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Hi!

I´m writing an essay about asexuality in modern society and would find it extremely helpful if someone or hopefully someones (who categorizes themselves as asexuals) can help me by answering these questions below. Perhaps the questions are a bit prejudiced or narrow-minded but please be indulgent! :blush:

1. How does your asexual orientation affect your everyday life?

2. Do you experience being discriminated because of your asexual orientation? Please give examples!

3. Do you experience that the society you live in is well-adapted/adjusted for asexual orientations? Please give examples!

4. Do you experience alienation because of your asexual orientation? Please give examples!

Thanks in advance!

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Akira Jumps

First, hello and welcome to AVEN Virtuella!

1) For the most part, my life is unaffected. My friends are very accepting of my sexuality, so even when the topic of conversation does turn to more sexual things, they respect my ambiguity and/or squeamishness. My family, on the other hand, is very LGBTQA+phobic, so I am constantly bombarded with questions like 'when are you going to start dating' at home. For that reason, I try and stay away from home as often as possible.

2) As I said in #1, my family is really the only obstacle I've had. I prefer not to talk with them about it or any other subjects regarding orientation because of this. My boss once asked me if I was gay and when I explained it to her, she asked if I was raped as a child. This is a very harmful and rude stereotype, but it wasn't the first time I had been asked, so I tried to be polite about it. Most of the problem is that people think they know what asexuality is and then say rude things about it.

3) At least where I live, our society is hyper-sexualized to the point that every advertisement you see will probably have a sexual component to it. This is awkward for me because I have no interest in seeing/talking about it. TV shows are equally hard to find; either they're too childish or too sexual. For example, Netflix just came out with a new series called Sense8. I was recommended it, but was utterly appalled by the amount of sexual scenes they had. I would not recommend it to anyone here.

4) Alienation only really happens with my family, who will brush me off when I try to talk about any type of relationship (sexual/romantic/platonic/or otherwise) because they don't understand what asexuality means. This is aggravating mostly, so - again - I try not to talk with them. I've got a great group of friends now, but before them I had a group who would constantly find pictures of partially nude people and ask if I wanted to f*ck them. I would always answer no and they would always get mad. It became so bad that I eventually cut them off and started hanging with a new group - a fantastic one at that.

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1. I can't really say I does one way or another. I do my job, pay my bills and live my life. Asexuality is just a small part of my life. Too bad its the romantic relationship part of my life.

2. I am not sure if I would call it discrimination, but we are a sex saturated culture. In high school all the guys could talk about was getting laid. On TV and movies, everyone has to include sex somehow. The few times I have tried online dating many women have claimed that they would not be comfortable in a relationship if the man did not desire them sexually. Not exactly discrimination, but I do feel bad that sex seems to important to some people and I am made to feel less than I am for not sharing this belief. I know one guy who, it just dawned on me a couple of weeks ago, keeps bringing up how much he finds women attractive and likes having sex with his wife. He brings it out of the blue, and I realized that he feels like he needs to defend his sexuality somehow. My friends girlfriend also slightly insulted me with the typically stupid comment, "You need to get laid," when I described something that annoyed me.

3.I think it is slow going, but asexuality is being recognized. I am worried that like Viagra, this new female Viagra will motivate sexual culture into believing that a pill will solve our orientation. A lot like those people that believe in pray-the-gay-away camps.

4. Yes to a certain extent. I do not look at the world as a sexual person does. I once mentioned a young lady from a show was cute, and most of my lady coworkers were like scandalized "She's to young for you!" They automatically turned it into a sex thing. My friends will go on and on about how attractive some woman is, and I make the point that she is not a big deal. This of course elicits the typical "You're gay." thing. But to be honest I don't care I will live my life how I see fit. I don't care what anybody else thinks.

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This sounds like fun! :3

1. How does your asexual orientation affect your everyday life?
Well, being an aromantic asexual myself, I don't have to worry about relationship problems and whatnot that most people do. However, I do have to constantly worry about my friendships, which in importance are my equivalent to what a relationship is to most people. My friends mean the world to me, but I always have to worry about them not accepting or respecting my asexuality, primarily with some opposite-gender friends. I can't really talk about asexuality much in public, because then I end up being swarmed with all sorts of questions and criticism, but if a small group or singular person has questions, I don't mind. It also is really difficult being an asexual in a very sex and romance-driven society. Anyone who does not desire either is usually quickly rationalized by the society, told that "something must have happened to them," or "something must be wrong," when there's nothing wrong at all. People also tend to assume we are lonely and miserable when a lot of us aren't.

2. Do you experience being discriminated because of your asexual orientation? Please give examples!

Yes, I have experienced plenty of discrimination because of my orientation. I think this is because asexuality is different from others such as homosexuality, bisexuality, etc. Instead of just being attracted to something different, we aren't attracted to anything at all. And since that contradicts what seems to be considered human nature, people often assume there's something wrong with us. I've lost quite a few friends to my asexuality, because they misunderstood it and thought I was some heartless cold-blooded emotionless robot incapable of caring for others or something. I'm actually currently struggling towards that problem... Families also aren't always too accepting of it. Most of my family members have said things like "it's just a phase" or "I'm glad you're 'asexual' at your age," or anything like that, It's really difficult in a world where most people are ignorant and prejudicing, so we really have to learn how to just cope with it until we get more awareness.

3. Do you experience that the society you live in is well-adapted/adjusted for asexual orientations? Please give examples!

Like I said, I don't really think the society is adjusted enough in this point in time to accept asexuality. It's just too much a contradiction to what people consider "nature." We feel that we don't really need sex or (depending on the asexual) romantic love, and our society is conditioned ever since we are children to believe that stuff is important. Why else would there be romance in childrens' shows and movies? People don't think we're natural, and therefore feel the need to correct us because as it stands, they just can't understand that there's nothing really wrong.

4. Do you experience alienation because of your asexual orientation? Please give examples!

I've experienced plenty of alienation. One friend I had, whom I really looked up to and respected, started shunning me one day after I had came out to him as aromantic asexual. When I asked him what he was avoiding me for, he said "you're asexual. You can't love or care about anyone. You are going to live and die alone." It upset me that someone I thought was my friend could have thought such a thing, but at this point, I've really had to adapt to losing friends this way. Primarily of the opposite gender. I also have another asexual friend who's mother constantly is telling him that he "likes boys" (this friend is ftm trans), and meanwhile he's just kind of sitting there texting his girlfriend... One of my best friends, similarly to me, has a parent who doesn't really believe in asexuality either. Most people tend to think it's some phase we'll grow out of.
On another note, the LGBT-equivalent club at my school also pretty much completely dismisses the existence of asexuality. My trans friend brought it up to them one time, asked why they never touch on it, and it was just kind of dismissed and swept under the rug.

Hope that helps! :)

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Hi Virtuella, welcome along, I hope my answers may be of some help to you

1. Does my asexual orientation affect my everyday life

No, not in the slightest, I am as I am, it's a fact of life, a part of me & who I am, it's no different to any other orientation

2. Do I experience being discriminated because of my asexual orientation

No, I'm single & nearly 50, I've been single as in no relationships apart from friends since 1991, anyone who asks me why, I explain, I have never been able to hold down a relationship even when I did try & have sex because I didn't know about this orientation called asexuality & I thought there was something wrong with me, now I understand about asexuality, yes I'm attracted to ladies, but I can't fulfill their natural desires, I'm asexual & impotent, that's me, my friends accept me for who I am, women have said to me that they find me sexually repulsive (not my friends I hasten to add), that's just down to the way I look.

3. Do I think that society is adapted/adjusted for asexual orientations

I can't say I've ever really taken any notice, I think society is adapted/adjusted to heterosexual orientations, it's slowly adapting to accepting gay people & trans people, but I don't think that as an asexual it really needs to do anything more as there are gay asexuals, trans asexuals & hetero asexuals, what more can really be achieved? after all, any of us can have a relationship with or without sex

4.Do I experience alienation because of my asexual orientation

Again, I'd have to answer no, a lot of people I've explained it to may not understand my lack of sex drive, the most common question to be asked is "do you think you might be into men?" again, the answer is no, I see attractive ladies, of course I find them attractive, I just have no desire to have sex with them, but at my time of life (& the fact I look much older than I am), people just accept that a guy of my age (or the age they perceive me to be, which is normally around 65ish), doesn't think of sex when they're single anyway, in general, that's just society, it's like someone telling you your parents are hard at it in bed now, a child never likes to think that they were a product of what their parents did one day or night

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1. How does your asexual orientation affect your everyday life?

It doesn't. What I don't do or think doesn't affect too much of my life. I'm very much a loner, so I pretty much just live my life. I guess being asexual is how I found this forum and lately, I've been logging on here daily, so that's something.

2. Do you experience being discriminated because of your asexual orientation? Please give examples!

Not very many people know I'm asexual. The people that do know, I wouldn't say I've been actively discriminated against, but in subtle ways. One example being asexuality is not believed to be a real orientation. I've been told it has to be trauma or medical. Some guys think I could be "cured," or I need to have sex "right," and other ignorant comments.

3. Do you experience that the society you live in is well-adapted/adjusted for asexual orientations? Please give examples!

Society is not remotely adjusted for asexuality. The media, television, and films are saturated with sexual situations. Like I said, my experience is that many people don't believe asexuality is a real orientation. I feel like I will always have to deal with guys trying to flirt or hook up with me. because asexual isn't widely known and I haven't had good experience being believed, I feel like there's nothing I can really say - except "no" of course, but guys tend to want a reason. If I had a label that could be obvious, maybe it would make it easier (like a lesbian is just known as that and isn't hit on by guys hopefully). Anyway, there is a gaining awareness of asexuality, but the culture/society certainly doesn't accommodate it. Movies and things for kids are some of the few places I'm "safe" from being inundated with sex culture.

4. Do you experience alienation because of your asexual orientation? Please give examples!

In subtle ways. I can't get join discussions with girls who talk about boys a lot, and that's been picked up on. When it's gossip about who was hot or cute and I'm just "huh," at a certain point, they just stop asking me to join their conversations.

Sometimes I also feel alienated in the romantic department. I've had a few guys not want to date me after I told them I wasn't interested in sex (which is good they said that as I don't want to date someone who must have sex), but it's alienating in its own way. Often I think I won't ever have good friends or a long-term romantic relationship. Sometimes those things are tied together, such as having friends who are in relationships or are married and just not being part of that world at all (and likely never will be).

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1. How does your asexual orientation affect your everyday life?

I don't understand your question. It's not I was sexual in some "previous life" and I can compare the two. :P And if you are asking to predict what would happen if something went differently in my mother's womb and I was born sexual... well, I think life is too chaotic to give a meaningful answer.

2. Do you experience being discriminated because of your asexual orientation? Please give examples!

Well, not really. Of course there are minor annoyances like not having a right option in many polls, but I haven't experienced any serious discrimination (yet).

3. Do you experience that the society you live in is well-adapted/adjusted for asexual orientations? Please give examples!

No, of course not.

4. Do you experience alienation because of your asexual orientation? Please give examples!

Very rarely. I usually spend time with people who apply encapsulation both to programming and real life. Wow, that was a really weird metaphor. I mean, they don't talk about their private lives* in public. Fortunately, the ones who use C++ don't declare me as their friend. :D

*not technically correct, since only Conway and a few others have their own Lives ;). As you can see, I'm in a really punny mood right now.

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1. Not much. Most oeople dont even know it.

2. No, not at all.

3. Probably not really. Relationships are usually based a lot on sex.

4. No. I experience alienation due to self-isolation which is something I need to do for certain reasons. No close friends, no close contact to family, not a member of groups/clubs and I don't go out.

Not getting involved with people avoids a lot of things.

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allrightalready

disclosure, i am demisexual not full asexual



1. How does your asexual orientation affect your everyday life?


makes dating more difficult since i won't have sex for months after being with someone until i really get to know them and most don't seem to like that. other than that no real affect



2. Do you experience being discriminated because of your asexual orientation? Please give examples!


no, just people won't date me



3. Do you experience that the society you live in is well-adapted/adjusted for asexual orientations? Please give examples!


it works if you don't mind being single



4. Do you experience alienation because of your asexual orientation? Please give examples!


yes people won't date me


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1. I guess it's more so being open about it that affects my life. It doesn't affect my personality but how people react to me. It also makes thing less restricting, I guess. As an aromantic asexual, I don't have to care about relationships (romantic/sexual) and crushes. Hearing stuff from my friends, it seems stressful. I think it makes things make more sense. When I told my friends, they were like "Oh yeah, you're right." I haven't dated anyone or had a crush on anyone and my friends knew that before I told them I was asexual. I told a couple of my friends who didn't know yet and one of them questioned it a bit. The other was like "Think about it, can you really imagine Karmynn in a relationship?" and that cleared that up. I'm just not someone who would be in a relationship or want to. I'm also a pretty affectionate person and really weird and a bit of joker, so I do some questionable things. For example, comment on one of my friends butts, they know I'm joking already but them knowing that I'm asexual gives them comfort, I think. As I said before, I'm a bit of a joker so being asexual gives me another thing to joke about and another thing for my friends to joke about. I joke about my race and my height, so my sexuality was just another thing to add to the pot of self-jokes. One time, I was taking a hair or string off of one of my friend's boobs and she said "It isn't weird, because I know you're not making a move on me" and we had a good laugh. I think telling my friends that I'm asexual was an "Oh, right. Yeah. I got you." moment. If people were more informed about asexuality, they'd already suspect that I'm asexual, the way one would guess if someone were gay or lesbian.

2. No, the only people that I've confidently told are my friends and they were quite understanding. As I said before, it just made sense to them. My family, on the other hand, don't know. I tried to tell them once and it didn't work. They either disregarded me or the idea of asexuality. I think they thought I was joking. They sometimes ask if I have a boyfriend and that's disheartening, making me think "Is that the only option you think of?" Then, when I say no they ask me if I'm lesbian and I'm just like "No." Bi? "No." What then? "Eh, I don't really like anyone." I want to tell them that I'm asexual, but as I said, I tried, didn't work. It was a subtle coming-out but not an effective one, so I'll just wait 'til when I feel ready.

3. Being 13 years old and it's 2015, I guess. In the bulk of it all, haha no, not at all. Media, I hear no talk of asexuals. Haha (:(), we're invisible. My personal life though, school really, yes. I think they're pretty adjusted to it all. At the high school I'm going to in a couple of months, I think they're adapted to queers in general.

4. No, not really. Refusal to accept it from my family, I think. Though, I didn't really just go out and tell them, but I'm not ready for that. I think they think it's not real or a possibility for me.

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Happy to help! :)

1. How does your asexual orientation affect your everyday life?

It does not really bother me, being asexual is just a part of me and does not interfere in my everyday life. In fact since I have no interest in a relationship compared to most I find I am quite lucky without the added stress.

2. Do you experience being discriminated because of your asexual orientation? Please give examples!

I haven’t really come out to that many people to have experienced discrimination; however I do get some hassle from family at times, mainly because they don’t really understand. I often have comments levelled at me like I am ‘too young to know what I want’ or ‘it’s just a phrase I am going through’. But apart from that I have not experienced any real discrimination.

3. Do you experience that the society you live in is well-adapted/adjusted for asexual orientations? Please give examples!

Not really, a lot of people have not even heard of the term asexual and it’s not widely discussed. The media is the worst putting a lot of attention on sex, and we don’t have a lot of portrayal ourselves in the media, it’s very hard to bring to mind asexual characters on screen.

One of the main examples I have covers other orientations, Sex Ed at school. I remember being so uncomfortable during sex ed, we were split into gender groups and only lectured about ‘straight’ sex, when the very thought of having sex myself makes me shudder. I did not think it was fair having to sit through a class and listen to a talk that held no value to me.

4. Do you experience alienation because of your asexual orientation? Please give examples!

Again because I have only really opened up to my family I have not been alienated because of my asexuality, although I do worry how people would take it if I actually opened up to more people.

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Gumby Jellybeans III

Hey, it's a pleasure to help!



1. How does your asexual orientation affect your everyday life?


For the most part, it doesn't. But it does make it difficult to understand why people are so mad keen on sex sometimes! It also makes the thought of trying to find a partner pretty daunting (for me, at least) because 99% of the time, they'll want to do a whole lot of things that I don't.



2. Do you experience being discriminated because of your asexual orientation? Please give examples!


Nope.



3. Do you experience that the society you live in is well-adapted/adjusted for asexual orientations? Please give examples!


Mostly, yes. One issue for me is that there aren't many avenues to find asexual partners. And I guess greater visibility would be nice. If I'd known about asexuality when I was a kid, I think it would have saved me a lot of trouble (see below).



4. Do you experience alienation because of your asexual orientation? Please give examples!


Yes. When everybody else is talking about sex, it's easy to get left-out. I was bullied and excluded at school (partly) because I wasn't interested in sex and/or being sexy (also because I'm inherently a nerd). I didn't even know asexual was an orientation back then, so I didn't have any way of understanding why I wasn't interested in sex or explaining why to others. At the time, I thought the other kids were just making a big deal out of sex because they wanted to.


Looking back, I think if I knew that I just had a non-hetero orientation like being gay or bi, then we all could have understood each other much better.



I hope that was helpful!


I also hope your essay turns out great! You have a nice turn-of-phrase! :D


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thatotherguy57

1. How does your asexual orientation affect your everyday life?

Honestly, as long as I don't get pulled into a discussion on sex, it has very little effect on my daily life. I can laugh at sexual humour, but I dodge discussions on the subject as much as possible. Everyone I know is sexual, and most have their libidos in overdrive.

2. Do you experience being discriminated because of your asexual orientation? Please give examples!

Normally, no. As you can see, above my profile pic, where it says "The (grey) Enigma", I am being very descriptive of myself. I am intensely private, and rarely enter into personal or family discussions at work, or personal or work discussions with family, etc. I knew from around kindergarten that I was different from everyone around me, but I didn't know how I was different (I learned that in early 2014 when I ran across a YouTube video on asexuality, which referenced AVEN directly). I'm not out, but if someone were to ask me if I was asexual, I would tell them that I am a grey asexual. Generally, the only discrimination I get is because in being enigmatic, people can't easily get a read on me, and they cannot tell what my orientation is. My romantic orientation is demi-hetero, but I do occasionally find myself on the receiving end of a gay bashing, even though I'm not. That is an extremely rare occurrence, it has only happened two or three times, ever. However, I have had coworkers and causal acquaintances ask my friends, or if they are bold, myself if I'm straight or gay.

3. Do you experience that the society you live in is well-adapted/adjusted for asexual orientations? Please give examples!

This is a very rhetorical question. Most people, when asked about asexuality will reference plants or micro-cellular life. As I am out to only four people, I will base my answer on their attitudes. They are in order of my coming out.

Friend A- she suggested in 2010 or 2011 that I may be asexual. I had a major personal crisis going on, and multiple work crises as well, so I did not look into what she meant, though the comment "you know, you might be asexual" stuck with me. I knew she didn't mean it in a hateful or condescending way, but at the time, I thought asexual only meant asexual reproduction. She was the absolute safest person for me to come out to, which is why she was the first.

Friend B- I came out to him due to a Facebook post he made stating that he was not homosexual, bisexual, asexual, or pansexual, but he was an ally. I knew he wouldn't be judgmental, but I did know he would probably give me a hard time. I had to explain aesthetic attraction, and that I did experience that, but I did not normally (I'm grey asexual, so I do very rarely experience) sexual attraction. After that explanation, he was cool with it. It has come up in conversation a few times, but that's about it. Pretty apathetic to it in general.

Friend C- actually, my cousin. Very VERY supportive. He really surprised me, as he already knew what asexual orientation was. My aunt has commented to him in the past that I don't seem to feel attraction to other people. He did say that he didn't think it would be a big deal if I came out to the family, but I'm not so sure about that.

Friend D- she disappointed me, but didn't surprise me. She gave me the standard "are you gay?" and "you're not bi, are you?" and the infamous, "you just need to get laid". Very dismissive, I was not happy with that outcome, but since she is like my baby sister, I really wanted her to know and understand. One out of two isn't that bad, I just wish she understood rather than knew.

People who are knowledgeable, or open to possibilities, are much more likely to be supportive than anyone else. All of the above are pretty open minded, but that's not always enough. Our society is not adjusted or adapted to asexual orientation, unless we keep out of sight, out of mind, that is.

4. Do you experience alienation because of your asexual orientation? Please give examples!

Not really, as I am not out except to the four listed in the previous question. Although, my boss (who is a friend) is pretty insistent that I need to get laid. He's tried to find me someone. His futile efforts have been the source of some amusement on my part. I'm not out to him, but he does know that I'm very disinterested.

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1. I have told my dad or grandma, but other than that, everything's fine. My friends are cool with it.

2.Nothing yet.

3. Not really. Asexuality's not as well known as say homosexuality or bisexuality. Then again other sexual orientations such as sapiosexuality probably aren't as well known either (or at least people don't know it's name). In all honesty, because most sexual orientations out there aren't a part of social "norms", there will always be confusion and some sort of negative impact before some form of acceptance. Some people seem to have this weird mood motif with the "unknown," even when it's something possible.

I just happened to be one of the lucky people that have good friends.

4. Nothing yet.

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1. How does your asexual orientation affect your everyday life?

It doesn't to a great extent now that I am out of school and in the workforce (I have been out of school for like 17 years but being OUT. OF. THAT. SYSTEM has been nothing but beneficial to me. I have very understanding coworkers that really don't discriminate.

I was ostracized for many reasons while in school (college was by far better as i went to a public university and got out of the "cookie cutter local yokel" mindset) and my lack of attraction was one more layer added on to it...as even when I was 8 years old I knew I was "different" but couldn't explain how. Not having the words to describe it was horrible. I now have a degree I don't want due to my lousy high school and because of THAT I feel like I can never explain myself enough to someone why I do or don't do things.

2. Do you experience being discriminated because of your asexual orientation? Please give examples!

Hmmm. discrimination? Not really. Funny looks because I don't date and don't have guy-drama? yes.

If I come out to anyone at work it'll be my coworker that doesn't understand why I don't date my manager, who I (and others) really get along VERY well with. "You two get along so well, why don't you date him? Why don't you just DO it???" "One, he's not aesthetically attractive to me, second, he's my boss and that's tacky, third, I'm ace. Fourth, he's a conservative, i'm a liberal. Fifth, he's most likely a closeted gay." LOL

Sooo, the "discrimination" I experience is usually from older ladies who can't imagine why I don't want to be married with 2.5 children living in a picket fence house and kissing hubby off to work after cleaning up the bacon and eggs I made for him so later he can come home and do man-things like fill the wiper fluid in the car.

My local area is stuck in a worm hole from 1960.

3. Do you experience that the society you live in is well-adapted/adjusted for asexual orientations? Please give examples!

I wouldn't say "well adjusted for aces", I'd say it's well adjusted for hetero-by-default. But also locally I wouldn't say it's detrimental or physically dangerous. I don't think I have nearly the amount of problems with finding a job and religious hate/discrimination that, for example, people who are actively gay and outed are, because i'm not driven to do something SO different from everyone else. i'm not driven to "do" anything.

4. Do you experience alienation because of your asexual orientation? Please give examples!

On some levels, yes. I am aromantic and have never been in love. I don't think I could ever *be* in love. I'm not driven to go out and party or find a synogogue or even work very much. I am artistically talented and i'm not driven to even produce artwork, and that's the most frustrating of all.

So what I want to say is it's not conscious, brutal alienation purposely done by others, it's simply a result of my orientation and personality.

On the other hand i am thankful i don't have kids I don't want and drama I don't need.

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1) I don't feel that my asexuality impacts my life. I sometimes get annoyed with how sexual adverts are (on TV, posters, everywhere) and fund people's obsession with looks (especially those of celebrities) annoying. However I'm sure there are allosexuals who feel the same way, and this is a small impact on my life.

2) I am not discriminated against as I have not come out as asexual. My friends jokingly tease me about being uncomfortable with the topic of sex, but this is not discrimination as it is meant lightheartedly.

3) I'm afraid I can't answer this one either, as I don't know how society would react to me being ace as I have not come out. However, more and more people are becoming accepting of other sexualities, so there is hope.

4) I am not excluded or purposefully alienated as, again, I am not out as asexual. However, I did feel alone in my lack of sexual attraction before I found out that I was ace. Sexuality is always in the media and seems to be at the front of people's minds, which can make it quite lonely if you don't know there are other people out there who feel the same way as you.

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1. How does your asexual orientation affect your everyday life?

- How does an heterosexual orientation affect your everyday life? I know what you mean to ask but the question sounds odd haha. My asexual orientation is part of who I am, it makes me look around the world just like anyone would do. The main difference is that all the sexual advertising on streets and in media just seem weird to me. But I don't feel like it's affecting my life. Maybe I do live in a different way than sexuals, but I wouldn't know for sure.

2. Do you experience being discriminated because of your asexual orientation? Please give examples!

- Besides the general assumptions that everyone feels sexual attraction and thus they will feel and do certain things, no. I don't feel discriminated at all. The general assumptions thingy is mainly caused by lack of knowledge about the subject, so I don't count that as discrimination.

3. Do you experience that the society you live in is well-adapted/adjusted for asexual orientations? Please give examples!

- In my country yes. But my country is one of the most liberal countries in the world so that might have to do with it. Everyone who I told about my sexual orientation (including a whole class of students I didn't personally know) was very open minded and accepting about the subject.

4. Do you experience alienation because of your asexual orientation? Please give examples!

- I did felt different throughout puperty till in my mid twenties. When I discovered asexuality however that immediately changed because I discovered words to describe the part of me that was so different and I learned I wasn't alone (and also learned how complex sexuality actually is).

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1. How does your asexual orientation affect your everyday life?

It doesn't. I don't come in contact with sexual situations in public, my home, my work, or with friends. I am not bothered or disgusted by sex, so despite it being an annoyance to hear about, I don't really care.

2. Do you experience being discriminated because of your asexual orientation? Please give examples!

No? I don't share my sexual orientation with most people. At worse I could be called a prude or be mistaken as a celibate. No one throws bricks at you for being caught alone. But being not heterosexuality, an intellectual inbred might try and "therapeutically" rape you--that's a trend with most things, though, not even just with sexuality.

3. Do you experience that the society you live in is well-adapted/adjusted for asexual orientations? Please give examples!

No? There's no such thing as "orientation" when sexuality is introduced only as hetero-sexuality. My society isn't very good at adapting to anything, especially correct information. And they're obsessed with sex.

4. Do you experience alienation because of your asexual orientation? Please give examples!

Yes? I don't exist. Like aliens (but I do exist, and so do aliens).

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Autumn Season

1. How does your asexual orientation affect your everyday life?



It's part of my life. I don't feel sexual attraction towards other people. For this reason it is not important to me to enter into a relationship with another person. Also I find it difficult to understand stories which heavily involve sexuality. I think others find me rather naive.



2. Do you experience being discriminated because of your asexual orientation? Please give examples!



No... Or at least not very much. Some people don't believe me or try to "help" me, even when I say I'm perfectly happy. Some are a bit ignorant, but that's to be expected. Better ignorant than ignoring. All in all I don't feel like I'm treated differently from the way I was treated before coming out.



3. Do you experience that the society you live in is well-adapted/adjusted for asexual orientations? Please give examples!



Nope. We need more visibilty. Example: Marriages without sex still count as "fake".



4. Do you experience alienation because of your asexual orientation? Please give examples!



Well, a bit. I cannot relate to the feeling of wanting somebody sexually. So for example whenever a friend jumps into a relationship because of sexual feelings, I am amazed by the rapidity of the development. For me having a crush doesn't mean I want to spend my life or/ and my sexy time with the other. I'm rather picky that way. Also, I'm starting to get rather annoyed with the media, which too often oversexualizes in an inappropriate manner. I look at pictures which are supposed to be "sexy" and it looks ridiculous, nothing else.


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1. How does your asexual orientation affect your everyday life.

Being fairly sex-neutral means that it doesn't really affect me unless I experience asexuality being erased/invalidated at school ("male book character X doesn't like female character Y/ doesn't pay attention to any girls, so he must be gay and there can't be any other possible reasons"). That tends to make me upset for obvious reasons.

2. Do you experience being discriminated against because of your sexual orientation?

I haven't experienced any discrimination yet, but I don't really broadcast my lack of sexual attraction to others either. I'm basically out to my immediate family, friends, and people who ask. I'm sure I'll encounter ignorance in the future, but I try to focus on the present.

3. Do you experience that the society you live in is well-adapted/adjusted for asexual orientations?

Absolutely not. Everyone is spoon-fed this idea that sex is the greatest thing in the world, and those who don't have it should be pitied. Relationships without sex are seen as either not real or broken, and the orientation itself is constantly erased along with bisexuality, pansexuality, and demisexuality.

4. Do you experience alienation because of your asexual orientation?

Things have been a bit awkward with my mom since I came out to her, but our family was already pretty private and reserved. It's kind of hard to relate to people who constantly talk about sex, and I had a falling-out with one of my guy friends who dismissed my sexuality and tried to initiate inappropriate behavior. Almost all the relationships I've had have dissolved because the other person thought that things were moving too slowly for their liking.

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AlwaysADreamer

I don't know if you still need help here, but I'll throw in my two cents :)

1. How does your asexual orientation affect your everyday life?

It doesn't really affect my everyday life, other than the fact that I get really annoyed with sexualized ads and TV and such.

2. Do you experience being discriminated because of your asexual orientation? Please give examples!

I haven't. Then again, I don't tell everyone that I'm asexual. I specifically my asexuality a secret from my employers because there aren't any anti-discrimination laws for sexual orientations where I work.

3. Do you experience that the society you live in is well-adapted/adjusted for asexual orientations? Please give examples!

A lot of people are, but there are still a lot of people who don't understand or accept those differences. I go to university in a portion of the Midwest where there are a lot of homophobic people. If so many people can't get past that, how can I expect them to understand - let alone accept - asexuality?

4. Do you experience alienation because of your asexual orientation? Please give examples!

I have to a certain extent. I had a friend who would make snide comments, and I started to feel this distance forming between me and the person I considered my best friend.

I would be lying if I said I didn't feel a certain disconnect with sexual people. Even with the other people in the LGBT group on campus, I was always aware of that difference. It's such a feeling of otherness. Even with people who are going through similar situations, I feel like the outsider. I don't think the alienation was intentional.

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  • 2 weeks later...
whocaresthough

Hope I'm not too late, and hope your essay goes well.

1. How does your asexual orientation affect your everyday life?

It's just like, you don't think about sex. I'd say I get pretty bored easily, and even then, sex never crosses my mind. Though, it's a little difficult or uncomfortable is someone brings up relationships or kissing or sex. Other than that, I guess it doesn't really change my day. Oh, yeah, I dont masturbate. Quite honestly, I don't even know how. I guess it comes natural to most people, but not me.

2. Do you experience being discriminated because of your asexual orientation? Please give examples!

I never have. I think when people do, though, it's when the "bully" doesn't understand quite what how we feel.

3. Do you experience that the society you live in is well-adapted/adjusted for asexual orientations? Please give examples!

What, what? This society has no adaptations for aces. I think the only reason we don't all wear Daisy Dukes and see-through shirts is because of children. No one knows about us to begin with.

4. Do you experience alienation because of your asexual orientation? Please give examples!

I haven't experienced it. I just recently came out to only a couple friends and never strangers. I think more than alienation, we experience people trying to change us.

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GwendolynAngel83

Hi, not sure if you still need anything for this still, but figured if reply :)

1. How does your asexual orientation affect your everyday life?

For me the main affect is feeling slightly left out when people my age start talking about sex, but as a dry introvert I feel the same about conversations about drinking and parties.

2. Do you experience being discriminated because of your asexual orientation? Please give examples!

I personally have not had any discrimination or negative responses except for confusion and ignorance from anyone.

3. Do you experience that the society you live in is well-adapted/adjusted for asexual orientations? Please give examples!

No, not really at all. Especially for the sex-repulsed. Everything is so hyper-sexualized. We see sex, partially clothes bodies, and so on in magazines, adds, commercials, billboards, books, movies, TV shows, it's everywhere. To too it off everyone assumes that you want to have sex. And if you say you don't you're either lying, joking, or broken. So I'd have to say no, not at all

4. Do you experience alienation because of your asexual orientation? Please give examples!

Hm...no, not really, but I've been really lucky in family, friends, and so on

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ObsessedWithAnime

1. How does your asexual orientation affect your everyday life?

2. Do you experience being discriminated because of your asexual orientation? Please give examples!

3. Do you experience that the society you live in is well-adapted/adjusted for asexual orientations? Please give examples!

4. Do you experience alienation because of your asexual orientation? Please give examples!

1) I feel like my asexual orientation affects me occasionally, like not understanding the sex joke, or feeling like I don't belong in this over sexualized society, etc but these topics seem to be focused in the other questions, so I'll leave it at that...

2) I remember my allosexual friends expressing views that pretty much said that " asexuals should only be in relationships with other asexuals." I was offended by this and they had trouble seeing the problem with what they were saying... I don't know it's just that to me it kinda sounds like "white people should only be in relationships with other white people" (or whatever group of people) and like I don't know it just felt like they were trying to force me into only being in relationships with other asexuals simply because of sex- they wouldn't listen to the fact that some asexuals want to have sex, some definitely don't, and in this regard I may not be compatible, let alone compatible in romantic orientation, then checking to see if I'm actually interested in the person. I felt like they were trying to tell me the best way to live my life and it felt awful.

3) Well I laughed when I read this question- we are nowhere near ready as a society... Constantly bombarded by sex-filled media and treating asexuality or even allosexuals who aren't interested in sex as a "problem" because "who wouldn't want sex?- It's great!" is the prevailing mindset of our culture.

4) I feel like my friends who know I'm asexual treat me differently or treat me as something to be studied, to ask questions to etc. I remember one time my friends were trying to rank all of us by our libidos and they immediately put me last because they assumed I can't have a libido and that really hurt my feelings because my libido is actually something I struggle with- I would LOVE to not have a libido. They also like to assume I can't like sex and think it's disgusting- which I don't... I just wish they wouldn't assume thing about me, just because I'm asexual doesn't make me some kind of mechanical robot, I still have feelings and I want you to ask me about them instead of assuming one way or another. And it makes it hard to speak against their assumptions when they already say how I feel.

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1. Not much so far. I mean, yeah, it's an inherent part of ME but it's a part of me I keep to myself. My mother really doesn't like sexuality so I don't have to worry about that at least and I don't have a boyfriend. Sometimes, when my friends or fellows talk about it, then I'll feel a bit out of place.

2. Every single time I've tried to tell someone about what I am it's gone wrong. The first time was after I had learnt of it at first and was overjoyed that I finally knew why the heck I was the way I was, so I told two friends and their response was awkward silence and silent judgement, followed by " We don't believe in sexualities". (Which means I can't believe in it either, according to them. T__T) The second time I told a close friend, and she TRIED to be accepting, but she was very confused even after I explained it to her. When it later turned out that I have a very very slight hormonal issue (which is almost resolved now and I don't feel any different) she instantly jumped to the conclusion that my sexuality is entirely based on my hormones. I didn't bother to correct her because she didn't do it maliciously.... but it hurt a bit. Between those times I tried to tell a guy I liked and he instantly started talking about how it was just slut-shaming based on victorian ideals, because somehow my sexuality threatened him or something? So I don't tell people what I am anymore, though I wish I could. It would be nice to just know I can be accepted for all that I am, and not shunned because I'm something our education system never bothered to shine a light on.

3. Well, it depends. On one hand a lot of commercials, for example, is made with sexual attraction in mind, so the fact that I'm on the asexual spectrum really helps when it comes to not feeling like I want anything from those commercials, which I suppose is a plus. Not that I persume sexual people see anything sexual and go: "OMFG I HAVE TO HAVE THIS NOW" because that's illogical. On the other hand everyone works on the assumption that people are sexual, and sometimes I feel a bit left out. Our sex ed didn't cover it in school and the local pride group doesn't cover it either. I really understand why asexuality is called "the invisible orientation" because that's what it is. People don't see or think about us, and sometimes it just feels like I'm left out of this big human community because nobody cares or knows.

4. The previous questions have mostly covered all of my experiences when it comes to feeling alienated ^^

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Angrynoodle25

I fully Identify as a Cisgender Female Agnostic Asexual.

1.Well it doesn't affect my everyday life too much. I am repulsed by the look of mostly naked humans which can cause me to feel rather anxious when coming across sexual Images on the internet, but in term of having an actual effect on how I live not so much. When I was young Gender was a fairly vague topic in that I didn't really get it, I knew I was a girl but I didn't know why, Unlike all my friends I saw boys the same way I saw girls: purely platonic. I never got why Boy and Girl Scouts had to be separated and I always wanted to be a boy scout because I just thought the things they did were way cooler. Being Asexual and young can cause a lot of confusion specifically if you don't know it is a thing.

2. Discrimination doesn't really exist for Asexuals the way it does for The rest Of the LGBTQ community, while certain discriminations still exist, because most people take no moral offense to asexuality, we almost never face targeted discrimination. Instead we are discriminated against more so by the way the system works, we are expected to be looking for a sexual partner in certain environments, such as a bar, and are almost pressured by society to crave sex. These and others are the types of Discrimination An Asexual individual may face in their lifetime.

3.I don't feel it is poorly or well adapted for Asexuals. Yes there is a lot of sexual undertones and conversation in the media but it has never bothered me personally, and while there are times I don't feel normal I never feel "dirty" for being Asexual. The only thing I would say needs to be improved is all the misconceptions and unawareness of Asexuality. For one thing I do want to get married someday, I just don't want sex to be part of that relationship. Other Asexuals may be willing to have sex or enjoy it, they just don't feel the NEED to have sex.

4. Most of the Alienation I face comes from the Misconceptions and unawareness that most people have surrounding Asexuality, When the sexual orientation question comes people shrug it off and say you just haven't peaked yet or you just need to meet the right person, I also feel Alienated when people assume I'm just saying I'm AsexuaI so I don't look like a slut. As long as nobody asks my sexual Orientation I'm fine. I don't get to uncomfortable around people who talk about sex anymore, and I have to admit I enjoy a good dirty joke. There aren't very many cruel jokes at our Expence or mean spirited "names" we could get called.

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