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Spectre/Ex/Machina

What's Your Story?(Sex-Favoroable Aces)

  

270 members have voted

  1. 1. Are you currently sexually active?

    • Yes
      156
    • No
      475
  2. 2. How often do you think of sex?

    • Often
      116
    • Sometimes
      273
    • Rarely
      201
    • Never
      41


Recommended Posts

KendraPM

It depends on the type of sex. PiV sex has always been "fantasy trumps reality" for me. But sexual contact is usually "rather not do it myself" sort of thing.

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Spectre/Ex/Machina

Sometimes it is nice to have a trusted partner to experience that with.

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KendraPM

And that's the kicker. Lol. Finding a trusted partner. The issues the world faces, the dating game. :huh: (Sorry for the negative post. I've recently decided I'm ready to date again and am remembering why it's been a year since I've said yes to a date. It's annoying.)

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Spectre/Ex/Machina

It's ok, you feel as you feel. Hang in there though.

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KendraPM

Thanks. :)

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Spectre/Ex/Machina

I figured out a way to describe my experience: I like sex but not people; or : Sex is attractive, people aren't; or: Sexuality is sexy, people are beautiful.

Q:Why sex? A: Nerve endings.

Just some that i could think of.

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KendraPM

You've got some excellent ways of wording things there!

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Spectre/Ex/Machina

Thanks ^_^

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KendraPM

Read something today that I kind of liked. "Being asexual and having a libido is like being hungry but there's nothing to eat." I wanted to expand on it for sex-favorable asexuals. "Being a sex-favorable asexual is like being hungry, but all there is to eat is pizza and hamburgers, neither of which you like, but they'll satisfy the hunger so you eat them anyways." It's not perfect, but it could be a way to help those who don't understand to understand better.

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Ciri

Why are we suddenly considered part of the grey spectrum?

Also refuse to identy as 'cupiosexual' whatever that is.

I'm Asexual. I don't experience sexual attraction but still enjoy sex.

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KendraPM

I don't know. I don't consider myself part of the graysexual spectrum.

I like the cupiosexual term, but I prefer asexual. I see cupiosexual as a term to describe the type of asexual I am. It can be taken or left, either way. :)

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Spectre/Ex/Machina

Same here.

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Ruby Thought

I prefer to call myself cupiosexual, just 'cause it's more specific and people generally require an explanation to the term.

Whenever I mention that I'm asexual, most draw their own conclusions as to what that means and are more often than not pretty judgy...

But that's just me

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Spectre/Ex/Machina

I prefer to call myself cupiosexual, just 'cause it's more specific and people generally require an explanation to the term.

Whenever I mention that I'm asexual, most draw their own conclusions as to what that means and are more often than not pretty judgy...

But that's just me

That sucks, but what ever works for you ,eh.

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Ruby Thought

I prefer to call myself cupiosexual, just 'cause it's more specific and people generally require an explanation to the term.

Whenever I mention that I'm asexual, most draw their own conclusions as to what that means and are more often than not pretty judgy...

But that's just me

That sucks, but what ever works for you ,eh.

As they say "you play the hand you're dealt". My small country is pretty traditional, and though gay marriage is legal now, there's really very little out here informing people about asexuality.

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KendraPM

Yeah, I get a lot of people who automatically assume asexual means sex-repulsed, so I can see how having a term that people don't know, and therefore they ask you to explain, helps.

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oneness_love_peace01

My sexuality is kind of weird... It's like a moment by moment basis. I mean I do feel sexual attraction but only in certain circumstances, and this is weird too I start getting turned on when someone desires me. Also although I understand my romantic orientation, my sexual orientation seems to be fluid and one day I might feel sexual attraction and then the next day its all gone. Or this week I might be interested in girls only but next week I might want a guy... I honestly feel that if I meet the right person that can teach me that sex is okay I will be fine. I like being romantic but sex I could care less about. It seems all my attractions are aesthetic anyways. I want to have sex a lot but it has to be with a certain person. I couldn't imagine having sex with anyone but this person... Anybody got an idea what this orientation is???

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Rivan Vox

I want sex, but my body disagrees. I have had what I would call sex . . . kinda . . . only the once, and that was with an affectionate asexual girlfriend. (She later realized she was aromantic as well, which is why we parted.)

I used to think I was heterosexual, but then I got remarks from the women in my life about how it was odd that I didn't get turned on by touching them and whatnot. Or by seeing them naked. I tried dating men instead, didn't work out any better.

It was only in college that I actually met someone who turned me on. She made me feel loved and appreciated, and I liked cuddling with her. One day when I was cuddling her . . I got turned on. This was surprising to me, to say the least.

And then, as previously mentioned, I was easily able to be turned on with my asexual girlfriend.

Cuddling and kissing and being with someone I really like playing a big part of it. Without foreplay, nothing happens for me.

So, I'm hoping my next girlfriend will be gray/demi or sexual, and that she'll really sweet and affectionate with me and like to cuddle a lot, since I'm pretty sure that's what my demisexuality requires before anything can happen.

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nanogretchen4

I think I'm demisexual. Basically I have periods of asexuality punctuated by intense crushes every few years. When I am in love with someone I am very attracted to that one person, and absolutely no one else. I fantasize about kissing and cuddling with them, or sometimes about doing things to please them sexually. I very rarely fantasize about them reciprocating, although I am not sex repulsed. I don't think I have a high libido. I'm interested mostly in the emotional connection.

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Betty Badinbed

Wow ...I'm currently on the verge of something. (I felt more comfortable posting here than starting own thread on it)

Have recently started dating a woman for the first time, even though I've been pan-romantic most of my life (and very shy with it). We've had about 4 dates so far, which have featured nothing more than holding hands, and an end-of-night hug - no kissing yet.

Anyway, my lovely lady texted me recently to say that she doesn't mean to be stand-offish, but she has been 'holding back' a bit as she knows it's my first time dating same gender and she didn't want to move too fast and freak me out / scare me away. So nice of her to have this consideration, and as an ace it is SO appreciated - but holy heck, she has no idea yet of my reality. Coz so far I've found it too hard to bring up. Old habits die hard -- my privacy on this issue.

So, got that conversation coming up - and I have to communicate it. After all, she opened up to me last weekend about the history of her MtF gender transition. I am pretty sure this will make her open to someone else who is not exactly the status quo.

I'm not sex-repulsed, just disappointed by my body's lack of response.

Wish me luck.

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KendraPM

I don't know why, but AVEN keeps telling me there's a new post here, but everytime I come to visit, I don't see one I haven't seen before. So now I"m posting just to see if then it'll stop giving me the dark purple "you haven't read this yet" look.

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scarletlatitude

I don't know why, but AVEN keeps telling me there's a new post here, but everytime I come to visit, I don't see one I haven't seen before. So now I"m posting just to see if then it'll stop giving me the dark purple "you haven't read this yet" look.

It does that for me too. I think it will go purple for you if there's a new poll vote. Some members have had issues with this though (posts turning purple when they were already read, or posts that haven't been read turning white). If it keeps happening, post it in site comments. :)

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KendraPM

I don't know why, but AVEN keeps telling me there's a new post here, but everytime I come to visit, I don't see one I haven't seen before. So now I"m posting just to see if then it'll stop giving me the dark purple "you haven't read this yet" look.

It does that for me too. I think it will go purple for you if there's a new poll vote. Some members have had issues with this though (posts turning purple when they were already read, or posts that haven't been read turning white). If it keeps happening, post it in site comments. :)

Thanks. I'll keep this in mind.

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Asa Pond

I am so happy I found this board, to the point where I am close to tears.

Within the last few days I've been exploring asexuality as a possible solution to my own self-identity crisis lately, but the fact that I wanted sex or, more accurately, couldn't imagine a relationship without sex in the future, made me question everything to do with me identifying as ace. Then comes this thread.

Seeing so many of the posts here be direct reflections of how I feel makes me feel like I finally know where I belong and that there isn't something weird with me. I don't like sex, but I do crave it. I can identify with those of you who want others to want you. I (strongly) empathize with those who say they can achieve completion through fantasy but not through actual actions.

When I was in my first and only sexual relationship, I didn't hate, but I didn't love when we had sex. I loved cuddling, I loved kissing and being together and touching, but I was so scared that not wanting to have sex was bizarre and so I made myself think I wanted it every time he did. Looking back now at every person I've been attracted to, I realize I've never been able to successfully see myself having sex with any of them. I used to think that I had trust issues, body issues, etc and that it would take time, but eventually I would meet someone and really want to sleep with them.

I'm still confused. I don't know if I consider myself hetero-romantic, or bi-romantic, or what, but this is a step in the right direction. And it really comes down to your guys, so... thank you.

<3

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KendraPM

I am so happy I found this board, to the point where I am close to tears.

Within the last few days I've been exploring asexuality as a possible solution to my own self-identity crisis lately, but the fact that I wanted sex or, more accurately, couldn't imagine a relationship without sex in the future, made me question everything to do with me identifying as ace. Then comes this thread.

Seeing so many of the posts here be direct reflections of how I feel makes me feel like I finally know where I belong and that there isn't something weird with me. I don't like sex, but I do crave it. I can identify with those of you who want others to want you. I (strongly) empathize with those who say they can achieve completion through fantasy but not through actual actions.

When I was in my first and only sexual relationship, I didn't hate, but I didn't love when we had sex. I loved cuddling, I loved kissing and being together and touching, but I was so scared that not wanting to have sex was bizarre and so I made myself think I wanted it every time he did. Looking back now at every person I've been attracted to, I realize I've never been able to successfully see myself having sex with any of them. I used to think that I had trust issues, body issues, etc and that it would take time, but eventually I would meet someone and really want to sleep with them.

I'm still confused. I don't know if I consider myself hetero-romantic, or bi-romantic, or what, but this is a step in the right direction. And it really comes down to your guys, so... thank you.

<3

I'm glad we could help. :) I completely relate to the concept of not being able to see yourself having sex with someone. For me, even sexual fantasies are better if I or my partner are not involved. I too wondered if I would ever look at the person I was with and actually want to have sex with them. I always used to say that I wasn't comfortable having sex with someone I wasn't close with. Then I realized that even though being emotionally close did allow me to be more comfortable being naked and touched by my partner, it still didn't make me want to have sex with them or even be comfortable imagining have sex with them. I'm much more OK with them over anyone else, but I don't necessarily want to have sex with them. I'm just more willing....if any of that makes sense, lol.

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reneiceygirl

This thread makes me feel less weird. I feel like a very sex positive, body positive, sensual person and I think sex is pretty cool but like, the reality is just like ehh. I'm a sucker for all things smut, I fantasize about sex a lot, I talk about sex a lot with my friends, and my libido is pretty normal I would guess. I've had sex like twice, and it's cool. Sex is more messy then I expected, it's funny, it's kind of weird, and it's kind of gross. I love it. In theory. I would love to one day do it in practice with a cool partner that has to understand I may not be into them sexually, but aesthetically and hopefully emotionally, I'll be ready. I'm just not sure if that it's ever going to happen. No one has ever really got me going sexually and I've only felt fleeting romantic attraction. I'm glad that other people feel my pain so to speak. I'm already feeling a little less weird in my gray-asexuality.

Like someone previously said, I'm still figuring this out! Though I'm finally acknowledging that I'm aesthetically attracted to whoever and that if I was DTF or DFR (down for romance), it would be with whoever, regardless of gender. Maybe y'all can help me find my way!

-A

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clovergirl

I'm not sure I have a story per say. I'm cupiosexual, or an asexual who enjoys and wants a sexual relationship, for those that don't like all the sublabels. I don't feel sexual attraction, and am still not completely sure I understand what it is. But I feel desire, I have a libido. My desire is for sex though, not for people. Or, I guess not even so much for sex, but for the physical release and feeling the emotional connection that comes with that particular type of intimacy.

I don't think I actually have a story. Beyond the happiness that came from realizing what I was and that it wasn't because I saw sex differently than other people. Or that people really can't control their sexual attraction (that came more from my confusion on how someone could say they couldn't be with someone just because they didn't find them sexually appealing. I didn't find any of the men I've been with "sexually appealing," I've never found anyone sexually appealing, and for the most part they've been wonderful, fulfilling relationships.)

I so relate to this. I may masterbate and at times desire a sexual relationship but it wouldn't be a sexual relationship sexuals would understand. But all asexuality is is a lack of sexual attraction not a lack of libido or a lack of intimacy even though that's what it could mean for another asexual. I've actually never had a sexual relationship and It doesn't bother me if I don't ever get one because pleasuring myself is enough for me.

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Hobbes!

I don't know if I really want to put a label to it, but I've discovered that I can find things to like about sexual activities. I wouldn't call it any kind of attraction, or desire - more a case of not really finding it onerous and being able to focus more on the things that are quite nice about it. I equate it to being rather like seeing a movie that wouldn't nearly be interesting enough to be worth it by itself, but with an enthusiastic friend it turns out to be a rather fun night.

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KendraPM

I'm still figuring it out, but I think I fall more inbetween sex indifferent and sex favorable. I'm indifferent to sex outside of a relationship. In fact, I refuse to have sex outside of a long term relationship because it's not very enjoyable for me/more trouble than any pleasure I might actually get out of it. However, once in a relationship, I find that I am willing to have sex for because of my libido and if my partner wants. Also the emotional connection I feel from the sexual aspect of the relationship causes me to want a sexual romantic relationship as opposed to a sexless romantic relationship. And I enjoy sexual contact, so that's a part of it too.

I know this is kind of a crappy discription, but I resently described my asexuality to a friend and it helped her to get it. Homosexual men and women have sex with people of the opposite gender all the time (whether from denial, curiosity, developing feelings for the person, to get back at an ex-a friend of mine did this- etc). They can even enjoy themselves. That doesn't make them heterosexual or bisexual. I am like a heterosexual stuck in a world of only same gendered people. They haven't created a gender I find sexually attractive. So I make due with what I've got.

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RedDragon

I am a demisexaul. At least I think? Growing up i had boy chrushes. Fast forward to high school. I don't know anything about sexuality. My church make youth so through a class called OWL, Our Whole Lives. One day they take in LBGT people to tell us their stories. This I like. I go to my frist pride as an ally. The whells start too turn. I came out later that year as bi. In High school I get a new technical teacher, man. In late 20s. I end up having a "relationship" with him. And I fall in love. After I graduatuate I call him on easter. I get very horny. I felt bad. I did not know why I felt that way! This year I see a photo defineing demisexaulity it just clicked. Now I find out I don't liked being kissed? I don't know why? I have never had frist kiss.

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