Why Hello Clarice Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 I was honestly just talking to this person and they kept asking me if I was " hitting on them" or " wanted to go back to their place". This genuinely bothered me. I have social anxiety and therefore don't have many friends. So I try to talk to people and all they want to do is go have sex. I was wondering if anybody else has had this problem? And also how you deal with it? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
allrightalready Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 i always have that problem around men. the way i have dealt with it is only having womyn for friends and also making sure they understand i am not interested in dating or sex. just today several friends and i sat for over an hour and just talked about things Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Why Hello Clarice Posted June 20, 2015 Author Share Posted June 20, 2015 I would love to just sit and talk about random things. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Antidaeophobia Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 I was honestly just talking to this person and they kept asking me if I was " hitting on them" or " wanted to go back to their place". This genuinely bothered me. I have social anxiety and therefore don't have many friends. So I try to talk to people and all they want to do is go have sex. I was wondering if anybody else has had this problem? And also how you deal with it? I've had this problem many times, and especially recently on some of my fan forums. I find it very confusing when people think if you are nice to them, that means you want sex, it can make you not even want to bother talking to anyone. I'm always very direct and assertive, but I've almost had to be a bit rude in order to get people to back off which seems to work better than trying to be polite. Some people seem to think that No is up for negotiation. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Squirrel Combat Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 Go to the chatroom here. Lots of conversation there. 8) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Holden89 Posted June 21, 2015 Share Posted June 21, 2015 I have the same issue. I'm gay, and every guy I run into is only looking to have sex. Nobody seem to even date anymore. It can be disheartening at times. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
.,. Posted June 21, 2015 Share Posted June 21, 2015 Conversation is alive wherever I go, but I see the problem on a daily basis. Desperate people, trying to conform to societal expectation. There's really no way to deal with it, you just have to keep chatting and being creative in what subjects you choose to indulge in. You need to take their mind of the constant chase they feel for being in love, let them relax. It is of course a difficult maneuver to pull off, but when the chemistry hits - it will be as a double rainbow, thunder and lightning (not refering to passion), on a sunny fresh day. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Corretto Posted June 21, 2015 Share Posted June 21, 2015 I've felt it for years, but have only just learned I can't converse effectively even if I want too. Not connected to any sexually-related interactive communication; specialists have taken decades to inform me I lack the capacity to truly converse. Once again it's all to do with the poor 'up-bringing' phenomena. The failure to achieve any form of personal relationship, even with close family members, is a product of errors of parental care as an infant. As an infant, the poorly-understood cortex of my brain has attached itself to functions of overcoming symptoms of loneliness emotions. These responses included appearing extroverted as a school-kid, by simply talking too much or not knowing when to 'shut-up'. In adult years these functions in the cortex have become so 'fixed' that they can't be changed in any way, and I simply avoid having meetings and conversations with anyone. Hence, I've appeared to others as introverted. Apart from loneliness (in the medical sense) other symptoms include rejection, depression and reclusivity. The latter appears to relate to my aromantic orientation. I've never experienced friendship (close or distant) let alone any romantic or sexual appreciation. Functional acquaintances, with shop-keepers for example, do exist to a minimal degree. Therapeutic drugs (such as anti-depressants) and psycho-therapeutic counseling have helped reduce the impact of these symptoms, but awareness of how well-entrenched the loneliness, non-communicative, causes has made me liken the whole state to an unjust terminal health condition. Strangely, net-sites and other forms of social-media have made up for the loss...even TV and talk-back radio! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
chair jockey Posted June 21, 2015 Share Posted June 21, 2015 I have a related problem. Every so-called "conversation" is people "expressing themselves," which amounts to one person saying something about themselves, then another person saying something about themselves without responding at all to what the first person said, and so on, so that there is no real conversation but just a bunch of separate monologues. Actual responsive conversations are so rare in the 21st century that I treasure them on the few occasions when they do occur. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Hardly any Posted June 21, 2015 Share Posted June 21, 2015 I have a related problem. Every so-called "conversation" is people "expressing themselves," which amounts to one person saying something about themselves, then another person saying something about themselves without responding at all to what the first person said, and so on, so that there is no real conversation but just a bunch of separate monologues. Actual responsive conversations are so rare in the 21st century that I treasure them on the few occasions when they do occur. Sounds like Twitter's leaking into the real world that way. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Kurbs Posted June 21, 2015 Share Posted June 21, 2015 You could do what I do when I want to just talk for a while. Talk to old people! If you're young and attractive, geezers will love you for it. Chat up your friend's parents for a while, or your parent's friends. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
WhenSummersGone Posted June 21, 2015 Share Posted June 21, 2015 I have the same problem. I feel people who actually want to socialize or have something deep is rare these days. Most people are on their phones or taking pictures lol. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Peachyy Posted June 21, 2015 Share Posted June 21, 2015 It's almost like connecting the dots to an image you already see. Like, I don't want to mention--a rarity in itself-- something and instead of even just nodding or even ignoring me, they say the closest thing it is to them... and then jump to question me about my weekend plans! WHich usually turns into some "so, do you like going to the beach?" shit! I understand that for a lot of people, the "small talk" phase of interaction is their safe place, but it's dreadful to me. I don't care if I'm meeting someone new or seeing an old acquaintance: I don't care about where you went on vacation, let's talk about your philosophical views on religion and politics. When people feel the need to flirt because they think interest/attention paid to them is automatically sexual/romantic, I'll end the conversation as soon as they begin to "get personal". I actually don't even mind when people ask me personal questions, I'll always answer and I wish more people would just ask what they want to know instead of trying to build their weak web of small questions to get to the big ones...but flirting isn't like that. It's extremely uncomfortable, too, and I get called a bitch for ending those interactions because I don't feel good about talking with someone anymore. I don't really talk all that often. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Why Hello Clarice Posted June 21, 2015 Author Share Posted June 21, 2015 I think I understand your point. I don't like small talk, because too often for me it's absolutely meaningless. I end it too fast I guess, but to me it's going nowhere. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
allrightalready Posted June 21, 2015 Share Posted June 21, 2015 It's almost like connecting the dots to an image you already see. Like, I don't want to mention--a rarity in itself-- something and instead of even just nodding or even ignoring me, they say the closest thing it is to them... and then jump to question me about my weekend plans! WHich usually turns into some "so, do you like going to the beach?" shit! I understand that for a lot of people, the "small talk" phase of interaction is their safe place, but it's dreadful to me. I don't care if I'm meeting someone new or seeing an old acquaintance: I don't care about where you went on vacation, let's talk about your philosophical views on religion and politics. mostly i avoid such subjects since i have been reviled my entire life for my views Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Why Hello Clarice Posted June 21, 2015 Author Share Posted June 21, 2015 I'm sorry allrightalready. I can personally say I would never judge you for your views. I myself am judged for mine as well. *slides cake to you* Quote Link to post Share on other sites
b_oat Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 No, that has never happened to me. But I'm male and it's supposedly very rare to get asked for sex as a straight male. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.