Is ''You're probably just going through a phase'' A real thing?

[Riggers]

Hello Everybody, This is my first time posting on here, So, Sorry if i post this in the wrong place or something :P.

But, I want to start by saying, I'm young, Only, And, Iv'e sort of branded myself as Asexual since i was about 13.

But, One thing that has been bothering me alot lately, Is how, People say to me, ''Oh, You will snap out of of it when you grow up and be normal'', And stuff like that, And For a while, I just thought to myself, 'You know, Maybe they are right, Maybe i should just give it a shot and see if i change?'.

So, Last year I dated this girl for about a month, And, Whilst we never 'Did the Deed' ;P, We did like do all the stuff you would expect a young teen relationship to do, And, Throughout it all, I just felt extremely uncomfortable, Like, Even hugging, to me, Was awkward, It was uncomfortable, I felt uneasy with it, And, After about a month, I had to call it off because i just felt almost sickened at the thought of doing anything serious with her. (And, She was really pretty, So, I would have thought if i was straight i would have just been attracted to her, But, there was just nothing).

And, Now, That i am in the heat of Puberty, A time when most young guys are at their most.... Well.... you know, I feel absolutely no desire what so ever to even go near a girl, let alone do anything with them.

I know, Noone can say to me ''Yes you are asexual'', And i am not expecting that. I mean, Personally, I believe i am, I have never felt any desire for a girl, And dont feel like i will. But, Do you guys think maybe i am just going through a 'Phase' given my age ?

I often get told ''Oh, You are still a Virgin, you could not possibly know'', And stuff, And, It even got to the point where i was Considering Legal Prostitution just to get it out of the way, But, The thought of doing that just sickened me.

So yeah, Do you guys believe ''Going through a Phase'' is a real thing, Or just something people say because they don't understand? :)

[Akira Jumps]

I think it depends on the person. Some people 'know' they are asexual even though they've never had sex. (Like me) That's because it doesn't really matter. The definition of asexuality is 'not feeling sexual attraction.' If you don't feel sexual attraction - as in 'I'd like to have sex with him/her' - towards the person you were dating even though they were aesthetically attractive, you're probably asexual.

If you feel uncomfortable/disgusted by sex and/or sexual things, you might also be sex repulsed.

Of course, there is always the possibility that you are 'going through a phase.' The human body is a whirlwind of hormones during puberty, so that may be it. Personally though, If you've already hit puberty and you've NEVER felt that pull to another person, I'd call that asexuality.

[Riggers]

I think it depends on the person. Some people 'know' they are asexual even though they've never had sex. (Like me) That's because it doesn't really matter. The definition of asexuality is 'not feeling sexual attraction.' If you don't feel sexual attraction - as in 'I'd like to have sex with him/her' - towards the person you were dating even though they were aesthetically attractive, you're probably asexual.

If you feel uncomfortable/disgusted by sex and/or sexual things, you might also be sex repulsed.

Of course, there is always the possibility that you are 'going through a phase.' The human body is a whirlwind of hormones during puberty, so that may be it. Personally though, If you've already hit puberty and you've NEVER felt that pull to another person, I'd call that asexuality.

That's how i was looking at things too!.

And, as for the Sex repulsed, Its a weird thing with that, I mean, When i think about having sex with a Female for example, I actually almost feel Angry at myself :/, I have absolutely no idea why though. Not like furious rage or anything, Just. A feeling of Ticked off Dissapointment in myself, If that makes sense? :S

[Akira Jumps]

I've never thought about it, but my feeling is more

[Star Bit]

It's possible for it to change, and thus technically be a phase/late bloomer, but it's not probable. The average person loses their virginity at 16 and at least a few years prior has been experiencing sexual attraction. Sexual attraction actually starts to develop in late elementary (typically 5th grade) but only fully develops or is recognized as such in junior high to early high school (so 15 should be the end of the late bloomer mark).

[Riggers]

It's possible for it to change, and this technically be a phase/late bloomer, but it's not probable. The average person loses their virginity at 16 and at least a few years prior has been experiencing sexual attraction. Sexual attraction actually starts to develop in late elementary (typically 5th grade) but it's only fully developed or recognized in junior high to early high school (so 15 is the end of the late bloomer mark).

Yeah, I'm 16 now, And like i said have never felt any form of Desire to be in a Physical relationship, So, I guess its considerably likely that this isnt just a phase eh? :P.

I appreciate your point there dude, Cheers! :)

[Pengwyn]

Hey, I'm also sixteen, and there are many asexuals younger than us. At this age to not feel sexual attraction ever is probably not a phase. If you had felt it before, but not now, it may have been a phase. But you said that you have never felt sexual attraction, therefore you are asexual.

The general consensus on here seems to be that if you identify with being asexual, then you are asexual. Even if you are a "late bloomer" it's fine to identify as ace now and change if you do get sexual feelings. Sexuality is fluid and what you are can change, so don't worry about it changing in the future as there is nothing wrong with that. If you are asexual and this never changes, then that's that.

As for those who say you need to try sex - fuck them (not literally of course, that would go against your point). Sexual attraction is completely different to sexual enjoyment. Try pointing out that people don't feel the need to try sex with the same gender to "check" that they are not actually bisexual or homosexual. You do not need to have sex to prove that you have/don't have sexual attractions.

[Riggers]

Hey, I'm also sixteen, and there are many asexuals younger than us. At this age to not feel sexual attraction ever is probably not a phase. If you had felt it before, but not now, it may have been a phase. But you said that you have never felt sexual attraction, therefore you are asexual.

The general consensus on here seems to be that if you identify with being asexual, then you are asexual. Even if you are a "late bloomer" it's fine to identify as ace now and change if you do get sexual feelings. Sexuality is fluid and what you are can change, so don't worry about it changing in the future as there is nothing wrong with that. If you are asexual and this never changes, then that's that.

As for those who say you need to try sex - fuck them (not literally of course, that would go against your point). Sexual attraction is completely different to sexual enjoyment. Try pointing out that people don't feel the need to try sex with the same gender to "check" that they are not actually bisexual or homosexual. You do not need to have sex to prove that you have/don't have sexual attractions.

Yeah, I do get told alot the hole ''Well, You need to have sex to be sure''.

The way i look at it though, It would be like telling a straight guy, That how he dosen't know hes gay because he's never had sex with a guy before? I mean, If there is no attraction, You dont wan't to do it right? I would imagine the feeling of that, To what i feel to be the same, I mean, I don't want to have sex, But, I feel like i have to just to get people to stop saying that same phrase to me over and over again :/.

And, I appreciate your insight matey ;)

[Annapox]

Hey, I'm also sixteen, and there are many asexuals younger than us. At this age to not feel sexual attraction ever is probably not a phase. If you had felt it before, but not now, it may have been a phase. But you said that you have never felt sexual attraction, therefore you are asexual.

The general consensus on here seems to be that if you identify with being asexual, then you are asexual. Even if you are a "late bloomer" it's fine to identify as ace now and change if you do get sexual feelings. Sexuality is fluid and what you are can change, so don't worry about it changing in the future as there is nothing wrong with that. If you are asexual and this never changes, then that's that.

As for those who say you need to try sex - fuck them (not literally of course, that would go against your point). Sexual attraction is completely different to sexual enjoyment. Try pointing out that people don't feel the need to try sex with the same gender to "check" that they are not actually bisexual or homosexual. You do not need to have sex to prove that you have/don't have sexual attractions.

Yeah, I do get told alot the hole ''Well, You need to have sex to be sure''.

The way i look at it though, It would be like telling a straight guy, That how he dosen't know hes gay because he's never had sex with a guy before? I mean, If there is no attraction, You dont wan't to do it right? I would imagine the feeling of that, To what i feel to be the same, I mean, I don't want to have sex, But, I feel like i have to just to get people to stop saying that same phrase to me over and over again :/.

And, I appreciate your insight matey ;)

That is actually a valid way to counter that kind of nonsense, in my opinion. "You won't know until you try." "Well, I guess you can't know you're not gay, bi, or pan until you have sex with someone of the same gender." Or, "You're too young to know." "Okay. So how old were you when you realized you were [orientation]?"

[Agent Shade]

You're not too young; I first noticed I was asexual when I was 13 as well, some point in 8th grade. My brother had mentioned the term, and I looked more into it. When I told people about it, many of them said I could change. My mom had told me, "Just wait until you're in high school."

As of this post, that was two years ago.

At 15, entering 11th grade in the fall, I've already hit puberty, have had crushes, and I am still asexual.

Nobody can mandate or validate your sexuality except yourself. If you feel you are asexual, that's okay. At 16, the "late bloomer" excuse starts getting a bit old. That's like telling an allosexual 16 year old they're an early bloomer for feeling sexual attraction. I looked up that average age for loss of virginity is actually 17, but as that's the average, that means many people lose it before and after that age, so there's lots of 16 year olds having sex out there. No so early or late bloomer there.

I would be surprised if this ended up being a phase, mate. It does also sound like you're aromantic, which is lack of romantic attraction. You're the judge of that though; if aromantic sounds like you, there's plenty about it on this site.

[Peachyy]

I think in general, most people are pretty offended when others suggest that something they like is just a "phase" because it's a underlying message from someone else that: you don't really feel that way, you feel how I feel. You know, and the importance of going through phases is so that you can come to conclusions and move through ideas without having to commit to each one until you find what you feel is correct--You could conclude your sexuality at a young age, or an older one. The way I feel about some things, is the same way I felt about them when I was a child. And others, I changed my mind. There's never any set direction when someone is growing, and it's incredibly pretensions to assume that anyone knows an ounce of anything that another person knows about themselves. You could absolutely be going through a phase, but don't let other people fool you into thinking that a "phase" is really just how they feel about something. No one gets to decide what is or what isn't permanent for you.

[Guest]

From the sexual side of the fence, I feel it's incredibly pretentious trying to tell someone whether their sexual orientation and feelings are a phase or not. After all, only the person themself can tell how they feel and what they want. Telling an asexual that it is just a phase would be like telling a bisexual that they are really straight, just confused. Which, of course, would be really ignorant of other people’s feelings and experiences.

Besides, even if you started to feel sexual attraction later on your life, that still doesn’t necessarily equate desire for sex itself. I, for one, have never felt a need or desire for sex even though I experience sexual attraction. Might be because I am aromantic, I don’t know.

And as for your age, my own sexual and romantic feelings were pretty much set in stone by my fifteenth birthday. So I would also say that you can be confident that there should not be any drastic changes in your orientation at this point. And even if there will be, don’t worry. Just do what feels good for you.

[Guest]

I was 13 the first time I told someone I didn't find people attractive. I got told I was a liar. I'm 28 now, I still don't.

I also got told "don't knock it til you try it" and "experiment and you'll find what you like"... OK, tried LOTS of stuff by now (started experimenting at 15) and still don't like any of it.

Some people will change as they get older. Some may be demi and meeting someone "right" can trigger it. Some may discover a fetish that causes them to desire sexual interaction. Etc, etc. But, some, just never have an interest. And all are OK. Don't let people pressure you into doing anything you don't want. There are things I wish I could take back, that I did purely because people told me to try to find what I liked. I didn't know asexuality existed then. You know about it. Learn from older aces mistakes like mine and be true to yourself. :)

[LeaveOnYourColours]

It is basically erasure to say "it's just a phase". I'm a weirdo semi-hippie, so I'd be the one to say the manifestation of me in this human body is a phase :P

Yeah, you're old enough to know and identify. Just like when some people come out as gay, and, if you'll pardon the expression, their parents /been/ knowing that.

Take it how you will though. You know you're asexual and you have this brilliant community of people kinda like you behind you. All of us that know of you accept you and want the best for you! People saying "it's just a phase", while frustrating, just doesn't measure up to that at all.

Teen power as well haha I'm seventeen :D we out here

[Gumby Jellybeans III]

I used to get told it was "just a phase" or "you'll mature". I'm pleased to say that nobody ever suggested I give it a try, but "you'll probably come around to it" was a common response.

It never happened. I'm twenty-four now.

Maybe for some people it really is a phase, but it sure wasn't for me.

[Spades36]

I'm a young teen as well! I tried telling my mom about being ace but she basically flat out said that she won't accept me as old enough to know that until I'm 18. Sigh... Only a few more years to go. Thanks, mom

[Member91460]

Hey, I'm also sixteen, and there are many asexuals younger than us. At this age to not feel sexual attraction ever is probably not a phase. If you had felt it before, but not now, it may have been a phase. But you said that you have never felt sexual attraction, therefore you are asexual.

The general consensus on here seems to be that if you identify with being asexual, then you are asexual. Even if you are a "late bloomer" it's fine to identify as ace now and change if you do get sexual feelings. Sexuality is fluid and what you are can change, so don't worry about it changing in the future as there is nothing wrong with that. If you are asexual and this never changes, then that's that.

As for those who say you need to try sex - fuck them (not literally of course, that would go against your point). Sexual attraction is completely different to sexual enjoyment. Try pointing out that people don't feel the need to try sex with the same gender to "check" that they are not actually bisexual or homosexual. You do not need to have sex to prove that you have/don't have sexual attractions.

Yeah, I do get told alot the hole ''Well, You need to have sex to be sure''.

The way i look at it though, It would be like telling a straight guy, That how he dosen't know hes gay because he's never had sex with a guy before? I mean, If there is no attraction, You dont wan't to do it right? I would imagine the feeling of that, To what i feel to be the same, I mean, I don't want to have sex, But, I feel like i have to just to get people to stop saying that same phrase to me over and over again :/.

And, I appreciate your insight matey ;)

I tried all the above & they were all horrid. If you feel this way at your age, save yourself the time & money of the whole show. Get some good hobbies that are physically demanding, healthy mind healthy soul!

[noparlpf]

It's very rarely "just a phase" and even if it is that doesn't invalidate it in the present.

Try telling them that their whatever-sexuality is just a phase and that they should be getting over it soon. See how they like it. Maybe it'll make them think.

[Member54880]

It is very common to be told that it is a phase, especially for those who come out in their teens, though some still get told it's a phase well into their twenties. It seems like some people just can't comprehend how someone could permanently live without sexual attraction, but most people know what their orientation is from an early age, and before ever having sex or a relationship. Sexual orientation is fluid for some people, but if someone's orientation does change over time, what they had previously isn't less valid for it.