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Society only cares about looks


herlo

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The statement was "society only cares about looks" so i replied with "yes, for a very good reason" because they are signs of fertility and health and most likely will further the species with healthy offspring. I said nothing about condoning hate. The OP said nothing about hate but did imply neglect.

Also, is the OP explicitly being called ugly or are they just saying he's not hot?

i have been called ugly to my face on several occasions, even though i would call myself average

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And that was by the people in their late teens that you want to be approved by?

You dont need to be interested in such crappy people. There are better people out there, you just gotta find them. Maybe an ace meet up in your area could help. Also, it could be your generation; people werent as bitchey when i was in highschool; almost 5 years ago. So maybe you need to look for ppl along that age range. I'm 24.

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Anime Pancake

Hello!

I'm pretty thin personally.

When I was younger I used to hate that I couldn't get bigger and I disliked being so thin, but I eventually just realized that I am fine the way that I am.

I understand that it can be hard, especially when we look at movies and television shows and it seems like people are only attracted to people with a sexually attractive body.

But there are people that don't really care too much about physical appearance.

I think it helps to be comfortable with one's own personality, and I think it is that confidence that is just as appealing as physical appearance.

So I would suggest trying to find friends and cool people that like you for you. If someone cares more about appearances, then they may not be the best type of friends anyways.

There are people that don't really think about body types too much, so don't worry about it.

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MakaraLala.

You are looking outside. Stop. Look inside. Our society is cruel, it places boundaries on beauty. There are no boundaries on beauty. These "rules" on how to perceive what and who is beautiful are made up. Entirely fake. A distraction. Because as long as we are judging others we will never truly look at and be happy with ourselves. It doesn't matter what whoever thinks you look like, it only matters what YOU think you look like. You are beautiful. You are amazing.Know that. Even if yo don't believe it. keep it in your mind. I used to be incredibly shy ( I still am a bit), and extremely awkward (I can laugh at it now, and even enjoy it a bit), very little self esteem, slightly overweight, eternally depressed, periods of extreme anxiety etc. Various ideas were brought to my attention mostly by friends during the depths of this and the power of thought and spoken word were a powerful one that I couldn't deny. We are as powerful as our thoughts. When thoughts become words then words become actions. Choose to change your mind. Think it. Write it. Repeat. I am beautiful. I am amazing. I am grateful for my life. Say it out loud. I was in tears the first many many times I said these things out loud, because I didn't believe it. But eventually after many, many, nights of tears and repetition my mind started to change, to truly start believing. And life has only gotten better (although far from perfect, but for the first time in life I feel like an upward slope is possible). The only thing in this world that we have control over is our minds, our thoughts. Our minds are a powerful tool that we completely overlook. Do not be a victim. You are beautiful.Fuck society and its cruelty. They don't matter. You matter. You are beautiful.

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Autumn Season

I think it helps to be comfortable with one's own personality, and I think it is that confidence that is just as appealing as physical appearance.

That statement reminded me of something. I think it was the youtube channel ThinkTank which presented a statistic on how often people of different kinds of looks get laid. It appears that men who call themselves "ugly" get laid more often than men who call themselves "average". Something to think about. :D Here's my take on a possible explanation: Somebody who calls himself "ugly", is probably very confident. So he attracts women with said confidence. In other words: Personality matters.

The only thing in this world that we have control over is our minds, our thoughts.

I'm not sure how much control I have over my mind. xD It does weird things sometimes without asking me beforehand. But I agree that we can control our thoughts relatively easily. ^^

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And that was by the people in their late teens that you want to be approved by?

You dont need to be interested in such crappy people. There are better people out there, you just gotta find them. Maybe an ace meet up in your area could help. Also, it could be your generation; people werent as bitchey when i was in highschool; almost 5 years ago. So maybe you need to look for ppl along that age range. I'm 24.

I dont seek approval from them there is just so many of them everywhere, over 50%, its like a constant background noise of judgement that really wears on you after a long period of time

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That statement reminded me of something. I think it was the youtube channel ThinkTank which presented a statistic on how often people of different kinds of looks get laid. It appears that men who call themselves "ugly" get laid more often than men who call themselves "average". Something to think about. :D Here's my take on a possible explanation: Somebody who calls himself "ugly", is probably very confident. So he attracts women with said confidence. In other words: Personality matters.

Personality is huge. Some of the famous womanizers historically have not been conventionally attractive. Benjamin Franklin for example. And Diego Rivera. Confidence and charisma seem to be more important than looks in such instances.

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Sebastianf

Personally I like to stretch my abilities to look good, generally being clean/fresh.

Getting picky regarding hair and smell, but that's mostly due to my abhor for dirt, as well as that I view it from an outside perspective.

If I want everyone to be healthy, I'm holding my word.

I have a feel that 90% of our shared society equals look with sex, but I do hope I'm faulty.

(To be honest I find these kind of people morons, no "bombs away" offense though)

Sum of the post: More ugly than attractive, but naturally clever, goes the farthest.

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Tarfeather

and I think it is that confidence that is just as appealing as physical appearance.

I think that a very confident person would still not have the desired effect if they lack the skill in body coordination and body language. Besides, what I consider true "confidence" even in personality is very unattractive to most people, because few people will be attracted to someone who considers them stupid. ;)

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Skippy Squirrel

and I think it is that confidence that is just as appealing as physical appearance.

I think that a very confident person would still not have the desired effect if they lack the skill in body coordination and body language. Besides, what I consider true "confidence" even in personality is very unattractive to most people, because few people will be attracted to someone who considers them stupid. ;)

Wait, what is it that you consider true "confidence"? Because based on that bit at the end, I'm not sure that word means what you think it means.

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well i am extremely ugly, people have been telling me that for years even though i already know. but tbh i dont care because im not trying to impress anyone. but at the same time it is embarrassing being so ugly...

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Tarfeather

Wait, what is it that you consider true "confidence"? Because based on that bit at the end, I'm not sure that word means what you think it means.

You mean because of the "true" part? That wasn't meant idiomatically. It was meant as "as opposed to the kind of confidence that people have who feel good about themselves because everyone likes them", which isn't really confidence in my eyes. I'm not a native english speaker, mind. Otherwise, I just looked up confidence in an online dictionary, and my definition doesn't contradict that.

"a feeling or belief that you can do something well or succeed at something"

Sounds like what I'm talking about.

well i am extremely ugly, people have been telling me that for years even though i already know. but tbh i dont care because im not trying to impress anyone. but at the same time it is embarrassing being so ugly...

The reason you're embarrassed is that other people tell you (implicitly) you should feel embarrassed. Don't let them do that to you, they're not worth it. :)

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Crowfather

OP's right. As someone who's nothing to look at I honestly get the feeling I have a major disadvantage in the world.
Not in terms of partners, I don't care about that, but I've applied to jobs and been to interviews and you can just see how their eyes change the moment they see you.

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Skippy Squirrel

"a feeling or belief that you can do something well or succeed at something"

Sounds like what I'm talking about.

What you describe there is very attractive to most people. Or at least the lack of this is very unattractive. What makes you think most people don't like this?

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Rising Sun

People who are so confident that they have a big mouth ?

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Skippy Squirrel

That's not confidence Rising Sun, that's arrogance. Ironically enough, arrogance tends to be a sign of unconfidence.

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Hey there herlo, I'm near that age group and can assure you, not everyone is concerned with looks. I have several very attractive and charming friends who prefer traits like humour and general caring nature, etc - over appearance. I understand most opinions on here regarding "appearance doesn't matter, don't worry about stuff like that" but it's natural to be worried about it in a society where it is so important. But as others have said, don't think too much about the one kind of beauty that is advertised because people have a range of opinion. Pretty much what I'm trying to say is don't feel bad about worrying about your appearance but just focus on feeling confident with what you have, there is without a doubt plenty of people who would find you attractive; if you are indeed trying to attract someone, sorry if I have misread the topic.

Don't let it get you down, best wishes!

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Tarfeather

That's not confidence Rising Sun, that's arrogance. Ironically enough, arrogance tends to be a sign of unconfidence.

Based on that, can you come up with a neutral and objective definition of confidence and arrogance? Aren't you just saying "When I like it, it's confidence, and when I don't like it, it's arrogance"? People who are genuinely good at something sometimes express this, and sometimes others who lack that skill dislike their expressing it. I don't know how any of that changes the fact that they're being confident.

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Wait, what is it that you consider true "confidence"? Because based on that bit at the end, I'm not sure that word means what you think it means.

You mean because of the "true" part? That wasn't meant idiomatically. It was meant as "as opposed to the kind of confidence that people have who feel good about themselves because everyone likes them", which isn't really confidence in my eyes. I'm not a native english speaker, mind. Otherwise, I just looked up confidence in an online dictionary, and my definition doesn't contradict that.

"a feeling or belief that you can do something well or succeed at something"

Sounds like what I'm talking about.

well i am extremely ugly, people have been telling me that for years even though i already know. but tbh i dont care because im not trying to impress anyone. but at the same time it is embarrassing being so ugly...

The reason you're embarrassed is that other people tell you (implicitly) you should feel embarrassed. Don't let them do that to you, they're not worth it. :)

but they are only telling the truth...

OP's right. As someone who's nothing to look at I honestly get the feeling I have a major disadvantage in the world.

Not in terms of partners, I don't care about that, but I've applied to jobs and been to interviews and you can just see how their eyes change the moment they see you.

totally. ive been rejected from all the jobs i've applied for and im sure my "looks" dont help at all...

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I understand that you cant help but listen sometimes when its so prevalent; it gets to me too sometimes, but you have to learn to let such things roll off you. My parents will start fights over the nit pickiest things with me when they've had a bad or stressful day at work. Fights use to hurt but ever since realizing this correlation i now just roll my eyes and think "yet again they're inadvertently venting." Another example is when my sibling got a teacher i had. The guy was really cool and one of my favorite teachers but a few years letter and he was picking on the uncool kids; letting the cool kids get away with things that the uncool kids couldn't and literally yelling at them. We latter find out that hes getting a divorcee after recently having a child. He was venting; inappropriately obviously. (His reason for that selective behavior also had a reason; he wasn't one of the cool kids growing up and not really gifted in the looks department. But he used to be cool; he quit skating so he wouldn't further damage his knees, sometimes we had journal entries about our interpretation of a song, he would jokingly say to put the word the before something and it would make it cooler, and he replaced the word cool with ninja.) I'm not saying these kids are venting issues, but once you realize a reason its a lot easier to let such things roll off you. If irreverent people say you're ugly then you should just think "they're just subconsciously programmed that way to produce children with adequate features, but i don't desire to do that with them and they have no stake in my life so their opinion has no worth to me."

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It is sad to think that society only cares about looks. But, that is just how the world thinks. Looking "sexy" is just how the world sees other people. Sex and beauty are everything to most people. Society got the idea that to look beautiful you must wear certain clothes, have a certain body type, and have certain make-up on. No. That is not it. To look beautiful in this world, you should be yourself. Dress however you want and look however you want. No one has the right to judge/tell you how you are supposed to look to meet up society's "standards".

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Anthracite_Impreza

Though looks are important to many people I think, honestly, most people would rather hang around with/have a long-term relationship with someone with a good personality. Of course first impressions count but if you truly put your heart into something then any decent person will remember that over a mediocre but attractive person.

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Its not all about looks, wealth matters as well... we are pretty basic animals at the core, just look how animals behave and rank among their kind, same mechanics are at play with humans no matter how much we like to think we are "intelligent" and make our own choices

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