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Spectre/Ex/Machina

What's Your Story?(Sex-Favoroable Aces)

  

270 members have voted

  1. 1. Are you currently sexually active?

    • Yes
      156
    • No
      475
  2. 2. How often do you think of sex?

    • Often
      116
    • Sometimes
      273
    • Rarely
      201
    • Never
      41


Recommended Posts

GLRDT

Well crap. I always did suck at tests. I just failed this two question test because I read the second question wrong. Ha ha. Oh well.

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Lovelykat

I would call myself a sex-favorable ace I suppose. While I don't really experience sexual desire, I do experience sexual curiosity with most new partners. After the initial curiosity is satisfied however, I have little or no desire for anything.

 

When I do engage in sexual activity, I can find it enjoyable for a number of reasons...

-I like to make my partner happy 

-the feeling of relaxation afterwards

-feeling desirable and attractive

-feeling confident and in control 

 

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jaymes
On 20/06/2017 at 4:13 AM, humansanity said:

I'm aromantic and asexual but have a present (although I think less than most sexual people, although it's hard to tell) sex drive. But since I'm aromantic, I've never had a regular sexual partner. I also have trouble with hook ups because I'm not a party/bar person and I've never been comfortable trying regular dating apps because a) matches tend to be based on sexual attraction, which I don't experience, so I'd just be running off of a general societal notion of "attractive", and b) I'm always worried if I start talking to someone they could develop romantic feelings for me which I could never reciprocate, and that's unfair to them. Anyone have advice on how to deal with this or find understanding hook-ups?

I relate so much. Like, sometimes i want to have relationships and stuff but circumstances make it impossible, also for all the reasons you listed. And i definitely don't understand hook-ups and flirts, it's just all weird to me, sorry i can't help with this .-.:cake:

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Deus Ex Infinity

I had two serious relationships in total. One for each of my two separated lifes. That's it. I won't seek out for anything new till my next life since I'm 100% loyal to my chosen RL (ex-) soulmate. I still use to experience sexual attraction on rare occasions though but only for about 1-2 days a year. No big deal really.

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Echohawk
On 6/19/2015 at 1:12 PM, Spectre/Ex/Machina said:

Im interested in the experiences and stories of Sex-Favorable Asexuals (Cupiosexuals).

This is my previous thread relating to this topic:

http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/120292-sex-favorable-ace-erasure/

Well, in the 4 years since my divorce, I've discovered how little import I place on sex or sexuality in my life, have grown to be quite happy in my Hobbit-Hole, and couldn't be happier whenever someone tells me they've got a partner (On my last employment contract I connected on a profound Geek level with a woman half my age, and when she "casually slipped" her boyfriend into the convo, I was fucking RELIEVED...because that meant I could relate to her on a fan-to-fan level.)

 

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Tiger-Lily

I'm sex favourable I think. If it was down to me then I think I'd rather not do it, but occasionally it can be nice, and I won't complain if my partner instigates it.

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kumiko_itoe89

The term gray-asexual is so new to me...... Just got introduced to it today and it seems to fit what I am. Cupiosexual? Wow! There are a whole lot more terms now compared to when I was here 12 years ago!

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Imsoconfusedughgoshdarnit

My story with being a sex favourable ace has been kinda frustrating. Because I was never repulsed by sex and even liked sex to an extent I felt uncomfortable labeling myself as an asexual and as a result, it took a lot of research before I was comfortable. 

 

I have determined that feel almost no sexual attraction but I am all about sensual and aesthetic attraction. For me this means I enjoy the intimacy of sex related acts such as licking, sucking, or grinding, and I am more than happy to give my partner sexual pleasure orally, with my fingers and by insertion. (I think I might need Viagra to stay hard though).

The one hang up I have right now is with handjobs and blowjobs because I don't get aroused and don't feel anything. (Definitely annoying and a bit awkward the first time I got a blowjob because it went on for twenty minutes before we just gave up; nervous to try again).

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Akhin

Well, putting myself on the spot, I've a pretty confused relationship with sex.
Like I was talking to this (really cool, despite how I make her sound here,) about it. She suggested I'd just never had good sex, but I corrected her. I've had pulse pounding, mind blowing, wouldn't-care-if-I-died sex. Just once or twice though. The rest of my sex life has been getting into bed with someone and when it went well it is an experience comparable to how I feel about lasagne, it's nice but it's not something I need. Alternatively, just a feeling of relief and closeness that is the reason I'll still give it a shot if it lands on my lap and I'm in the mood to try.

I remember explaining to my first serious partner when she was telling me about how sex made her feel (and this was the person with whom I had a couple of great encounters with) and me being only able to answer with "I like this, but I can get this at home on my own. I just want to do this with you, that's what I love"

I do find body types attractive. I think it's a sensual thing because partnered sex is a lottery for me. I like making out. Sex (penetrative, oral or digital) feels numb or empty, but orgasm is pleasant if I can remain aroused long enough.

 

I will say I've never quite reconciled my enjoyment of Porn or the fact that I find people's bodies attractive in concept with even the vague blanket term 'Grey-A' for context, but the end results suggest something is up and soul searching for the year since my initial posts here haven't really offered me another answer. Take my contribution to this topic with a pinch of salt, I'm afraid I'm not able to commit to anything yet, lol.

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MisterSpencer

Strange that 24.74% of people on here are having sex but consider themselves asexual????

 

Work that one out!!

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GLRDT
3 hours ago, MisterSpencer said:

Strange that 24.74% of people on here are having sex but consider themselves asexual????

 

Work that one out!!

There are other reasons for having sex besides sexual desire and sexual attraction. As long as the asexual person isn't sex repulsed or doesn't hate sex or isn't being forced into it, people can compromise if they don't mind sex or even enjoy the sensations when it's happening. They also might do it for other reasons as well. Unless an asexual person has some sort of physical or medical issue making them unable to have sex, asexuals are people just like sexuals and are functionally able to have sex. Often times they just don't want if for one reason or another.

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nothinbuttrouble

I've had a decent amount of sex in my life.

 

1) I tried a lot of things, believing that if I kept trying I would get into it.

2) When I get close to someone, I feel compelled to take care of them, satisfy them, etc. Since I'm not sex repulsed,

pleasing them sexually didn't seem like a big deal.

 

But after many years of this attitude, I just can't take it anymore.

I've had no sexual relations for the last three years, and I'm glad.

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Cynorca

I always think sex looks great when other people doing it.

 

But if it happens at me. It's a big NO.

 

It's complicated. If someone asks me to choose between a chance for mindblowing sex with the hottest dude or .... fried chicken or nuggets or a very good book or art supply, I always choose the latter ∩˙▿˙∩

 

I like to look at guys' shoulder or fingers because I think they're beautiful and looks amazing if I draw them. Not because I want to touch them.

 

I've tried making out with my ex and it results with me being very apathic, unresponsive and big fight and break up.

 

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upcummingattractions

I'm demisexual and demiromantic so I need to have a deep, emotional connection before anything can happen. The only problem is that I haven't felt that towards anyone irl in a long time.

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Babymittens

#TW 

When I was young @9 I had an old man touch my private part ... It felt good ... I never felt that feeling before and then his daughter who age 19 would always practice making out with me.... I told my mom and he went to jail ... I was never the same I curious about that feeling ... Stuck on it and looked up male parts and how sex worked and tried masturbating at young age and then my cousin molested me and I didn't tell anyone until I was 16 and then every one of my siblings came out as well they also been touched by him ... I was a virgin till age 17 when I met a guy who was a dropp out... I was so curious of how it would feel to finally have sex... My body was shaking I was scared... I snuck out it was 3 am and it was finally happening ... It was painful and he had a condom on bc I insisted... It hurt and I asked when will the pain stop and he said in a little bit then it will start to feel good... Eventual the pain stop but I felt nothing ... I was there for an hour just being used .... Until he finished. I left and it wasn't what I thought it was going to be and I threw up and still shaking ... I felt so dirty and disgusting but I wanted that feeling and it co tinued for the next month sex everyday trying new positions  and role playing and getting high while having sex to see if made a difference... Nothing changed and then I had an infection and my mom found out and the doctor shamed me... 

I left the dude... I met another guy and he wanted oral sex ? I never tried it and I did ... It was horrible experience and I threw up and I was sweating and felt like I was going to pass out ... I stayed and he left me bc I didn't have sex and I decided I would bc I "loved him" and I felt nothing ... Just disgusted with myself... And he cheated and so I decided to cheat with the guy he hated I will say he had a big **** and he told me usually girls start moaning so this is weird and he stopped after 5 mins ... I felt nothing and then I had sex with my best friend and it was rough in some abandoned apartment (he was small) ... I felt nothing ... I was just sad that I kept adding numbers to myself and I met someone again who had a big **** he was a virgin and he was new I felt pain ... But no pleasure ... I teased him and he teased me I enjoyed the teasing but didn't enjoy the sex part... We dated for a year and half and we didn't have sex for a year and 3 months and I was fine that way ... But he wasn't he wanted sex ... I couldn't I feel my relationship is good and fine with teasing and having the sexual rush but without the sex... I don't enjoy sex I don't like sex I don't feel sex .... It ruins everything ... I could live forever without it honestly the only way I'd do it if it were to keep a partner happy but I don't want to be an everyday thing ... I have a new boyfriend he didn't like the fact that I don't want to have sex and said it would ruin our relationship ... I do it for him but not for me ... I just feel disgusted with myself when I do and unclean I tell myself "enjoy it enjoy it" but I sit there just being used ... Once he made me bleed bc I told him I wasn't ready my body wasn't even turned on ... And now its getting harder to get turned on my body no longer getting wet ... I feel like I don't belong in the Asexual spectrum or any at all

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coolandcute

I am asexual and often sex repulsed (especially in terms of others having sex and being exposed to it on television involuntarily).  A few times I am not repulsed.  I was considering that I might be demisexual more than once.  I recently realized once again that I am just asexual.  If I feel aesthetically attracted to a guy, I don't think I would be repulsed and I wouldn't have to wait long.  I would only have to wait till we are married!  

Of course, avoiding pain and pregnancy would be top on my list!  Safe sex is also important.  I prefer somebody who is also a virgin and hasn't had intimate contact with anybody--and fits what I am looking for in a potential partner!

 

My understanding of myself and openness to sex came over years of learning about myself, asexuals, asexuality, sexuals and sex. Although I can be repulsed at the idea of sex and at the sight of others having sex, I feel like it can be good for me in order to relax and connect with a handsome, husband who is still hypothetical for now!  I am not averse to pleasure although I live like a nun or saint.  I miss being able to enjoy life more often.  My neurobiology and death-in-life leave me quite ascetic and anhedonistic.  But I desire pleasure and feeling good and alive more often!  Sex with someone I feel super attracted to could be one way of achieving that.

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Bookwyrm

I am not repulsed by sex, but I don't care about it. I like to have sex with intimacy, with someone very special to me. It's the only kind of person I'm willing to be with, but also I struggle with the "off--switch" I've seen people refer to in the post. It take some work to get around, but it can be worth it.

 

Fantasies and aesthetic attractions are exciting for me, but they don't always translate to excitement outside of my mind.

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heartsandbones

I've been intimately involved with two people in my life. The first was my first and only actual boyfriend. He was against sex outside of marriage due to the risk of children in a potentially unstable relationship, which I was always ok with. There was sexual intimacy without going "all the way". Unfortunately, because of how responsive I am when I feel safe, he always thought he was making me frustrated by not being able to go further. I always told him that it was the connection I wanted, the sensuality and the emotion, but he was never convinced. It drove a wedge between us and we eventually parted ways. The second one was a friend. We met when he was going through a rough patch and things became physical as a coping mechanism when my boyfriend broke up with me. Before him I always thought I never wanted actual sex, but he made me feel so cared for and safe. It made me really confused about whether I was actually an asexual, but I still knew I didn't feel the way other people seem to. It caused something of a crisis for me for a bit, and I expected to feel shame or something like it for sleeping with someone who I didn't love romantically, but I feet less shame and anxiety with him then I did when I was in love. I've actually been somewhat conditioned at this point that if I'm triggered I'll start crying and shut down during intimacy due to my ex, but hopefully I'll meet someone some day that will help me escape from that. I'm so glad I happened upon this thread, because it gave me hope that there are people out there who are like me, that it's not just sex-repulsed or sex-crazed. That it's ok to crave that connection and still call yourself Ace. So thank you.

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Copal_0

As an adolescent I wasn't looking for sex or a relationship, but had a bunch of female friends. I always figured the relationship would find me, then sex would come with it. One of those friends would become first partner at the age of 20, and we actually ended up having a lot of sex. I think I started to realize in my self at that time that this was obviously much more pleasurable for her. To make a long story short the relationship didn't go to well. She kept me interested by working in my asexual kinks (took me a long time to figure those out), but then would become annoyed when that was the only way I would want to have sex.

 

Then I went for years without a partner while finishing my undergrad and working. There was one brief romance, but aside from that and my awkward attempt at online dating I was sex free for years as an adult and it really didn't bother me too much. I found another romance (sort of like the first, but much better) when an old friend came back into my life. This is what I'm currently in and hope to stay in. 

 

This year I started grad school, and the combination of being in a new social scene again (I have social anxieties), finally realizing I don't like sex that much, and wondering why the hell what I though were my sexual attractions were so weird (in that they didn't actually involve sex). I verbalized feelings that I had never been able to all my life. Anyways, when it's fun I like it, but many times I'd still rather be doing the dishes. Edit: Sex feels like an other space for me (sort of disconnected), it doesn't feel like a continuation of my desires in life. Sorry for all the parentheticals.

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