Sorting out the lingo?

[hippyman]

Well, I've been reading up on asexuality for awhile now, after being accused of being gay a couple of times. I kind of always new I was asexual...just didn't know it was a "real" orientation. Anyway, the more I research, the more I seem to be getting confused. Panromantic, aromantic, biromantic, homoromantic, etc. Up until now I just thought I was ace. Can someone help me sort through all this?

[deltaX]

I think what's happening here is that you're getting confused by romantic orientation. Just like sexual orientation describes who you are sexually attracted to, romantic orientation describes who you are romantically attracted to. Everyone has a romantic orientation in addition to a sexual one, but for the most part asexual spaces are the only places that really make the distinction. Romantic orientation is important to us because while some aces also don't feel romantic attraction to others or don't want to be in romantic relationships, many asexual people still do need romance.

As for the specific labels you mentioned:

Panromantic = romantic attraction to all genders/sexes

Aromantic = does not feel romantic attraction to anyone

Biromantic = romantic attraction to two genders/sexes

Homoromantic = romantic attraction to the opposite gender or sex.

Basically any prefix that can be applied to describe a sexual orientation can be applied to a romantic orientation, but instead ot will describe who you are romantically attracted to.

[hippyman]

That does help somewhat. I think part of my problem stems from having shutdown for 20+ years, and missing out on the time when most people explore their sexuality. I can say that I have had trouble being romantic with the opposite sex, I grew up/live in a small conservative town, so I've never tried being romantic with the same sex. To be honest, if I had to label myself, I'd probably be either aromantic, or panromantic.

[WhatsSheCalled]

So, *deep breath* let's go through this...

You think that you are asexual. Asexual means that you do not experience sexual attraction to any gender. However, there is a difference between sexual and romantic attraction. While sexual attraction is looking at someone and thinking "I find you hot" or "I would like to have sex with you", romantic attraction is generally looking at someone and thinking "You look like a really nice person who I'd like to be in a romantic relationship with and maybe kiss and do relationship things but not necessarily have sex".

For most people, these line up, eg. most people who are homosexual would be homoromantic, or most bisexuals would be biromantic etc. It is also quite common for asexuals to be aromantic, however as this is not always the case, many aces will use a seperate word to describe their 'romantic orientation'. The words people use to describe who they are romantically attracted to use the same prefixes as those for sexual attraction (heteroromantic, biromantic, homoromantic, panromantic etc). I personally would classify myself as an Asexual Grey-Homoromantic.

This brings us onto the next bit of ace/aro spec lingo to sort out: the countless specific prefixes. (For the sake of ease, I will only talk about them in the context of asexuality, but they can all be applied to the aromantic spectrum as well.) The most common ones you will see are 'Demi-' and 'Grey-'. Greysexuality is when you rarely experience sexual attraction or you only experience it in certain circumstances. It is also often used as an umbrella term for those who are not completely asexual or allosexual, but in the 'grey' area of the spectrum. Demisexuality is when you do not develop sexual attraction until you have formed a strong emotional bond with a person (this bond is not necessarily romantic), but even if a bond is formed, attraction will not necessarily occur.

You may also encounter other terms (I know these definitions with romantic, but they can still apply to sexuality):

- Lith or Akoiromantic (The term lith has problems associated with it) where you experience attraction but do not want it reciprocated/ the attraction fades when you are in a relationship.

- Cupioromantic, where you want a romantic relationship but do not experience attraction

- Quoiromantic (sometimes known as WTFromantic) where you do not distinguish between platonic and romantic attraction/ you want something in between.

- Recipromantic, where you only experience romantic attraction if the other party feels romantic attraction to you first.

- Aceflux/Aroflux, where your asexuality or aromanticism fluctuates.

Yes, I know there is a lot there and it's probably not relevant to you, but I thought given I was doing something I might as well give you the whole lot.

Oh, and there's just one last thing for you to know:

- Sex-repulsed is an asexual who is repulsed by sex or sexual things. A common misconception is that all aces are sex repulsed.

- Sex indifferent/neutral is an asexual who has no affinity for sex but no desire for it either.

- Sex-positive is the hardest for non-aces to understand, given they equate sexual attraction with the act of sex itself. A sex-positive ace enjoys having sex, whether it is because they enjoy the physical sensation, they like pleasing their allosexual partner, or any other host of reasons.

In case I forgot to mention, allosexual/alloromantic means anybody who is not on the asexual or aromantic spectrums. Allonormativity is (like heteronormativity) society's expectation that everybody is allosexual, and the way it caters to only allosexuals. Amatonormativity is society's expectation that everybody is alloromantic, and perpetuates ideas that a romantic relationship is of the utmost importance, etc.

If anyone has anything to add or any problems they would like to correct, please feel free ^_^

:aven: :aven: :aven: :aven:

[deltaX]

If you're still unsure how you personally should identify, I would highly recommend checking out the A/romantic Orientations forum here on AVEN. (A link can be found here: http://www.asexuality.org/en/forum/90-romantic-and-aromantic-orientations/in case you don't know how to find it) It was one of the main resources I used in determining my own romantic orientation, and I found it incredibly helpful to hear the stories of how others interacted with the romantic orientations.

Of course, the A/ro forum will use some of the terminology you were just asking about, so it may be a bit confusing at first, but I once you get the basic terminology down it is an invaluable resource. WhatsSheCalled gave a really good overview of the type of terms you might see, both in the A/ro forum and elsewhere on AVEN, and I think if you were able to follow that you'd be in fairly good shape.

It's a lot to learn, so don't be worried if you don't know everything right away. I've been here for over a year, and I still learn new labels and terminology all the time! One last resource I'll leave you with is the AVEN wiki, which can be useful if you want to quickly look up a term you're unsure of without starting a whole new thread to ask about it (link here: http://www.asexuality.org/wiki/index.php?title=Main_Page). Of course, if you do have a question you can't find the answer to on your own, don't be afraid to ask! We're a friendly group of people that will be willing to help you out! :)