Should I come out as asexual?

[YOU]

I am a 15 y o boy. I only in the past few weeks have questioned my sexuality determined that I am asexual. I never have had any attraction to sex with either gender (I actually find sex quite repulsive and always have) and have never really had a desire for a girlfriend other than all my friends having girlfriends and peer pressure. I live in a small city in a mildly rural area, but I am still worried about coming out. There are bisexuals at my school, which they get made fun of, and I was wondering about if asexuals receive the same bad wrap gays and bis do. My friends are totally convinced that I am a normal high school boy because I pretend that I have sexual attractions to keep it that way. Advice?

[Slainmonkey]

My guess is that it's upto what you feel is right, I didn't come out until I was well into my 20's so I couldn't even begin to know how that would be recieved in highschool. I didn't know asexuality was an orientation when I was your age, I just thought there was something wrong with me....so much so when people would assume I was gay that I wouldn't correct them, I rathered people think I was gay then think I was sexually broken.

[colorfulgirl]

If you don't feel a need to come out, then you don't have to do it. I didn't come out to anybody because I believe that my sexuality it's my own business. Of course I respect people who decide to come out, I just believe it's a personal choice. If someone asked me what my sexuality is, I would have no problems answering but I guess most people assume that I'm heterosexual not heteroromantic asexual.

If coming out would generate even more stress for you then don't do it. You need to make this decision yourself based on what's the best for you. There is no pressure, if it doesn't feel right, don't do it.

[ace carder]

come out only if u want to i'm 13 and haven't but who knows just do what feels right

[Star Bit]

1) You don't need to tell anyone about your sex life, especially your parents.

2) The only person that actually needs to know about your orientation is a potential partner. No one else's acceptance of it matters.

Yes, viability is important and the more we spread awareness the easier it'll be for others to come out, but it all depends on if coming out is even safe.

If you can take the possible bullying then sure, come out. Look up denial responses to asexuality and be prepared for them/capable of correcting them. Keep things simple and believe in yourself; doubt can make them doubt you/the orientation. You may want to say the definition before the word (i.e. "I do not experience sexual attraction. I am asexual."); receiving a new word turns off alot of people, especially on something they thought they knew. A common misconception is that Asexual means Aromantic too, so clarify that. Btw you may be aromantic.

If they still deny it then say “I think I should know my own opinions and desires; no one has the right or even guaranteed accuracy in assuming them (future or present). Yes, it’s minootly plausible it could change, but that's for me to disclose." Though I'm starting to wonder if i should remove the word opinion; as they may take it as asexuality being an opinion toward sex.

[Gumby Jellybeans III]

When I was in school I was often excluded because I didn't like talking about sex. I didn't know that asexual was an orientation back then, so I never had the option of telling anyone, but I think if I had been able to express what I was feeling, it would have made life much easier for me. Because I couldn't talk about it, I never gave my classmates the opportunity to understand me.

If you think your friends will tease and bully you, maybe it's better not to mention it, though.

In social situations, I personally find it easiest to just not talk about sex. If people want to discuss that stuff in front of me I just listen politely and don't say much until the topic of conversation changes. Most people really like it when others listen to them, so this works really well for me!

When I was younger, I found the thought of sex quite disgusting too, but I've learned to accept that it's just another biological function and I don't feel so repulsed now.

If you think your friends will be okay with your orientation, it might make life easier for you if you just tell them. People I've told don't seem to think it's a big deal (but my friends also think being gay or bi is fine).

Hey! From the point of view of your friends it should be a positive thing you're asexual: you'll never be competing with them for girls!

[Jaque]

Personally I do not see my sexuality as news worthy, and even though I dont see it as a secret I dont tend to tell people.

If your like me then taking my stance could be the safest bet.

The thing about being at school is kids can be cruel if some one is a bit different.

[Archived]

Yeah, come out when you think the time is right, ya know? Don't force yourself to do something you don't want to. I've come out to all my friends about being asexual, they were pretty understanding. I think one of the key things is to make sure your friends are understanding people. That'll help in the long run, because that matters. I haven't told my family, but I don't wanna, so it all works out.

[Welsh Ace]

Only come out when you feel comfortable and safe in doing so and, more importantly, if you want too. I am 30 and I am not out but I am planning to now because I do feel like that time is right for me.

No-one will think any less of you or think that you are in some way a "bad asexual" (there is no such thing) coming out should be totally up to you and your own decision you should do when you feel is right. :)

Welcome to AVEN by the way.

[Blackmageofdoom]

Up to you kid, personally my gf is the only person that knows. Because she's the only one it affects. Welcome

[Cas°]

Come out only if you want to. I have told that only to my closest friends, so that they stopped from trying to match me with someone. But I really don't think that is absolutely necessary. If you want to, if you are feeling uncomfortable with who you are then i think you should do it. But just with the person you trust.

But if it doesn't make you feel bad than your sexuality is your own buisness. :)

[Xavy]

Coming out is a very personal decision no matter what your age. Make a list of the pro and cons of coming out, considering what it would mean for you. If it feels like the right thing for you, then go for it, if it doesn't feel right, you can wait until it does.

[Rising Sun]

Should you come out ? You can come out, but there is no "you should" or " you shouldn't". The only time where you should come out is if you're dating someone (as it would be totally unhealthy to hide your sexual orientation to your partner).
That said, if your classmates aren't accepting of other sexual orientations, I don't recommend coming out to them. Asexuals can be bullied or sexually harassed too.

Edited July 11, 2015 by Rising Sun

[Dragonscales]

There is no correct or incorrect time to come out and it doesn't have to be all or nothing either.

It's not even something you have to do if you don't want to.

For me I've only told a couple of close friends because personally I don't feel the need for my orientation to be widespread knowledge. Unless the person you're coming out to is well-versed in orientations then you're going to generally do quite a bit of explaining to get them to understand the terms and the spectrum. I don't hide my disinterest in sex but I also don't open up a conversation about asexuality unless I feel I would be more comfortable with the person knowing than not knowing. There's nothing wrong with letting people think you're just disinterested if you don't feel like they would be receptive to the concept of asexuality.

But it's a very personal decision with no right or wrong answer.

My advice would be

1. Don't feel pressured to be 'out' for the sake of being out

2. Tell only the people you feel comfortable telling

3. Remember that it's okay to not tell anyone if you think you might be bullied or harassed- your safety and wellbeing comes first

[Elluna Hellen]

You don't 'need' to.

There is no 'should' when it comes to this.

Why do you want people to know? Are you looking for understanding? Do you just want to 'be out'? Does it feel right to tell people?

Who would you even want to tell? Your family? Friends? Everyone who wants to hear it? :P

Why would not choose not to? Cause people might make fun of you? Do you even care?

It's up to you in the end. Just try to figure out why you would come out and why you could choose not to, and then go by that. :)

[CMV]

Yeah you don't have to come out if you don't feel you need to.It isn't anyone's business

but yours.But don't pretend to be something you're not.Keep it real.

[Hooded_Crow]

You're in high school, presumably. Anything that makes you unusual can and will be used against you. That is the sad truth of high school.

You don't have to come out to anyone. But of course it is rather frustrating to be keeping such a big part of yourself a secret. I know I sometimes feel like I'm lying by omission.

I'd say only come out if you feel safe doing so and maybe only to people you trust. No need to brandish a flag in school, unless of course you want to go for the activist approach ^^

Consider why you want to come out and what the drawback are and then go with your gut feeling :)

[The_Verse]

I would like to ask you why you want to come out? Is there a strong reason for feeling like you should come out? Or is it just something you've briefly thought about?

It's a very personal thing to do.