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Is this asexuality? Or abnormality? Or a medical defect?


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damage_case

Hello everybody

Im 27 years old. I am anti-social. I hate going out of the house unless I have to go to work. I never had any friends in school/college/office... although I did have a lot of enemies.
I hate people. I hate society and its degrading state. I hate indiscipline. I cannot look people in the eye. I never have.
I have never found anyone respectable enough to feel attracted to them. And its not like I love myself. I hate myself too. I do not deserve this planet and neither does the planet deserve me. But Im fine.
The problem is that since I do not look people in the eye and do not check them out/feel attracted to them coz of no respect... I do not feel horny at all. I have never seen a woman/man/anything and felt sexual at all. I do watch porn at home and Im fine with it. Its cheap and doesnt burn my brain cells or make me act in a way that is fake.

I cant say I have "decided" as it seems like an ego maniacal thing, but I dont think I deserve to be around women or 1 woman... and do not wish to be around them. I do not want anyone touching me. I dont want to spend any money on it. Moreover I havent found anyone respectful.

Is it asexuality? or am I abnormal or have aspergers syndrome or something like that?

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Asxual just means you don't experience sexual attraction, which you said is the case. You would also be Aromantic. It can be simplafied as Aro Ace. Maybe you have a disorder, maybe not, but that doesn't invalidate an orientation.

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Sounds like you're a hell of a nihilist, and if you don't experience attraction, you're probably an asexual too. I am both of those, so I can see where you're coming from.

There is a point though, where nihilism could become harmful to both you and others, so be careful. We are by nature social creatures, so if you inhibit that too much it's going to make things really complicated. Forgive me if I assume too much, but it seems that you may have difficulty trusting people, which could be because of your nihilism, or vice-versa.

Hatred and all that fun stuff is a perfectly normal and human thing, so I'm not going to tell you to stop being a nihilist or anything. I would, however, suggest finding someone, anyone, you can confide and trust in. Just to balance out those other feelings of disgust, hate, etc. Though a fellow person to give feedback is always nice, even having someone to talk to like a pet or something is helpful. I wouldn't even consider that crazy. We humans need to express everything to keep ourselves in check.

I can totally understand and agree with your views, but I think if you found a way to balance that out with more positive feelings you'd be able to find your own answers. Sometimes, simply just saying our thoughts out loud can lead us to that end. Try communicating more and maybe you'll find something. :D

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damage_case

Sounds like you're a hell of a nihilist, and if you don't experience attraction, you're probably an asexual too. I am both of those, so I can see where you're coming from.

There is a point though, where nihilism could become harmful to both you and others, so be careful. We are by nature social creatures, so if you inhibit that too much it's going to make things really complicated. Forgive me if I assume too much, but it seems that you may have difficulty trusting people, which could be because of your nihilism, or vice-versa.

Hatred and all that fun stuff is a perfectly normal and human thing, so I'm not going to tell you to stop being a nihilist or anything. I would, however, suggest finding someone, anyone, you can confide and trust in. Just to balance out those other feelings of disgust, hate, etc. Though a fellow person to give feedback is always nice, even having someone to talk to like a pet or something is helpful. I wouldn't even consider that crazy. We humans need to express everything to keep ourselves in check.

I can totally understand and agree with your views, but I think if you found a way to balance that out with more positive feelings you'd be able to find your own answers. Sometimes, simply just saying our thoughts out loud can lead us to that end. Try communicating more and maybe you'll find something. :D

I am absolutely pessimistic but you're right... its more to do with trust issues. My father abandoned me and my mother when I was 11. And me and my mother had no support/connection since then with any of my relatives or friends/family.

But I come from India. So theres the disrespect I have for that country and those people. I cant even begin to tell you about my issues with that country.

But my question was more medical/physical. I cant see people eye to eye. I am anti-social and dont go out of the house. I clearly do not see women as sex objects or feel attracted to them in real life, yet when its porn on my laptop, I jerk myself off till the cows come home.

The only way I'll try communicating with people is when my mother will be gone and maybe even that wont push me. Maybe that will be the end of me too when my mom's gone.

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Asexuals can masturbate and watch erotica. The orientation just aplies to sexual attraction. It's normal to be aroused by the suggestion of sexual pleasure. That reaction doesn't automatically mean you're sexually attracted to the people in it. Sexual attraction is when someones presence is sexually arousing and you have the impulse/desire to do sexual things to/with that person.

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Everyone is flawed. No one is perfect. You'd have to accept people as they are. I agree, there are only a few people one can truly respect. Just because you didn't find them doesn't mean they don't exist. Start interacting with people in miniscule ways to get out of your warped world.

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