Coming out stories?

[EmmaJ]

Hi all,

I've been slowly coming out to people around me (cousins and a couple of friends). So far I've been getting great support. I want to tell my parents, but I don't know how. I almost told them a couple of times but chickened out. I'm slowly accepting my asexuality, so I'm like 99% ready to do it, but haven't found the right way. I told the other people by writing to them, but I want to tell my parents face to face, and that's what's making me a bit nervous.

What did everyone else do? I'm expecting them to be supportive, but not very understanding (Are you sure? Maybe you haven't found the right person? etc, etc.)

Thanks!

[Elluna Hellen]

My friend: "Well you never know what will happen in the future" (le eyeroll)

My other friend: "Well, that's a possibility" (DAMN RIGHT it is!)

Another friend: "But I just don't think that's a thing, like... It's such a natural part of being a person" (le eyeroll)

Also, me "accidentally" coming out as aro to my mum (I didn't plan it, but...)

Mum: But you have never had a relationship, are you sure you're not just scared to start something like that? Cause you do have a lot of fear of change and the unknown

Me: True, but I don't think that would make it so that the feelings don't happen AT ALL

Mum: Yeah, that makes sense. Oh well, as long as you're happy.

I haven't explicitly come out as ace to her, but I'm pretty sure she knows cause sex is still 'ew' with me xD

[Guest]

For me it was super easy to tell my mom what i found out about myself:

Me: "Mom, did you know there was something like being asexual, that means that you dont desire sex or feel sexual attraction, you know that moment when you know that you know you prefer cake above sex??? I think i am asexual then because i just learned on a website what sexual attraction is"

Mom ( who also is a single for years): Asexual? You mean you are asexual?? Well, then i guess you and i both are asexual and hey: "at least we have a reason to tell these wannabees why they should keep it in theyre pants".

Me and mom both laughed and moved on to the next subject and i felt like a happy camper^^

I just held a light convo about it with my mom and this is the result of it, its up to you if you want to tell them or not and just like how i feel about being autistic, I only tell them when i feel it is important for them to know about it

I hope this helps!

[Claeya]

I sent a few posts online about Aro and Akoiromantic etc to my mum and my therapist and they were gob-smacked at how accurate they are. Then I told my friend over the phone and explained she was cool and said "yeah that makes sense actually you are like that" and then when I discovered people had this magical physical biological sexual reaction to people they're attracted to and what I experienced was aesthetic attraction I told mum I was grey-ace and she was like "oh." and we agreed it made sense since i didn't have my first sex until i was 22 xD but I actually don't plan to tell anyone else, online friends know but thats cus they understand these things.

[Kwillis2009]

It will be a year ago on June 7th since I came out as asexual to my parents and they were accepting. I now want to use the asexual pride flag as my cover photo on my Facebook next month in honor of pride month but I'm very scared and afraid because most of my friends especially the conservative friends don't know of my asexuality because I fear that they would take it the wrong way and then try to put me down emotionally. I don't know what to do because I'm tired of faking in front of my friends, I want to be able to be myself around my friends but I'm scared on how they would react when they see the flag next month.

[Tanzanite]

My mom and friends were pretty cool about it. I haven't told my dad or grandma though. I'm sure my dad will be cool about it too even though I don't think he knows about asexuality (neither did my mom but whatever). My grandma, on the other hand, we barely are on the same wavelength as it is. She is a traditional person (ex: wants me to get married and have kids). I'm not sure about how strict she is about it, but if I do this, I have to be careful. Both sides of the family are big enough as is, I'm sure they don't need my help in keeping it that way.

[Skycaptain]

I'm probably a bit different to most posters, in that I was unaware of asexuality until I was 42. When I told my parents that I was asexual it met with exactly no surprise whatsoever, it transpires that everyone in my whole extended family knew, but were too diffident to broach the subject

[Splatacus]

I haven't told my family, because I don't see that my sex life (or lack thereof) is any of their business. My experience of telling friends ranges from "You just haven't met the right woman yet"*, "Have you spoken to a doctor?" and "I always knew there was something wrong with you" to "Oh, that's interesting, tell me more" and "Yeah, I know how you feel."

I think that most of the time people are supportive, and I don't think the "haven't met the right person" people are trying to be offensive, they just don't understand. I hope the conversation goes well for anyone who decides to tell others about asexuality :)

* They didn't seem to appreciate me asking if they'd met the right sheep yet...

[C-Lo]

My Friend: "Are you happy?"

Me: "Depends."

My Friend: "Are you autistic?"

Me: "I dunno."

My Friend: "But don't you masturbate?"

Me: **sigh**

[Prisma]

I don't remember how the subject was brought up so I'm not 100% sure who exactly did it happen, but I told my parents I'm asexual and do not experience sexual attraction.

Obviously I got comments about being too young/tagging myself/being a late bloomer/being in denial about any sexual topic because I want to stay a child etc.

So I explained that this is about what I feel or not feel, RIGHT NOW. I explained that I have waited in a long time until I'll finally "bloom" and get sexually attracted to someone in order to pursue romantic relationship, but got tired of waiting for things to change. I need to accept myself and define myself like I am now, and pursue relationship accordingly. So, even if at the moment they can't believe that asexuality can be life long just like any other sexual orientation (which they should, but that's besides the point in a coming out conflict), they should accept me like I am now and accept the way I define myself in the present. If things change, I'll change the "tag", but this is how I am now and it seems like this is going to be me for the relevant future, so that's how I define myself, and they should respect and support that.

I don't need to postpone my pursue of happiness and self definition until my self changes, and that's, in my opinion, the most important message to counter the most common negative coming out reaction.

[Squirrel Combat]

Two years ago I just straight up told my brother I was Ace. He was cool about it. I haven't really come out to anyone else yet.

[Beeze]

I too chickened out for a very long time before coming out to my parents. When I finally did, I brought my friend in for reinforcements. She pretty much set the conversation up so that I could come out at the end. When that happened, my Mom said "Well, obviously dear, we've known that for years!"

It was awesome, but I wish my family had told me about my aceness sooner! It would have saved me a lot of time questioning haha.

[minako3223]

I randomly came out to my Mom today, but I mean it was the most random way you can ever imagine.

I just commented to her that Twitter exploded yesterday because apparently Brad Pitt confessed on a Spanish TV show that he was in fact, bisexual. That he slept with men in the past.

My Mom was like: "o.o Really? So there's no real men around anymore, how will you ever find one at this stage if everyone is gay now?"

Me: I don't care

Mom: What do you mean you don't care? You will want to sleep or have sex with someone at some point in your life? Are you a nun? Don't you like guys? I had the biggest of crushes on my Basketball teacher, [then mentioned a list of her favorite TV actors from NCIS, 24, etc]

Me: Not really, I think I'm asexual, actually

Mom: Asexual?? There's no such thing!

Me: Oh yes, there is.

Mom: what do you mean, that you don't care about sex with anyone at all?

Me: Exactly

Mom: But even if you were lesbian, you'd be having sex with someone, you would be with someone, I wouldn't mind at all.

Me: o.o No Mom, I'm not interested in women that way, I would know at this stage. No matter what sister has insinuated about me all these years to everyone, I'm not a lesbian

Mom: but I never really thought you were, it must be a hormonal problem, the stress of everything we've been through

Me: Mom, it has been so obvious sometimes, don't you find it weird that I have never had a boyfriend? I don't dress 'girly' at all, look at my too-broad shoulders, I don't wear clothes with cleavage nor skirts, nor dresses, even in college the guys at my class didn't even want to talk to me, they were homo/queerfobic, everyone in class thought I was a lesbian, but I'm not.

Mom: I think you have a low self-esteem problem, you grew up pretty isolated, I think you undervalue yourself, I've seen how some guys look at you, you 'are' feminine

Me: No Mom, please, even my best friend in college was hitting on me, she was bisexual, those invitations to her home and to hang out were actually dates, it's just that I was just so oblivious till recently

Mom: Asexual huh? It's that an orientation, like LGBT?

Me: Yes

Mom: Are you sure it's not a hormonal thing? Are you interested in men? Don't you want to have sex with men? You must like someone, the people you know on Internet.

Me: No, I have a low libido and it's natural, I like men,but only aesthetically, well, more like romantically. I still can and want a relationship with someone who shares my orientation. There's this online community (...)

[i talked to her about AVEN, and how about there are many people out there, but at this point I wouldn't explain to her that I'm panrromantic, actually]

Mom: Asexual, now that's interesting. Not interested in having sex with either gender at all. It explains a lot of things. It's pretty logical, actually.

Me: Sure, heterosexual is not the only orientation out there.

Mom: Of course not. Look at Alexander the Great, look at Plato, Socrates, they were gay.... [at this point she's musing and a bit of spacing out]

Me: the world is sex diverse.

Mom: Yes, look, what matters to me the most is that you are happy and that you find someone to be with after your Dad and I are gone. You make of your life the most you can of it.

Me: ...are you sure this doesn't change your perception of me? [i'm totally freaked out at this point, it was so awkward, because my Mom is a traditionalist, she's against gay marriage, she always wanted us her two daughters to marry in white at the Church, have 2.5 children, the whole picket fence house thing]

Mom: In no way! You are my daughter, look, you can tell me everything and confide in me, I'm an open minded person, and you are honest by telling this to me. What I can't never never stand is people telling me lies and hiding things from me.

So, that's how it happened. It appears that my Mom changed her mentality over time, because the last time we had this conversation over why I don't have a boyfriend, over two years ago, she freaked out that I must have sex with someone in my life at some point, and whether I was a nun.

I originally wanted to come out if it somehow became necessary or too obvious, but it just randomly happened today because of Twitter and Brad Pitt.

So thank you, Twitter, and thank you, Brad Pitt, for facilitating this o.o

[Yaeli]

this is basically what happened when I told my mom

Me: Hey mom you know how most of my friends aren't straight? (sidenote I'm in theater and involved in spectrum so most of the people I hang out with aren't straight)

Mom: yeah why?

Me: I'm not straight either

Mom: So are you lesbian or bi?

Me: neither

Mom: So you are straight.

Me: No I'm asexual.

Mom: whats that?

Me: *proceeds to explain what asexuality is

Mom: Oh so its just how you're a late bloomer. I can call the doctor and make you an appointment so you can get medicine to fix that.

Me: There's nothing to fix about my sexuality

Mom *proceeds to tell me how sad she thinks it is that I don't want to be loved or have a family and my own kids

Me: I'm asexual not incapable of love.

Mom: but you just said...

Me: love and sex are to different things.

Mom: but how can you be in a relationship if you don't you know....

Me: I'm not the only asexual person and a healthy relationship is about more than sexual attraction

Mom: please don't go telling people that your asexual I'm sure you're just confused. (she then told me that maybe I should stop going to spectrum meetings and told me not to look into asexuality any further.)