Spectre/Ex/Machina

What's Your Story?(Sex-Favoroable Aces)

  

227 members have voted

  1. 1. Are you currently sexually active?

    • Yes
      146
    • No
      442
  2. 2. How often do you think of sex?

    • Often
      104
    • Sometimes
      256
    • Rarely
      189
    • Never
      39


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Betty Badinbed   
Betty Badinbed

I've only just learnt this term tonight, and pleased to find something else (beside autochorisexuality) that relates to me.

I'm single at the moment, but was recently in a relationship for 9 years, with a lovely guy who stayed the distance for much longer than I ever expected. Last year we had to set each other free, and I truly hope he's getting his rocks off at long last.

I find myself yearning for another relationship, and in my mind "she'll be right on the night", forgetting the actual awkwardness of the first sexual encounters, the frustrating 'off-switch' that seems to activate as soon as we pass the bedroom door. I badly want that switch to stay on. I think about sex often, but sexual fantasies seem to be the only thing I can realistically have in my life. As soon as a real flesh & blood person is present, even one I fancy, it's bye-bye libido.

My own peculiar grey-aceness - that's always had me questioning what I am - is that I do experience sexual attraction, but I lack sexual urge. That is, I recognise my attraction to someone, but have no need or desire to introduce myself to them / pursue them, whatever. If that person should smile genuinely at me, I store that smile in my memory as a gem to be treasured. It's all I need. (until I remember how lonely I am. )

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Spectre/Ex/Machina   
Spectre/Ex/Machina

Im the opposite, I don't feel attraction but I do feel desire. When I was younger this was hard cause I'd find someone (That I thought I was attracted to , turns out is was aesthetic and not sexual) we would be in a position to do it, then I shut down too, like my body said we want to just not this one, all the time.

When I started looking at sex as affection and merely recreation that changed, I was able to do it without worrying about "is it this one".

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KP501   
KP501

I think I'm demi-sexual....but I really wish I wasn't. The reason I think this is because, in my whole life, I have only ever felt a strong attraction to two people. (And this is despite going on numerous dates and trying really hard to like somebody and have a relationship). Both the people who I became attracted to (and perhaps even fell in love with) were very very close friends (I'm female and they were both female). One was a housemate a uni and the other a housemate just after uni. It took over a year for me to build up the feelings but I cared about them so much, wanted to spend a lot of time with them, wanted to hug them etc. With the second, some sexual stuff did happen and I enjoyed it and wanted more. Unfortunately it didn't end very well as she wasn't a lesbian.

Ever since I have not had those same feelings towards anyone (and that was almost ten years ago). I wish I could have that again with someone who reciprocated but I realize how difficult that would be and I've accepted that I will most likely never have a relationship. Like I said, I've tried and I just don't feel the attraction. Anyway, I've pretty much accepted it now and I've got a lot of good things going on in my life so in many ways I think I'm very lucky.

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queenskie709   
queenskie709

Someone referred to me as an asexual today, commenting how different I perceive sex, even joking at how awkward I can be on the subject. The half-hearted conversation rattled my brain for a moment. Could this be why it never really had an appeal to me? As a result, I felt as though they may have introduced me to why it all is so strange. Why it doesn't make sense how people can be so compelled by such actions. I'm still confused, but I have my reading glasses on, and I'm willing to see what may become of all of this.

Hello all! My name is Skie.

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KendraPM   
KendraPM

I'm not sure I have a story per say. I'm cupiosexual, or an asexual who enjoys and wants a sexual relationship, for those that don't like all the sublabels. I don't feel sexual attraction, and am still not completely sure I understand what it is. But I feel desire, I have a libido. My desire is for sex though, not for people. Or, I guess not even so much for sex, but the feeling the emotional connection that comes with that particular type of intimacy.

I don't think I actually have a story. Beyond the happiness that came from realizing what I was and that it wasn't because I saw sex differently than other people. Or that people really can't control their sexual attraction (that came more from my confusion on how someone could say they couldn't be with someone just because they didn't find them sexually appealing. I didn't find any of the men I've been with "sexually appealing," I've never found anyone sexually appealing, and for the most part they've been wonderful, fulfilling relationships.)

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Spectre/Ex/Machina   
Spectre/Ex/Machina

I'm not sure I have a story per say. I'm cupiosexual, or an asexual who enjoys and wants a sexual relationship, for those that don't like all the sublabels. I don't feel sexual attraction, and am still not completely sure I understand what it is. But I feel desire, I have a libido. My desire is for sex though, not for people. Or, I guess not even so much for sex, but for the physical release and feeling the emotional connection that comes with that particular type of intimacy.

I don't think I actually have a story. Beyond the happiness that came from realizing what I was and that it wasn't because I saw sex differently than other people. Or that people really can't control their sexual attraction (that came more from my confusion on how someone could say they couldn't be with someone just because they didn't find them sexually appealing. I didn't find any of the men I've been with "sexually appealing," I've never found anyone sexually appealing, and for the most part they've been wonderful, fulfilling relationships.)

I totally relate to this.

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Otakon   
Otakon

I have a very high sex drive and think about sex often. Whether or not I feel sexual attraction depends on the level of emotional connection I have with that person. It can turn on or off, depending on how I perceive their mind.

I can't say I've felt sexual attraction towards someone one-hundred percent.

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Linde   
Linde

I would probably call myself gray-A first, but cupiosexual does describe my orientation pretty well.

I have what I assume is a normal libido and have had way too much time on my hands the last while so these days I think about sex fairly frequently. I've never been sexually attracted to someone no matter how close we become. Pretty much if I find you aesthetically pleasing and the kind of person I could be friends with I can't discriminate beyond that.

I very much enjoy the sensual aspects of partnership and will often desire sex once we've been kissing/cuddling for a bit. The actual sex is fairly unrewarding, though. To achieve I have to blank my mind and can't really think about my partner- more or less they become a sex toy. At times this can be more enjoyable than simply taking care of it myself, but it also comes with frustrations that can make it too much of a hassle. I tend to go years between trying to date because of this, and I definitely don't like sex enough to seek it outside of a relationship.

Ugh, it can get really annoying to desire sex but not have a way of getting into it. I wish I just had no libido at all to be honest. That said, I like the sensual aspects enough where I'm fine humoring my drive every so often as a side effect of enjoying some active cuddling.

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Keels   
Keels

I've never been sexually attracted to someone no matter how close we become. Pretty much if I find you aesthetically pleasing and the kind of person I could be friends with I can't discriminate beyond that.

Gods, yes! This exactly!

It's so weird finally (a) figuring out that this is the way I am, and (b) that this is unusual. It's been right there, hiding in plain sight, since my adolescence (some 30 years ago).

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Linde   
Linde

Gods, yes! This exactly!

It's so weird finally (a) figuring out that this is the way I am, and (b) that this is unusual. It's been right there, hiding in plain sight, since my adolescence (some 30 years ago).

Usually I just confuse myself when I try to put thoughts into words. I'm glad someone understands and can relate =]

would you say that you need this removal of "the person" because of "the other" (for example they are a person and people are unpredictable) or because of the mechanics/sounds/etc? or some other reason?

I sometimes felt the same need, to "remove myself" from the encounter... I'm not really sure how to say tho... hm..

I'm mostly at a loss as to why this is. I'm not squeamish and don't embarrass easily, so I don't think it's the mechanics or sensory issues. Best I can guess is my brain just doesn't know how to stop overthinking which can take me right out of the mood. Everything does tend to be better in my head than the real world, so perhaps being fully present just gets dull, hehe

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RaisedByHippies98   
RaisedByHippies98

I'm kind of tired of thinking about sex and stuff, but in figuring out my asexuality, i'm the kind of person who has to know how i don't feel in order to know how i do feel. I really love this site though, where i can learn all this new stuff about myself and you guys like me!

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Spectre/Ex/Machina   
Spectre/Ex/Machina

I coined a term recently, "Philoadavere" meaning , I love to be craved. Even though I don't experience sexual attraction, I like when people are attracted to me, I think it's an ego thing.

Full definition here: http://francisilluminatus13x.tumblr.com/post/116335277635/philoadavere

I just really like the feel of it all. I like sensation, I am sensual.

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Spectre/Ex/Machina   
Spectre/Ex/Machina

I made this word myself; and why is it negative? It merely describes my feelings.

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limabean   
limabean

I have a very high sex drive and think about sex often. Whether or not I feel sexual attraction depends on the level of emotional connection I have with that person. It can turn on or off, depending on how I perceive their mind.

Yeah, same for me.

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Spectre/Ex/Machina   
Spectre/Ex/Machina

nono, I mean I think the concept was named before. But I think it's a psychology term, ... :unsure:

I saw no such term name, so I made the word to fill a void.

Im not upset with you , just so you know.

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Spectre/Ex/Machina   
Spectre/Ex/Machina

Who called you a dumb hypocrite?

You feel how you feel, it's all about how you go about it in an action sense.

Don't let it get you down.

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KendraPM   
KendraPM
On ‎6‎/‎25‎/‎2015 at 11:54 PM, Dark Ace (Ordo de Oculus) said:

I coined a term recently, "Philoadavere" meaning , I love to be craved. Even though I don't experience sexual attraction, I like when people are attracted to me, I think it's an ego thing.

Full definition here: http://francisilluminatus13x.tumblr.com/post/116335277635/philoadavere

I just really like the feel of it all. I like sensation, I am sensual.

I don't think it's an ego thing. I like to be craved. Or maybe that's not exactly the right word. I love being desired. Part of me feels guilty for it too. Not because I think of it as ego-stroking, but because I can't feel that sexual attraction in return, but enjoy knowing my partner is wants me. Maybe it was where I was raised, a small town that had a very sexist few on sex and that it was a lack in the woman if a man didn't want her, but I like knowing my partner is sexually attracted to me. Even if I can't every truly say I want him back. But at the same time, I don't feel like I lack anything for being asexual. I can enjoy sex, will have it if both turned on and my partner initiates it, but I don't really "want" them, I just enjoy what is happening. That sounds wrong, like maybe I'm using my partner, but... I don't know, it's how I am. It's how I was made.

I'm also highly sensual. For a long time I mistook sensual attraction for sexual attraction. It wasn't until a friend of mine said that they did in fact want to have sex with strangers, that it wasn't just an exaggeration on wanting to cuddle with them or wondering what it'd be like to kiss them, that I began to realize that what I was feeling was not sexual attraction.

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Spectre/Ex/Machina   
Spectre/Ex/Machina

This^ (@Kendra)on sooo many levels. I feel very similarly tho we differ here and there cause difference in upbringing ,of-course but I use to be afraid of the same thing. I thought I was a user, a people fetishizer and I felt guilt cause people are people and not toys. Then eventually I stopped despising that part of myself and saw it for what it really was and have been in a better place for it. I realized that I objectified people in that I mentally depersonalize them because their personhood distracted me from the sex acts because Im not attracted to them but rather the ideas around them. It was my body/libido trying to reconcile a way to relieve itself through the distortion,dehumanization and even fictionalization of my partners.

I am more clear about my sexuality these days and I am a proud fetishist and sensual who no longer relies on such psychological hoop hopping to engage in sex.

Even though Im Ace, the thought of someone wanting me is exciting, I feel a sense of control which makes my inner Dom happy. Even though I want sex, I rarely if ever actually want to initiate it which make my Philoadavere that much more perfect.

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KendraPM   
KendraPM

Even though Im Ace, the thought of someone wanting me is exciting, I feel a sense of control which makes my inner Dom happy. Even though I want sex, I rarely if ever actually want to initiate it which make my Philoadavere that much more perfect.

^^This! That describes me so perfectly. I'm a switch, although I lean towards the Domme role the majority of the time. And knowing my partner wants me, is crazy about me...appealing to my sense of control is a great way to word that. (It's not only that, but that does play a part) I don't even think about initiating it 9 times out of 10. I initiate cuddling, making out, etc. But sex is a "if they go there, I'm down for it" sort of thing that I think about after we've already begun cuddling/kissing.

@Teagan That's part of my I think there are more asexuals than what they say. I think there's probably quite a few sensual asexuals who are confusing their sensual attraction for sexual attraction.

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