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what am i? :(


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Hello everyone and thanks in advance for answering.

I used to be very interested in sex: I started masturbating at 10-12, had sex for the first time at 16 and was very disappointed bc it was kinda boring and also only lasted for a minute or so.

I'm 21 now and I've had tons of sexual partners since then (about 26-28 in total, including 2 boyfriends, still together with the second one) but i never enjoyed sex, one reason being, that i can't orgasm during the actual intercourse. The only time i come is when he goes down on me and even then i have to concentrate really hard on some fantasy otherwise he could go on forever (i challenged my bf and he gave up after half an hour).

also my fantasies are pretty graphic, mostly containing really violent rape.

I could go on for months without sex and don't feel deprived, i don't even notice it. My boyfriend is also a little bothered because on average we have sex once a week, sometimes even less than that. i never initiate, he always tries to persuade me and sometimes i give in.

I do feel attracted to men but that's only because they have a nice face or because they act a certain way. I've never been attracted to the nakedness of a man or a woman. Tbh genitalia digust me.

I might have to mention that i'm suffering from an eating disorder and depression. i do know that when you're depressed your sex drive is really low but it's been like that before. I'm not sure about all of that so i haven't talked about it to anyone before and i hope one of you can help me out :)

cheers

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Wow once a week?

Standard disclaimer that no one can tell you whether or not you're asexual or any of its myriad variations.

It sounds to me that part of your problem is "Boyfriend ain't doin' it right". It's not unusual for oral/fingering to be much better for females than Intercourse ClassicTM . However, if I know anything about sex drives (I don't), the whole "going for months on end without wanting it" is an unusual bit.

From what I've seen/heard/read though, sex drive doesn't have to be a factor. If you are sexually attracted to people, not just aesthetically attracted (i.e. that person's a cutie-patootie but I wouldn't if he/she offered), then by strictest definition you're not asexual. If you're not, then you could be.

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No no he's doing fine. it's not like i absolutely dread sex, it does kinda feel good but it's boring. i could think of so many things i'd rather do than to have sex.

About the sexually attracted part: I think i had sex with so many guys bc they made me feel wanted, i actually didn't want to have sex with them, but if i hadn't they would have left.

I'm not sure though, i mean i am attracted to people f.e. because they are looking, i just don't want to have sex with them...:(

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I'm not the most experienced in this area, but it sounds like maybe you're an asexual with a sex drive? :)
Asexuals can have sex drives, but what they lack is the attraction. If you say you are grossed out by genitalia, and that the sex just doesn't interest you much, sounds to me that you just might have the drive and not the attraction.

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Asexuals can have problems during sex because acting sexually toward someone you're not sexually attracted to can be an arousal deturnat. One of which is having problems orgasming. Though females in general have problems coming because their clitoris isn't being hit. Most couples have sex once to twice a week, i don't see how he's deprived unless he has a high sex drive. Are you just aesthetically attracted to your partner or also romantically attracted?

About the relationship, there are many ways to have sex and other than vaginal they do not require your arousal. There's hand jobs, blow jobs, anatomical sex toys, dry humping, assisted masturbation (him masturbating while you kiss/lick/grope him), and putting his penis between body crevices to make a makeshift insertion point (what oral and hand jobs are but also include:) between butt cheeks, armpit, etc. I would suggest anal sex if it didn't pose health risks. link If you do, he hast to get aroused while in there; inserting fully erect will be painful, and the rest of the how to is mentioned in the link. (Note you have to click to read the next page on the link.)

He would either need to accept a sexless romance, you both meet in the middle on what amount of sex is tolerable, you have an open relationship, or end what is not working.

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Well, what i've heard from friends is that unless they're super busy with work or studying, they usually have sex almost every day.

Of the types that mega mitosis posted i'd say i'm sensually attracted to him. I prefer more the idea of sex than actually having it.

We've did pretty much everything you described, even anal, though i really don't like it bc it's feeling weird. i don't really like giving him handjobs or blowjobs either because he takes quite long to orgasm and for me it's super boring.

We also bought quite a few bondage toys like ropes and whips and stuff like that and i definitely prefer bondage sex to normal "boring" sex.

It's just that i jokingly thought sometimes i might be some kind of asexual, but now that i'm actually considering it, i'm pretty scared. :/

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Scared of what exactly?

Also, have you tried giving him anal? They have a G-spot there, you don't. Maybe that'll speed up his climax.

I suppose bondage can be looked at as a sex toy, but i meant real sex toys. There are sex toys for men, not just women; which is what i was specifically trying to hint at. Article on the topic. What i meant by anatomical sex toys was vibrators/fake penises and "flesh lights." Though the second one would be less tiring, i think it would still slightly be with how long you said it takes.

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