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major confusion.


psybat

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apologies if this ends up being a long read, but i have a lot of questions and things i want to get off my chest.

since about early 2014 i identified as a pansexual, but i honestly felt limited sexual attraction to anyone besides people i had a deep, emotional bond with first. because of this i wasnt sure if i was panromantic or pansexual, since most of the thoughts i had about others weren't sexual, but romantic, unless i really knew who you were.

recently, since about march/april 2015, ive been reading into gray-asexuality and demisexuality, and i feel like, in one way or another, they both apply to me, because like i previously mentioned, i enjoy the idea of sex - but only with trustworthy people ive known for a very long time. i also dont care what my partner identifies as gender-wise or sexuality-wise; as long as they're safe and happy, its all good.

i guess what im asking for is a little help and support, as i dont know how to label myself as of now, and its a little stressful. thank you all for reading my post.

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Hullo! Well, for one... demisexuality is in the grey spectrum. Two, only you can decide what to label yourself as, nobody else. You may already know that, but I just say that just in case.

Also, I have a certain opinion of labels. I take them very lightheartedly. Labels should be helpful, not stressful. Their purpose is to be helpful to those who may wish to identify or learn about those around them who happen to identify with a label. Stressing over labels defeats that helpful purpose and I don't think it should be taken that seriously. Also, one doesn't necessarily have to choose a label if they so please... but it's also completely fine if they are comfortable with that label. If they are happy with what they identify themselves with, then that's what matters, and it's really great that they are happy with it. :) Oh and how could I forget... I saw this quote once and I just love it; "You own the label. The label doesn't own you." That said, if you happen to think one label doesn't fit, you are always welcome to decide to identify as something else... or choose not to. I wish you good luck! :)

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Your label seems perfectly accurate, i don't see where you're uncertain. You don't have to include your romantic orientation if it's also demi-pan; as sexual orientations on their own are assumed to have a romantic equivalent, and you can just go by Demi-Pansexual. Though if your demiromantic and demisexual parts emerge at different times then you can put them separately if you like.

Btw, your post is not long, I've seen waaaaaaaaaay longer.

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Hullo! Well, for one... demisexuality is in the grey spectrum. Two, only you can decide what to label yourself as, nobody else. You may already know that, but I just say that just in case.

Also, I have a certain opinion of labels. I take them very lightheartedly. Labels should be helpful, not stressful. Their purpose is to be helpful to those who may wish to identify or learn about those around them who happen to identify with a label. Stressing over labels defeats that helpful purpose and I don't think it should be taken that seriously. Also, one doesn't necessarily have to choose a label if they so please... but it's also completely fine if they are comfortable with that label. If they are happy with what they identify themselves with, then that's what matters, and it's really great that they are happy with it. :) Oh and how could I forget... I saw this quote once and I just love it; "You own the label. The label doesn't own you." That said, if you happen to think one label doesn't fit, you are always welcome to decide to identify as something else... or choose not to. I wish you good luck! :)

this was a great explanation and read. definitely took a lot of that "stress" off of me. thanks so much!

Your label seems perfectly accurate, i don't see where you're uncertain. You don't have to include your romantic orientation if it's also demi-pan; as sexual orientations on their own are assumed to have a romantic equivalent, and you can just go by Demi-Pansexual. Though if your demiromantic and demisexual parts emerge at different times then you can put them separately if you like.

Btw, your post is not long, I've seen waaaaaaaaaay longer.

now that you mention it, that makes a lot of sense, thank you!

also, i was worried i was rambling, ahaha

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This thread has been moved from the For Sexual Partners, Friends and Allies forum to The Gray Area.

Larien, SPFA moderator

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