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Spectre/Ex/Machina

What's Your Story?(Sex-Favoroable Aces)

  

270 members have voted

  1. 1. Are you currently sexually active?

    • Yes
      156
    • No
      475
  2. 2. How often do you think of sex?

    • Often
      116
    • Sometimes
      273
    • Rarely
      201
    • Never
      41


Recommended Posts

KendraPM

Agreed! I sometimes wonder if a majority of the sexual struggles of partners are due to the obsession with our culture that everyone must love sex, and that in reality many people love sensuality and many people love romance and many people love sex, but most people only love one or two of them. But every human believes that they must love all three to be normal.

of course there is also communication issues that are common too, but... well I guess, poor communication just makes the above issue more challenging :P

A lack of knowledge/understanding/recognition plays a huge role in that too. I've come out to three people in my everyday life about being asexual and got three different reactions; support (my mother), confusion "I don't get it, but I'm happy it makes you happy" (best friend), and denial "that doesn't exist. You really do feel sexual attraction, you're just confused and not recognizing it" (work friend). People don't know how there are all these different attractions, let alone the fact that they might not feel all five of them the same way, or even at all. Teaching people that they may experience attraction differently than what people around them do needs to be the standard.

That's my biggest fear when it comes to romantic relationships (haven't been in one since I discovered my sexuality), is how do I explain it. I've been very lucky so far in that it's never been an issue, but I spoke to another cupiosexual who did run into a problem where it hurt her boyfriend that she didn't have any sexual attraction to him. And I understand how that could be an issue. A lack of previous knowledge on asexuals (and the variety of us their are) would be very helpful.

Oh well, no point borrowing trouble on something that may never happen.

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stonehengegirl

My story.

I didn't have sex until I was 38. Before that point, I really didn't care if I had sex or not. It was a non-issue for me.

Then one day HE showed up and KABOOM sexual chemistry. While we were together, I enjoyed sex. It was fun. I wasn't self-conscious with my body but sometimes I did think sex was taking too long and just wanted to get to the climax. But sex wasn't a need and I would get distracted with things going on in my life and suddenly realized it had been a couple weeks since we had sex and HE would be angry at me for not noticing sooner.

Anyway to wrap it up. SEX=fun. Not a need. Currently not having sex because don't do casual sex and that's fine. It would be great to be in a relationship and have sex again since I know I'm asexual now and have the language to explain myself better. But if that doesn't happen, I'll be fine with that too.

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Spectre/Ex/Machina

Sometimes I find myself laughing to myself because everyone else seems so wound up tight about sex, but I not and Im Ace. Sex can be good fun. Society is weird in that it is hypersexed, sex compulsive but once they see you actually have fun doing your own thing with it they loose their minds.

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Spectre/Ex/Machina

Sex can be stress at times, if you are the type that is paranoid about pregnancy and std's.

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Spectre/Ex/Machina

Well yea, some people can't separate sex from love and assume the once you have one you must now do the other. Some folks just can't compartmentalize like that.

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KendraPM

You guys saying that made me think about it and yeah...sex, whereas I find it very important in my romantic relationships (I get an emotional connection out of it that I love), it's not....overly important to me. Like I can wait, it's not big deal at all and usually do wait in relationships because it is such a big deal to people, and when I'm not in a relationship I just don't have sex. It's awkward without that emotional bond. Like I just want it to be over with, no matter how much I was into the making out. And I find sexual contact the same as sexual intercourse, I get the same bond/connection and only enjoy going there with someone I have a romantic connection with. So I can live my life perfectly happy with someone only having sexual contact with them when they initiate it and not having sexual intercourse, as long as we do in fact have that sexual contact and lots of cuddles and kissing and making out and such. I've gone two years into a relationship without sex and was just as happy as when we did begin having sex. However, my sex drive is high, and I do want that contact often. Although sexual intercourse is kind of boring. It feels nice, but I'm too much in my head to enjoy it the same way I enjoy sensual touching. Sensual touching is actually more pleasant to me than sexual touching.

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Spectre/Ex/Machina

For me, the right person(s) can make it (sex) enjoyable, whether it making love to my primary partner or rough sex with my kink partner. Sex is boring only when the connection is not there. I too have a high sex drive.

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Lady Valacri

I always felt out of place in the asexual community because I'm a very sexual person. I think about it alot. I have sex with my girlfriend alot. I love when I get to dress promiscuously. Don't get me started on my kinky side. I love sex. It just feels great. This confuses alot of my friends because they think that asexuality=chaste. Especially my ace friends. They tend to shun me because I like sex.

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Spectre/Ex/Machina

I always felt out of place in the asexual community because I'm a very sexual person. I think about it alot. I have sex with my girlfriend alot. I love when I get to dress promiscuously. Don't get me started on my kinky side. I love sex. It just feels great. This confuses alot of my friends because they think that asexuality=chaste. Especially my ace friends. They tend to shun me because I like sex.

Well, friend, welcome to the support tread. You will see no shunning from us.

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Spectre/Ex/Machina

I get that completely, sensuality is a base thing for me.

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stonehengegirl

IKR so like, I guess that sex was never "not my thing" so I never really noticed. But sex was always, well, too much. some sort of worshiped thing. I just never understood that.

finally I gave in and had a go at a sexual relationship. and it was nice and pleasant. but what I liked the most about the relationship? night cuddles, and making out. sex was "nice" but really, sex was stress. i dunno...

Night cuddles and talking in bed at night are the best.

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Spectre/Ex/Machina

I haven't cuddled in a while.

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Spectre/Ex/Machina

**Cyber-Hugs**

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Spectre/Ex/Machina
FictoVore.

Mainly regarding some of the comments at the beginning of the first link, I do find it funny the way some people insist that the AVEN definition of asexuality is the be-all and end-all definition, then refuse to accept the AVEN definition of sexual attraction.

I don't know why you always want to start with it though Dark Ace. No one here was disagreeing with you or looking for an argument, everyone active in the thread was actually agreeing with you for a change. This thread was going on perfectly fine and being left alone, then you have to start on the controversy, as always.

Just remember that many people who support clarification of AVENs definition (by rewording it to a desire-based one as opposed to an 'attraction'-based one) are not being elitist, no one is arguing whether one asexual is more ''pure'' than another. That first thread you linked was really more biased towards a few select actual elitists (I have never actually seen anyone say anything like that in the multiple definition threads I have been a part of) not those of us merely seeking a clarified definition in an attempt to expand actual Visibility and Education of asexuality (as opposed to confusion and erasure of asexuality). Not to mention that it's you yourself who has used the word 'pure' in the past to describe your sexual behavior in comparison to that of ''lusty sexuals'' ..I actually haven't seen one 'desirist' in the threads I have been a part of, use the word 'pure' (in relation to their definition of asexuality or sexuality). *sigh* EDIT: and just to be clear, none of us ever said asexuals cannot have sex. Even the person who wrote that article says ''under extenuating circumstances'', meaning that asexuals don't love partnered sex to the extent they will seek sex out with another person for sexual release, as that would make them hetero/homo/bi/pansexual: needing another person, any person, to scratch that libido itch, that's sexuality, not asexuality. But an asexual will/can have sex when necessary (ie to make a baby, to please a partner, to save a relationship etc and yes some even enjoy the sensations of it) and of course, still be asexual. That's what that article says, and that's all that people like me say. Again, no one said an asexual cannot have sex, or must be celibate, to qualify as asexual or any such thing.

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Sleighcaptain

Inactive and seldom think about sex

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The_Verse

I think about sex often, but sexual fantasies seem to be the only thing I can realistically have in my life. As soon as a real flesh & blood person is present, even one I fancy, it's bye-bye libido.

I can understand this. I can find a person attractive in a photo or video but in real life, it lacks that spark that I assume sexuals experience.

I'm not sure I have a story per say. I'm cupiosexual, or an asexual who enjoys and wants a sexual relationship, for those that don't like all the sublabels. I don't feel sexual attraction, and am still not completely sure I understand what it is. But I feel desire, I have a libido. My desire is for sex though, not for people. Or, I guess not even so much for sex, but for the physical release and feeling the emotional connection that comes with that particular type of intimacy.

I don't think I actually have a story. Beyond the happiness that came from realizing what I was and that it wasn't because I saw sex differently than other people. Or that people really can't control their sexual attraction (that came more from my confusion on how someone could say they couldn't be with someone just because they didn't find them sexually appealing. I didn't find any of the men I've been with "sexually appealing," I've never found anyone sexually appealing, and for the most part they've been wonderful, fulfilling relationships.)

I can relate.

To achieve I have to blank my mind and can't really think about my partner- more or less they become a sex toy.

Whoah! It's not just me?

blank my mind to achieve partner as sex toy

would you say that you need this removal of "the person" because of "the other" (for example they are a person and people are unpredictable) or because of the mechanics/sounds/etc? or some other reason?

I sometimes felt the same need, to "remove myself" from the encounter... I'm not really sure how to say tho... hm..

I do it to focus on the sensations.

well, its something I thought about before. I'm probably not the same way, but sometimes it feels like my position about relationships is "i only fall for you if you fall for me". I've also thought about myself as if "I feel your attraction through empathy, but not my own". For me I think it is really the latter that happens for me, but often I think that I'm just being silly..

That empathy thing resonates with me.

I always felt out of place in the asexual community because I'm a very sexual person. I think about it alot. I have sex with my girlfriend alot. I love when I get to dress promiscuously. Don't get me started on my kinky side. I love sex. It just feels great. This confuses alot of my friends because they think that asexuality=chaste. Especially my ace friends. They tend to shun me because I like sex.

I like it too a lot. I sometimes experience erasure because of this, too. I'm glad there are people who feel like me.

**Cyber-Hugs**

PUT THE COMIC SANS DOWN! :P

THERE WAS NO NEED!

NO. NEED!

ps - thanks for this thread

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Spectre/Ex/Machina

Those links were ment to be assuring and not dramatic.

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Spectre/Ex/Machina

That's fair. ^

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KendraPM

blank my mind to achieve partner as sex toy

would you say that you need this removal of "the person" because of "the other" (for example they are a person and people are unpredictable) or because of the mechanics/sounds/etc? or some other reason?

I sometimes felt the same need, to "remove myself" from the encounter... I'm not really sure how to say tho... hm..

I do it to focus on the sensations.

Same here. I completely relate to mentally removing your partner because I'm focusing on the sensation. Also a bit of....it's better if they aren't there sort of thing. Like I enjoy what they are doing, but...idk, like sex is just better when it doesn't involve a person I have to acknowledge. Or not even that exactly, just.... I'd rather focus on sensation and block out the person.

God that sounds bad.

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KendraPM

And now that I think about it, I'm the exact opposite in many of my kinks. I'm more focused on my partner and less on the sensations. Huh.

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Spectre/Ex/Machina

I am the same Kendra, I like sex but my partner can distract me from it. I rarely look em in the eyes, it makes it awkward but not 100% of the time. Dim lights come in handy here.

Cause ultimately it is the sensation Im after and the Intimacy is a welcomed outcome.

It is all so dynamic, there is so much to explore and the take away from it all ya'know?...

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The_Verse

I don't do it the whole time. I like spending time with my partner and eye contact is cool too. It's just when I want to "get down to business" I have to focus on the sensations to get anywhere.... but I never manage to "defeat the Huns" anyway so ;_;

(3 points if you understand my code words, 5 points if you know the reference.)

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