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I can't orgasm during sex.


StrangeCreature

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StrangeCreature

I thought of this when I was discussing toys in another thread. I can't orgasm with dildos, fingering or sex. I have a sexual partner (a friend with benefits, so to speak), and one of his fetishes is girls orgasming. I'm not at all interested in him sexually for obvious reasons. However, we have sex as a sort of trade-off. He caters to my sneeze fetish when I need it, and I have sex with him.

Now, during sex I'm beyond bored. I always just want to go off and masturbate instead, and I pester him about it. Masturbating is generally something I consider a waste of time, but I have a high libido and a fetish and need to do it to relieve the tensions from my libido and (obviously constant) exposure to others sneezing. Still, he always wants me to relax and try to enjoy it. The problem is, I can't stand sex, I can't stand fingering...it just...is too much to handle. I don't enjoy the feeling of either, I'm absolutely disgusted by cum and lube, but most of all, the only way I can orgasm is by humping furniture corners. I don't know if that's because it's something I've done my whole life, or because I'm asexual. What does everyone think? Does anyone else have this issue too?

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Brianna Schultz

It sounds like you only orgasm from clitoral stimulation, which is actually very common for most women. It's also the only way I can orgasm. Try rubbing yourself during sex.

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StrangeCreature

That's the thing, though. Clitoral stimulation does absolutely nothing for me when I'm fingered. It only works when I hump corners.

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Consider bringing furniture corners into the bedroom :^)

LOL.

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StrangeCreature

Oy, okay, maybe I'm being misunderstood. I promise I'm not trolling. I'm honestly asking people if they experience similar. I'm not asking if others hump corners or how to deal with this. Rather, if anyone else has this issue too.

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FlaafyTaffy

Someone was just making a light joke I think. It's extremely common to only be able to get off in certain ways. Bodies are just... built differently. Different things are going to feel good. It's normal. Many women can't get off from penetration of any kind or rubbing of fingers. It takes different things for different people. You're fine. Even if Shogun may have not delivered their "joke" well. They have a point. Bring something into the bedroom for when you're in a sexual situation so that you can get off as well. You can try different things, pillows, balls (I am not really sure)... or other things that can stimulate a corner.

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Asexuals can have problems during sex since acting sexually toward someone you're not sexually attracted to can be an arousal deterant for some ppl. It seems to be the texture of what you're hitting your clit with that triggers the arousal, which is a real thing. There was a thread recently saying breast groping wasn't arousing for them, but when the mouth was used it was.

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Could you perhaps simulate the sensation of the furniture ? Maybe build a small "corner" for him to hold while you do your thing? That way he feels like he's involved in your pleasure.

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StrangeCreature

Asexuals can have problems during sex since acting sexually toward someone you're not sexually attracted to can be an arousal deterant for some ppl. It seems to be the texture of what you're hitting your clit with that triggers the arousal, which is a real thing. There was a thread recently saying breast groping wasn't arousing for them, but when the mouth was used it was.

Yeah, it feels like all arousal gets turned off when he's not sneezing during that time.

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binary suns

have you tried humping him? not as solid as corners but it'd be worth a try

also, now that I think about it, (it never really was a topic I cared too much about, this) I also find humping corners to be more satisfying than most other things. I guess the problem is that that's kinda noisy... D: also like I said other things work for me, and I try not to think about these things in much detail...

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StrangeCreature

have you tried humping him? not as solid as corners but it'd be worth a try

also, now that I think about it, (it never really was a topic I cared too much about, this) I also find humping corners to be more satisfying than most other things. I guess the problem is that that's kinda noisy... D: also like I said other things work for me, and I try not to think about these things in much detail...

Yes, I've tried humping him. It does absolutely nothing for me.

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Lord Jade Cross

What about toys like the one's you see in dungeon plays. I'm not familiar with the names, but i think the horse was one of them? I'ts technically furniture and it can be used for role play

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StrangeCreature

I appreciate all the suggestions, but I feel I must make it clear that I made this post to see if anyone else has trouble orgasming during sex, but not during masturbation. I wasn't looking for ideas. I'm perfectly happy using furniture to masturbate.

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Could you perhaps simulate the sensation of the furniture ? Maybe build a small "corner" for him to hold while you do your thing? That way he feels like he's involved in your pleasure.

Heel of the hand, people, heel of the hand.

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yes I have never been able to orgasm during sex. As others have already pointed out, it's quite common for women especially to not orgasm just from being penetrated by a penis or whatever. The trick is to do what you do when you masturbate, while you have sex. I was never interested enough in having the sex to bother trying to make it more pleasurable while it was happening, but if I'm ever to be doing it again (which is seeming pretty likely right now) I'll definitely be incorporating the weird stuff I do while masturbating into partnered sexual activity :P

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stanACEberatheon

I appreciate all the suggestions, but I feel I must make it clear that I made this post to see if anyone else has trouble orgasming during sex, but not during masturbation. I wasn't looking for ideas. I'm perfectly happy using furniture to masturbate.

Yes.

I do and lots of other people on this site probably have trouble climaxing during sex, so you're not alone, you're not odd and you have nothing to worry about. Whatever floats your boat is good!

Be happy.

:)

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Brianna Schultz

You said being fingered does nothing. Are we thinking of the same definition of fingering? To me, that's fingers INSIDE a vagina. Your clitoris is on the outside. Google a vagina diagram if you're not sure where it is. It should be a VERY sensitive spot. Rub it with lube and it feels good :D

Most women can only orgasm through this spot. Only 30% can orgasm from penetration alone.

It's impossible for me to orgasm, masturbation or sex, unless I rub myself there. And it needs to be wet of course otherwise it's like whoa ouch too sensitive.

Have you tried receiving oral sex on your clitoris? That could also help.

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You said being fingered does nothing. Are we thinking of the same definition of fingering? To me, that's fingers INSIDE a vagina. Your clitoris is on the outside. Google a vagina diagram if you're not sure where it is. It should be a VERY sensitive spot. Rub it with lube and it feels good :D

Most women can only orgasm through this spot. Only 30% can orgasm from penetration alone.

It's impossible for me to orgasm, masturbation or sex, unless I rub myself there. And it needs to be wet of course otherwise it's like whoa ouch too sensitive.

Have you tried receiving oral sex on your clitoris? That could also help.

warning possible TMI for repulsed people

Not all women can orgasm with clitoris rubbing/stimulation either. it's just too sensitive to be touched for some people. Like for me, I cannot orgasm by touching my own clitoris (or vagina) or by someone else touching either of them (with finger, tongue, toys, anything) no matter how aroused I am. Having my clitoris touched, even lightly, feels fucking horrendous haha. I can only orgasm by grinding my outer vulvar (nothing on the inside of it) on a towel haha.. and back door action can help speed things up. So yeah, totally depends on the individual.

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binary suns

I hate to orgasm, at all. the few times I did orgasm in the presence of a partner, I tried my best to hide it and pretend like it didn't happen.

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StrangeCreature

You said being fingered does nothing. Are we thinking of the same definition of fingering? To me, that's fingers INSIDE a vagina. Your clitoris is on the outside. Google a vagina diagram if you're not sure where it is. It should be a VERY sensitive spot. Rub it with lube and it feels good :D

Most women can only orgasm through this spot. Only 30% can orgasm from penetration alone.

It's impossible for me to orgasm, masturbation or sex, unless I rub myself there. And it needs to be wet of course otherwise it's like whoa ouch too sensitive.

Have you tried receiving oral sex on your clitoris? That could also help.

Yeah, I suppose we're thinking about this differently. I meant clitoris rubbing. Sorry about that! Also, oral sex is a bit better, but still doesn't do much.

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  • 3 weeks later...
Purnkin Spurce

I thought of this when I was discussing toys in another thread. I can't orgasm with dildos, fingering or sex. I have a sexual partner (a friend with benefits, so to speak), and one of his fetishes is girls orgasming. I'm not at all interested in him sexually for obvious reasons. However, we have sex as a sort of trade-off. He caters to my sneeze fetish when I need it, and I have sex with him.

Now, during sex I'm beyond bored. I always just want to go off and masturbate instead, and I pester him about it. Masturbating is generally something I consider a waste of time, but I have a high libido and a fetish and need to do it to relieve the tensions from my libido and (obviously constant) exposure to others sneezing. Still, he always wants me to relax and try to enjoy it. The problem is, I can't stand sex, I can't stand fingering...it just...is too much to handle. I don't enjoy the feeling of either, I'm absolutely disgusted by cum and lube, but most of all, the only way I can orgasm is by humping furniture corners. I don't know if that's because it's something I've done my whole life, or because I'm asexual. What does everyone think? Does anyone else have this issue too?

What about clitoral vibrators? It seems from what you mentioned that it's mostly vaginal penetration and maybe the "bean"is being neglected in this situation. Most women orgasm there the most anyway (as far as I know.) Maybe instead of having sex, he could perform oral (if you're into that) or he could use a vibrator on you, OR he could watch you use the vibrator because maybe you doing it yourself would work better. That way he would get his kick and then you can get all the sneezes you want lol

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Huh....I've never orgasmed during sex or foreplay or anything involving another person, but I just assumed I was doing it wrong. (Although it still felt good so I didn't worry about it, I don't need to orgasm to enjoy myself.) I get off from thinking about fantasies while tightening of the muscles "down there" until I reach orgasm. I don't touch myself at all. I might, if it's taking a while, rub the area above the public bone with the heel of my hand really hard to help and tighten my thigh muscles as well. I also often can't get off unless I'm on my stomach. So I don't think you're alone in the "can't get off from sex/sexual stimulation" camp.

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I had this problem when I first started having sex with my wife. There was an almost half year where I simply could not orgasm during intercourse. Eventually I started imagining my fetish and that helps sometimes - but what my fetish involves isnt so mich physical as mental. When we do have sex, there are still times where we will be at it for an hour or more and I just cannot complete. I get bored and want to do something else or I get tired of the exertion.

It frustrates my wife to no end.

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Yeah, I can understand that. It's kid of similar for me but due to pretty limited sexual experience (shared that is) I can't be definitve whether it's a physical thing for me or just my anxiety gets in the way of the orgasm. I never have that problem with masturbation though.

Possible tmi in spoiler

I think it has a lot to do with clitoral sensitivity - usually during partnered sex the contact is more direct - especially if your partner is familiar with the stats of clitoral vs vaginal orgasm and is focusing on it. It can often feel like too much, jumping over 'pleasureable' and straight to 'uncomfortable'. Oral feels a bit better because it's not so sharp but it's still too direct. The humping technique is mostly stimulation of the hood - it mutes the contact a bit and that can really make a difference in how good it feels for you

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LadyAlnwick

I appreciate all the suggestions, but I feel I must make it clear that I made this post to see if anyone else has trouble orgasming during sex, but not during masturbation. I wasn't looking for ideas. I'm perfectly happy using furniture to masturbate.

I very seldom orgasmed during sex when I was actually having intercourse. So no, you're certainly not alone. :) I have to be self-stimulating to orgasm, except in very rare occasions.

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I appreciate all the suggestions, but I feel I must make it clear that I made this post to see if anyone else has trouble orgasming during sex, but not during masturbation. I wasn't looking for ideas. I'm perfectly happy using furniture to masturbate.

yes I have never been able to orgasm during sex. As others have already pointed out, it's quite common for women especially to not orgasm just from being penetrated by a penis or whatever. The trick is to do what you do when you masturbate, while you have sex. I was never interested enough in having the sex to bother trying to make it more pleasurable while it was happening, but if I'm ever to be doing it again (which is seeming pretty likely right now) I'll definitely be incorporating the weird stuff I do while masturbating into partnered sexual activity :P

Yes. There's just too much going on for me to focus on the things that get me there. :(

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