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Randomchaos

Okay so I looked for this and the only thing I could find was an old post about college hookups. I am going to be a Junior in college next Fall, and graduate with my Associate of Science Degree, but, I am going to another University to continue school and get a degree in Forensic Biology. I guess my point is that I've been in college for two and a half years now. I haven't had many problems because I am great at adapting (and have learned that I will get sick worrying about every little thing).

My question is how has being ace affected your college experience, what are you studying, and do you have any questions for other college students who are in the same situation you are in.

Truthfully this is basically to show that their are quite a few of us college students who are in the same boat :)

P.S. If you are in high school and are about to go to college feel free to ask questions :D

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javaPhysician

Just graduated high school, and will be attending college starting this fall. I'd like to know if you have any advice on informing future friends/peers about being part of the Ace community.

Sorry if the question seems awkward, I've only recently identified myself in this way (2-3 months) and so I am still fairly uncertain on what the right questions would be...

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My experiences of being ace in college have been good overall. (The only bad part was being accused of harrassment because someone thought I was targeting her when writing about myself because the person she was accused of assaulting previously was also asexual. But don't worry. This surely won't happen to you.) Part of this is the fact that I'm in a liberal women's college, so everyone is pretty much accepting and welcoming. The majority of the people already knew what asexuality was, so that's good. If you're in a different sort of setting, my advice would be to recognize that while being asexual is part of who you are, it's not vitally important. If the topic comes up, I feel like you should be able to let them know about your asexuality (unless you feel otherwise of course). Just be prepared to explain or answer questions or possibly defend your sexuality. If it does cause problems let them know that your sex life shouldn't be that important to them (unless they want to be involved?). Just be confident in who you are, and those who want you in their life will try to understand if they don't already.

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Graduated with a BSci in mammalian biology and a minor in chemistry last May; working on getting into vet school now.

Contrary to popular belief, not dating/sexing/whatever didn't give me more time to study. It gave me more time to play games and watch dumb shows.

Didn't get any pressure to date or sex in college either; I hung out with the boring straight-edge kids. One of my friends is aro/ace, most of the friend group was either bi or straight.

My first school was also pretty open to non-straight/cis identities though. We had several openly trans kids (including nonbinary) and I don't think anybody who wasn't straight was actually in the closet about it. There was a little bit of confusion over asexuality with some people, but I don't think anybody had a real problem with it. One person had even heard of demisexuality and mentioned it when I was explaining myself one time. (I usually say grey asexual and then explain in more depth if they want, but not many people outside of AVEN, tumblr, and some LGBTQA+ groups have heard of demisexuality so I don't usually bother. It was nice to see somebody else know the word.)

At my second school I just lived off campus and never interacted with anybody, occasionally driving the 130 miles back to my old school for socialisation, so it didn't affect anything there either.

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nerdperson777

Don't think people know much about asexuality at my school. I just met a few other ace people in trans* group and we sometimes go eat since we're not an official group yet. I think right now we have two biromantics, a questioning romantic, and two aros. Others, not sure.

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Randomchaos

Just graduated high school, and will be attending college starting this fall. I'd like to know if you have any advice on informing future friends/peers about being part of the Ace community.

Sorry if the question seems awkward, I've only recently identified myself in this way (2-3 months) and so I am still fairly uncertain on what the right questions would be...

Remember no question is awkward ;) I suggest just telling the people you think are close friends (if you feel like it). I have never come out as a grey-aro ace-repulsed. Simply because I had no need to. There weren't any friends that tried to pressure me into dating, and one of my closest friends was an open fujoshi. Basically unless you really want to you don't have to. The only person I came out to wasn't a friend from college, but non the less someone I consider a close friend. She asked me what asexuality was, and then told me I was wrong lol. I am still friends with her and hang out with her. I still value her opinion. I just don't let what other's think ruin my life (or relationships, if it's not something major (which since she wasn't a bitch it wasn't)), or decide my actions.

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AlwaysADreamer

My college experience being ace has been neutral, when you factor certain events into consideration. I've had one friend who straight-up denied it. But the LGBT group was very welcoming to me and I met a few really good friends from that. One thing that was a slight issue was that, on my campus, a lot of things got really awkward for me when they turned to sex. It makes dating a bit difficult, but that may not be such a bad thing :P Lol, but I had some really good friends who were understanding and respectful of my boundaries :) There are a lot of loud-mouthed doofuses, but there are also a ton of open-minded people.

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My question is how has being ace affected your college experience, what are you studying, and do you have any questions for other college students who are in the same situation you are in.

Truthfully this is basically to show that their are quite a few of us college students who are in the same boat :)

P.S. If you are in high school and are about to go to college feel free to ask questions :D

I'm demisexual, so I can possibly help provide insight here.

You can be as much "in the sex crowd" as you want...or not. Seriously. A lot of frats/sororities talk a lot about sex, but outside of those certain groups that have a huge emphasis on sex...it's not really spoken about (at least where I am). My demisexuality I believe has "helped" me in the sense of, I don't get distracted by sex or things like that. I'm not constantly worried about "Sexual performance" or "OMG when am I gonna get laid next? D:" If I never had sex again, I'd be totally happy with it. If I had sex again? Sure, as long as I got that bond with you :P

I'm studying studio art with a minor in biology. I got my language in Arabic, mostly due to a "special circumstances" type set up :) I've honestly really enjoyed college, because it gives you a lot of autonomy (freedom to do what you want, when you want). Now, some kids totally crash and burn with this, unable to maturely handle this, while others completely thrive.

If you have a good relationship with your parents, I recommend at least one call/text every 1-3 days. Just tell them "doing well, studying good, having fun with friends" stuff like that, parents don't like being left in the dark. When I was a freshman, I think I called my parents at least once every day or every other day. I'll be a senior this fall and this past year I didn't have as much contact as I wish I had with them because I was going through some ROUGH emotional time periods where I basically isolated myself from friends/family because was what was happening.

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I'm going to be an undergraduate senior in the fall, I'm majoring in Computer Science and Applied Math.

How my asexuality relates to me being in college is kind of interesting, because I found my asexuality my sophomore year. Before that, I kind of knew I was a bit different than most other college students, but because I didn't really have the words to acknowledge it it wasn't that big if a deal. Also, as a student who lives at home and commutes to school, it was very easy to avoid the stereotypical college life that revolves around drinking and having sex.

Asexuality really hit me hard though after it caused me to completely fail at a romantic relationship with one of my close friends. Because I was so confused and repulsed by it all, even after I left the relationship I felt awful about myself. I had a really rough spring semester where my anxiety got much worse as I tried to cope with my new identity and become okay with who I was. I don't regret the journey I went through, because I really did learn a lot about myself, but I felt so isolated and lonely during that time that it definitely started to have an impact on my college life (not to mention feeling the need to constantly be out my ex's way).

Now I feel much more confident with my asexuality, and it doesn't have as much am effect on my college life anymore. None of my friends who go to my college know, although I do wear a black ring to school every day and I wouldn't be opposed to telling them. The biggest challenge for me right now is the stress that someone will be romantically interested in me, and that my aromanticism/asexuality will force me to hurt them by turning them down. Currently, I'm fairly certain one of my classmates has a crush on me, and it's all very awkward for me to navigate.

So yeah, that's my experience. I'd be open to talk about it more though or answer questions if anyone has any. :)

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ElectricMongoose

I'm not yet. I'm struggling to find a decent place for me in the world. I want to be a Children's Book Illustrator and I'm currently working on a book right now, but there's no degrees for such things because jobs for illustrators are all freelance artist positions. x( I want full time work! Therefore college would be a waste of my time and money at this point. It would be better to produce my own works when the time comes, and then if people are interested, sell them my product. :3

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I'm demisexual, so I can possibly help provide insight here.

You can be as much "in the sex crowd" as you want...or not. Seriously. A lot of frats/sororities talk a lot about sex, but outside of those certain groups that have a huge emphasis on sex...it's not really spoken about (at least where I am). My demisexuality I believe has "helped" me in the sense of, I don't get distracted by sex or things like that. I'm not constantly worried about "Sexual performance" or "OMG when am I gonna get laid next? D:" If I never had sex again, I'd be totally happy with it. If I had sex again? Sure, as long as I got that bond with you :P

One of my flatmates was a bit of a "bro" seeming kind of guy, which is kinda weird when you imagine him as a physical therapy student spending twelve hours days in the cadaver lab. We didn't hang out but when we were just chatting around the kitchen or something he'd make some sexual jokes and it was a bit awkward.

But yeah aside from unfortunate housing circumstances if you stay out of the really sex-focussed circles it doesn't come up that much until the last three weeks of physiology.

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My question is how has being ace affected your college experience

I hang out in a big group of friends (that is continuously expanding). This group of friends loves to continually make jokes, many of which are sexual. This, for me, isn't awkward at all because I find sex jokes really funny. I'm totally comfortable with my friends when it comes to that.

As a "closeted" asexual, this does lead to some awkward moments, though. Very rarely (about twice a month, maybe), jokes about sex turn into serious conversations. Usually it isn't too awkward because it's just a friend mentioning personal information (i.e. they're kinky), but it there's been a few times when it's directed at me (i.e. friend claiming on two separate occasions that I masturbate frequently). :blink:

This actually leads me to ask for some advice. I'm going into my second year of college and I'm considering coming out. I've made a list for myself on pros and cons already, but I'd like to hear anyone's experience coming out to people they know (especially if it was part-way through college). Should I bring it up to a few of my friends ("test the waters") before being honest around the larger group? Does anyone have experience with their friends treating them differently after coming out (i.e. talking about sex around them much less or much more)? Did most of the friends you came out to ask questions or did you guys not speak about it again? And when you started making new friends, did you come out to them as well? How far in the relationship?

Any advice is much appreciated. :D

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nerdperson777

I came out to my closest friend at school as ace, and she said that she's heard of the term before because her high school friend did a TED talk on it (somewhere in the Ace moments thread, I think). Plus she already suspected I was even before I told her. Then a month later she said she was ace too. Maybe there's some sort of ace vibe to people to subconsciously make friends with. Other than being introverts that like video games, we aren't really that similar. So good idea to come out to close friends first before spreading to bigger groups. One guy in a club saw me looking at this website on my phone so he found out, but I didn't really intend on coming out to anyone there, sexuality or gender. I have not been treated differently to my knowledge. I get treated differently for a different thing though.

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This actually leads me to ask for some advice. I'm going into my second year of college and I'm considering coming out. I've made a list for myself on pros and cons already, but I'd like to hear anyone's experience coming out to people they know (especially if it was part-way through college). Should I bring it up to a few of my friends ("test the waters") before being honest around the larger group? Does anyone have experience with their friends treating them differently after coming out (i.e. talking about sex around them much less or much more)? Did most of the friends you came out to ask questions or did you guys not speak about it again? And when you started making new friends, did you come out to them as well? How far in the relationship?

Any advice is much appreciated. :D

I think you should tell your closest friends before telling more people, especially if you're feeling a little nervous or unsure about telling everyone at once. For me, it didn't change my relationships with my friends that much. Sex comes up as much as it would before, I'm pretty sure. However, it usually involved me or someone else bringing up me being ace in a friendly way and we have a good laugh about it. Like I said before, everyone I knew basically knew what asexuality was so we didn't have too many conversations about it. When making new friends, I don't really say anything unless it happens to come up somehow. If and when it does, I'm honest about my sexuality and they're understanding for the most part. There's isn't really a set time when you have to sit down and come out to them. Just whenever feels right. And like I stated before, just be confident in who you are, and those who want you in their life will try to understand if they don't already.

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Freshman year doing introductions and stuff people asked about orientation sometimes or it would just come up so I think it was pretty much general knowledge in my year (granted, tiny school with a freshman class of like 120 on a good year) that I'm asexual. Allegedly, much to the dismay of several people. A few people have told me that multiple people thought it was too bad I wasn't available.

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Been going to different schools since 2009-2010 school year. I've found that the local college doesn't have much in the way of support for any LGBT at least not at the branch location I went to, the main campus might.

I'm now taking university classes exclusively online and they have a LGBT group but I've never really ventured there. Doesn't seem to be many asexuals if any that are among its members.

My major is cybersecurity but I don't feel my asexuality really impacts it much.

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GwendolynAngel83

I'm going to be a junior in college this coming fall as well, aiming for a batchlor's in Psychology. I'm very open about my sexuality (at least I have become recently) and if conversations come up about hot guys/girls or sex I'm just kind of like 'Yeah, I can't really relate, I don't like anyone, and never have." I have yet to hve any really negative reactions, even from my highly conservative mother and my military chaplen grandfather. The worst reaction I've gotten is confusion from sexuals who just never tought that was a thing (I've gotten similar reactions from people I've told I don't drink).


This actually leads me to ask for some advice. I'm going into my second year of college and I'm considering coming out. I've made a list for myself on pros and cons already, but I'd like to hear anyone's experience coming out to people they know (especially if it was part-way through college). Should I bring it up to a few of my friends ("test the waters") before being honest around the larger group? Does anyone have experience with their friends treating them differently after coming out (i.e. talking about sex around them much less or much more)? Did most of the friends you came out to ask questions or did you guys not speak about it again? And when you started making new friends, did you come out to them as well? How far in the relationship?

Any advice is much appreciated. :D

My advice is to start slow, come out to your closest friends first, then (if you're comofortable with them) your family before branching out from there. I've started out conversations rather sucessfully by asking them if they've ever head about asexuality. This gets the ball rolling and lets you get some misconseptions they might have out of the way right off the bat since it has them often saying what they think it is.

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Lady MacBethany

I'm starting college this fall. I went to a tiny (and extremely conservatively Christian) high school which had zero tolerance for anything "other." In high school, I became part of the underground LGBT+ community, so I've already come out to some friends. I'm really looking forward to college, since I'm going to Indiana University and it has one of the best LGBT support communities in the country. :)

I'm planning on coming out to all of my close friends in college.

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javaPhysician

My college is a local Liberal Arts school that has a fairly well-advertised LGBT+ Pride Alliance club. Asexuality is mentioned in their mission statement, so hopefully it will be a nice environment for me to fully grow as an individual of the Ace Spectrum! :D

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Schattenschatz

Technically I'm still in university - in the last few months of my Master's program. I also plan on going back for my PhD next year, so technically speaking, I'll be in university for awhile longer, if all goes well. That being said though, since I'm not an undergrad anymore I don't think my current experience is very similar to most of the people in this thread. I'm married, don't socialize a whole lot, and am mostly focused on my studies. Of course I took my studies quite seriously as an undergrad as well, but I was also much more involved with the other things associated with being a uni student whereas now I feel that I'm in a sort of middle ground between being a student and being a 'real adult', whatever that means.

When I was an undergrad, it was a great time for me to learn about myself and embrace my asexuality. Especially since at that time my mother was not receptive at all to me being asexual and I hadn't figured out how to bring up the topic with my friends, or even if I should. Getting a 'fresh start' at uni was good for me. Just being on my own made me feel a lot more comfortable with and confident in my identity. My first term, I got asked out a lot, and I would say yes to casual dates but never got far enough with anyone to seriously consider being their girlfriend, until I met the man who is now my husband. I did worry about being pressured into getting more physical than I would want whenever I said yes to a date, but it never came to that.

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I'm pursuing two masters currently (business and chemical engineering) and finished a B.Sc. in chemistry (minors in biology and math) a year ago.

Honestly speaking, my college life was miserable. I hated it with a passion. But -- it wasn't because I was ace.

As for my grad-school life, there's an Asexual club at my school (which I'm finding super weird) that I'm apart of on Facebook, but haven't had a chance to go to any of the official meetings. Being ace has affected my far more in grad school than in college, mostly because people are more interested in grilling you on your personal life (for some reason).

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TheButterflyComposer

Going to Uni in October.

High school and sixth form have been really accepting with absolutely no negative experiences at all.

Any change at University? What kind of people go there in comparison to normal education.

(I have been on degree level courses before but this is the first time I'm going full time and properly).

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