What makes you identify as Gray-A?

[nanogretchen4]

I've identified as bisexual for over twenty years. It is true as far as it goes. I have experienced sexual attraction to women and also to men. Admittedly, only to a very few examples of each sex that I had previously been friends with for a long time. Well, except that I might have mild, brief sexual attraction to women I've just met, but it's a few times a year max and I'm completely unmotivated to act on it. I hadn't heard much about the asexual spectrum until a few months ago. I knew I wasn't completely asexual, but when I read about demisexuality it sounded pretty familiar. If it's not an absolute 100% fit because I occasionally find a woman slightly cute, oh well. No label ever fits anyone without a single exception or modifier.

[Guest]

TMI

I have never had sex before, but I identify as gray-A because generally while masturbating I get into it for awhile, but never to the point of orgasm. I get really uncomfortable and turned off, so I stop. Also, I can't really imagine having sex but I feel like with the right person and under the right circumstances I can work up the courage maybe.

[Kata0103]

T-T People are using the term Gray-A wrong.1) Masturbation does not automatically mean sexual attraction/make you Gray-A. The term Asexual is not literal/mean you can't do anything sexual. Like any other sexual orientation, it only applies to who you're sexually attracted to. Masturbatory habits don't always reflect one's sexuality; watching gay porn doesn't make someone Bi. An asexual's body typically responds to the suggestion of sexual pleasure from the erotica, which is not sexual attraction/aimed at a person.2) Having a positive perspective on sex or even enjoying it is not Gray-A/does not deal with sexual attraction.3) Your body involintarily reacting with arousal is not sexual attraction. It's easier to understand if you know how the male body reacts with random boners throught the day. Randomly getting a boner in class does not mean they're sexually attracted to learning.4) Sexual attraction is having the impulse/desire to do sexual things to/with someone. In sexual people, this impulse is triggered by the person's presence being sexually arousing.5) Gray-A is anything between having sexual attraction and not; having characteristics of both simultaneously (i.e. Aposexual and Cupiosexual) or at different times (i.e. Demisexual). It can also include the feeling being weak or rare.And because a few people mentioned it, there is a more accurate term called Burstsexual; having sexual attraction in bursts.Also, @AshleyElizabeth, perhaps the term Lithsexual is also accurate, though with a combination of two types of Gray-A maybe it's easiest to just go by that. It means sexual reciprication causes a nagative to indifferent reaction; more specifically immediately or over time indifference, loss of interest, or repulsion.

question: i saw no one asked this specific question, but where does oral sex stand (i hate that it's called "sex")? i guess no one asked this because it involves the genital area, but it's still not "touching genitals". it's still not sex sex.

for me, the desire for oral stimulation is just like the sensual desire for touch, only it's a different sensation, because it's with the tongue. i don't feel the need to orgasm (the sensation fades quickly anyway i would rather just stop and do something else or stop everything and continue whatever i was doing before). btw, it's rare when i have desire to receive oral stimulation and i only enjoy the physical feeling, i don't remember right now of having mental stimulation (fantasizing). another thing, if i feel sensually attracted to someone, i don't automatically think about oral stimulation with that person. yes, i would experience oral sex with my partner because i like being intimate with him and he likes going down on me, i might even orgasm, if it last long enough, but i only realy desire it rarely. would that make me a gray-a? i would rather call it another kink of MY sensual attraction (if not generally).

i hope what i wrote is clear enough, sometimes i start over writing things in order to be understood, and things i write can seem complicated. :))

[PeekapooLuv]

I think it's because I AM able to have sexual feelings toward somebody if I feel 100% comfortable with them and love them. But anyone else? No. When I'm single, I am celibate by choice. I can't go shag everything I see. =P

[Amber Elizabeth]

I identify as grey-a cause I do get a little sexually aroused at times because of my thoughts or pictures or written text. Though I haven't really gotten that feeling towards anybody. Yeah, there are guys I find hot/cute/attractive, but I just really haven't gotten sexually aroused by a guy yet. And when I do get aroused it isn't really that strong and it doesn't really last that long (a few minutes, under a minute, or just a few seconds). I haven't ever really felt like I needed to have sex or masturbate for a sexual release.

I am a little bit interested in sex and think about it often and might like to have it with the right person under the right circumstances, but I don't really know if I'll like it and be into it that much.

And I also identify as demisexual as well because while I don't have much of a sex drive right now, I can kinda picture my sex drive going up at least a little bit for a guy I trust and have a strong bond with.

I just feel like I currently have more of a mental drive for sex than a physical one.

[BecauseReasons]

(Came out of lurker mode for this one. :) )

I'll preface by saying I don't refer to myself as gray-a. I refer to myself as gray sexual, or just 'gray'. In my case, since I happen to fall into the gray zone across all of my orientations, I don't add extra words where they aren't necessary. That said, I feel mostly dead center between sexual and asexual, so referring to myself as a variant of asexual feels just as inaccurate as sexual does. I clearly lack the motivation to pursue sexual interaction that my sexual friends have, though. That, in a nutshell is why I consider myself gray, but I'll be slightly more thourough.

I used to call myself "straight but lazy" before discovering the gray zone. It's not that I don't experience sexual desire, but that compared to a "normal" person, it is much less substantial, like weak tea. The flavor of the tea is still there, but not enough to really go out of your way for.

I still experience all the things a sexual person does, even to the point that I have a 'type' most likely to stir a reaction, but from that sexual attraction, it is just not strong enough to spur me into action most of the time. My reactions are fairly consistent, but infrequent and sort of bland. There's not much intensity there.

I recently described it in video game terms by calling my desire to pursue sexual interaction "side quest material". It might be fun, I might enjoy it, I'm not

particularly opposed to it, but I don't need it, and the reward might not seem compelling enough for the work required to get it. It's just not that important.

I think the main thing is that I don't ever react strongly enough to initiate. If I find myself in the situation where a mutual attraction leads places, I'm as likely to be willing to go there as not, but left to my own devices, it probably won't amount to much, and I'll ignore it until it passes. It's like 'that person is sexy', but I'm indifferent to whether or not it goes anywhere from that point. If it does, okay. If it doesn't, equally okay.

[a new me]

I tend to have a very low (but not non-existent) libido and on rare occasions I do feel sexually attracted to people. It just never makes me feel like I want to act on it. I'm not sex-repulsed and I've had good and bad sexual experiences. That said, I never initiate it or feel like it has ever added to the relationship.

The word asexual felt bit too extreme for me to really identify with when I first heard about it, but I know for a fact that I am significantly less sexual than most people. It wasn't until I read an article that referred to asexuality as a spectrum that I started to feel comfortable identifying with the term. Now I identify as grey-ace, really more toward the asexual end, and I feel like it works for me.

[Dodoa]

I'm still undecided on whether or not the grey applies to me, since by the English definition (doesn't experience sexuality attraction) I'd qualify for the full asexual identity, but by the German definition (no desire for sex) I'm not so sure, because I'm having some difficulty distinguishing between desire, libido and curiosity and I don't think I'll be able to differentiate properly until I've tried it.

[pocki]

I go back and forth between ace and grey-a, because I feel like I just haven't been in enough situations to know. I don't think I feel sexual attraction in general (but I do enjoy occasional masturbation, and can get physical reactions to words and images) so that's asexual right? But I also have never been in a relationship, or had the opportunity or feelings for that matter, meaning I don't actually know how I'd react in that situation. It could be that I am full on demi for example. To be honest I sometimes wonder if I am aro too, but on the other hand I want a romantic relationship, I just haven't felt anything despite having bene alive for 28 years.

So, I tend to go with Grey-A just cause I don't know. I am not sexual, that's for sure.

[milkyway]

I thought about it and while I'm not certain I experienced sexual attraction, for now I consider that it happened once. I mostly relate to asexuality though, but I sometimes feel bad about calling myself ace when I'm unsure.

[Demi-Goddess]

I am brand new to this forum and am excited to be here. after a lot af reading and thought over a long period of time I am identifying as Demi-sexual because the few times I have been in a relationship, I have enjoyed sex but if I never had sex with another person, it wouldn't bother me. I really enjoy close platonic relationships with others and find ways to be in community environments like shared living arrangements where I can have close emotional relationships without the pressure of a sexual relationship.