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How old were you when you first thought you might be "different?"


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The point I realized I was different was only a few weeks ago and I'm 19. Well I knew I was different but I never put everything together until my boyfriend asked me if I had any sexual fantasies... then it clicked. No I do not and I realized I never have even thought about it. I asked him if it was normal for people to think about sex like that all the time and have fantasies. I was surprised as I have never felt this way. I did some research and came across the word Asexuality. I literally had to look up what sexual attraction meant in order to understand what not to have it was.

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8.

When I watched Snow White and thought she should have stayed with the dwarves instead of running off with this random guy who kissed her while she was asleep.

My mother tried to explain that he was a prince, and princesses liked princes but I didn't understand the appeal of marrying someone.

I remember proudly stating right then that I would not marry anyone now and forever.

Cue panicking parents.

8.

When I watched Snow White and thought she should have stayed with the dwarves or done something else instead of running off with this random guy who kissed her while she was asleep.

My mother tried to explain that he was a prince, and princesses liked princes but I didn't understand the appeal of marrying someone.

I remember proudly stating right then that I would not marry anyone now and forever.

Cue panicking parents.

8.

When I watched Snow White and thought she should have stayed with the dwarves or done something else instead of running off with this random guy who kissed her while she was asleep.

My mother tried to explain that he was a prince, and princesses liked princes but I didn't understand the appeal of marrying someone.

I remember proudly stating right then that I would not marry anyone now and forever.

Cue panicking parents.

8.

When I watched Snow White and thought she should have stayed with the dwarves or done something else instead of running off with this random guy who kissed her while she was asleep.

My mother tried to explain that he was a prince, and princesses liked princes but I didn't understand the appeal of marrying someone.

I remember proudly stating right then that I would not marry anyone now and forever.

Cue panicking parents.

8.

When I watched Snow White and thought she should have stayed with the dwarves or done something else instead of running off with this random guy who kissed her while she was asleep.

My mother tried to explain that he was a prince, and princesses liked princes but I didn't understand the appeal of marrying someone.

I remember proudly stating right then that I would not marry anyone now and forever.

Cue panicking parents.

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Katarina0815

I think, when I was 14 and had sex for the first time with my boyfriend. I was excited about the "big sex thing" and wanted to know what`s all about. When it was over I thougt "Ok... and above this is so much fuss??"
In order to make it short, (surprise... surprise...) in this setting it has remained for me after I`m a few years older and experiences!
In my opinion, when someone is asexual, she or he realised it in early years. But, to be honest, I never thougt I am ill or crazy.

Edited by SkyWorld
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Katarina0815

Oh my goodness... sorry for posting this 3 times... my server did not work and told me, that I´m not connected

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Quoting myself from my first post in AVEN:

"The first time I knew I was different I was about 10. I remember we were having a family meeting, my mom, aunt and uncle and both my grandparents were there. Someone asked me what my dreams were for when I was a grownup. I mumbled something along the lines of "I wanna be a vet." and someone asked about family. What about the house, with the picked fence, the husband and the kids, someone asked. I don't have many memories of my childhood, but I clearly remember that day. I remember saying I wanted a house and a dog, that I didn't want to have children of my own unless they were adopted 'cause kids in the orphanages deserved a family too, and that I could maybe have a husband, maybe not, but that I would never have sex. Ever. I remember repeating and emphasizing that word, as if it could make them understand I was serious. Somehow, they didn't think I was. There were comments about it being "just a phase" and no one seemed to really care about it, except maybe my aunt, who I remember had a serious look on her face. But I felt hurt. I had this voice in my head saying "I know I'm different, I just know I am, how can I make you understand"? It killed my good mood for days. That day is the day I stopped playing, drawing and enjoying life like kids are supposed to, 'cause I spent the rest of my life trying to figure out exactly what was wrong with me ('cause I was 10, I knew there was something different about me, but I still had no name for it) and how I could explain that to my family and make them accept me the way I was."

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I'm guessing about 16 for myself, but like others who've written here, I went to a Catholic school and never really realized until much later that how I felt wasn't exactly normal. I learned a whole lot about my school and what went on at the time a hell of a lot later.

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AnotherWeasley

That's a little hard to say, since I was always a bit different in other respects. For example, my parents only really listen to classical music, so to attend primary school and discover that there were other genres of music was a bit of a shock.

But I'd say I knew fairly early on that I was different from most others in my class in a more fundamental way, even if I didn't understand it until I was 18. But I never liked romantic stories or movies and when my classmates started talking about boys/girls I thought they were just kind of pretending because they knew they were expected to start having feelings towards members of the (mostly) opposite sex. Couples always seemed random to me and it seemed like they were in relationships purely for the sake of being in relationships. As I was a year younger than the others in my year I thought that maybe I'd start having feelings like that, but they never came and romantic and sexual attraction remained as much of a mystery to me as it always was and likely always will be. But I'd say I was about 9 or 10 when I consciously started realising that I was going through different experiences from most of my peers, so around the time when I started secondary school.

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When I was in 5th grade going on into middle school. Around that time is when I could see so many friends start dating and other friends would gush about guys they liked, etc and there I was just not feeling the same thing. I would pretend to go along with 'crushes' (and I did have a serious squish in 7th-8th) but I never really meant them. Plus, I had my whole confusion over my gender identity too so middle school wasn't really enjoyable.

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unlike a lot of my friends and family i never had a dirty mind and once had a girlfriend but never liked anyone else afterwards. my parents kept puutting the thought in my head that there was 2 ways to go you like guys or girls . i knew i was different at the age of 10 and thought ii was gay until i stumbled upon the term asexuallity.

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I really wanted a boyfriend, but the concept of boyfriend always meant "companion" rather than kissing, or anything sexual. I liked the idea or the concept of boyfriend without the sexual experience.

I still have this--I cannot understand why a woman would want to wear a black or dark patterned bra under a white t-shirt.

Everyone was dating during my teenage years, including me. The only difference is that I really didn't care what a person looked like. I knew this very early--like 13 years old. I always only cared about their personality.

This is me to a T. I'm agenderflux, so I've always felt like I was different but sexuality wise... maybe ten? I was nine when I got a crush on my old best friend and even now, six years later, I still like him. Not long after that I went up into "the big room" at school and was allowed to sit at the back of the school bus where the topic often strayed to sex-related discussions. During these I went an interesting shade of pink and kept my large mouth unusually shut - they made me uncomfortable. I thought it was just that I was (still kinda am) very prim and proper.

I've always thought kissing scenes in films are a waste of time. Okay they kissed, big deal. Can we get on with the plot please?

When I started secondary school the sex-related topics became more and more frequent. I got a crush on my new best friend, who was by no means attractive. He makes me laugh and we had interesting debates, that's what counts.

My peers often talked about "shifting" (ie kissing), I considered myself a hug person and I was repulsed by the thought of kissing anyone, but still I thought I was relatively normal. When I found the term demisexual a few months ago everything fell into place.

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I knew when I was 13 or 14. I didn't have a word for it back then, but I couldn't understand why all of my friends were so interested in dating and having sex, as I had no desire to do either. I'm not sex averse, so I lost my virginity when I was 17 hoping (like others have said here) that I was just a late bloomer. I've always had a lot of issues with depression and anxiety because I couldn't figure out why I was so different from everyone else. I'm currently 27 and have just recently come to terms with the fact that I'm somewhere on the asexuality spectrum. I haven't defined where yet, but it helps just to know that there are others like me.

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Pandora's Box

I was too scared to accept that I might be asexual or demisexual or anything other than a big black hole really till I came across these words on the main page of this site.

'There is no litmus test to determine if someone is asexual. Asexuality is like any other identity- at its core, it’s just a word that people use to help figure themselves out. If at any point someone finds the word asexual useful to describe themselves, we encourage them to use it for as long as it makes sense to do so.'

I am 19 and have identified as a hetro romatic demisexual for around six months now. Yes, life makes more sense now. :)

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Maybe 16. I've never felt attraction to anyone, even though this may have been caused by general naivety and lack of social interaction, but I really identified with the term when I first found it and it took me another 6 months to use it to describe me.

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14. I heard about everyone having sex, and or wanting it. Here i sat a virgin until almost 20, and that was because more then

desire, i just wanted to know what it felt like. I do not really experience desire, never did. I have romantic attraction to

Men. And what i believe are Squishs for Women, As they do not occur for most women with me.

As for Sexuality, i would say Demisexual/Gray Ace. Since i have felt desire for a Boyfriend before, but It isnt a compelling thing for me.

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I didn't realize that I was asexual until I was 20 or 21, but I'd always known that I was "different" than most of my peers. Around ages 11-13, when all my friends were "boy-crazy" and spent most of their time talking about which boys they had crushes on, I had absolutely no interest in that sort of talk. At first I thought it was simply immaturity- at age 12 I was still actively playing Barbies and make-believe- but as I got older and grew out of these childhood activities and STILL had no interest in boys, I started to wonder. Of course I questioned if I might be gay, but I never found that I was attracted to women, either. I developed what I thought was a VERY intense crush in high school with a boy that I was extremely close to. We spent most of our time together and I really connected with him intellectually and emotionally. What's funny is that I never imagined myself having sex with him- I imagined kissing him, and cuddling with him in bed, even laying naked together, but never the actual act of sex itself. We held hands and I would sometimes sit with his arm around me, but we never went any further than that, even kissing, and we grew apart after he started experimenting with pot and alcohol, a scene that I wasn't into at all.

In college I joined Ok Cupid and went on dates with guys, and even fooled around with a couple (never full sex, but kissing and heavy petting while naked), but in order to do anything (even kissing), I had to be drunk. Not just tipsy, but REALLY REALLY stinking drunk. No inhibitions at all. When I kissed one of my dates while completely sober, I was totally repulsed and uncomfortable. It didn't make sense to me, and I was very confused and sad.

I discovered asexuality when I was about 20, and started reading about it and reading the posts on here, and things just clicked. This is why I've never really been interested in boys. This is why I have to be really drunk to do anything sexual. And then I cried. Because to be honest, even though I know I'm asexual and there's nothing that I can do to change it, it makes me really sad. To know that I won't be able to experience a loving relationship. That the two kids, a dog, and a white picket fence fantasy will never be a reality. That my parents will never have grandchildren (I'm an only child). I want it, but I can't have it. I think that I might be demisexual, or grey-ace, because I did experience a sort of pseudo-attraction in high school to someone that I deeply connected with, so I suppose that all hope is not lost.

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19. Until then, I had no idea I was experiencing something other than heterosexuality. I only knew after seeing something online and looking up terms after that. I didn't even know most women masturbate. It just never occurred to me to question my sexuality.

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I was 12 when I first realized I was different, though I didn't know about asexuality at the time. When I was younger I used to get "crushes" (I know realize they were squishes), but I hadn't in several years. I rationalized that my lack of "crushes" or attraction to other people recently was because I found that the most “attractive” thing about them were conversations we would have, and since the only thing people would talk about as I grew older was who liked whom, I was no longer interested in them since I found their conversations boring and repetitive. Looking back it was painfully obvious that I was ace.

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noodlesandalfred

I never thought I was different until everyone else started talking about sex and relationships around 7th-8th grade and I didn't understand the hype and I just thought ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ maybe I'm just emotionally younger or more innocent than these people.Then in freshman year of high school (age 14) everyone would joke by covering my ears saying "awww don't talk about that in front of Alfie!! She's too innocent!" whenever someone made an innuendo and I was like -_- .... I'm not innocent I'm asexual.

When I first heard what asexuality was I just thought "Oh well that explains a lot."

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I was fifteen or sixteen when I first realized something was different, but I misinterpreted those feelings and ultimately came to the wrong conclusion about my identity. I therefore continued to feel different for the next eight or nine years, and couldn't figure out why. I only figured out my identity for sure when I was 25 and stumbled onto a page on AVEN. But, yeah, the feeling definitely started in my teens.

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I would say around the age of seven. Believe it or not, the children in my school were... very "innapropriate" in most instances, so I learned early about how people "should" feel about others. I just knew that I didn't have those same thought processes when thinking about dating someone or liking someone. It was just more like a "Hey, lets hold hands and walk off into the sunset" kind of thing rather than something more sexual. I knew that I had a romantic attraction to people... the sexual attraction was just never there. Although, at age seven, I didn't know that asexuality was actually... a thing. So, when I was seven, I always just thought I was one of those "No sex until marriage" kind of person. I found out about asexuality at around age seventeen, and that was when I realized that that was the word I was looking for to describe myself.

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for me i was about 12 or 13. i noticed that how I approached the Twilight and Justin Bieber craze was significantly different from how my peers approached them. We all read the same books, sang the same songs, wore the same t-shirts and had our Edward-Jacob wars in the lunchroom. But while everyone else was talking about Taylor's abs and making out with their JB posters, I was fantasizing about an actual meaningful relationship. Dinner dates, midnight strolls on the beach, deep conversations, piles of love letters and roses, a family, all that lovely stuff. Not once did I ever think of getting sexual or want to kiss a poster.

Not only was I different in terms of these boy band crazes, but just towards sex in general. I noticed that everyone was suddenly lusting towards eachother and talking about well...private parts. I didn't share this fascination. If anything, I found sex to be gross and weird. They soon noticed how much I'd cringe, and some brat kids would go as far as to tease me for it and shove sexy images in my face or blast their graphic songs whenever I was around, just for a reaction. My friends learned to accept it, and before there was the term "Asexual", they just called me "the innocent one"

since i was a brat kid in middle school, i just dismissed this sex craze as everyone being crazy. I thought (and still sorta do) that not only was it gross, but this obsession wasn't even all that special. Your fascinated by body parts? Well, everyone has them. Literally. Everyone. It's not that special, and your just being silly. At the time I thought that because I didn't want sex, that somehow made me better than everyone.

Obviously I know better now.

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15. Can't believe it's already been two years. On my birthday, to be exact. Well, that was when I knew I was ace. There wasn't an exact moment when I thought I was different. I just thought that everyone else was more exuberant with their crushes. But generally I noticed things when I entered hs and everyone else was very interested in doing the do :3 oh and when I was showing my friend pics of an actor and he felt uncomfortable because he was finding the pic a turn on and I was looking at it like, what, doesn't he look cute?

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8.

When I watched Snow White and thought she should have stayed with the dwarves instead of running off with this random guy who kissed her while she was asleep.

My mother tried to explain that he was a prince, and princesses liked princes but I didn't understand the appeal of marrying someone.

I remember proudly stating right then that I would not marry anyone now and forever.

Cue panicking parents.

8.

When I watched Snow White and thought she should have stayed with the dwarves or done something else instead of running off with this random guy who kissed her while she was asleep.

My mother tried to explain that he was a prince, and princesses liked princes but I didn't understand the appeal of marrying someone.

I remember proudly stating right then that I would not marry anyone now and forever.

Cue panicking parents.

8.

When I watched Snow White and thought she should have stayed with the dwarves or done something else instead of running off with this random guy who kissed her while she was asleep.

My mother tried to explain that he was a prince, and princesses liked princes but I didn't understand the appeal of marrying someone.

I remember proudly stating right then that I would not marry anyone now and forever.

Cue panicking parents.

8.

When I watched Snow White and thought she should have stayed with the dwarves or done something else instead of running off with this random guy who kissed her while she was asleep.

My mother tried to explain that he was a prince, and princesses liked princes but I didn't understand the appeal of marrying someone.

I remember proudly stating right then that I would not marry anyone now and forever.

Cue panicking parents.

8.

When I watched Snow White and thought she should have stayed with the dwarves or done something else instead of running off with this random guy who kissed her while she was asleep.

My mother tried to explain that he was a prince, and princesses liked princes but I didn't understand the appeal of marrying someone.

I remember proudly stating right then that I would not marry anyone now and forever.

Cue panicking parents.

I too had Disney movies to help me realize, more because i still looked away from the kissing bits until I was 12 or 13, well beyond the 5 or 6 years old of everyone else!

It didn't really totally "click" with me till high school though.

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TheHouseholdCat

As soon as people started asking about my love life, when I was 15. But it was more like, "Why do people expect these things from me?" Because most people made it look necessary. Also, other people in school getting in and out of relationships. Has always seemed weird to me. And now, at 26, I see people my age getting married and having kids. And often I feel like I am too late or missing out. Even though I know I don't want it.

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Art of Matt Eldritch

Maybe a year or two ago when I was 22 or 21. Up till then, I thought I was just another, pardon the expression, brick in the wall.

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  • 2 weeks later...

i remember having thoughts at a young age, maybe 8 years old, that support my asexuality but i was totally unaware and thiught that was "normal". when i was 14 i thought i was bisexual because i thought i had an equal amount of sexual attraction (none aha). then i became more exposed to the world and learned a little about asexuality and knew deep down it was me, but i didnt let it in. i tried so hard to be "normal" even when i knew it wasnt going to work, i wouldnt give up. i tried loosing weight, and just got myself into another problem. it wasnt until i was 17 and my friend came out as agender that i was inspired to embrace who i was and come to terms with my asexuality. then i learned more about it all and now here i am, panromantic gray ace ^_^

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I've always been different. Maybe it was something about my upbringing (overprotective parents) or maybe it was something about the culture in my school (all girls), but I always knew that I was different because I never cared much for friends, was always far too interested in academic pursuits to be bothered about the world around me and I simply couldn't understand the need to fit in.

So yeah, always different. Always ignorant.

It wasn't after a few conversations with my group of friends (I'd managed to turn up the tact and also realise that I needed friends once I'd graduated) about sex and sex-related stuff that I realized that sex was indeed a very big part of this world. I was 15. I also discovered asexuality around then so there wasn't really the period of 'oh what do I do why don't I like sex?' in my life.

Even now, there's still a very large gap in my knowledge about sex and romance and customs to do with sex/romance. I'm still learning, with the aid and teasing of my friends.

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When I was 11 years old/grade 5 and started to learn about sex education in school, I thought that everyone was just super immature. Like whenever the teacher said "penis" everyone would laugh. And people would always make these gross references to everything. like EVERYONE was in on this, so in my mind, sex was something that immature kids talked about and real adults weren't into that kind of stuff. So I grew up not thinking I was *different* in a bad way, but thinking I was *different* because I was more "mature." Because I was able to control my desire (even though I had none) towards the opposite (or same) sex. I'm not saying whether or not I really WAS MATURE. It's just that in my mind, that's what the case was. I also remember ranting to my dad when I was 13 or 14 about how it pissed me off that "the entire world seems to be based on animalistic desire, I don't understand what is wrong with people." So again, in my mind, I was perfectly normal. It was everyone else who needed a reality check. Because I felt different in this way, I did not feel ashamed or like an outcast until I realized that it was actually I who needed a reality check.

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I only identified myself as asexual a few months ago (still trying to work out romantic attraction) but if I look back I can see the signs from 10 years old.

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