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Did anyone think it was an opinion?


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I'm still rummaging through my past trying to figure things out but I was wondering if anyone else thought it was just an opinion that they held?

Like there would be guys in school talking about who's hot and who they wanted to "do" and I never felt that way about them, I'd often think it was odd and sad how woman were being objectified like that. If a guy asked what celebrity I thought was hot I'd just say "Angelina Jolie" because she was supposed to be the hottest woman on the planet. It's like whenever somebody asked me what football team I supported I'd say "Manchester United", even though I didn't really care. I've pretty much always had that sort of mantra, that I felt uncomfortable with how people could treat others like conquests. I guess I never felt that bad about it because I didn't really see it as an internal part of myself. I mean, opinions can change after all. and honestly I felt good about the opinion. I've always felt that emotional connections were a lot more appealing than sex.....but I thought that was just an opinion. Which is why I don't think it really....made me feel wrong, you know? Opinions are meant to be challenged, so if somebody says you're wrong, well that's just your opinion right? I'm really wondering now if I mistakenly thought I was in control of how I felt.....

I remember actually saying once to my best friend that I didn't want to have sex unless I really loved a person. (I suppose it never occurred to me that I may not need to have sex, it just seemed like something that would obviously come around at some point so there wasn't a need to question it.)

I really don't think it was celibacy because I don't think I'm someone who has much willpower, if I see a bar of chocolate in the fridge I'm going to eat it. Heck nearly every time I pass a jar of biscuits I take one out and eat it. I think if at any point I desperately wanted something I couldn't have I would have become very unhappy. Plus I don't remember considering myself a celibate person. I certainly don't come from a particularly religious family.

I was a pretty lonely child (particularly during the latter part of primary school (because we moved) and the early part of secondary school), but that might have been because I wasn't a very socially adept person and didn't feel like I had anything worth saying to my peers. (that specifically was something I thought about quite a lot) I did have one close friend in the latter part of secondary school who I talked to about a lot of things, so that was great....we were both kind of loners who gravitated together. I still keep in regular contact with him.

I posted on this site a few years back about this but I think back then it was kind of like.....you know when you're looking for a solution to a problem and you discover a place you feel you might get an answer and you ask people and you want a specific answer but then they're like "we can't tell you that, only you can tell yourself" and then you're like "ugh this was no help at all!". I think I was pretty immature about it back then.....I don't think I trusted my own judgement or really cared to properly evaluate myself. I wanted answers, not more mysteries. (This is probably why I don't really like mysterious people in fiction, but that's pretty off topic)

Sorry that was a mouthful. :P I have a tendency to type out long heartfelt confessions online and then just delete and not post them....because it's always seems so personal and dramatic. Even with this one I paused and made edits for ages before actually posting it. I haven't even spoken to my best friend about all of this yet....and he's REALLY open minded.

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Oh my god, this is so me in so many ways! I hate mysterious people in films! I hate being told I have to figure things out for myself when I want help to identify whether or not X Y and Z reasons make me an A, B or C! I was a huge loner in school (I got bullied a LOT as well!) And I hadn't even thought about the fact that my celibacy is absolutely nothing to do with willpower, either (because I don't have any!!) You just helped me understand a little more about myself :D

As for the rest, when I was in school and people would talk about people being really hot and that they'd like to 'do' them, I just joined in, but I didn't really realise until recently that when I fantasise about someone, it's about holding hands with them, hugging up to them, and quite rarely kissing them- I just don't really *have* sex fantasies because I'm basically never in the mood! I'm a Grey A, so I do feel attraction to people, (RARELY... so very rarely... like, one person every ten years, one in a million faces I see!) but I don't feel sexual urges abut them. I want someone to love and hold and share life with but sex and childbirth absolutely repulse me.... so I guess I just took what the people were saying about wanting to 'do' someone and applied it as it applied to me- so 'doing' someone would just mean hugging them or holding their hand :)

I thought I was just broken, because sex didn't do anything for me, and I didn't want it, I just thought it was something you did for someone you really loved because you really loved them and that it wasn't going to be enjoyable for me. I thought my utter repulsion of oral sex was opinion, too. It was a huge relief when I watched (A) Sexual on Netflix and finally realised that I'm not broken, I'm just Ace! :)

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I do relate to that, I always feel unconfortable when people talk about who do they like or not, I had a boyfriend a couple of years go, or some sort, it wasn't actually a boyfriend but I called him boyfriend, anyway, I remember being asked questions like, do you like him? isn't he attractive? and i would go like... erh, i suppose... yes... I mean, he wasn't ugly, but he wasn't any other thing either, and my current boyfriend the same, and I used to feel very embarassed when came up questions and topics like that. And I'm still, some months ago I just tried to keep out of a conversation when they were discussing films (and therefore actors, who do they like and so on) i just feel so weird there, that i didn't even want the conversation to come up. I mean, i can see why Leonardo Di Caprio is attractive, or Russell Crow, or Natalie Portman (I won't say Angelina Jolie because i just don't like her, i really don't -in physical level of course- xd) are attractive but I just feel weird talking about all that, it's like, not ok.

I used to make up crushes in high school, and the last one was during the last years, because i feel tons of aesthetic attraction (i'm very sensible towards art, beauty, and all that things) and because of how are society standards i somehow see the female body as some sort of representation of beauty, so I end up saying, well... what, happens is that i don't like boys, i appreciate girls appearance so i like girls. And i also was very curious, i mean, in the dressing room after PE, or after ballet class or gymnastics training i would go there, and be there without any kind of embarasment really. I was afraid to be caught looking, because it was like, i entered thinking "you can't look, you can't look" and that pressure made me look (social anxiety), and now i somehow realize that i don't really fantasize with it, i just, find it pretty, i might want to touch just to try, but it was, i think, because it was taboo and one wasn't supposed to like that.

And there was this girl, she was "Boticelli's Birth of Venus" body type, and I really like her, i mean, i liked the curves of her body and all that (and the painting is just gorgeus), and i thought, that was sexual attraction but I could be stripped in front of her and be perfectly ok, just afraid of wht she or the others would see if I was caught looking just for two or three seconds (which isn't a fixed stare either). I have never fantasize about her, or I've never thought of actually having sex with her, when i thought consciously about her, i sometimes ended up thinking about sex because i thought, that was the right thing to do, but it didn't came like, from within (?). And as you both have said, i was confused because it was like, well i don't like boys so i must like girls instead, girls are pretty i like girl, and all that, but then coming back to my fantasies many of them included males, not females, with made everything more weird and strange. The males that appear are like faceless, they have their identity but i can't descrive their physical appearance because they don't reallly hve one, just as i'm not in my fantasies, i might be like a character, but it's never me, i can't insert me, myself, the person who is right know writing this, in one of those thoughts.

I thought I was just broken, because sex didn't do anything for me, and I didn't want it, I just thought it was something you did for someone you really loved because you really loved them and that it wasn't going to be enjoyable for me. I thought my utter repulsion of oral sex was opinion, too. It was a huge relief when I watched (A) Sexual on Netflix and finally realised that I'm not broken, I'm just Ace! :)

I also thought that my repulson for oral sex was an opinion too! And i thought like, well, as "i like girls that's why i don't enjoy giving oral sex to a male, but if i do that to a female it will be completely different", but i don't really picture myself doing it. I do think it will be easier, as we have the same genitalia i kind of know what can be nice and so on... but, i just feel the connection in that level. And know i guess it can be other point for my "aceness", I don't really see what's sexual in other people, tht's why i see that it's easier to have sex with other woman because as a woman that knows her body, i can guess how other woman's body works, and the ick factor is less because i know how it's like, simply because of that (and if that sexual attraction that implies that i'm sexually attracted towards every female body in this world which is quite impossible).

So yes, as both of you, everything was like a bunch of confusion (and still is) but everything got better when i came across ace, and all was thanks to a post talking about aesthetic attraction, i was like, wait a minute, how it can be aeesthetic attraction because that's how i feel when i'm sexually attracted towards someone?! And ace was the answer, not opinion, not preferences, just ace.

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