I'm almost 30, help me figure myself out... Maybe?

[prairiemama]

Help me out, because I'm sick of not really "knowing".

I fall under the asexual umbrella, pretty much.

I'm a woman, been married to my husband for 10 years. He's the only person I've been with.

I do not consider myself straight, however. This I know.

I feel some attraction to both male and female. But nothing major. "Oh he's cute" "Oh she's cute"..

Not sure I'd ever be in a female relationship though, if I was to start dating again. I have no experience with this, so it's also just a "not knowing" kind of thing.

I don't enjoy sex as a general rule (it's not my husband, this has taken me a long time to decipher, since he's the only person I've been with. I truly just don't like sex. This is how I've felt my whole life. I had no desire as a teen. I didn't start dating until I literally met my husband, we developed a strong emotional bond. I adore him, he is my soul mate).

I don't think about sex if ever. But when I've thought about it, I generally think "yeah I'd have sex with a woman". No questions asked there really. To me it's exactly the same level as having sex with a man. But when I consider a romantic relationship with a woman? Not sure if I would. This is where I considered demisexuality into play, because I NEED that emotional connection to form any sort of remote sexual bond with someone. I know demi falls under the asexual umbrella.

So... what? I think I'm even more confused than before I started writing this.

Maybe I'll never know. Maybe I'll never truly identify with anything.

[Akira Jumps]

Hello and welcome to AVEN, prairiemama!

Sounds to me that several different types of attraction are at play here.

Aesthetic attraction: It sounds as if you are attracted to both males and females. But this is the same as saying 'Oh, that painting is pretty.' There is no sexual or romantic attraction/urges along with it.

Romantic attraction: It sounds as if you are heteroromantic. If you can't imagine dating a girl, that probably means you can only feel romantically inclined towards males.

Sexual attraction: As you said, demisexual. You need a strong emotional bond beforehand. This, from what you said, can probably be applied to both males and females. Or something of a bi-demisexual.

You may also have a lower libido in that you do not crave/need/want sex. From what you've said, that would be my guess.

And again, welcome to AVEN! :)

[prairiemama]

Thanks for the warm welcome!! :)

Definitely a low libido as of late, but I attribute that more so to postpartum. It's more than my usual though.

When I read this 3 part series, I identified with 99% of it. It "clicked". I also sent it to my husband right away! Hahaha.

http://www.asexualityarchive.com/possible-signs-of-asexuality-part-1-about-you/

But it feels like something is *missing*, which is the weird part.

I know, labels are just labels. But it would help for me to find my little section to fall into and feel part of, instead of this weird floating aimless feeling.