to you but I hope you enjoy your time alone (I know I will!). Link to post Share on other sites
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